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My friend Johnny Jenkins invited me over for dinner. I was very excited and wore my best suit.

When I arrived, I saw that a meal hadn't been prepared. And there was nothing cooking.

Confused, I asked JJ what was for dinner.

He stared at me for a few moments, pulled down his undies and said SAUSAGE AND MEATBALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Reading about Video Game Violence annoys me. Manhunt the game was banned because a teenager committed bloody murder but Josef Fritzl built a house and started a family and yet I can still walk into shops and buy The Sims.
 
Might get red carded for this, but then again, I do have the blood in me anyway, and I found it funny.

A bloke starts work in a maternity hospital. Nurse tells him to bath a newborn aboriginal baby. She goes to check on him and he’s swishing the aboriginal baby round the bath with a stick.



“You don’t bath a baby like that" she said.



“You do when the water’s this f***ing hot!” he replied
 
In contrasting rumours to dukez apparently Roberta visited him last week and said "You're getting a bit podgy Carl, surely an exercise bike wouldnt kill you."
 
dUkezz said:
apparently carl williams asked for a rowing machine in the gym coz the excersize bike was doing his head in
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carltonblue said:
In contrasting rumours to dukez apparently Roberta visited him last week and said "You're getting a bit podgy Carl, surely an exercise bike wouldnt kill you."
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Carl Williams was so fat he wouldn't recognise an exercise bike if he was hit over the back of the head with one.
 

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Q. What has 26 legs and can't climb a ladder?

A. The Melbourne Storm in 2010.
 
carltonblue said:
umm no cos this joke actually has a different meaning ...
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and that marginal variation makes all the difference does it?

about as funny as seeing bumper stickers on 2 cars side by side.

the first says "i support 2 teams, the eagles and whoever is playing the dockers"

And the second" i support 2 teams, the dockers and whoever is playing the eagles"

variants dont make them funny.
 
The Melbourne Storm joke has a different meaning because they actually CANNOT recieve points and CANNOT no matter if they win games climb off the bottom of the leader whereas when the joke is said about other teams, whether it be Dockers, Eagles, Carlton or anybody the joke just means they are shi* and unlikely to win games.
 
carltonblue said:
The Melbourne Storm joke has a different meaning because they actually CANNOT recieve points and CANNOT no matter if they win games climb off the bottom of the leader whereas when the joke is said about other teams, whether it be Dockers, Eagles, Carlton or anybody the joke just means they are shi* and unlikely to win games.
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ZOMG ROFLMAO!!!!1111!!!one!!!eleven

Thanks for explaining it. now i can use it on all my friends and look really funny because its the same joke thats been used for years, but this time it has a slight difference that i can now explain thanks to you.

I think its pretty damn obvious mate, and even with the slight variation, its still the same old joke.

I think i might make a bumper sticker that says "i'd rather push my ford than drive a holden" and just when i make lots of money off them, i can make a new one that says " i'd rather push my holden than drive a ford"

Some people might think its the same joke, but i can explain to them that its not, because there is a slight difference this time.
 
An Irish rugby fan is drinking in an English bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. Sean hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife Coleen has just given birth back home in Salthill, Co Galway to a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.:eek:

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but our hero just shrugs and replies, "Dat's about average in Oireland... like Oi said; me boy's one of ya typical Oirish baby boys. E's gonna be a rugby player wen 'e gets older. Probably in de front row."

Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, Sean returns to the bar. The barman says, "Say Paddy, aren't you the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? The chums here have been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Twenty pounds about now."

The barman is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What the devil has happened?"
He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!'

Sean takes a slow swig of his Guinness, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the barman and proudly says, "We 'ad 'im circumcised..."
 
Eddie McGuire is walking down the stairs of the Lexus Centre with Nathan and Tania Buckley. All of a sudden Tania slips and her head gets caught between the rails. While she is there Nathan takes the opportunity to give her a good rogering. After he finishes Nathan looks at Eddie and says, "Your turn Ed". Ed looks at him and tears start to roll down his face. Nathan asks, "What's up Ed?", to which Ed replies, "I don't think my head will fit between the rails".
 
Raskolnikov said:
Eddie McGuire is walking down the stairs of the Lexus Centre with Nathan and Tania Buckley. All of a sudden Tania slips and her head gets caught between the rails. While she is there Nathan takes the opportunity to give her a good rogering. After he finishes Nathan looks at Eddie and says, "Your turn Ed". Ed looks at him and tears start to roll down his face. Nathan asks, "What's up Ed?", to which Ed replies, "I don't think my head will fit between the rails".
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Nice try...Westpac Centre :rolleyes:

[/stereotypical Collingwood fan response]

Very nice! :thumbsu:
 

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