Pretty crap stories

[Bulldog Breed]

I stumbled home this morning from a night out at around 7am and passed out on the couch in the lounge room. Later on, I don't know what time it was, but I was rudely awakened (awoken?) by my sister. She wass trying to tell me how I'm the worst when it comes to sleeping because I don't wake up to anything or something along those lines and preceded to tell me a story, I didn't care and went back to sleep.

When I woke up, I remembered parts of her story and thought she may in fact have been locked out of our house and tried banging on the front door to get in. With no success and from what I remember from her story, she came around the back and started knocking on the back door also. Once inside, (I think) she started recreating this loud noise to show me how loud it really was, but after thinking about it, it was either that or the noises I heard were from when she was actually locked outside and I just couldn't be bothered getting up. I don't even know how she got inside either.

Got a Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate bar out of the vending machine today. Opened up the packet and it had the dusty colouration that you dread seeing, I ate it but was far from happy whilst doing so.

Speaking of, a mate and I went into the servo the other day and were pleasantly surprised by a 'buy 3 for the price of 2' deal for any Mars product. Being a big fan of Snickers, I stocked up and thought it would be the highlight of my day. Unfortunately, they also had the dusty colouration and it wasn't as much of an enjoyable experience as I thought it would. My mate didn't want the rest of his, so essentially I got 5 chocolate bars for the price of 2 and this cheered me up a bit.

 

[Affidavit]

The other night I entered my girls apartment picked her up and threw her on the bed. We start going at it when all of a sudden I get the worst cramp in the bottom of my foot. I jumped out of bed as the pain was unbearable. 10 minutes after it subsided and we got back to it.

 

[gimp!]

Today I have eaten 4 grapefruits. I don't know why, I don't even really like them that much. My stomach is aching a little bit.

 

[Saint KFC]

My maths teacher said bj today..

As in ak+bj+ci

Same thing happened to me.

I laughed.

 

[TheStinger]

Shouldn't it be ak + bj = ci?

Anna Kournikova + Blow Job = Criminal Investigation?

 

[Dan Moody]

watching local footy today, there were plenty of seagulls around that made me duck because I thought they might crap on my head. minutes later i found 20cents on the ground and made my way to the canteen and bought a hotdog.

 

[Toshowyouwhy]

watching local footy today, there were plenty of seagulls around that made me duck because I thought they might crap on my head. minutes later i found 20cents on the ground and made my way to the canteen and bought a hotdog.

thats a ****ing cheap hotdog!

 

[TAYLOR!]

The other day, I had a short conversation with a guy in a class at uni, later that day we were in another class together. I was already in class and looked up when he walked in and we made eye contact and we were in that awkward phase between stranger and aquaintance and I could visibly see him going through that awkward "Do i sit next to her or do i sit where i normally sit by myself. Oh crap" in his head as i have been in that position before and then he hurriedly sat down next to me and we proceded to have awkward small talk for the rest of the lesson.

 

[magic_johnson!]

Vectors.

Right you are, ken. Although, three weeks ago, we were studying imaginary numbers

 

[blues4flag]

The other day, I had a short conversation with a guy in a class at uni, later that day we were in another class together. I was already in class and looked up when he walked in and we made eye contact and we were in that awkward phase between stranger and aquaintance and I could visibly see him going through that awkward "Do i sit next to her or do i sit where i normally sit by myself. Oh crap" in his head as i have been in that position before and then he hurriedly sat down next to me and we proceded to have awkward small talk for the rest of the lesson.

Ugh! Made me awkward just reading that. How I hate that situation.

 

[BarneyBent]

Went to vote today. I almost decided to hand in a blank ballot, but I was voting from interstate, and so had to hand the ballot back personally to the lady behind the counter at the centre, and I was worried she'd see through the paper that I hadn't voted and judge me, so I voted properly.

I also almost voted for the Communist Party in the Senate, just for kicks, but was vaguely worried the powers that be would somehow track down that it was me (voting interstate, remember) and put it on some super secret government file somewhere, so I didn't.

 

[Benno_900]

I was planning to do a donkey vote but there were only 4 options on the green ballot. I just filled in F - U - C - K.