Society & Culture The BigFooty Guide to getting the woman of Your Desire (Part 7)

[ThePuppetMaster]

The friendzone occurs SOLELY due to a lack of attraction after the comfort/rapport stage. That's it.

Being 'not attracted' leads directly to the friendzone. They are not mutually exclusive occurances. Whether it's because the guy didn't escalate enough, or whether it's because the two of them simply don't fancy each other doesn't matter. It never implies you are a chance of hooking up.

It really does.

The 'friendzone' is the place guys go to rue 'missed chances'.

The 'friendzone' implies that the guy was keen - and probably thought he had a shot.

Otherwise it's just known as 'being friends'.

 

[muttweed]

How cute

Oh, so what you're saying is, average looking guys should be able to acquire much better looking women by, amongst other things, acting like confident, leading and humourous men. I don't know where you got such a unique and undiscovered concept from...

Judging by the amount of threads like these there are, a lot of guys here obviously don't follow those concepts, and would rather worry about the message they're giving when they send a certain smiley face.
Or treat women like trash. Or eat fruit while talking to a woman on the phone, as if asking a woman out could get as casual as that. (PS yes, I get that it's a Seinfeld reference, but let me have my rant).

Look, if you want that sort of partner, all the power to you. Stop acting like you speak for the majority of women though,

Excuse me? You asked MY opinion on the matter, and even so, I already SAID that there are exclusions.

****ing hell.

not every woman is going to want chivarly and white-knighting,

I can state with certainty that most do anyway. I don't care if you think I'm speaking for myself, there is probably a reason why you're always visiting these threads Rideclutch, and it won't ever be because you're acting like a gentleman.

 

[muttweed]

Must've been the part where I stormed into the thread and told everyone how insecure they were

Well it's bloody true.

 

[Dagless]

How cute


Judging by the amount of threads like these there are, a lot of guys here obviously don't follow those concepts, and would rather worry about the message they're giving when they send a certain smiley face.
Or treat women like trash. Or eat fruit while talking to a woman on the phone, as if asking a woman out could get as casual as that. (PS yes, I get that it's a Seinfeld reference, but let me have my rant).


Excuse me? You asked MY opinion on the matter, and even so, I already SAID that there are exclusions.

******* hell.


I can state with certainty that most do anyway. I don't care if you think I'm speaking for myself, there is probably a reason why you're always visiting these threads Rideclutch, and it won't ever be because you're acting like a gentleman.

Okay so you're attention seeking. (Women, lol)

Done?

 

[treefingers]

Also, another point.

10. Show no weakness. That means don't act nervous. I don't want to name the amount of times I've dated and hated guys who stutter and sweat when I'm around. Just relax. I have a real knack for interpreting body language. When a guy is nervous, he'll sigh before speaking each word, gulp a lot, and his hands will be just dead straight, like he doesn't know what to do with them. Huge turn off. I like a man with confidence, hell even a little cockiness is doable but don't go overboard. Just don't be shy. We don't exactly feel safe in the stiff hands of King Sweat A Lots out there

Well there's my problem

 

[Dagless]

Well there's my problem

You're not a movie character?

 

[dumb]

Judging by the amount of threads like these there are, a lot of guys here obviously don't follow those concepts, and would rather worry about the message they're giving when they send a certain smiley face.
Or treat women like trash. Or eat fruit while talking to a woman on the phone, as if asking a woman out could get as casual as that. (PS yes, I get that it's a Seinfeld reference, but let me have my rant).

is always the thing that strikes me when reading this thread. guys desperately trying not to look desperate, getting other guys to hold their hands when they engage in any sort of contact with a female.
just ****ing do. unless you do something completely wrong, a girl that fancies you somewhat will always give you some leeway. and if she isn't going to give you a little leeway, ask if you'd really want to go out/etc with her? if you realize this you're going to feel better about it all than trying to manufacture being natural.

 

[rideclutch]

Judging by the amount of threads like these there are... [...]

I don't subscribe to giving super specific information either, but you can only help someone based on the little information they give, which is usually open to be interepreted many ways by many people. It's a hard thing to do to step by step explain to someone how they should 'man up'.

I can state with certainty that most do anyway. I don't care if you think I'm speaking for myself, there is probably a reason why you're always visiting these threads Rideclutch, and it won't ever be because you're acting like a gentleman.

Hahaha.

Look, it's all about balance. I don't subscribe to turning anyone into an arrogant arseh*le for the sake of it, but face it, telling a low confidence, low self-esteem rejected guy to just 'be yourself man, your game is great, GO, GO GO!' isn't going to cut it. Some men are simply not nearly leading and assertive enough, so if it means they have to become a temporary jerk to learn how to speak with confidence, then so be it.

You even said youself how unsafe 'King Sweats A Lot" makes you feel. I'm only trying to eliminate them too. It's win/win - so work with me here.

I already SAID that there are exclusions.

******* hell.

Must've missed it in the fine print...

 

[Poetic Justice]

1. Act manly. This DOES NOT mean act like a **** wit. This means, don't walk with your head down and do make her feel safe and protected. So the next time she's cold and is wearing something ridiculous, instead
of letting her know how ridiculous it is, give her your jumper, wrap your arms around her, just make her feel like nothing will hurt her as long as you're around.

As a side note, if you're not attracted to a dude and he wraps your arms around you to keep you warm, surely this does not = making an exception? Would be more creepy?

 

[rideclutch]

The 'friendzone' is the place guys go to rue 'missed chances'.

Lolwut

You're turning this into semantics. I just explained to you why it occurs, which is simply a lack of attraction being built, generally because the poor bastard is under the impression endless compliments and white-knighting will get him laid, or a subscription to the theory "Sex is something that magically happens when you spend X amount of hours with a girl..." That's all it is.

If you want to give it new boundaries and definitions as to what it constitutes, that's up to you, but personally I find enough mind****ing goes on that I'd like to keep things as clear cut as possible.

 

[ThePuppetMaster]

Lolwut

You're turning this into semantics. I just explained to you why it occurs, which is simply a lack of attraction being built, generally because the poor bastard is under the impression endless compliments and white-knighting will get him laid, or a subscription to the theory "Sex is something that magically happens when you spend X amount of hours with a girl..." That's all it is.

If you want to give it new boundaries and definitions as to what it constitutes, that's up to you, but personally I find enough mind******* goes on that I'd like to keep things as clear cut as possible.

I completely agree with this last part - that's what I'm on about.

I'm not having a go at you, I just find the whole 'friendzone' concept leaves a lot of people unclear about where they stand - and I don't buy it as a concept the way most guys use it.

I'd prefer a girl to say 'No, sorry - I'm not attracted to you' then say 'We're really good friends, I don't want to mess up our friendship'.

One message is clear cut - the other is ambiguous (especially if a guy is really into a girl).

And you know what?

I wouldn't care one bit - I'd respect the girl for her honesty and we'd still be friends.

 

[rideclutch]

Ok sweet, I hear you now.

I'm not having a go at you, I just find the whole 'friendzone' concept leaves a lot of people unclear about where they stand - and I don't buy it as a concept the way most guys use it.

Interesting. Personally I take as a clear indication that I ****ed up somewhere in the seduction process. Maybe one time I'd say it was a confusing mixed message, but as discussed earlier, any chick who was seriously wet for you would never try to 'keep you as a friend'. If she's making excuses and the whole thing doesn't make sense, I take it as cut and dry that I messed up.

I'd prefer a girl to say 'No, sorry - I'm not attracted to you' then say 'We're really good friends, I don't want to mess up our friendship'.

Lol - would probably make life in general a lot easier if people didn't hide behind a thin line of bullshit constantly.

You ever had a chick be perfectly honest with you before? Most don't because, unlike you, a lot of men don't have the ability to simply 'stay friends'; It crushes their spirit. In that regard, I don't begrudge women for attempting to let us down easy by saying "Err.. I just... like you as a friend...? *bad poker face*". I take it as my fault for not recognizing the situation. But I do hear your point.

 

[NarniMagic]

Well this thread crashed and burned...

 

[Silent Alarm]

Don't take any female advice from this thread. Who would want to go out with a chick on a footy forum?

 

[fortgeschritten]

i can't tell if muffweed is trolling or is actually just an idiot

 

[muttweed]

Instead of getting personal with me, how about take my advice or at least consider it. You don't seem to think that I would have a better idea about women than you, which is understandable. Oh well, I won't force you. Good luck with the next seven editions

 

[Dagless]

Instead of getting personal with me, how about take my advice or at least consider it. You don't seem to think that I would have a better idea about women than you, which is understandable. Oh well, I won't force you. Good luck with the next seven editions

So we should all revert to this 'perfect gentleman' that only exists in movies, with no character weaknesses whatsoever...

And the males in this thread are the ones with shitty perspectives? lol.

 

[ThePuppetMaster]

So we should all revert to this 'perfect gentleman' that only exists in movies, with no character weaknesses whatsoever...

And the males in this thread are the ones with shitty perspectives? lol.

I'm not sure that's what she said...

 

[Dagless]

I'm not sure that's what she said...

Nah, fairly sure it is. She says 'Don't be someone you actually aren't', and then lists 10 things, of which many men are incapable of achieving (In regards to percentage) due to their character. Sorry lass', a man that shows all 10 of those attributes is most likely BSing you.

 

[dales.girl38]

Don't take any female advice from this thread. Who would want to go out with a chick on a footy forum?

Oh that's reeeal nice

 

[Caesar]

I don't know. I think the list is a just a bit of a hotchpotch. Some of the stuff is bleeding obvious (don't stare at her **** or call her fat - so that's where I've been going wrong). Some of it sounds like stuff that would make a 14 year old girl swoon but would come off as creepy/weird to anyone else (buy her a cheesy symbol and tell her to think of her every time she looks at it).

muttweed is probably well intentioned but most of it is fairly useless advice. Everyone knows that girls basically want guys who are manly yet caring and gentlemanly and have a great sense of humour. The tricky bit is getting all that stuff in balance. For example, it's all very well to say 'don't be stubborn, let the girl have her way' but nobody respects a doormat. A guy could tick every single one of those 10 boxes and still come off as completely creepy and desperate and unattractive, because it's done in the wrong way.

Honestly I've never really regarded this thread as being about working out what women like in a guy. Most of us already know that. This thread is mostly about how to sell yourself to women. There's different philosophies about that.

Personally I figure that most guys are are already actually what women want, just that they don't really display that very effectively. Often they shoot themselves in the foot by doing stupid stuff that turns a girl off. Good product, crappy packaging. I believe that if guys learn a few basic things about how to more effectively convey the type of person they are to women then they will have plenty of success just by being (basically) themselves. You just have to be yourself in the right way, if that makes sense.

PUAs like rideclutch probably view it a little bit differently. I hope I am not presumptuous in saying that they mainly focus on the packaging - consciously tailoring the things they do in order to be a specific type of person and ultimately bag the girl that ordinarily would be out of their league. Average product, better packaging.

It's probably an oversimplification. Different stuff works better for different people. Me, I could never do PUA stuff because it just doesn't feel natural. To succeed with girls you have to be confident, and my confidence comes from being myself - which is a pretty upfront, blunt guy. Other people are probably more strategic and like the idea of having a strategy and an objective and a plan to get there with women so the PUA approach is good for them. Different strokes.

EDIT: Wow that was a long and rambling post. Kudos if you actually read it.

 

[dumb]

8. Buy her a gift every now and then.
But for the sake of society, do NOT buy her clothes. Or vouchers. Buy her a cheesy little "symbol" and then say "think of me whenever you look at it". I would swoon big time.

i'm at the point where staring at her boobs is perfectly acceptable, but #8 is still very useful. vouchers are a gift saying 'i don't know you'.

 

[woopedazz]

I was at a birthday brunch (why have I never been to one before? They are delicious!) and the chick who was a bit infatuated with me was there and all the talk was of her and her new boyfriend! Good for her (and less guilt for me).

 

[Papa Juggs]

Alright.

Here are ways in which a man who I'm not very attracted to can capture my heart.

1. Act manly. This DOES NOT mean act like a **** wit. This means, don't walk with your head down and do make her feel safe and protected. So the next time she's cold and is wearing something ridiculous, instead
of letting her know how ridiculous it is, give her your jumper, wrap your arms around her, just make her feel like nothing will hurt her as long as you're around.

2. Be a realist (except when you're giving opinions on her). I personally hate negative people, and a full-on optimist just seems weird. Keep in mind, when a girl says "Be honest. Tell me what you think of my ___", she does not want honesty! She wants compliments. That should probably be a point in itself, but whatever you do, do not say shit about her looks unless it's positive. Women spend so much time working on their looks, if you dare say something bad about her, consider yourself dropped.

3. Be chivalrous. Can't stand when guys aren't gentlemanly. Girls make a big deal out of that stuff; literally, if
you open a door for her, pull a chair out for her, offer to pay for the first date, she will be telling all her friends.

4. When asking her out, please don't do it over the phone. Put a lot of thought into it; that way if she says yes, it will be well worth the effort. If she says no, she will definitely put a good word in for you with other women. Can't lose.

5. Try not to stare at her boobs or check her out too much. That's a huge
turnoff, and lets us know you're not looking for a "relationship".

6. Don't be stubborn. Women are definitely way more stubborn than men. Do NOT argue, do NOT tell her that her opinion is shit, if you want her then you have to deal with the fact that she is always right. Also, please don't ask her if it's that time of month. She will hate you.

7. Have a sense of humour. This is a big one, but unfortunately it only comes naturally.

8. Buy her a gift every now and then.
But for the sake of society, do NOT buy her clothes. Or vouchers. Buy her a cheesy little "symbol" and then say "think of me whenever you look at it". I would swoon big time.

9. After you've done the above 8, don't talk about other girls or talk to other girls in front of her. This is just a huge no-no.

Honestly, I don't care how bad looking the guy is, I will so fall for him if he does the above. Guess it depends what type of chick you want though, most girls want the things I listed, but there are exceptions.

Now tell me where I can find a guy that does the above.

1. All little girls want their daddy to keep them safe.

2. Women don't want compliments, especially hot ones that have heard it all. If it's coming from some dude they barely know it will set off alarms that the guy is only interested in sex.

3. Holding the door for a woman is fine but paying for fine dining before bedding a girl is a big no no. Take her to maccas if she wants you to pay for dinner.

4. Can't see why asking somebody out over the phone is a no no? This is the reason guys ask girls for the digits isn't it?

5. This would be creepy but you can't blame a guy for oogling a little. The girl should cover up if she feels it might be an issue.

6. Women are almost always wrong but it's difficult to tell them as such without being a douche. They simply don't like being corrected. Don't let her get her way without fighting for it, girls put the pushovers in the friend zone.

7. I have to remind myself to be funny sometimes, can tell when you're losing a convo to being a boring sod. Joke books are good for this. Think of them as conversation bombs to be dropped when needed to bring about some fun and laughter.

8. I think you just described NLP lol

9. Talking about other girls might not be good, you should be talking about yourself after all. Talking to other girls isn't a no no though, if you target the one girl you can look creepy, chat with some others and your target will get the idea that she is going to have to fight for your attention not just get it whenever she wants it.

10. Don't be an AFC, yeah we get it. Being scared of hot girls makes you look like some kind of horny teenager.

I'm not that good with women but I'm getting better thanks to relationship advice that makes sense. Women are the harshest judges men will ever have, they will friend zone you instantly for many things but looks is actually low down on that scale so that's one thing muttweed is right about.

 

[Stocks_go_Up]

Honestly, I don't care how bad looking the guy is, I will so fall for him if he does the above. Guess it depends what type of chick you want though, most girls want the things I listed, but there are exceptions.

Now tell me where I can find a guy that does the above.

Hello baby.

Guys if you want a girl that would let this lovely chap slide his trouser snake inside her then listen to everything she says, if not ignore it all and have fun when trying to get laid.