The Gospel According to Dean

[d33my]

Knock yourself out. The Good Word is meant to be spread

 

[Captain Jack]

I can also forsee a Stynes/Moses analogy... I would try and write it myself but it would probs be quite lame compared to the Truth of the Gospel According to Dean.

 

[d33my]

Funny you should mention it dcrock, I was thinking along the same lines. I'll see if some divine inspiration can flow through me in the next couple of days

 

[Captain Jack]

Funny you should mention it dcrock, I was thinking along the same lines. I'll see if some divine inspiration can flow through me in the next couple of days

I have some ideas in my head, will give it a crack after i finish this f***ing calculus assignment. Stand by, it could be the peak of my artistic achievement (not saying much though).

 

[d33my]

Looking forward to it. Let the Spirit of Bailey flow through you

 

[Captain Jack]

And also with you, my Father.

 

[Gissa]

How about saviour Joseph Gutnick leading the Demons out of slavery to the '96 merger?

 

[Captain Jack]

Looking forward to it. Let the Spirit of Bailey flow through you

The Spirit is flowing... this could be quite long, will finish it tomorrow (or at some stage anyway).

 

[Captain Jack]

here 'tis

The fourth book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
The faithful start along the Road to the Promised Land

And so it was that in the Melbourne Football Club’s hour of need most dire, came forth Moses, who was known as Jimmy. Jimmy was a most decorated hero of yore, and he stood as a giant among mortals. It came to pass that the coach Bailey revealed himself to Jimmy, and said unto him: “Jimmy, I place in your revered hands my Word, for only by it’s Grace shall you end the long suffering of the Demon.” Indeed, the Club had wandered aimlessly in the barren desert for some two score and four years, and many now wondered if indeed it would ever emerge from such a desolate place.

Thus the Spirit of Bailey continued, and he spake, saying “cast from the fold the false idols of Daniher and Riley, for they shall but lead the list astray, as is their wont. Assemble around ye a team of shrewd operators, and choose well, for said team shall raise the Demon to heights not seen for many a year.”

And Jimmy was inspired, for he had indeed heard of such heady times, when milk and honey flowed freely on the hallowed turf and six bountiful seasons were enjoyed in but ten years.

And so Jimmy resolved to spread the Word of Dean. He gathered to him Schwab the Shrewd, McLardy the Efficient, Connolly the Cunning and Barry of Prendergast, who had a keen eye for young talent, and marched silently and swiftly on the bowels of the MCG.

Thus empowered, Jimmy began to preach the word of Bailey, and verily did he have The Full Support of the Board.

So be the Word of Bailey.

 

[Captain Jack]

The fifth book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
Jimmy receives Coach Bailey’s commandments

The takeover complete, the Coach Bailey did decree a set of rules that the Club and its supporters may live by, and Jimmy did Tweet them to the masses:

1. I am thy coach, Bailey, who will lead thee unto the Promised Land. Thou shall have no other Senior Coach besides me.
2. Thou shalt not support any other Club, even as a second team. For no other Club deserves thy sympathy, even if they be so hopeless as to have reached September only twice in 30 years.
3. Thou shalt not take the name Bailey in vain, but instead trust in me, for the fullness of my Gameplan will be revealed when the list is in order.
4. Remember and keep holy each Saturday afternoon, for it is then that my armies shall grace the MCG and their talents shall be revealed and my enemies will retreat in fear.
5. Honour always those who have come before thee in the grand history of the Melbourne Football Club, for their deeds were many and great.
6. Thou shalt support the Club financially, and even if thou be an MCC Member, thou shalt buy a combined MCC/MFC Membership.
7. Thou shall attend games through thick and thin, for later the Faithful shall be separated from the Bandwagonners by their presence during the Preseason and at Sunday Twilight games against Interstate teams, and they shall be exalted.
8. Thou shalt recruit and develop skilled and fast midfielders, for in my wisdom I deign this to be the way to the Promised Land.
9. Thou shalt use the Corridor at all times, and play a fast and attacking brand of football.

And the Coach Bailey did stop at Nine Commandments, for he deigned to be cagey and mysterious with his grand plans.

So be the Word of Bailey.

 

[d33my]

Out*******standing dcrock, I can see the faith is strong in you

Had to lol at The Spirit of Bailey 'spaking'. Classic. And the 'false idols' of Daniher and Riley was harsh, but fair.

Is there some way that all the Books of Bailey can be contained in the first post? We could have a full gospel by season's end.

 

[pezz]

Courage is what makes us
Courage is what divides us
Courage is what drives us
I have seen the light
So follow me now
And I will deliver you unto the promised land.

 

[Captain Jack]

Out*******standing dcrock, I can see the faith is strong in you

Had to lol at The Spirit of Bailey 'spaking'. Classic. And the 'false idols' of Daniher and Riley was harsh, but fair.

Is there some way that all the Books of Bailey can be contained in the first post? We could have a full gospel by season's end.

Cheers.

'Spake' is a fantastic word, and not used nearly often enough.

A compilation would be good, although logically having Exodus (4) before Genesis (1) would look a bit weird to Christians lol.

I feel another chapter coming on.

 

[d33my]

From the GATD Illustrated Edition:

If you needed proof on how good the Good Word is, have a look at the pleasure and excitement on the faces of Bater, Col et. al.

 

[Captain Jack]

The sixth book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
Schwabby carries out the Commands of Bailey

In time the Coach Bailey appeared in a dream to Schwab the Shrewd, who now held much power within the Club. And Bailey said unto Schwabby: “my Son, many times over have you shown your passion and dedication to the Club, and your business nous pleases me. Therefore I give to you this task: to fulfil my Fifth Commandment, as best as you see fit, in all corners of the Club.”

So it was that Schwab went forth, and he did channel the Spirit of the Demons of Old: the Red Fox, Barassi the Great, Hassa of Mann, Flower the Lone Hand, Schwartz the Mercurial and Gary the Hairy One. And he did get them down to the Club, and they did lend their hands to the Great Rebirth of the Demon.

Bailey surveyed the work of the Shrewd One, and he was pleased. But he saw yet more work to be done, and he spake again, saying “my Son, put now your skills in marketing to further use. I charge thee with this task: to market the club such that more followers will adhere to my Word with each passing year. Go forth young Schwab, and recruit unto thee a new legion of Members.”

Once again Schwab went forth, and he did use myriad methods known only to him. He tweeted, he gave interviews, and verily did he even organise annual telethons. And it soon came to pass that over 30,000 were signed up, and they were faithful, for Coach Bailey, in his wisdom, had yet to reveal even a glimpse of the Gameplan. Thusly did Schwab the Shrewd improve the bottom line, and this was noted by Bailey, and he was pleased – though he did not show it.

So be the Word of Bailey.

 

[stretcharmstrong]

These are awesome guys, absolutely unreal! And look,

...coach Bailey revealed himself to Jimmy...

jokes within jokes!

 

[Captain Jack]

a stroke of inspiration...


The seventh book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
Bailey decrees a new Law

And now Bailey surveyed his domain, and he was dismayed. For he saw the good word of his servant Schwab the Shrewd being undone by second-rate journalists. At every turn He did witness written and spoken the falsities Trengrove, Pettard, Maloney and Silvia.

And Bailey was enraged with all He saw, and His anger was terrible to behold. But soon He regained his cagey manner, and he did dictate a new law to his Shrewd CEO, saying “my Son: I have seen shame cast on my players by the writers of the dreaded Hun. I charge thee now to ridicule these heathens for their crimes; and if they should dare to test my Will again, they shall be smote.”

Thus Schwab went out, and he did attempt to right the wrongs heaped on Trengove, Petterd, Moloney, Sylvia and many of their list-brothers. But his was an arduous task, for the folly and laziness of the journalists knew no bounds. But Schwabby was not called the Shrewd One for nought, and verily did he succeed in calling into question their integrity as professionals. The Coach did witness their shaming at the hands of Schwab, and He was pleased.

So be the Word of Bailey.

 

[pezz]

great job dcrock the scribe

 

[d33my]

and this was noted by Bailey, and he was pleased – though he did not show it.

It's this kind of detail that makes these a joy to read.

 

[stretcharmstrong]

Bump... Been missing these!

 

[d33my]

Ok, well I did have one set up for last week, should Miller return, but it never happened.
So, avid readers, a little bit of imaginiation with this one. Pretend that Miller had been reselected. It might still prove prophetical, but I highly doubt it.


The Eighth Book of the Gospel According to Dean
In Which
The Prodigal Son returns

Now there was a player for the MFC who was much maligned. He was oft thought of as slow, and of dim wits, and of poor set shot abledness. And so it was that Brad the Miller did indeed stray from the path, and in time did appear to leave the MFC forever.

Forsooth, however, when Ricky the Bobby was indeed struck down with a terrible shoulder plague, to test his faith.

And so it was that Brad the Miller did return, and he was welcomed with open arms from the true Coach Bailey. The action did perplex the Melbourne masses, who foolishly questioned Bailey their Coach’s decision thusly:

‘Lo, these many games others have served thee, such as Addam of Maric, or the Bailer Rohan, neither transgressed thou at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest them a guernsey, that they might kick a bag too? What sayeth you?’

In his immeasurable wisdom Bailey did reply

‘Fools! Do not question Bailey your Coach. We should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.’

So be the word of Bailey, the Redeemer.



I'll try and come up with a more relevant one in the meantime.
Got any gems dcrock?

 

[Gazza_11]

We need one for Jack Watts

 

[d33my]

***Disclaimer*** someone actually had the original idea for this in another thread, so its not entirely my work. But the lord bailey speaks through us all in mysterious ways.


The Ninth Book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
The Great Source of Lyn-dunns Power is Revealed.

Now there was a man named Lyn-dunn, and he was proving to be a strong and brave warrior. And the enemy camps did say ‘Lest Lyn-dunn kick another 3 truly, we should discover the source of his great strength.’

And so it came to pass that the enemies of Melbourne dideth indeed formulate a plan to uncover the true secret of Lyn-dunns strength. And they sent out a temptress, and she did attempt to entice him, and asked where his true strength lay.

And the crafty Lyn-dunn did reply ‘My strength lies in my mouthguard, if you take it, I shall not be able to carve up.’

And so the temptress relayed the message to the enemy leaders, and they did but steal Lyn-dunns mouthguard. And they thought themselves so clever, that they did not lay a tag on the weekend, and Lyn-dunn did kick but 4 straight.

Realising they had been fooled, they sent an even more stunning temptress to speak to Lyn-dunn.

“Behold, thou hast mocked us, and told us lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou strength doth lie?”

And the sly Lyn-dunn replied ‘My strength lies in my socks, take them, and my handballs will be impotent and my kicks wayward.’

And so the leaders swapped Lyn-dunn’s socks before the next game, but he played better than ever, and kicked 6 straight with three assists, which are the true indication of a great warrior.

Furious, the enemy leaders scoured their villages far and wide for the most beautiful of all temptresses, and sent her unto him.

And Lyn-dunn saw the beauty of the temptress, and was instantly smitten, and came under her spell, so that when she asked ‘wherein does your strength lie?’ he replied

‘my strength cometh from my moustache, shave it, and I shall lie fallow like the fields of winter.’

And so the enemy leaders did sneak into Lyn-dunns camp, and did shave his great hairy lip, and on the weekend Lyn-dunn, who was beside himself with despair, didn’t even touch the ball.

That night, as Lyn-dunn was tossing and turning in bed, and wondering how he would ever regain his magical moustache in time for next week, an apparition did appear. He jumped with a start when he realised it was an elder warrior who had left many years ago, the great Nathan of Carrol, destroyer of men.

And Nathan of Carrol said unto him ‘Do not despair, Lyn-dunn, for even though they have exposed you’re greatest asset, I have been sent here by Bailey your Coach to help you. For this week, while you are still regrowing your own hair, take some of my facial hair, which was also the source of my strength.’

And Nathan of Carrol did but detach part of his magnificent goatee and transferred it to unto Lyn-dunns smooth upper-lip. Before Lyn-dunn could thank him, Nathan of Carrol had departed and he found himself alone, wondering if he had been dreaming.

In a daze, he felt his upper lip, and felt the glorious bristles adorning his facade. And he did sleep well, and train well that week, and on the weekend he kicked 10 goals.

So be the word of Bailey.

 

[Captain Jack]

hahahahaha classic as usual.

i must say, the Spirit of Dean seems to have left me of late... I considered writing something after one of our recent wins, but it kinda needs a biblical analogy lest it fall unto a Hellish Pit of Ye Olde English which does serve little purpose but to provide a few moments of moderate lulz. I was uninspired, hence I refrained from writing a piece of generic verbal diorrhea.

 

[stretcharmstrong]

***Disclaimer*** someone actually had the original idea for this in another thread, so its not entirely my work. But the lord bailey speaks through us all in mysterious ways.


The Ninth Book of the Gospel According to Dean
In which
The Great Source of Lyn-dunns Power is Revealed.

Now there was a man named Lyn-dunn, and he was proving to be a strong and brave warrior. And the enemy camps did say ‘Lest Lyn-dunn kick another 3 truly, we should discover the source of his great strength.’

And so it came to pass that the enemies of Melbourne dideth indeed formulate a plan to uncover the true secret of Lyn-dunns strength. And they sent out a temptress, and she did attempt to entice him, and asked where his true strength lay.

And the crafty Lyn-dunn did reply ‘My strength lies in my mouthguard, if you take it, I shall not be able to carve up.’

And so the temptress relayed the message to the enemy leaders, and they did but steal Lyn-dunns mouthguard. And they thought themselves so clever, that they did not lay a tag on the weekend, and Lyn-dunn did kick but 4 straight.

Realising they had been fooled, they sent an even more stunning temptress to speak to Lyn-dunn.

“Behold, thou hast mocked us, and told us lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou strength doth lie?”

And the sly Lyn-dunn replied ‘My strength lies in my socks, take them, and my handballs will be impotent and my kicks wayward.’

And so the leaders swapped Lyn-dunn’s socks before the next game, but he played better than ever, and kicked 6 straight with three assists, which are the true indication of a great warrior.

Furious, the enemy leaders scoured their villages far and wide for the most beautiful of all temptresses, and sent her unto him.

And Lyn-dunn saw the beauty of the temptress, and was instantly smitten, and came under her spell, so that when she asked ‘wherein does your strength lie?’ he replied

‘my strength cometh from my moustache, shave it, and I shall lie fallow like the fields of winter.’

And so the enemy leaders did sneak into Lyn-dunns camp, and did shave his great hairy lip, and on the weekend Lyn-dunn, who was beside himself with despair, didn’t even touch the ball.

That night, as Lyn-dunn was tossing and turning in bed, and wondering how he would ever regain his magical moustache in time for next week, an apparition did appear. He jumped with a start when he realised it was an elder warrior who had left many years ago, the great Nathan of Carrol, destroyer of men.

And Nathan of Carrol said unto him ‘Do not despair, Lyn-dunn, for even though they have exposed you’re greatest asset, I have been sent here by Bailey your Coach to help you. For this week, while you are still regrowing your own hair, take some of my facial hair, which was also the source of my strength.’

And Nathan of Carrol did but detach part of his magnificent goatee and transferred it to unto Lyn-dunns smooth upper-lip. Before Lyn-dunn could thank him, Nathan of Carrol had departed and he found himself alone, wondering if he had been dreaming.

In a daze, he felt his upper lip, and felt the glorious bristles adorning his facade. And he did sleep well, and train well that week, and on the weekend he kicked 10 goals.

So be the word of Bailey.

Great work, great work!