Society & Culture Things in life you just don't understand - Part 6

[Catfish Alley]

Daughters ex has reduced his income to 28k so that he doesn’t have to pay child support just the minimum $40 month

I dont get how someone 12months ago can be earning 180k can do this and there be nothing she can do. Meanwhile she has the day to day costs to continue managing and there are some ongoing health issues that requires ongoing treatment that he doesn’t contribute to because “I pay mtce”

What saddens me the most is that his hate for my daughter outweighs the impact this has on his daughter - how can you want your child to be living in poverty and struggling to make ends meet

That sucks. What an arseh*le. My girlfriends ex has done something similar. He's an industrial welder driving a $110k truck but, yeah, only earns $35k.

But his daughter barely wants to see him and only goes over because she misses the pets. He's the one missing out. Kids aren't dumb and although can be blinded a little by loyalty to parents, they easily pick out who isn't genuine.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

Daughters ex has reduced his income to 28k so that he doesn’t have to pay child support just the minimum $40 month

I dont get how someone 12months ago can be earning 180k can do this and there be nothing she can do. Meanwhile she has the day to day costs to continue managing and there are some ongoing health issues that requires ongoing treatment that he doesn’t contribute to because “I pay mtce”

What saddens me the most is that his hate for my daughter outweighs the impact this has on his daughter - how can you want your child to be living in poverty and struggling to make ends meet

When I started going out with my wife, she'd get the odd payment to her bank account for (literally) a few dollars for monthly child support, because her ex-husband didn't earn anything. You don't want to deprive your daughter of having a relationship with their dad if that's what they want (especially in the early years), but it's like, if that's the best you can do, how is she living when she goes to his place for the weekend? She's got precisely nothing for child support for years.

There's no question of him ever paying for anything in terms of school or whatever, but he actually gets more of a say in where she goes to school than I do (if it came to that, it hasn't been an issue thankfully). It isn't like he's being creative with his earnings: I just think he doesn't earn anything.

On the one school day a week that he has her, I walk right past him in his car while I go to pick-up her sister, I make an effort to give a half hearted wave as I walk past him, he just pretends he doesn't see me and keeps looking at his phone. When he drops her off after she's been at his house, we might get a few grunts from him if we're lucky. Whatever. Sorry you hate me for doing a job that you're clearly not capable of doing in raising your kid. Stick to being her friend, that's about all you're equipped to be. I'm pretty introverted, so it's not like I'm keen for a big yarn with him, just the usual "hello, how's it going?" might be good though, to show your daughter you can act like a grown up.

She has a half brother about a year younger than her and she hasn't seen him since he was about two. He and his mum have gone God knows where to get away from him and it's constantly on our stepdaughter's mind: that she has a brother out there who she has no relationship with. It's in this guy's blood, Christmas sounds like it goes for about a week while she's away, because everyone's divorced and/or fighting with each other, so there's like five or six different things to go to.

Anyway, this week blew me away at the regular drop off. We're having the end of life discussions for our dog, he's on lots of medication, starting to struggle with walking etc... it's close to time. So when he's dropping our daughter off he asks my wife if he can go along when he's put down. Like, um... what? They broke up 11-12 years ago. Our other dog was put down just over a year ago. Two grandparents have died while I've been married to her: zero interest in going to their funerals if only to support his daughter.

I'm pretty easy to get along with. I genuinely make an effort to keep things civil. My stepdaughter understands that we'll never be friends, but she doesn't need to see us abusing each other. But he's been an utter campaigner from day 1. So GFY, mate.

 

[Off The Couch]

I’m sorry to hear all that MC Extra Dollop - I hope your partner said no to such a personal moment for you all

You don’t say how old YOUR daughter is but hopefully she’s close to being able to make decisions for herself as to whether she wants to go

I also understand what you mean by “having a say in everything” while contributing nothing. Makes a big song and dance about wanting to know and controlling the narrative but then never follows up or contributes.

He was all about coercive control when they were together so doing this effectively continues the financial control along with the gaslighting. Thankfully she’s getting stronger with her responses and he’s not getting the same satisfaction

I want to know how he’s paying his mortgage and car payment on his 100k car - it’s so frustrating the whole thing.

Anyway she’s moved back in with us so the loss of control again will piss him off and we now wait to see what he does next

 

[GreyCrow]

I want to know how he’s paying his mortgage and car payment on his 100k car - it’s so frustrating the whole thing.

Is he able to work in a cash economy? ie tradies mates rates?

 

[Off The Couch]

Is he able to work in a cash economy? ie tradies mates rates?

Heavy diesel mechanic so
I’m just presuming he has become “self employed” and his boss now has him as a subcontractor

 

[GreyCrow]

Heavy diesel mechanic so I presume so
I’m just presuming he has become “self employed” and his boss now has him as a subcontractor

Yep

This is the loophole the ATO need to cover.

 

[Cruyff14]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

 

[GreyCrow]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

the_interloper effect?

Wouldnt want to create a rush at one end if off?

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

I’m sorry to hear all that MC Extra Dollop - I hope your partner said no to such a personal moment for you all

You don’t say how old YOUR daughter is but hopefully she’s close to being able to make decisions for herself as to whether she wants to go

I also understand what you mean by “having a say in everything” while contributing nothing. Makes a big song and dance about wanting to know and controlling the narrative but then never follows up or contributes.

He was all about coercive control when they were together so doing this effectively continues the financial control along with the gaslighting. Thankfully she’s getting stronger with her responses and he’s not getting the same satisfaction

I want to know how he’s paying his mortgage and car payment on his 100k car - it’s so frustrating the whole thing.

Anyway she’s moved back in with us so the loss of control again will piss him off and we now wait to see what he does next

Yeah that's the side of it we haven't seen (in a lot of ways it's a positive but it can also be a bad thing): there's never really been any issue with being financially independent from him, because he's never had any money. I understand that frustration though from your side, that something's not adding up and it shouldn't be that easy to (apparently) sidestep your responsibilities, with the obvious flow-on that he's probably not paying his share of tax either. Hopefully the move home is a positive first step. Of course it's a cliche, but it sounds like the best revenge with a flog like that is living well. Nothing pisses them off more than being in the rearview mirror, little more than an afterthought.

My stepdaughter is turning 12 this year, so at least a few years to go and I don't begrudge them that. She loves her dad and I know he loves her, especially since he apparently has zero contact with his son. He doesn't have anything else. I'd be surprised if she doesn't want to continue the relationship when it's her choice.

She feels bad for him, that he doesn’t have money to do things with her. When my parents gave her $50 for Christmas the year before last, she wanted to give it to him. I had to put my foot down and give her a serious talk: that if she were to start giving money to her dad at 10 years old, that's the start of a long road that she'd probably continue for the rest of his life. And that if she wanted to do it, I wouldn't be thrilled about it and I realistically couldn't stop her. But if it's something she wanted to do, she should earn the money by doing work around the house, regifting a present from her stepfather's parents for that purpose was a no-no in my book.

But it sort of hammers home the fact (and breaks my heart a little bit) that she has much more life experience in some ways than I do. She's a great kid and has a good head on her shoulders and I'm conscious that she's doing so much better with the hand she's been dealt than I probably would have.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

I'm a rashie man for sure

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

Our swimming school insists that parents wear shirts in the pool, so if the kids go under unexpectedly they have something to grab.

 

[Beerfish]

Our swimming school insists that parents wear shirts in the pool, so if the kids go under unexpectedly they have something to grab.

They can just grab a handful of chest/back hair.

 

[Off The Couch]

Our swimming school insists that parents wear shirts in the pool, so if the kids go under unexpectedly they have something to grab.

It was what I grabbed so that I didn’t slip, that determined that I was now too old to be showering with dad

 

[Billy ray]

forget a rashie
try a nashie

 

[the_interloper]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

It’s blokes who aren’t confident with getting the rig out which is fair enough

 

[Cruyff14]

It’s blokes who aren’t confident with getting the rig out which is fair enough

I don't have abs, nor am I in great shape, bit chubby but nothing outrageous.

Some skinny guys even wear tops!

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

I don't have abs, nor am I in great shape, bit chubby but nothing outrageous.

Some skinny guys even wear tops!

Unfortunately I feel like wearing tops at the beach/in the sun/other water based summer locations is a necessaity for blokes who are red haired and or prone to have freckles.

Sunbathing tragically is what led to the late great Jim Stynes cancer and ultimate passing. (Jimma was my mentor and saviour in my teenage years before my life completely went off the rails)

My ex sister in law (who is a gorgeous ginger) also (happily) had a battle with skin cancer and won.

It's arguably more sensible that people (of any gender) wear shirts etc when they go to the beach, just for the reasons I have given above.

 

[Cruyff14]

Unfortunately I feel like wearing tops at the beach/in the sun/other water based summer locations is a necessaity for blokes who are red haired and or prone to have freckles.

Sunbathing tragically is what led to the late great Jim Stynes cancer and ultimate passing. (Jimma was my mentor and saviour in my teenage years before my life completely went off the rails)

My ex sister in law (who is a gorgeous ginger) also (happily) had a battle with skin cancer and won.

It's arguably more sensible that people (of any gender) wear shirts etc when they go to the beach, just for the reasons I have given above.

This is at an indoor swmming pool so your post is moot.

 

[Gralin]

I don't get what Cruyff14 is worried about unless he's bored and fishing

 

[the_interloper]

I don't have abs, nor am I in great shape, bit chubby but nothing outrageous.

Some skinny guys even wear tops!

Skinny people can be self conscious about the rig too of course

 

[Jatz]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

I'm with you on this. I get some might be self conscious etc but if that's not the case, I just don't understand it.

I'll never wear one in there haha.

 

[Jatz]

Our swimming school insists that parents wear shirts in the pool, so if the kids go under unexpectedly they have something to grab.

That's bizarre. If the parent is in the pool with them and the kid goes under (requiring them to grab at a shirt), what is the parent looking at?

J has fallen under a few times but he's never had to go looking for me, I'm there to help him right himself.

 

[phantom13]

I do swimming with my daughter, she's two and half.

It baffles me how many dads get in the pool with a t shirt etc on.

Im not wearing anything on the top half in the pool BUT i pass no judgement on people who do, just make it a rashy not a tee shirt

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

That's bizarre. If the parent is in the pool with them and the kid goes under (requiring them to grab at a shirt), what is the parent looking at?

J has fallen under a few times but he's never had to go looking for me, I'm there to help him right himself.

Kids have to jump off platform into the water, parent stands a metre or so away, kid needs to get to the surface, sometimes they grab onto the top.

The parents are instructed not to reach out and grab them (once the kid is at a certain stage) because they have to learn how to get themselves to safety.

 

[Pistol Night]

Im not wearing anything on the top half in the pool BUT i pass no judgement on people who do, just make it a rashy not a tee shirt

This. A wet shirt sticks to your man boobs and stomach podge as if to remind you not to try wearing it again in the water