What to do?

[Axl the great]

Hi guys, been working with this girl for about a year now and have found myself more and more attracted to her, i thought we had a connection despite the 10 yr age gap and despite the fact im her boss.
It has increased so much that i am totally in love with her and last week after our work Xmas party i let her know how i feel in the cab on the way home and there was just silence and im pretty sure ive been rejected.
Ive been thinking about quitting or demanding a transfer out of there as it is eating away at me and and im struggling to eat or sleep and she consumes my thought 24/7. I dont normally get like this and its rare that i become so obssesed with anything but this is full blown, should i leave or transfer or just tough it out?

 

[Rustin Cohle]

You had an Xmas party last week? It's October. Just tough it out until Easter. After all, it's only in a couple of weeks' time.

 

[Axl the great]

Yes as all decent venues in Sth Melb are booked out until Xmas $3000 on the bar and a heavy drinking Axl always spells trouble!

 

[DThomas]

I've been like that before. Rejection can be hard to handle, but over time you'll get over it, so just tough it out.

 

[Copeland]

Yep only time will help, but only you can tell if its bearable to work with her still. Tough position mate and awkward for her too I guess, maybe give it a week or two and see how its all going. Do you hold any hope for a relationship.

 

[Pie eyed]

Hi guys, been working with this girl for about a year now and have found myself more and more attracted to her, i thought we had a connection despite the 10 yr age gap and despite the fact im her boss.
It has increased so much that i am totally in love with her and last week after our work Xmas party i let her know how i feel in the cab on the way home and there was just silence and im pretty sure ive been rejected.
Ive been thinking about quitting or demanding a transfer out of there as it is eating away at me and and im struggling to eat or sleep and she consumes my thought 24/7. I dont normally get like this and its rare that i become so obssesed with anything but this is full blown, should i leave or transfer or just tough it out?

Talk to her and sort it out.

 

[Rustin Cohle]

Yes as all decent venues in Sth Melb are booked out until Xmas $3000 on the bar and a heavy drinking Axl always spells trouble!

Heh, my ignorance towards life in the city has come to the forefront. I would say to talk to the girl about it in order to clear things up before your request a transfer. Sounds easy when I say it like that, though.

 

[Axl the great]

Thanx fellas i feel slightly better, i have been talking 2 her and she said i should be happy i told her and time will do its job with what needs or not needs to happen,
So i feel mixed messages are being sent and i rather know either way now, so its not a no and not a yes and im hanging on a limb, i need a womans perspective on this so im putting out the Snag symbol in the batman mould!

 

[Optimax]

Thanx fellas i feel slightly better, i have been talking 2 her and she said i should be happy i told her and time will do its job with what needs or not needs to happen,
So i feel mixed messages are being sent and i rather know either way now, so its not a no and not a yes and im hanging on a limb, i need a womans perspective on this so im putting out the Snag symbol in the batman mould!

Its a no, but not i hate you No stay away from me jerk, but more Im sorry that you got the signals wrong no, we will still be friends and in time everything will be normal.

The better of the 2 Nos, even though it will still hurt like you have been kicked in the teeth and guts repeatedly.

Chin up though mate, you'll get through it

 

[Axl the great]

Its a no, but not i hate you No stay away from me jerk, but more Im sorry that you got the signals wrong no, we will still be friends and in time everything will be normal.

The better of the 2 Nos, even though it will still hurt like you have been kicked in the teeth and guts repeatedly.

Chin up though mate, you'll get through it

Thanx Opti blunt as always but im feeling ur right too, I havnt fallen for a girl like this in a long time and its eating me up but what can u do hey? Every time i look at her i get that hard feeling around the chest so if its not to be im gonna ask for a transfer i think, its just too hard. And u blokes are the best, thanks again to everyone for the advice.
I have suffered Bi Polar Depession for most of my life and dont need this shit to put me back another step again so thanks again and i appreciate it.

 

[Optimax]

Thanx Opti blunt as always but im feeling ur right too, I havnt fallen for a girl like this in a long time and its eating me up but what can u do hey? Every time i look at her i get that hard feeling around the chest so if its not to be im gonna ask for a transfer i think, its just too hard. And u blokes are the best, thanks again to everyone for the advice.
I have suffered Bi Polar Depession for most of my life and dont need this shit to put me back another step again so thanks again and i appreciate it.

I didnt actually mean to make it as blunt as it came across

I do know the feeling though, do what you feel is best and if that is asking for a transfer then so be it.

Dont stress that you hurt though, she seems nice enough to not worry too much about it, probably flattered to an extent.

But like always all us BF pies are there for each other

 

[jerry springer]

there is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel any better in the short term.

remember though to quote lord Alfred 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.At least you had a crack and told her how you felt so you wont die wondering...

I have been in a similar situation where you just cannot stop thinking about a girl and your heart is feeling like it is literally breaking .it took me a long time to get over but time does heal all wounds

in the meantime,You are a Gunners fan. listen to Use your illusion II, track # 10,it might give you some solace

 

[Axl the great]

I didnt actually mean to make it as blunt as it came across

I do know the feeling though, do what you feel is best and if that is asking for a transfer then so be it.

Dont stress that you hurt though, she seems nice enough to not worry too much about it, probably flattered to an extent.

But like always all us BF pies are there for each other

Thanks again Opti, ur words have not gone un recognised, and i picture u as a very intelligent Anthony La Paglia looking dude lol! I have to front up at work again tommorow and face this girl and do my job which is hard enough at the best of times so ill just keep keeping on and hope that i can emerge from this abyss.

 

[Optimax]

Thanks again Opti, ur words have not gone un recognised, and i picture u as a very intelligent Anthony La Paglia looking dude lol! I have to front up at work again tommorow and face this girl and do my job which is hard enough at the best of times so ill just keep keeping on and hope that i can emerge from this abyss.

Hope nothing, of course you can mate

Good luck tomorrow mate, just go to work and do your job. Im sure she is just hoping you dont start acting funny just like you are hoping the same from her.

Good luck again, and stay positive mate

 

[Snag Breac]

This is a delicate situation, Axl, particularly as she is your subordinate.
The question is, what exactly did she mean when she said that time would do its job? My first instinct is that Opti is right, and she meant it as a gentle let-down, and was being especially diplomatic as you are her boss.

Since you raised the issue, and since you're the one in the more powerful position, you need to reassure her that what passed between you will not affect your working relationship in any way; and then don't mention the matter unless she demonstrates a growing inclination towards you.

The other possibility is that she was flattered by your approach, as most women would be, and can't help but enjoy the feeling of having power over a man. I don't mean that she would be manipulative, or abuse that power; it's just that sometimes girls are inclined to go back to the well of adoration too often, without perhaps realising that by doing so, they're keeping a man dangling and casuing him pain.

So as suggested above, perhaps a quick reasuring word about your ongoing working relationship - don't make too much of it - and back to business as usual.

Just one other thing. I don't know if you read poetry, but you might draw some consolation from the poems of W.B Yeats atm. He was in love with the "outrageously beautiful" Maud Gonne all his life, but she never reciprocated. Sad for Yeats, but also productive of some of the greatest love poems ever written. I once had an unrequited love, and took great hearts-ease in his poetry. (In the end, the object of my affection - who barely ever spoke three words to me - turned out to be a traitor and an informer and paid a heavy price.)

Anyway, herewith a sample of Yeats' work.

The Folly of Being Comforted

One that is ever kind said yesterday:
"Your well-beloved's hair has threads of grey,
And little shadows come about her eyes;
Time can but make it easier to be wise
Though now it seems impossible, and so
All that you need is patience."
Heart cries, "No,
I have not a crumb of comfort, not a grain.
Time can but make her beauty over again:
Because of that great nobleness of hers
The fire that stirs about her, when she stirs,
Burns but more clearly. O she had not these ways
When all the wild Summer was in her gaze."

O Heart! O heart! if she'd but turn her head,
You'd know the folly of being comforted.

 

[pongo_3931]

Never a butcher and a baker be my friend.

Call me frank... call me practical... call me practifrank.

 

[Axl the great]

This is a delicate situation, Axl, particularly as she is your subordinate.
The question is, what exactly did she mean when she said that time would do its job? My first instinct is that Opti is right, and she meant it as a gentle let-down, and was being especially diplomatic as you are her boss.

Since you raised the issue, and since you're the one in the more powerful position, you need to reassure her that what passed between you will not affect your working relationship in any way; and then don't mention the matter unless she demonstrates a growing inclination towards you.

The other possibility is that she was flattered by your approach, as most women would be, and can't help but enjoy the feeling of having power over a man. I don't mean that she would be manipulative, or abuse that power; it's just that sometimes girls are inclined to go back to the well of adoration too often, without perhaps realising that by doing so, they're keeping a man dangling and casuing him pain.

So as suggested above, perhaps a quick reasuring word about your ongoing working relationship - don't make too much of it - and back to business as usual.

Just one other thing. I don't know if you read poetry, but you might draw some consolation from the poems of W.B Yeats atm. He was in love with the "outrageously beautiful" Maud Gonne all his life, but she never reciprocated. Sad for Yeats, but also productive of some of the greatest love poems ever written. I once had an unrequited love, and took great hearts-ease in his poetry. (In the end, the object of my affection - who barely ever spoke three words to me - turned out to be a traitor and an informer and paid a heavy price.)

Anyway, herewith a sample of Yeats' work.

The Folly of Being Comforted

One that is ever kind said yesterday:
"Your well-beloved's hair has threads of grey,
And little shadows come about her eyes;
Time can but make it easier to be wise
Though now it seems impossible, and so
All that you need is patience."
Heart cries, "No,
I have not a crumb of comfort, not a grain.
Time can but make her beauty over again:
Because of that great nobleness of hers
The fire that stirs about her, when she stirs,
Burns but more clearly. O she had not these ways
When all the wild Summer was in her gaze."

O Heart! O heart! if she'd but turn her head,
You'd know the folly of being comforted.

Thanx Snag that poem is wonderful, We have spoken about the work situation already where i assured her i will not afect it one bit.
She said we are adult enough to dissociate those 2 worlds and sure enough today she acted as though nothing had happened even more talkative than usual in fact, i think she was just making an effort.
People tell me she has a lot of repect for me and she herself told me last week that i was the most wonderful person and manager.
She txted me last night and said it was very new and sudden and then mentioned the time thing but i just think that because of that respect and the fact im her boss means she is just being as delicate as she can.
Thanks for your perspective on this and i appreciate it.

 

[smiddaz123]

Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, she sounds like a superb person in general from the above post imo. Very well handled, from both of you.

 

[Optimax]

Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, she sounds like a superb person in general from the above post imo. Very well handled, from both of you.

Yep sounds like it

Dont think this bad situation could be going better tbh

 

[Copeland]

Great news Axl, hope you can sleep better and any anxt at work is somewhat subdued. You must be pretty happy that its turned out reasonably well, considering.

 

[Axl the great]

Great news Axl, hope you can sleep better and any anxt at work is somewhat subdued.

Thanx Copes, i just need some time i think, still very depressed and work will be tough no doubt but ill get through it somehow.

 

[Pie eyed]

Good news Axl.

 

[Copeland]

Gidday mate, hows it all going. Any news, haven't seen you on the board for a while.

 

[bretigan]

What happened since the party? Are you guys still working together / talking to each other? I would stick it out and see where it goes. If you really care for her, be her friend. But, if she really doesn't like you, it might cause tension at work, which would be very tough. Let us know how things are going.

 

[Vinnie Vegas]

The one thing I always say, which might sound harsh, but has helped a couple of friends I've had in similar situations, is that when you spoke to her to first time, you needed to consider that she might react in this way.

The fact is, she has every right not to feel about you the same way that you do about her, and in your situation, you're almost certain not to see things clearly, taking her efforts to let you down gently and not damage your professional relationship as mixed messages.

The last thing you want to be is that guy that won't leave her alone (and I'm not suggesting that you're doing this), so the more you let this eat you up, and the more you let her know that it's still eating you up, the less attractive she is going to find you, regardless of whether she's going back and forth about it or not.

The fact is, there's never a functional relationship that comes from one side doing all the work. You've laid your cards on the table - Now you need to be cool about it and let her come to her own decision. If she's interested in you, and she knows how you feel, then you'll be there.

You have to think about the guy that you're going to be while she's making the decision: You can either be guy that stares at her longingly (which is rarely as romantic as it feels when you're doing it or watching it in a movie) and making her feel like you need her; or you can be the guy who has let her know that you like her, but still displays all of the qualities that she might be looking for in a guy.

Women also rarely find a lack of interest in other women to be a turn-off, so while guys think that they need to devote themselves to someone to get their attention, the woman is more likely to look at the guy's "devotion" as something weird.

The best thing you can do, whether this girl is in any way interested in you or not, is to move on with your life and act as though you would have a year ago, when you had no idea who this girl was. If she isn't interested, then you'll be moving on with your life, and if she is interested, or at least could be swayed in the future, you'll be putting your best foot forward and being the guy that she might actually like, not the guy that she's currently lukewarm about.