flggr BISCUIT-GATE: a hearty guffaw at the CarLOLton Football Club and little Bolts in this here fred.

[the avoca drover]

Stand up if you’ve eaten a biscuit.

Lol, only at Carlolton

 

[Blightys Barrel]

Stand up if you’ve eaten a biscuit.

Lol, only at Carlolton

Don’t know Bolton. Never met him and can only go on what you see on TV and Radio when you hear him speak.

Get the impression that he would see 2E with his Tatts and laid back laconic approach to life as the polar opposite of his ideals of a what a young professional AFL player should be. It takes all types and personalities in a club to build a winning team. A coach has to see beyond the first impressions and get to know his players on a more deep and meaningful level. I wonder if Bolton has grown and matured on this front since his Carlton days?

 

[Jazny]

So here I am, reading the recently released autobiography of Geelong premiership hero Zach Tuohy - available now at all good bookstores - when I let out a thunderous roar of laughter when he recalls some of his greatest moments at his previous club CarLOLton. Many moments make the list of fantastic fails that it's hard to nail it down to just one, so gather 'round my friends as we partake in a Friday arvo storytime! Excerpts from the wonderful literature to follow:

View attachment 2156080

The Clarko disciples were hot on the market, and Carlton decided they needed one to turn it all around. On 24 August 2015, Brendon Bolton, who was an assistant to Clarko at Hawthorn, was announced as our new senior coach.

In the beginning, I was desperate to make it work. When you’re working on a relationship, of any kind, and I’ve never had to work so hard on a relationship as I did with Bolts, they say communicating is crucial. But communicating is difficult when your ‘partner’ doesn’t want to talk or isn’t very skilled at it.

I found Bolts very intense. It was difficult, in fact almost impossible, to have a casual chat with him about anything unrelated to football. On Monday morning, there was no weekend small talk.

‘Hey, Bolts, how’s things?’ you might say as you walked in the door.

He couldn’t respond with non-footy chat. It would immediately turn to the match we just played or the plan for the week ahead. And I would think, Jesus, mate, just say ‘hi’ back and leave it at that. Or make a gag and move on. I didn’t ask for a ****ing deep and meaningful about where the club is at. He just couldn’t turn off for a second. I started trying to avoid him.

Now, if that’s what the attempted small talk was like, can you even imagine how meetings were? Let me help you.

The first match we played under Bolts was against his former team, Hawthorn, in the Community Series, as the pre-season competition was called back then. The match was in Launceston, and Bolts was keen to make an impression and set the tone for how match week and travel would work during his tenure. Little did we know it, but a minor decision on the plane would set the tone for the whole weekend – and perhaps the season.

When we took off from Melbourne, the flight attendants made their way down the aisle with the refreshments trolley, offering tea or coffee, and a biscuit. I had a coffee, skipped the biscuit and settled in. From memory, the biscuits were those little shortbread tasty morsels. Why do you need to know this? I can explain.

When we arrived at the hotel, we were called into the team room for a meeting. The gathering looked different to when Ratts or Mick was in charge. All the assistant coaches were in their team gear, even though we weren’t planning to leave the building. Bolts had directed them to wear full kit, as he wanted everything to feel formal. He wanted them and us to know that, even though it was a pre-season game, it was a serious work trip – we weren’t there to have fun. It became abundantly clear that there was no fun to be had as soon as we sat down.

‘I’d like any player who ate one of the biscuits offered to them on the plane to stand up.’

Now, at this point I’m thinking, Is this a joke? Surely, it’s a joke. But his tone was serious. Players started to stand up. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Mostly I couldn’t believe I wasn’t one of the ones forced to stand up. It wasn’t like me to miss the opportunity of a biscuit. Maybe I hadn’t been feeling well.

I was still thinking that this must be some sort of ice-breaker, or a prank.

‘Do you think it’s professional to do that? Is that going to make you a better player?’ Bolts demanded.

F.ck me, it’s a biscuit, I thought. A lot of players were standing up.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. I got that the guy wanted to set the tone and the standard, but this shit was crazy. It was officially ‘Biscuit-gate’.

View attachment 2156081

No wonder he couldn't make it as a coach at Carlton! Coach Bolton was way too professional for those biscuit-eating losers.

 

[V_23]

You mean the one where nearly 3/4 of the team were drafted and developed by Geelong? Majority outside the first round too.
That Premiership team? LOL

16 players of 23 total were drafted by the Cats in that Premiership side.

This was fun

I was talking about Tuohy, not the entire team…

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

I wonder if Bolton has grown and matured on this front since his Carlton days?

Based on his time with the Pies I’m going to say… not really

Coach Bolton was way too professional for those biscuit-eating losers.

Did LOL

 

[frggr]

Didn't you take our reject Fogarty? And Billie Smedts? LOL
Apparently you are interest in Fantas Pants Rohan, wonder if you'll call him a reject too? <3

and Lang

 

[the avoca drover]

No wonder he couldn't make it as a coach at Carlton! Coach Bolton was way too professional for those biscuit-eating losers.

Biscuit eating losers.
Good one Jazny
Chortle

 

[the avoca drover]

I’m voting this thread for TOTY.

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

I’m voting this thread for TOTY.

Over the Coaches Aura one ?? Hmm.

Your call I suppose, but hmm

 

[caveman72]

Did he say what type of biscuits they were?

 

[Chronz]

What would Bolts do if he ever had to coach Hawkins?

 

[the avoca drover]

Over the Coaches Aura one ?? Hmm.

Your call I suppose, but hmm

Definitely
Lol @ Carlolton

 

[janty]

Bolton doing his Clarko impression reminds me of all those New England Patriots coordinators who tried to be Belicheck when they got a head coaching gig.

 

[PhatBoy]

And yet Smith, Dangerfield and Stengle did more than those 16 players combined!

Will they rescind our flag for that?

Hey, if they do, will they rescind your last one for Sydney and Geelong developing your best player? Essendon developing your ruckman? Glenelg pumping 100-odd games into your captain and FF? St Kilda did a good job prepping Dean Rice for you. What about that CHF you got after 100 games at Melbourne? The Brisbane Bear you had on a half forward flank?
The Bomber you had on the bench?
Those 60 games the Bulldogs put into another one of your interchange players came in handy too. Hey, what ever happened to that Clappy guy you got from the Eagles? The Port Adelaide ring in? The half back flanker from South Australia?



8 of the 21 players in your last flag - for those old enough to remember it without the aid of time travel or some sort of past life regression - came from other AFL clubs, and another 3 had established careers in the SANFL. And that was in an era before free agency.

The Norm Smith Medal was won by an Ex-Cat/Swan, 5 goals were kicked by an ex Glenelg player and that afore mentioned ex Swan/Cat, another 4 by an ex-Bear. An ex-Bomber had 15 touches, 10 hit outs and a goal.

 

[AvantGardener]

Will they rescind our flag for that?

Hey, if they do, will they rescind your last one for Sydney and Geelong developing your best player? Essendon developing your ruckman? Glenelg pumping 100-odd games into your captain and FF? St Kilda did a good job prepping Dean Rice for you. What about that CHF you got after 100 games at Melbourne? The Brisbane Bear you had on a half forward flank?
The Bomber you had on the bench?
Those 60 games the Bulldogs put into another one of your interchange players came in handy too. Hey, what ever happened to that Clappy guy you got from the Eagles? The Port Adelaide ring in? The half back flanker from South Australia?



8 of the 21 players in your last flag - for those old enough to remember it without the aid of time travel or some sort of past life regression - came from other AFL clubs, and another 3 had established careers in the SANFL. And that was in an era before free agency.

The Norm Smith Medal was won by an Ex-Cat/Swan, 5 goals were kicked by an ex Glenelg player and that afore mentioned ex Swan/Cat, another 4 by an ex-Bear. An ex-Bomber had 15 touches, 10 hit outs and a goal.

Nice melt

Maybe one day you will get over it. Until then try some vaseline

 

[PhatBoy]

Nice melt

Maybe one day you will get over it. Until then try some vaseline

Translation: ‘someone presented facts to me that make my initial statement seem somewhat hypocritical as a Carlton fan.’

Sorry mate but I’ve had 30 seasons and 4 flags to ‘get over it.’ Meanwhile you’ve celebrated it with…. Well, what have you celebrated that homegrown 1995 title with, exactly, again, in the time since?

Oh yeah.

 

[AvantGardener]

Translation: ‘someone presented facts to me that make my initial statement seem somewhat hypocritical as a Carlton fan.’

Sorry mate but I’ve had 30 seasons and 4 flags to ‘get over it.’ Meanwhile you’ve celebrated it with…. Well, what have you celebrated that homegrown 1995 title with, exactly, again, in the time since?

Oh yeah.

16 or GTFO

It wasn't hypocritical. I never claimed any Carlton flag was some homegrown success. Your poster did claim it was a hoemgrown success without realizing the best 3 on the ground that day were Smith, Dangerfield and Stengle. I also never said there was anything wrong with it not being a purely homegrown success so no hypocrisy there either.

 

[Triggering Tiger]

Translation: ‘someone presented facts to me that make my initial statement seem somewhat hypocritical as a Carlton fan.’

Sorry mate but I’ve had 30 seasons and 4 flags to ‘get over it.’ Meanwhile you’ve celebrated it with…. Well, what have you celebrated that homegrown 1995 title with, exactly, again, in the time since?

Oh yeah.

30 years of shitness is starting to get to tanker fans, they're totally frustrated.

 

[AvantGardener]

30 years of shitness is starting to get to tanker fans, they're totally frustrated.

37

 

[Triggering Tiger]

37

You're on your way to that figure as well.

 

[Pistol Night]

Did he say what type of biscuits they were?

Disco

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

Soggy

 

[the avoca drover]

. Well, what have you celebrated that homegrown 1995 title with, exactly, again, in the time since?

 

[TheJanuaryMan]

Did he say what type of biscuits they were?

Judging by the reaction, Melting Moments.

 

[Blightys Barrel]

He didn’t Sao