Vintage Bay Diary of a Welching Flog - A True Story Containing a Real Life Grand Final Parade Welch

[Porked04]

Can I make a suggestion Sir Porked.

Can you please link up the wretched flog's diary entries in the OP.

A wonderful idea! It would be a lovely keepsake for Peace Out to revisit his Diary in years to come and look back at the entries as a timely reminder why one should not attention whore statements that they have no intention of fulfilling

Will try to link them up this afternoon

 

[Freofalcon]

Can I make a suggestion Sir Porked.

Can you please link up the wretched flog's diary entries in the OP.

I'm ordering the personally signed, leather bound first edition.

Collecters item.

 

[royals1922]

I'm ordering the personally signed, leather bound first edition.

Collecters item.

I'm going to get DV B to sign mine, after his days with Bubba end....

 

[Higgins2Waite]

8.27pm, Thursday 31st September, 2015

The Jane Austen Book Club decided to go to Higgins2Waite Bistro on Arden St for coffee before going home. The sighting of Black Flog, the nasty post on the Bay and the excitement of the stakeout had made for an eventful day for the Book Club. They walked past the nearby disco where Matthew Richardson was dancing the night away, past T Juice Bar, the TAB outlet where David Schwarz was giddy with delight having backed a winner and finally, across the road to the Bistro. Inside, owner Mystic Mac was congratulating waiter Brett on his performance; they were always like that to one another, giving each other compliments and telling the other that they are the best at what they do. Mystic Mac and Brett greeted the Book Club and they all sat down.

--

Although the biggest day in the AFL calendar was less than 48 hours away, the hype and chatter surrounding the Parade was impalpable. Even the uber flogs of the Bay had changed their focus from the potential Hawks three-peat to tomorrow's big day. However the Carlton flog was no where to be seen. He had officially checked out;

Keep up the insults, none of you peasants are worthy enough to drink my piss.
Officially retiring from this thread, and i have the last say bitches

Peace Out

Where could he be they wondered?........

--

Inside his Velcro wallet, he kept a picture of Sooz. It was a landscape; not portrait for she would not fit, that he carried with him everywhere. He looked at the photo and felt guilty. It made him sad knowing he was breaking his Soozi-bear's heart. As he made his way to Chinatown in search of a Japanese Bar to drown his sorrows, he was interrupted by a familiar voice across the road.

"Oi flog, is that you?" came the voice from behind the brushed fence.
Warily that they had tracked him down, he hissed back "who wants to know?"
"It's me muppet, Ben Bishop" came the reply.
Ben Bishop was his old childhood friend. He always used to stick up for him during fights in the schoolyard and was a shoulder to cry on when Sooz was in one of her moods after a Norf loss.
"Ben you old campaigner! What are you doing here?" he cried with joy. Ben was wearing a Western Bulldogs jumper and was obviously trying not to draw any attention.
"Shh, keep your voice down, I'm in a bit of trouble with the law. I was mucking around over in Richmond and now the coppers are after me". Ben replied.
A Police siren screamed in the background and they both ducked down.
"Listen" Ben said in a hushed whisper "you better get going in case they catch me. Oh and good luck tomorrow mate, don't worry about the Bay, they're a bunch of ga........" an amstaff puppy began growling at them before he could finish his sentence. They embraced and parted company.

He finally reached Chinatown and went to the closet Japanese Bar. He stepped inside and was shocked at who he saw. His face drained ghost white. It was Black Flog, sitting next to a Hawthorn supporter. "Welcome" Black Flog snickered in a sinister voice "we've been expecting you"......

--

The Croatian Tiger was doing his best not to get caught. He to heard the blazing siren from the Police siren. "Grr shut up D/H" he growled at the siren. Instinctively, he jumped in front of the Tow Truck marked Royals1922 Caryard parked outside Higgins2Waite Bistro. He would wait it out. He was a patient Croatian Tiger....



To be continued.......

 

[Porked04]

DaVillageIdiot's postings have dried up, he's finally worked out what's going on

This is like the great Hollywood Writer's Strike of 2007

 

[Porked04]

8.59pm, Thursday 31st September, 2015

TB: Hey Sooz, are you there...
SO: Yes and it's Mrs O to you until you are a Mod. If you are a Mod. Now what is it, I have an online pool game in 30 minutes
TB: Sorry Mrs O. I have to hurry, I am in the back of a Tow Truck.
SO: What on earth are you doing there?
TB: Shut up D/H and listen, I think I know were he is. I just heard this man with A Cut Above his eye speak on his phone. Something about a Japanese Bar in Chinatown.
SO: Japanese Bar? Chinatown? What on earth would he be doing there.
TB: I don't have much battery left. Stupid D/H Huewai phones. I'll call you from a pay phone when I am there.
SO: Good work TB. And as a reward, I would like to appoint you as a........

"D/H!!!!" he yelled as the power to his phone cut off, the battery dead flat. It had cut out before she had a chance to write her reply. He was about to get down from the Tow Truck when he heard voice. He quickly hid back on the tray behind the transportable crane......

--

The Jane Austen Book Club finally said goodnight and went their separate ways. They were exhausted from a long day; and still had to read a chapter of The Ross Lyin Code and 400 Game Detectives before tomorrow's early Book Club meeting. However little did they know, they wouldn't be getting much sleep.

--

The man with A Cut Above his eyes had acquaintances all over town. Through connections, he had tracked his target down to a Japanese Bar in Chinatown. He went over to his Motorbike and took off. With any luck, he would complete the assignment before midnight.

--

Without her Online Pool Assistant to prepare the computer, log in and bring her a Milo, she lost badly. She could hardly focus, she was spraying balls everywhere like Casboult on a breezy day. She went to the fridge to console herself, she made her favourite FantaSpam drink and put the 1996 Grand Final cassette into the machine. She sat on the couch and began to cry as Matthew Capuano won a ruck clearance. She still couldn't believe that he would welch on their engagement....

--

After his second sake, he finally loosened up.
"Ya know Black Flog" he slurred "you're alright for a welching campaigner".
They all burst out laughing. Black Flog raised a shot glass to toast; "To Tier 5" he announced. They all skulled their drink and laughed. He ordered another round of drinks. They arrived. He looked down at the drink, picked it up and raised it into the air: "To black Welching Badges" he declared. They skulled the drink and began laughing again.

He looked around the Bar, he noticed the pretty waitress he had seen at the diner earlier that morning. She was standing with her Carlton finace at the Bar waiting to order drinks; he pulled out his credit card to pay but instead gave the barman his HBF insurance card, laughing at his mistake. Next to them was a Port supporter with a stunningly attractive Asian lady. To the corner, the Norf and Collingwood couple he had seen earlier on the train, still passionately kissing and smiling at one another. He turned his attention to two men sharing a sashimi platter, one with the nametag Mystic Mac on his breast pocket and the other with Brett; both decked out in their Higgins2Waite Bistro uniforms. He sighed, he missed his Soozi-bear.....



To be continued.....

 

[Gray Day]

DaVillageIdiot's postings have dried up, he's finally worked out what's going on

This is like the great Hollywood Writer's Strike of 2007

That's a good sign he is going to welch

 

[royals1922]

That's a good sign he is going to welch

Definitely .

By the way, they still haven't found Trent. Porked, have you located him....

 

[Sainter3and7]

I'm still laughing about the 'landscape' setting for a picture of Sooz.

 

[Porked04]

9.11pm, Thursday 31st September, 2015

"Brilliant news about Dixon coming across" Jevy said, making conversation with Rick Davies as they drove the Tow Truck back to Royals1922 Caryard.
"F...ing beauty" replied Rick, or Jumbo as he was more affectionately known.

.....Their conversation dragged on as they cruised through the vacant streets on the balmy Thursday night. They got back to the Yard, locked the Tow Truck, hitched the gate closed, jumped into their cars and bid each other goodnight.

The Croatian Tiger slowly moved from the back of the Tow Truck. Without his Huewai Smartphone working, he couldn't use the GPS function to work out where he was. He was forced to draw upon his astronomy navigation skills. He had learned to traverse in pitch black by using the stars as a map through the cold and bitter months in Northern Croatia, where it wasn't uncommon to have 10 months of darkness on end. He looked up at the sky to get his bearings......

--

Officer's Starburns, Stronzo and BigJoey entered the Briefing Room. On the wall there was a map of Victoria covered with pins where there had been sightings of the Missing Person the force was tracking down; Trent. Officer Starburns swiped the paper and empty polystyrene coffee cups off the table with a sweeping motion to clear the working space.
"Right" he announced. "First priority, recapture the Croatian Tiger. For too long that pixel flog has been flogging everything up. Time to put him away for good this time".
The two Officer's nodded silently at their superior.
"Second" Officer Starburns continued "we need to prepare for this welch. Both of you have your Black Badges firmly polished and ready to present and the soonest inkling of a welch tomorrow." Again the two Officer's nodded in agreement.
"Right, that will be all. Go home, make love to your wives, have a good night sleep and be here at 0500 hours tomorrow morning" Officer Starburns said, ever the motivational speaker which is why he was universally admired on the Force. The Officers left the Station

--

In the background, Church 3and7 with the black, red and white Saint on the cathedral roof chimed loudly announcing it was 9pm. Perfect, the man with A Cut Above his eye thought. Right on schedule. He kicked back the stand and parked his bike. The Japanese Bar was in his sights. He snickered, fastening the Hawthorn scarf around his neck.

--

"And then I said, I'm not changing my signature OR my avatar" Black Flog said laughing uncontrollably slapping the table as they all joined in the laughter.
He looked at Black Flog, wearing the imitation Stanford University t-shirt and revelling in his notoriety. With new found confidence in his status and courage from the alcohol he confided;
"You know, when I said that I would bare my bum down Bourke St during the Grand Final Parade, I only wanted to rustle a few jimmies. Stir up those Lol Norf flogs on the Bay. I'm glad I made that statement. Hell gimme the Badge, slap me with the AWOTY title, see if I give a f***." he said as the others urged him on.

He opened his wallet to buy another round of drinks; something he wasn't accustomed to doing. As he tore open the Velcro strap, the landscape picture of Sooz spilled out fluttering to the ground. He drunkenly bent over to pick up the picture, however there was a brown leather boot standing on the corner. He looked up at the person who was standing on the picture and was greeted by a frightening sight. Standing on the picture and smiling down at him was a man with A Cut Above his eye.....



To be continued......

 

[Jean Claude Vas Deferens]

I'm still laughing about the 'landscape' setting for a picture of Sooz.

Me too. That and Soozi-bear's favourite drink - FantaSpam.

 

[AceAndy]

DaVillageIdiot's postings have dried up, he's finally worked out what's going on

This is like the great Hollywood Writer's Strike of 2007

Given DVB has posted he is out of this thread no doubt he will be back such is his propensity to welch.

Less than two days to go so he is probably having a welcher-induced panic attack.

Keep up the great work Porked04 Best thread on the bay imo.

 

[boondy]

Hopefully The Movie then the tv series will do this book justice

I Heard Tom Cruise wants to play DVB

 

[Porked04]

Given DVB has posted he is out of this thread no doubt he will be back such is his propensity to welch.

Less than two days to go so he is probably having a welcher-induced panic attack.

Keep up the great work Porked04 Best thread on the bay imo.

Thanks friend Andy

Feel free to recommend it to all your Taxi passengers

 

[A Cut Above]

Oh yeah, getting ready to bag me some Welcher.

 

[JustaBattler]

A few black suited white shirted Carlton flogs are sitting in a dark corner booth enjoying the show - cleaning out welching flogs on the Bay is almost as much fun watching as seeing the arse end of Malthou$e being kicked out the door along with his phony cronies.... the big fella picks up ten slices of prosciutto and gobbles the lot chasing it down with a shot glass of liquid fire...hey 'Re good get this home made grappa ...

it has been a long time in the planning and some tricky execution issues to get over , but the Carlton Crew are enjoying the fruits of their patient dirty work...let the Bay flogs take the blame for deflogging the Moran sillies, handing out Black flog welching badges and pouring a Hudson Dam worth of shit on the Village Idiot ...let Trigg cop Malthou$e'$ abuse...let SOS fix the list and F*** the BBQ's we are sick of BBQ's

"Clean hands" is the Carlton Crew's motto - and a big baseball bat- wooden spoons ...lulz whatever it takes...

This is just the beginning The Crew have big plans, big plans..- a clink of glasses sees the end of another bottle of home made Grappa....F'ken skips and their F'ken beers...

 

[Matt Stevic]

A few black suited white shirted Carlton flogs are sitting in a dark corner booth enjoying the show - cleaning out welching flogs on the Bay is almost as much fun watching as seeing the arse end of Malthou$e being kicked out the door along with his phony cronies.... the big fella picks up ten slices of prosciutto and gobbles the lot chasing it down with a shot glass of liquid fire...hey 'Re good get this home made grappa ...

it has been a long time in the planning and some tricky execution issues to get over , but the Carlton Crew are enjoying the fruits of their patient dirty work...let the Bay flogs take the blame for deflogging the Moran sillies, handing out Black flog welching badges and pouring a Hudson Dam worth of shit on the Village Idiot ...let Trigg cop Malthou$e'$ abuse...let SOS fix the list and F*** the BBQ's we are sick of BBQ's

"Clean hands" is the Carlton Crew's motto - and a big baseball bat- wooden spoons ...lulz whatever it takes...

This is just the beginning The Crew have big plans, big plans..- a clink of glasses sees the end of another bottle of home made Grappa....F'ken skips and their F'ken beers...

Great post.

I'd actually like to see Carltank do well...legitimately. Hopefully Bolts is the first step.

 

[Plugger35]

Hopefully The Movie then the tv series will do this book justice

I Heard Tom Cruise wants to play DVB

He must be hard up for movie roles if he wants to play a welcher.

 

[boondy]

He must be hard up for movie roles if he wants to play a welcher.

but its the toughest role and an academy award is on his bucket list plus he believes he has a nice arse for the many nude scenes with sooz

 

[royals1922]

The welcher has to be played by William H Macy. He might even evoke some sympathy for the welcher. Sooz would be Rebel or Magda...

 

[Matt Stevic]

He must be hard up for movie roles if he wants to play a welcher.

If the Scientoloflog doesn't want to play DVB, how about this bloke?

https://www.linkedin.com/pub/carlton-welch/5b/71b/4b1

 

[Matt Stevic]

The welcher has to be played by William H Macy. He might even evoke some sympathy for the welcher. Sooz would be Rebel or Magda...

Fugg off Rebel is awesome. Can't disgrace her like that. She has a great sense of humour, something Bushpig is not exactly known for

 

[A Cut Above]

The welcher has to be played by William H Macy. He might even evoke some sympathy for the welcher. Sooz would be Rebel or Magda...

I'd rather see DaVillaBlues played by this kid. Spitting image apparently.

 

[boondy]

Quill award from the Bay . Porked is up for Academy award as a writer when the Movie smashes the Box Office
Tom Cruise wants the Lead role but it ultimately would be up to Porked

 

[Porked04]

9.35pm, Thursday 31st September, 2015

The snickering face of the man dressed with a Carlton scarf and A Cut Above his eye told him that this was no ally. He slowly got to his feet, swaying in an alcoholic stupor. Instantly, the man with A Cut Above his eye thrust out a powerful arm and clutched his neck, chocking him of oxygen. His bicep bulged with veins bursting out.
"I've been looking for you" the man with A Cut Above his eye growled as he lifted him off the ground.

The Brisbane man had problems with addiction; he had lost countless thousands betting on the Brownlow medal over the years and was a known alcoholic. His orange hair matched his bright red face; the physical effects of the alcohol evident. His large fat fingers gripped the glass of Merlot as he swayed back to his booth. Not realising the two men were grappling behind him, he turned and in so doing, a stray elbow landed directly in the man with A Cut Above his eyes' chin. The elbow had enough force to knock the man to the ground. In an instant, he fled outside....

--

The Croatian Tiger slowly stood up from the Tow Truck, and surveyed his surroundings. Wrecked Subaru's and engine chassis were littered across the yard. The yard was enclosed by a barbed wire fence; escape might prove more difficult he thought. He climbed the transportable crane on the Tow Truck and on to the roof to get a better vantage point. With cat-like reflex's calling on all his Level 2 Security training, he hoisted himself over the gutter on to the steel-sheeted top of the warehouse. The city lights were glaring at him, taunting him. He smiled; "Modship shall be mine" he said

--

He ran erratically across the road, cars beeping at him as he hid in the Saloon on the opposite side of the room. The man with A Cut Above his eyes walked from the Japanese Bar, clutching his chin. He looked around; he spotted his target in the bar window opposite from where he was standing. "Too easy" he snickered as he took a step forwards. He looked up at the bar and immediately froze; 'Same Sex Saloon'. There was absolutely no way he was going inside. He locked eyes with the man inside the Saloon, taunting him to come out......

--

Sooz was into the second quarter on the 1996 Grand Final when she feel asleep, thunderously snoring on the couch. She didn't notice the phone ring nor the 1800reverse message from the 'Same Sex Saloon' in Chinatown.

--

The Collingwood girl had misplaced her watch; her Norf boyfriend had took it off in agony at Bistro. They returned only to find that Higgins2Waite had closed. She treasured that watch; a gift from a beloved friend that was a real life replica 1:100 scale of Big Ben on the Thames. They called the Bistro number in the hope that their call would be forwarded to the owner. Mystic Mac answered the call and apologised that the Bistro was shut and he was down at Chinatown but if they could pick him up, he would happily re-open the Bistro. He was such a good bloke.

--

He was getting stares from a group of men from across the room; one in particular from a man named Jack with the word 'attack' scrawled across his skin tight shirt. He didn't want to stay at the Saloon but what else could he do?



To be continued......