Dwayne ' shit commentator ' Russell - PART 2 in 3d

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Hey guys, did you know that it was Scott Watters' first win as an AFL coach?

Me neither.
 
Was more disgraceful than ever in the Adelaide/Bulldogs game.
Clearly biased towards the Dogs, it was all about them.
Pathetic idiot.

Plus more bullshit in the Saints/Suns game that others have mentioned.
 

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Valentino Dmitri said:
They ought to make chaos ball a reality in the nab cup next year. I'm thinking that if neither team scores in a five minute period, the lights go off and Craig Willis bellows "The Chaos Ball!" over the PA. The Chaos Ball, similar in size and shape to a basketball and encrusted with pulsating red LEDs, is launched from a cannon into the centre square. If either team can score a goal with the Chaos Ball they receive a x2 multiplier to any of their scores for the remainder if the quarter. If it is a super goal, then it is x3 and a randomly selected retired club champion can enter the field of play as a nineteenth man.
Click to expand...

Hahahaha, I'd vote for this :D:thumbsu:
 
Watching a replay of yesterdays game, so far I've noticed these things:

"Ablett first in to touch the leather"

Actually it was Jack Steven, Ablett attempting to tackle

"Steven gets the takeaway... of sorts"

Actually, Dwayne, Steven broke the tackle and hurriedly kicked the ball to centre half forward, setting up the first goal of the match. Sure the ball bounced, but it was still it was a quite regular centre clearance

"Jack Steven having a good afternoon at the office"

Dwayne said this literally with 18:23 left in the first quarter. That is to say, after 97 seconds of game time had elapsed. WTF is he thinking honestly?

Sadly, I think there will be more to come as I continue watching.
 
Confuscius said:
Watching a replay of yesterdays game, so far I've noticed these things:

"Ablett first in to touch the leather"

Actually it was Jack Steven, Ablett attempting to tackle

"Steven gets the takeaway... of sorts"

Actually, Dwayne, Steven broke the tackle and hurriedly kicked the ball to centre half forward, setting up the first goal of the match. Sure the ball bounced, but it was still it was a quite regular centre clearance

"Jack Steven having a good afternoon at the office"

Dwayne said this literally with 18:23 left in the first quarter. That is to say, after 97 seconds of game time had elapsed. WTF is he thinking honestly?

Sadly, I think there will be more to come as I continue watching.
Click to expand...
LOL that's exactly like when he said (WCE vs WB) that the game had gone up a notch or something similar...90 seconds into the game. :rolleyes:
 
Anyone else saddened by the fact that Dwayne can be heard in the AFL's big AC/DC ad?
 
I'm missing the Fox Footy days of old when you could press the red button to turn off commentary to just hear the 'around sounds' of the game.
 
Jobe3votes said:
Can anyone else here do better ?
Click to expand...

A trained ape could do better

A_Thousand_Monkeys.png
 
Re: dwayne ****head russel

The highly anticipated clash between GWS and West Coast got underway.

GWS were first to score, with Stephen Coniglio and Jeremy Cameron kicking behinds.
The score was now WCE 0-2 GWS, three minutes into the first quarter.
“The days of domination are over for the Eagles!” declared Tim Lane.
“The West Coast are having a HORRENDOUS day at the office!” shouted Dwayne Russell.

But a minute later, Shannon Hurn sent a 70m bomb deep inside the Eagles’ forward 50 towards Dean Cox.
“Hurn has it in his hands, now he pumps it long and hard, with big Cox on his mind,” said Bruce McAvaney.
Cox took a strong mark.
“Mark taken at the top of the goalsquare by Dean Dicks,” commented Sandy Roberts. “Oh, my hat! I meant to say Dean Cox. I’m truly sorry.”
Cox duly converted from point blank range.
“OHHH BABY! That is AS GOOD AS IT GETS!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “SPECTACULARLY GOOD!”

At the end of the first quarter, the score was WCE 76-4 GWS. Bruce McAvaney asked what the Giants need to do in the second quarter.
“The BWS boys need to, uh, lift their work rate,” said Glen Jakovich. “They've, uh, really got their hands cut out for them.”
Robert Walls added, “I think they should put Israel Folau into the ruck. You know, just to get him into the game.”
Tom Harley offered a different opinion. “The Giants’ leadership group needs to proffer some quantifiable positive reinforcement, and be accountable for synergetic 360-degree communication on and off the playing field,” he remarked.
Brett Kirk elaborated, “I just want to give you a bit of insight into the Giants team. They’re a bunch of unique individuals: Ward, Scully, Davis. They need to engage with their minds and their hearts, and to do that, they need to have courage. They’re not always gonna get it right, and sometimes they’re gonna get thrashed. But that’s okay, because they don’t care. They’re passionate about their salaries. So if you wanna come along for the ride, join them on a brand new journey. Because they just love the money… I mean, the footy.”

Early in the second quarter, Callan Ward ran inside 50 and kicked a goal, taking the score to WCE 76-10 GWS.
“Ward uses some toe… almost on the paint now, will he go for nine? No, he runs inside 50 and kicks… that’s the MONEY SHOT! GIANTS HAVE LIFE!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “That could be the FIRE-STARTER!”
“That was unbelievable,” said Luke Darcy. “I just love the way he goes about it.”
“No doubt,” mumbled Tony Shaw. “Ya know he’s gunna be a ten-year player.”
“Gee, you just get the feeling that if the Giants could kick the next 11 goals, they’d be right back in this,” commented Bruce McAvaney.
“The Eagles have got to, uh, put a man on Ward,” said Glen Jakovich. “They can’t afford to leave him unaided.”

Adam Kennedy received a handball and took off out of defence, before kicking 50m to Israel Folau.
“Kennedy gets and goes,” said Dwayne Russell. “Shorts it to the pass target in Folau.”
Folau took an uncontested mark on the wing, with no opponent nearby.
“Ohhh, he’s gunna be something, isn’t he?” slobbered Bruce McAvaney. “Izzy is gunna be something!”
Folau handballed to Dylan Shiel, who then sent a floater inside 50, where a pack formed.
“Shiel gets plenty of shoe on it… it’s a CHAOS BALL!” screamed Dwayne Russell.
Jeremy Cameron took a contested mark and kicked truly, taking the score to WCE 76-16 GWS.
“Cameron from four deep! ACT YOUR AGE!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “That’s CRAZY GOOD!”
“That’s five in a row now for the GWH,” mumbled Glen Jakovich. “The apple doesn’t fall far if the grapes are sour.”
“They're roaring now, the Giants! ROARRR!” yelled Bruce McAvaney. “Thoughts Hamo?”
“Oh sorry, I missed that,” said Hamish McLachlan. “I was just watching Chad Cornes’ sister in the stands. I think she’s going out with Chad Cornes.”

Later, Quinten Lynch gave away his third undisciplined free kick for the game.
“It’s against Quinten Lynch, and he is just so stupid in the way that he can play this game at times!” ranted Robert Walls. “It is ridiculous! How many times does he lose his cool and hurt his team!”
“He’s been giving away a lot of frees lately, hasn’t he?” remarked Bruce McAvaney. “It’s quite noticeable, isn’t it? He’s just got to be more cleeverrrr…”
Glen Jakovich didn’t hold out much hope, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can't change its stripes.”

At three quarter time, Dwayne Russell lamented that nobody had yet kicked a nine-pointer during the match.
Bruce McAvaney reminded viewers of Fango for the 275th time during the match.
“If you have something you want to say, just go to Fango,” he said. “We have a message from someone called D Frawley… it says ‘loving Dwayno’s call, best in the business’.”

Late in the fourth quarter, the score was WCE 181-53 GWS.
“They’re almost home now, the West Coast,” said Dwayne Russell.
With two seconds remaining, Jack Darling took an uncontested mark 30m out, straight in front.
“ASTONISHING mark by Jack Darling! The West Coast will be glad they tanked to get him,” said Dwayne Russell.
Darling kicked the straight-forward goal after the siren.
“Darling delivers the KILL SHOT! On the BUZZER!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “That’s one of the GOALS OF THE YEAR!”

After the match, the commentators were making their way out of the stadium when they saw Andy Maher standing outside, looking forlorn.
“Oi wanted to be the boundary roider, but you blokes didn't invoit moi,” he complained.
Anthony Hudson couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be a smartarse. “How did that make you feel, Mahery?” he asked. “Describe your feelings. How do you feel?”
 

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That was centimetre perfect.

A bit disappointed I didn't see any Cometti-isms bobbling around those sentences like a cork in the ocean.
 
Re: dwayne ****head russel

Those said:
The highly anticipated clash between GWS and West Coast got underway.

GWS were first to score, with Stephen Coniglio and Jeremy Cameron kicking behinds.
The score was now WCE 0-2 GWS, three minutes into the first quarter.
“The days of domination are over for the Eagles!” declared Tim Lane.
“The West Coast are having a HORRENDOUS day at the office!” shouted Dwayne Russell.

But a minute later, Shannon Hurn sent a 70m bomb deep inside the Eagles’ forward 50 towards Dean Cox.
“Hurn has it in his hands, now he pumps it long and hard, with big Cox on his mind,” said Bruce McAvaney.
Cox took a strong mark.
“Mark taken at the top of the goalsquare by Dean Dicks,” commented Sandy Roberts. “Oh, my hat! I meant to say Dean Cox. I’m truly sorry.”
Cox duly converted from point blank range.
“OHHH BABY! That is AS GOOD AS IT GETS!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “SPECTACULARLY GOOD!”

At the end of the first quarter, the score was WCE 76-4 GWS. Bruce McAvaney asked what the Giants need to do in the second quarter.
“The BWS boys need to, uh, lift their work rate,” said Glen Jakovich. “They've, uh, really got their hands cut out for them.”
Robert Walls added, “I think they should put Israel Folau into the ruck. You know, just to get him into the game.”
Tom Harley offered a different opinion. “The Giants’ leadership group needs to proffer some quantifiable positive reinforcement, and be accountable for synergetic 360-degree communication on and off the playing field,” he remarked.
Brett Kirk elaborated, “I just want to give you a bit of insight into the Giants team. They’re a bunch of unique individuals: Ward, Scully, Davis. They need to engage with their minds and their hearts, and to do that, they need to have courage. They’re not always gonna get it right, and sometimes they’re gonna get thrashed. But that’s okay, because they don’t care. They’re passionate about their salaries. So if you wanna come along for the ride, join them on a brand new journey. Because they just love the money… I mean, the footy.”

Early in the second quarter, Callan Ward ran inside 50 and kicked a goal, taking the score to WCE 76-10 GWS.
“Ward uses some toe… almost on the paint now, will he go for nine? No, he runs inside 50 and kicks… that’s the MONEY SHOT! GIANTS HAVE LIFE!” screamed Dwayne Russell. “That could be the FIRE-STARTER!”
“That was unbelievable,” said Luke Darcy. “I just love the way he goes about it.”
“No doubt,” mumbled Tony Shaw. “Ya know he’s gunna be a ten-year player.”
“Gee, you just get the feeling that if the Giants could kick the next 11 goals, they’d be right back in this,” commented Bruce McAvaney.
“The Eagles have got to, uh, put a man on Ward,” said Glen Jakovich. “They can’t afford to leave him unaided.”

Adam Kennedy received a handball and took off out of defence, before kicking 50m to Israel Folau.
“Kennedy gets and goes,” said Dwayne Russell. “Shorts it to the pass target in Folau.”
Folau took an uncontested mark on the wing, with no opponent nearby.
“Ohhh, he’s gunna be something, isn’t he?” slobbered Bruce McAvaney. “Izzy is gunna be something!”
Folau handballed to Dylan Shiel, who then sent a floater inside 50, where a pack formed.
“Shiel gets plenty of shoe on it… it’s a CHAOS BALL!” screamed Dwayne Russell.
Jeremy Cameron took a contested mark and kicked truly, taking the score to WCE 76-16 GWS.
“Cameron from four deep! ACT YOUR AGE!” shouted Dwayne Russell. “That’s CRAZY GOOD!”
“That’s five in a row now for the GWH,” mumbled Glen Jakovich. “The apple doesn’t fall far if the grapes are sour.”
“They're roaring now, the Giants! ROARRR!” yelled Bruce McAvaney. “Thoughts Hamo?”
“Oh sorry, I missed that,” said Hamish McLachlan. “I was just watching Chad Cornes’ sister in the stands. I think she’s going out with Chad Cornes.”

Later, Quinten Lynch gave away his third undisciplined free kick for the game.
“It’s against Quinten Lynch, and he is just so stupid in the way that he can play this game at times!” ranted Robert Walls. “It is ridiculous! How many times does he lose his cool and hurt his team!”
“He’s been giving away a lot of frees lately, hasn’t he?” remarked Bruce McAvaney. “It’s quite noticeable, isn’t it? He’s just got to be more cleeverrrr…”
Glen Jakovich didn’t hold out much hope, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can't change its stripes.”

At three quarter time, Dwayne Russell lamented that nobody had yet kicked a nine-pointer during the match.
Bruce McAvaney reminded viewers of Fango for the 275th time during the match.
“If you have something you want to say, just go to Fango,” he said. “We have a message from someone called D Frawley… it says ‘loving Dwayno’s call, best in the business’.”

Late in the fourth quarter, the score was WCE 181-53 GWS.
“They’re almost home now, the West Coast,” said Dwayne Russell.
With two seconds remaining, Jack Darling took an uncontested mark 30m out, straight in front.
“ASTONISHING mark by Jack Darling! The West Coast will be glad they tanked to get him,” said Dwayne Russell.
Darling kicked the straight-forward goal after the siren.
“Darling delivers the KILL SHOT! On the BUZZER!” yelled Dwayne Russell. “That’s one of the GOALS OF THE YEAR!”

After the match, the commentators were making their way out of the stadium when they saw Andy Maher standing outside, looking forlorn.
“Oi wanted to be the boundary roider, but you blokes didn't invoit moi,” he complained.
Anthony Hudson couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be a smartarse. “How did that make you feel, Mahery?” he asked. “Describe your feelings. How do you feel?”
Click to expand...

this is the best application of the english language to footy/commentary I have ever seen. Why is this poster not a professional sports writer? On what basis do people like Mark Robinson find work?

I think there's a case building for a Crikey-esque digital footy newsletter. Even if it's just as a launchpad for talent like this. The current commentary/media around AFL is really letting down the growth and sophistication of the sport.
 
Re: dwayne ****head russel

Sandy Roberts is always the best part of posts like that.

Dean Dicks. Too good.
 
Re: dwayne ****head russel

Has anyone watched the whole Sydney game today? Dwayne in action.
 
Brian Taylor putting his hand up for worst commentator tonight.

Davey takes 3 bounces and chips to an unmanned Crameri in the goalsquare, BT exclaims 'Davey 3 bounces, kicks and misses'
 

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Dwayne ' shit commentator ' Russell - PART 2 in 3d

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