Mod. Notice Mental Health Thread

[Bonz]

This post randomly came up on my Instagram feed one day. It's been quite a comfort to return to on my low days, because it felt eerily autobiographical, but actually gave me a lot of solace knowing my individual experience was actually a shared experience by many.

It's funny how they seem like such common sense symptoms of depression when you're more removed from them, but when you're deep in it it feels like you're the only person in the world doing these things just to cope.

This is a little too truthful (and really really too the point).

I got formally diagnosed with major depression this week (for life of me swore it was going to be Bi-Polar).

It's been an interesting little bit, trying to work through it, nearly attempted suicide once, but pulled out at the last second, then made plans the other day but decided to book some things in the future to look forward to.

I have spent most of my life competing in sports, and the last few years training for Oceanics, a World Cup and then a Grand Prix in the sport of fencing (with majority of my sponsorship coming from Bigfooty, especially the Swans board and the SFA).

My results at Oceanics were unbelievable, I finished 5th in Oceanics and got a medal in teams representing Australia.

My results at Worlds, The Grand Prix and Nationals this year, not great... I did my best honestly (I was training 16 hours a week fencing then a further 8 hours of strength and conditioning with 4 hours dedicated to ice/heat baths, massage, sauna and recovery). But sadly I was just a bit too short and not quite talented enough to excel at that level.

But I copped a tonne of abuse online afterwards, via Facebook, Instagram (and even on Bigfooty). I also had my body break down so was competing under injury (PCL and LCL tears, golfers elbow, stability issues in right ankle, strained left Achilles).

I retired after Nats, chased boxing for a bit (but had issues hitting other people) (no issues getting hit). This is apparently different to most boxers and honestly I felt pathetic for it. After failing in a spar, I found myself crying and sitting on the edge of a bridge messaging lifeline.

Have been getting some work done (mentally mostly) and identified a few things.

• Like a large amount of athletes I have dopamine addiction, caused by large amounts of training..stopping this caused my brain to rebel and activate my depressive cycles.
• For years I have struggled with dark thoughts then had amazing highs (usually after competing or training), I would then overtrain myself, I thought this was mania but was instead something else and was forcing my body to develop dopamine issues.
• I would do high risk activities, mostly because I would chase that dopamine high.

Actually has been pretty hard to type this out (but Bigfooty has been a pretty big part of my life now, I also struggle putting this stuff into words with my friends).

It's been tough, but last little bit has been a bit better, trying to give myself more forward goals, things that are long term but achievable.

• Hamilton island (and a non fencing related holiday) this December.
• Japan next May
• Next October going to compete in Masters games, I have picked up my blade again, but also going to do Pickleball and maybe a sprint in athletics. (It's not world cup, but will be fun).
• If I am fencing well enough, Oceanics in New Zealand next year.

It will be a challenge, and honestly living very day to day currently (I was crying driving my car Tuesday and couldn't figure out why). But think I can push through it.

 

[Bonz]

I've had to put up with my son and drugs, thugs and Police from about the time of the 12 GF . Does my head in , sometimes you feel like doing something stupid , in fact quite often .
My clubs footy and cricket keep me sane with volunteer work , but then have to go home and i don't want to . Then there is the constant knee and back pain . It makes you grumpy and angry , but then i love my friends .
I HATE DRUGS

Hey mate, I am reading this and I hear you.

Know that it's a bit of a shit place currently, but know you are appreciated both here and in person (at least you know I appreciate you )

If you ever even just want to catch up for a drink let me know!

 

[bedford]

Hey mate, I am reading this and I hear you.

Know that it's a bit of a shit place currently, but know you are appreciated both here and in person (at least you know I appreciate you )

If you ever even just want to catch up for a drink let me know!

Always love catching up . Not getting much better atm , he's seriously depressed to the worrying stage and that flows on

 

[bedford]

Maybe a summer BF catch up

 

[caesar88]

This is a little too truthful (and really really too the point).

I got formally diagnosed with major depression this week (for life of me swore it was going to be Bi-Polar).

It's been an interesting little bit, trying to work through it, nearly attempted suicide once, but pulled out at the last second, then made plans the other day but decided to book some things in the future to look forward to.

I have spent most of my life competing in sports, and the last few years training for Oceanics, a World Cup and then a Grand Prix in the sport of fencing (with majority of my sponsorship coming from Bigfooty, especially the Swans board and the SFA).

My results at Oceanics were unbelievable, I finished 5th in Oceanics and got a medal in teams representing Australia.

My results at Worlds, The Grand Prix and Nationals this year, not great... I did my best honestly (I was training 16 hours a week fencing then a further 8 hours of strength and conditioning with 4 hours dedicated to ice/heat baths, massage, sauna and recovery). But sadly I was just a bit too short and not quite talented enough to excel at that level.

But I copped a tonne of abuse online afterwards, via Facebook, Instagram (and even on Bigfooty). I also had my body break down so was competing under injury (PCL and LCL tears, golfers elbow, stability issues in right ankle, strained left Achilles).

I retired after Nats, chased boxing for a bit (but had issues hitting other people) (no issues getting hit). This is apparently different to most boxers and honestly I felt pathetic for it. After failing in a spar, I found myself crying and sitting on the edge of a bridge messaging lifeline.

Have been getting some work done (mentally mostly) and identified a few things.

• Like a large amount of athletes I have dopamine addiction, caused by large amounts of training..stopping this caused my brain to rebel and activate my depressive cycles.
• For years I have struggled with dark thoughts then had amazing highs (usually after competing or training), I would then overtrain myself, I thought this was mania but was instead something else and was forcing my body to develop dopamine issues.
• I would do high risk activities, mostly because I would chase that dopamine high.

Actually has been pretty hard to type this out (but Bigfooty has been a pretty big part of my life now, I also struggle putting this stuff into words with my friends).

It's been tough, but last little bit has been a bit better, trying to give myself more forward goals, things that are long term but achievable.

• Hamilton island (and a non fencing related holiday) this December.
• Japan next May
• Next October going to compete in Masters games, I have picked up my blade again, but also going to do Pickleball and maybe a sprint in athletics. (It's not world cup, but will be fun).
• If I am fencing well enough, Oceanics in New Zealand next year.

It will be a challenge, and honestly living very day to day currently (I was crying driving my car Tuesday and couldn't figure out why). But think I can push through it.

(I just realised I had typed this comment out in reply to this comment last week, and for some reason I just... didn't press send? My bad Bonz!)

These sound like positive steps for you mate. I think it can only be a good thing if you're aware of some of the causes of your issues as I think they can be stepping stones for you to work through them. And I definitely think something like a holiday that has nothing to do with fencing or competitive sporting will give you a chance to just try living without chasing that dopamine hit.

Re your comment about struggling to tell your friends what's going on with you, I thought I would share my experience in telling my mates as it turned out to be a very positive experience for me, that maybe could make it a little easier for you too (or anyone reading this!)

I'd built up the moment I told my mates about my issues to be this monumental occasion that would change every dynamic and relationship in my life, all my friends would tip-toe around me, my loved ones would just be constantly stressed, etc. In other words, I'd be a burden on the people in my life.

But it ended up being a completely unexpected and random moment at a casual group gathering where I said something along the lines of: "Not great, in a bit of a rut in life." It was spontaneous and a little awkward at first because my mate couldn't quite tell if I was taking the piss or something, but it eventually led to a really good chat about my mental health, how I'd been depressed for months, etc.

A simple two-sentence answer to the standard "How ya been?" while re-stocking the fridge with drinks at a BBQ got the ball rolling on my mates learning about what I was going through. It really opened up a whole new level of communicating, where the "I'm not gonna be able to make it, I'm just not in the mood to be around people" texts became so much less terrifying to send. The "I'm seeing a counsellor this week, kinda nervous" chat over beers at the pub became so much easier and more casual to have.

Talking about something very personal and very heavy as your mental health can be so much less daunting if you approach it like it's just another part of your life that you update your friends on - like your job, your family, your house, your car, your pet dog, whatever else you maintain and manage throughout your life. It doesn't have to be this big scary nemesis.

Just like no two people are the same, no two social circles are the same, so I don't want to assume that just because I confided in my mates that it's as easy for you to do the same. But if you feel you have people around you who will support you, please use them. It could make such a massive difference.

 

[Madas]

(I just realised I had typed this comment out in reply to this comment last week, and for some reason I just... didn't press send? My bad Bonz!)

These sound like positive steps for you mate. I think it can only be a good thing if you're aware of some of the causes of your issues as I think they can be stepping stones for you to work through them. And I definitely think something like a holiday that has nothing to do with fencing or competitive sporting will give you a chance to just try living without chasing that dopamine hit.

Re your comment about struggling to tell your friends what's going on with you, I thought I would share my experience in telling my mates as it turned out to be a very positive experience for me, that maybe could make it a little easier for you too (or anyone reading this!)

I'd built up the moment I told my mates about my issues to be this monumental occasion that would change every dynamic and relationship in my life, all my friends would tip-toe around me, my loved ones would just be constantly stressed, etc. In other words, I'd be a burden on the people in my life.

But it ended up being a completely unexpected and random moment at a casual group gathering where I said something along the lines of: "Not great, in a bit of a rut in life." It was spontaneous and a little awkward at first because my mate couldn't quite tell if I was taking the piss or something, but it eventually led to a really good chat about my mental health, how I'd been depressed for months, etc.

A simple two-sentence answer to the standard "How ya been?" while re-stocking the fridge with drinks at a BBQ got the ball rolling on my mates learning about what I was going through. It really opened up a whole new level of communicating, where the "I'm not gonna be able to make it, I'm just not in the mood to be around people" texts became so much less terrifying to send. The "I'm seeing a counsellor this week, kinda nervous" chat over beers at the pub became so much easier and more casual to have.

Talking about something very personal and very heavy as your mental health can be so much less daunting if you approach it like it's just another part of your life that you update your friends on - like your job, your family, your house, your car, your pet dog, whatever else you maintain and manage throughout your life. It doesn't have to be this big scary nemesis.

Just like no two people are the same, no two social circles are the same, so I don't want to assume that just because I confided in my mates that it's as easy for you to do the same. But if you feel you have people around you who will support you, please use them. It could make such a massive difference.

Well said
I’m pretty open these days with my responses to” how are you going ?”

If I’m shit I’ll say it and then elaborate ( to a point ) just to share

I think it helps

Hate trivial talk as a rule but if someone is considerate enough to ask I will assume they genuinely care and will listen

 

[Bonz]

More small steps.

Found that the anti-depressants were having a negative effect (were also affecting a few other things so stopped them Wednesday with approval from my GP, trying a few alternatives and counselling currently)

Did my first mini comp back with Fencing last Saturday (Was really happy with my mental health space in the comp and around it until the final where I completely tensed up and didn't enjoy myself (I won but that wasn't the point of me competing)).

Had a bad day on Tuesday/Wednesday so actually took a mental health day from work.

Tried to spend most of the day yesterday not doing things that were active or on reddit/ online forums (Crocheting (teaching myself, don't judge me) and then played video games for the first time in a while whilst playing with the cat)).

Feeling a bit better, planning on my first tattoo and trying to figure out how to make my home office a bit more cozy. Still struggling a bit and taking some feedback too personally but will get there with time.

One bright side, I haven't drunk since Grand Final day, so thats something.

 

[bedford]

More small steps.

Found that the anti-depressants were having a negative effect (were also affecting a few other things so stopped them Wednesday with approval from my GP, trying a few alternatives and counselling currently)

Did my first mini comp back with Fencing last Saturday (Was really happy with my mental health space in the comp and around it until the final where I completely tensed up and didn't enjoy myself (I won but that wasn't the point of me competing)).

Had a bad day on Tuesday/Wednesday so actually took a mental health day from work.

Tried to spend most of the day yesterday not doing things that were active or on reddit/ online forums (Crocheting (teaching myself, don't judge me) and then played video games for the first time in a while whilst playing with the cat)).

Feeling a bit better, planning on my first tattoo and trying to figure out how to make my home office a bit more cozy. Still struggling a bit and taking some feedback too personally but will get there with time.

One bright side, I haven't drunk since Grand Final day, so thats something.

No tats , if i was ever going to get one it would've been 05

 

[Bonz]

No tats , if i was ever going to get one it would've been 05

Will be for my fencing, not for the Swans (more a personal reflection of mine)

 

[caesar88]

I'm hoping people who have done counselling or therapy of some sort may be able to relate to this...

My toxic trait in counselling sessions is starting every answer or sentence with, "This is gonna sound really weird..." or "You're gonna think I'm crazy, but..."

Like I'm telling them something completely radical and unprecedented, when really it's something they have probably heard hundreds of times?

 

[Bonz]

I'm hoping people who have done counselling or therapy of some sort may be able to relate to this...

My toxic trait in counselling sessions is starting every answer or sentence with, "This is gonna sound really weird..." or "You're gonna think I'm crazy, but..."

Like I'm telling them something completely radical and unprecedented, when really it's something they have probably heard hundreds of times?

I'm not sure about that, my counsellor I had today literally said "um I don't know what to say to that"

He really struggled and I don't think was used to the whole former athletes part.

 

[Kiama Chris]

I'm hoping people who have done counselling or therapy of some sort may be able to relate to this...

My toxic trait in counselling sessions is starting every answer or sentence with, "This is gonna sound really weird..." or "You're gonna think I'm crazy, but..."

Like I'm telling them something completely radical and unprecedented, when really it's something they have probably heard hundreds of times?

My counsellor (back in 1985!) finished every session (all 5 of them) with "don't become your fears". Very deep. That said she helped me get past my relationship with my mother which had come blasting out at me.

 

[caesar88]

I'm not sure about that, my counsellor I had today literally said "um I don't know what to say to that"

He really struggled and I don't think was used to the whole former athletes part.

Are you seeing a sports psychologist or a regular counselor/psychologist?

 

[bedford]

What's done me in as i don't have private cover and have been told 2 years to a knee replacement , it give me bad thoughts , i won't last that long

 

[Bonz]

What's done me in as i don't have private cover and have been told 2 years to a knee replacement , it give me bad thoughts , i won't last that long

Knee replacement should be public shouldn't it?

Some exercise can also help here, building strength around certain muscles can take the load off.

 

[Kiama Chris]

Knee replacement should be public shouldn't it?

Some exercise can also help here, building strength around certain muscles can take the load off.

Public waiting list for joint replacement is horrendous. One of the reasons I keep my private coverage, that and heart. My op in 2003 cost $38,000. The surgery would have been quite different in public. All my bypasses are still 100%, done from arteries, not veins.

 

[Bonz]

Public waiting list for joint replacement is horrendous. One of the reasons I keep my private coverage, that and heart. My op in 2003 cost $38,000. The surgery would have been quite different in public. All my bypasses are still 100%, done from arteries, not veins.

I thought they changed the way wait lists work for replacements and osteoarthritis at the start of the year (at least in VIC).

Reduced some wait times by a few years.

The cost of everything sadly these days is a bit screwed though, surgery is speeding ahead of everything else as well.

 

[Kiama Chris]

I thought they changed the way wait lists work for replacements and osteoarthritis at the start of the year (at least in VIC).

Reduced some wait times by a few years.

The cost of everything sadly these days is a bit screwed though, surgery is speeding ahead of everything else as well.

NSW average waiting time is supposed to be about four months but the category is very broad. I believe it's categorised as non-urgent.

 

[bedford]

Public waiting list for joint replacement is horrendous. One of the reasons I keep my private coverage, that and heart. My op in 2003 cost $38,000. The surgery would have been quite different in public. All my bypasses are still 100%, done from arteries, not veins.

Sadly i can't afford private and then it's 12 months as well