Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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Mofra said:
Player #46 - Tim English
View attachment 1228341
Pictured: English has a strong affinity with the Bulldogs medical team

Tim English is a Bulldogs ruck forward who hasn't quite developed as quickly as the Bulldogs hoped for.

Timmy was a first round pick in 2016, the greatest season in VFL/AFL history. He was a midfielder who grew 20cm in height in 18 months and started playing ruck as a teenager. He was then drafted on that basis, and after 5 years in the system still plays ruck like a midfielder. Josh Dunkley agrees with me.

This has led to a Bulldog ruck crisis were instead of sending Tim into the ruck they have used a 57 year old Stef Martin until he broke down, then tried a kid so raw (Jordan Sweet) that Ricky Nixon asked for his phone number. In the last few games the Bulldogs have thrown Lewis Young into the ruck - a 22 year old kid who is about 4th in line as a KPD and 6th in line as a KPF. During the finals series* Bontempelli has even taken a few ruck contests because he doesn't get enough recognition and now he finally might get noticed by the umpires and the media.

*Suns fan: sometimes other teams play games in September.

It's not the fact that Timmy gets outbodied by other ruckmen. It's the fact he gets outbodied by second ruckmen, which means the Bulldogs midfielders have to guess where the opposition ruck will hit it to which is a problem because most ruckman are not known for their football nous and sparkling intellect. At the last 'AFL Ruck conference' they needed to print the invitations twice because on the first invitations they spelled 'conference' with a 6.

It got so bad last year that Bevo sometimes sent Josh Dunkley into the ruck, almost causing him to leave the club (fortunately he was courted by Essendon who are hard to deal with - Dodo is basically the Karen of trade week). Essendon fans are adamant they dodged a bullet there which could be true, considering in 2021 they achieved the highest team achievement available to the Essendon Football Club - a losing final.

Back to Timmy. He's actually shown some promise as a 'third tall' simply because he's taller than any KPD he faces and can just stick his arms in the air and hope they chop them, which is a free kick. Whenever he does this and the Bulldogs do win a rare free kick, he can normally kick straight which, judging by efforts of other forwards in the team, might be against team rules. Timmy is also a medical miracle, as most guys have an Adam's apple but Timmy has an Adam's watermelon. If his last name was Daniel and he grew up in South Australia, I bet him mum wouldn't let him play unless he wore a helmet over it.

Fun fact: Tim's nickname is 'chilli' as his cheeks turn bright red when given any attention. Chilli is often used as a garnish in Asian cooking, where it is chopped (like Nadia Bartel's breakfast) and sprinkled over dishes to add heat.

Timmy, congratulations on your finals victory last Sunday making you individually more successful than Essendon's last 17 years. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...
lead630-30d8eece42c009fdba30a46d5d9f4e0d.jpg

He looks like a lab accident where the winklevoss twins cloned their DNA alongside an albino giraffe.
 
Can Basil Zemplis be nominated for extraordinary shitness levels?
I know he’s not a player but if we are celebrating greatness in mediocrity, spudification and try- hardness then surely he cracks a mention ?!
 
Player #39 - Rory Lobb
1632785529584.png
Pictured: Rory's mum (background right) is a source of constant annoyance to part of the Fremantle crowd

Rory Lobb is a Carlton player who... sorry, he was once Giants player so that is just a force of habit.

Rory as a forward is an ok ruckman, and as a ruckman he's a 'target forward of the ball'. At 206cm, he is one of the tallest players Fremantle have ever had on their list. He actually managed two hauls of 4 goals this year, one against Hawthorn who subsequently sacked their coach and one against Sydney who are so young and short that Tyreboyz is considering buying a membership.

On a healthy contract of around $700,000 per year for two more years, he is technically Fremantle's third best forward (kicking 20 goals for the year) and third best ruckman (54 hitouts for the year) and all this from just 13 games. All of these stats are entirely due to height mismatches and whenever he cops an opponent even remotely comparable in size he goes to water which is clearly an OH&S issue as a docker.

Fremantle are actively shopping him around hoping that another club picks him (and his contract) up so they can retain their young talent like Nat Fyfe, David Mundy and Adam Cerra. He is open to a move interstate and at age 28 might be a good fit for Geelong to refresh their list. There is a generation gap to consider so he'd have to be prepared to help Geelong's senior players navigate this 'newfangled modern society' by helping them with QR codes, self-scan checkouts and accommodation for Cameron Ling.

Fun fact: His first AFL opponent was Dustin Fletcher who is so old he played in a winning Essendon final.

Rory, good luck whereever you end up next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
 
Mofra said:
Player #39 - Rory Lobb
View attachment 1247854
Pictured: Rory's mum (background right) is a source of constant annoyance to part of the Fremantle crowd

Rory Lobb is a Carlton player who... sorry, he was once Giants player so that is just a force of habit.

Rory as a forward is an ok ruckman, and as a ruckman he's a 'target forward of the ball'. At 206cm, he is one of the tallest players Fremantle have ever had on their list. He actually managed two hauls of 4 goals this year, one against Hawthorn who subsequently sacked their coach and one against Sydney who are so young and short that Tyreboyz is considering buying a membership.

On a healthy contract of around $700,000 per year for two more years, he is technically Fremantle's third best forward (kicking 20 goals for the year) and third best ruckman (54 hitouts for the year) and all this from just 13 games. All of these stats are entirely due to height mismatches and whenever he cops an opponent even remotely comparable in size he goes to water which is clearly an OH&S issue as a docker.

Fremantle are actively shopping him around hoping that another club picks him (and his contract) up so they can retain their young talent like Nat Fyfe, David Mundy and Adam Cerra. He is open to a move interstate and at age 28 might be a good fit for Geelong to refresh their list. There is a generation gap to consider so he'd have to be prepared to help Geelong's senior players navigate this 'newfangled modern society' by helping them with QR codes, self-scan checkouts and accommodation for Cameron Ling.

Fun fact: His first AFL opponent was Dustin Fletcher who is so old he played in a winning Essendon final.

Rory, good luck whereever you end up next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

This shite truck still playing. OMG I just assumed he had been delisted. If Fremantle are willing to keep a spud like him, maybe the Saints could send some of our worst players to Fremantle in return for draft picks. Any pick would do for most of them.
 
To be fair, while he is a shit truck of the highest proportion, he dominates a game once or twice a season. Shame the other 20 or so are Gary Rohan in finals like performances.
 
Baldur said:
This sh*te truck still playing. OMG I just assumed he had been delisted. If Fremantle are willing to keep a spud like him, maybe the Saints could send some of our worst players to Fremantle in return for draft picks. Any pick would do for most of them.
Click to expand...
Don’t talk trash like you could get one over on us in a trade.

How’s Brad Hill going? A chance of making the bottom 50 list this year you reckon?
 
Stronzo said:
Don’t talk trash like you could get one over on us in a trade.

How’s Brad Hill going? A chance of making the bottom 50 list this year you reckon?
Click to expand...

He was looking like it, but managed to touch the ball a little towards the end of the season, so probably behind Blake Acres ( who admittedly doesn't carry the loading imposed by first round picks given in trade ).
 

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Mofra said:
Player #41 - Mitch Wallis
View attachment 1238260
Pictured: The worst athletic involvement in politics since Mal Meninga's short lived political career

Mitch Wallis is the current Bulldogs Vice Captain and reigning goalkicking champion from 2020. He is also not in the best 22.

A first round draftee as a midfielder in 2010, Mitch was one of the litany of Bulldogs injured in 2016 who was unable to play a part in the flag of that year. He was then out of the side for a while, pushed out of the midfield group by up and coming developing types like Bontempelli, Macrae and Dunkley, until resurrecting his career in late 2019 as a forward. 2010 was also thew year that Gold Coast were given so many concessions they resembled teh Collingwood Cheer Squad catching public transport.

In 2020 Mitch became a 'weird forward' in that he's neither quick, nor agile, but he had a habit of standing still and marking the ball through sheer nous. This set him up for a big 2021 pre-season, and a future career as a council worker.
The problem is that teams worked out that a short, slow guy who stands still may become easy to defend and that's just what happened. Well, that and the Bulldogs leading goalkicker curse.

The Curse
Leading goalkickers
2017:
Jake Stringer - distracted by KFC, bad tattoos and statutory rape he never got back to his pre-belly form and ended up quitting future finals success by requesting a trade to Essendon
Liam Picken - often voted the bravest player in the competition, he sadly succumbed to concussion and retired early

2018:
Billy Gowers - a 187cm former Carlton rookie flanker with an excellent Instagram game, Billy never recaptured his form as a makeshift leading forward and now plays for Southport which is the second best Australian Rules football team based in Queensland.

2019:
Sam Lloyd - nicknamed 'bong lips' and presumably having a very popular sister, Sam Lloyd retired during the 2021 pre-season as his off-field career started to take off. Unlike other ex-Richmond players, his off field career is entirely legal.

2020:
My man Mitch.

2021:
Josh Bruce likely has it sewn up, but sadly did an ACL in round 22 while coming third in the Coleman Medal and misses the entire finals series.

On current trends, part of me is secretly hoping we rookie Kyle Sandilands for next year and stick him in the forward pocket.

Anyway back to Mitch. He's out of contract this year and it's likely he moves to another team in need of off-field leadership and who needs to guide the youngsters on how to prepare for AFL life properly. Suggestions include Carlton as playing coach, Essendon as his dad runs half the car dealerships in Essendon, or Port Adelaide where he will tell his teammates that when the siren sounds to start a preliminary final that means it's time to start playing.

Fun fact: Mitch's dad was a former Footscray captain who is best known for knocking out Brett Heady and starting an all-in brawl at Subiaco. Rumour has it that Brett Heady was taunting the Bulldogs in the previous game when he kicked a bag, mouthing off with 'that's one, that's two, that's three' etc as he kicked plenty.
West Coast players were incensed that after knocking our Heady, Wallis looked down and said 'that's one'.

Anyway Mitch, footy is a tough industry. Good luck wherever you are next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

Such a precipitous fall from grace. Leading goal kicker, named Vice-Captain. Then has to be dropped shortly into the season because his form was goddamn awful, never really makes it back, coach having adopted a policy of no free laughs for opposition supporters at his repeated onfield ineptitudes.
 
Mofra said:
Player #39 - Rory Lobb
View attachment 1247854
Pictured: Rory's mum (background right) is a source of constant annoyance to part of the Fremantle crowd

Rory Lobb is a Carlton player who... sorry, he was once Giants player so that is just a force of habit.

Rory as a forward is an ok ruckman, and as a ruckman he's a 'target forward of the ball'. At 206cm, he is one of the tallest players Fremantle have ever had on their list. He actually managed two hauls of 4 goals this year, one against Hawthorn who subsequently sacked their coach and one against Sydney who are so young and short that Tyreboyz is considering buying a membership.

On a healthy contract of around $700,000 per year for two more years, he is technically Fremantle's third best forward (kicking 20 goals for the year) and third best ruckman (54 hitouts for the year) and all this from just 13 games. All of these stats are entirely due to height mismatches and whenever he cops an opponent even remotely comparable in size he goes to water which is clearly an OH&S issue as a docker.

Fremantle are actively shopping him around hoping that another club picks him (and his contract) up so they can retain their young talent like Nat Fyfe, David Mundy and Adam Cerra. He is open to a move interstate and at age 28 might be a good fit for Geelong to refresh their list. There is a generation gap to consider so he'd have to be prepared to help Geelong's senior players navigate this 'newfangled modern society' by helping them with QR codes, self-scan checkouts and accommodation for Cameron Ling.

Fun fact: His first AFL opponent was Dustin Fletcher who is so old he played in a winning Essendon final.

Rory, good luck whereever you end up next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

You're doing it again, Mofra. There are plenty of punters on the Dogs' forum talking this guy up as a trade for English, who apparently wants to go home to Mummy. But you seem to be saying, they are both duds...but Lobb is a bigger dud. Great. I'll be really chuffed now when we recruit him.
 
I didn’t do this, I swear.

1632866498162.png
 
Triple Baileys said:
Such a precipitous fall from grace. Leading goal kicker, named Vice-Captain. Then has to be dropped shortly into the season because his form was goddamn awful, never really makes it back, coach having adopted a policy of no free laughs for opposition supporters at his repeated onfield ineptitudes.
Click to expand...

JJ would tick the highlighted section many more times than Wallis which doesn't explain how he was selected to turn up to games and hide in the forward pocket.
 
AlecDuncan said:
I didn’t do this, I swear.

View attachment 1248611
Click to expand...

Here he is with his Coach.


2015-04-08_0048.jpg
 
Spiritof82 said:
JJ would tick the highlighted section many more times than Wallis which doesn't explain how he was selected to turn up to games and hide in the forward pocket.
Click to expand...
Being quick makes it seem like you can apply pressure.

Kozi Pickett got jerked off for pressure that lead to a Melbourne goal on the weekend, he was nowhere near the ball when the dogs bloke coughed it up.
 
Spiritof82 said:
JJ would tick the highlighted section many more times than Wallis which doesn't explain how he was selected to turn up to games and hide in the forward pocket.
Click to expand...
images (41).jpeg
He was not ready.
 

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