Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Well there he goes, the biggest fish Norf landed this century.

I mean I thought Billy Hartung

Billy Hartung

Age

29

Ht

177cm

Wt

78kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

18.0

4star

K

9.7

4star

HB

8.3

5star

M

3.9

4star

T

1.8

4star

CL

1.3

3star

No current season stats available

D

13.0

4star

K

7.8

3star

HB

5.2

4star

M

3.0

3star

T

1.6

4star

CL

0.6

3star

was gunna be the World's most massive anchovy.

Proven wrong again.

 

[Bernie L]

Tex and De Goey to cap it off??

 

[Fadge]

Tex and De Goey to cap it off??

Neither of them should be on it if on-field performance has anything to do with this list.

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Neither of them should be on it if on-field performance has anything to do with this list.

Being ****wits off it more than qualifies

 

[Rockford]

Neither of them should be on it if on-field performance has anything to do with this list.

Tex turned back the clock in terms of on-field performance.. also turned back the clock with his off-field performance, all the way back to the 1950s.. or 1993.. or 2013, shit. More than deserving of a special nomination.

 

[theyellowsash]

Tex and De Goey to cap it off??

we haven't seen rohan yet either

 

[Tippett2Goal]

we haven't seen rohan yet either

Lifetime achievement so is ineligible

 

[theyellowsash]

Lifetime achievement so is ineligible

ah yes, forgot that.

i recommend naming the number 1 spot the 'gary rohan medal' in his honor, so that he always appears at the top of every list

 

[Mofra]

Player #2 - Brad Hill

Pictured: Brad Hill was unsighted even after the 111 point mauling against the Bulldogs

Brad Hill was one of the highest paid players in the AFL in 2021.

After he got sick of winning premierships at Hawthorn, Brad decided to go to Fremantle to play with his brother Stephen as there was no chance of Premiership success there. Then deciding that he really wanted to make sure he wouldn't have to work on Grand Final day again, he put himself on the market and the Saints bundled up players, first and second round picks, and decided to hand him a $900,000 pa deal for six seasons. That's $5.4m. Wowwee.

The Saints had a successful 2020 (by their standards) and headed into season 2021 full of optimism. They had won a final, some of their recruits (which actually make up most of their team) seemed to be performing well, and they were expected to take the next step towards further success. The Saints actually managed to win 4 of their first 8 games before disaster struck at Etihad to the tune of a 111 point mauling, and they just never recovered.

Underpinning all this was the concerning form of one Mr Bradley Hill. After registering games with 7 and then 6 clangers in the first four rounds, Bradley backed this up with consecutive 10 possession games as the Saints were smashed on field. This prompted Premiership Coach Mick Malthouse to 'controversially' suggest that players who aren't performing should be dropped, much to the horror of Brett Ratten

Brett Ratten

Age

53

Ht

184cm

Wt

88kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

22.4

5star

K

12.1

4star

HB

10.3

5star

M

2.9

3star

T

3.0

5star

No current season stats available

D

26.4

5star

K

13.8

5star

HB

12.6

5star

M

3.4

4star

T

1.6

4star

.
Ratten then defended Brad by saying (get this) that it was his teammates fault because they weren't giving the ball to him, and that Brad won't be dropped.

Let that sink in. A flightly overpaid outside runner who isn't getting the ball and is not using it very well is being told that he will not get dropped regardless of output, and his teammates should win the ball for him and give it to him. Finding excuses for form in media conferences is one thing, but I applaud Ratten's left-field thinking in making downhill skiing a core part of St Kilda's gameplan. Ratten has actually managed to outdo some of the great excuses of history, such as:

• I wasn't drunk driving, I was just swerving to the music (L Hunter)
• I slipped in the shower which just so happens to be where I keep my tomato sauce bottle (J Keyte)
• I was reaching for a pressure point (C Judd)
• My mum gave it to me (S Warne)
• My dog did it (J de Goey)
• I was taking a piss and it backed up on me (NSW Farmer getting caught inside of a cow circa 1995)

Of course, this was around the time that Brad's lack of effort was exposed even further:


Above: "But I walked in his general direction!"

Eventually his wing form became so bad that Ratten moved him to the halfback line to try and find some ball, again sacrificing the team for the benefit of the individual. This came after Hill had 6 touches against the wooden spoon side and Ratten's defence of Brad this time was that he should have had 4 more handball receives but his teammates didn't give it to him.
Now I'm not suggesting that building your entire game plan around a 179cm, 78kg outside runner with no contested game who is horribly out of form is the worst idea ever considered, but surely it has to go damn close. AFLX, Sharknado Part 6, and this abomination seem like level headed choices in comparison:


Pictured: It's microwave scrambled egg in a plastic cup that doesn't include egg. I weep for humanity

The season finished with Brad Hill having a few underwhelming games, his brother Stephen having to retire due to injury, his second cousin Ian "Bobby" Hill trying to get to Essendon and failing, and his WA namesake Josh Hill

Josh Hill

Age

35

Ht

186cm

Wt

85kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.4

3star

K

8.1

3star

HB

4.3

3star

M

4.1

4star

T

2.8

4star

G

1.3

5star

No current season stats available

D

15.0

4star

K

10.8

4star

HB

4.2

4star

M

6.4

5star

T

1.8

4star

G

1.2

4star

embroiled in a love triangle.
To top it all off, we even lost legendary ZZ Top bassist Dusty Hill in 2021 so it was just a bad year for landmass-named public figures all round. Based on current trends I bet Trevor Peninsula is just shitting himself.

Brad, good luck over the next 4 years of your mega-contract. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.

 

[hawkman]

$900,000 pa deal for six seasons. Thats $3.6m.

Carlton accountancy methods?

 

[Hoges64]

[*]I slipped in the shower which just so happens to be where I keep my tomato sauce bottle (J Keyte)

What the hell have I missed!?!? Jen!?!?

Sweet jeebus....

 

[NSWCROW]

#Texfor1

 

[Sainter3and7]

Mofra, you've inspired me to looking into getting an assistance monkey in my next NDIS Plan. Should I claim it in the "Social and Community Participation" category or "Assistive Technology" category? Are there classes that the monkey and I could attend, maybe meet others with similar interests, and so on?

 

[phantom13]

What the hell have I missed!?!? Jen!?!?

Sweet jeebus....

I second this, Mofra can we get some context please.

Also ****ing Brad Hill, watch him prove the doubters wrong next year and land top spot. Dont say the saints arent winners.

 

[Mofra]

Mofra, you've inspired me to looking into getting an assistance monkey in my next NDIS Plan. Should I claim it in the "Social and Community Participation" category or "Assistive Technology" category? Are there classes that the monkey and I could attend, maybe meet others with similar interests, and so on?

There's a Work Assisted Non-Kinetic Industry National Guideline that appears to be applicable

 

[Fadge]

What the hell have I missed!?!? Jen!?!?

Sweet jeebus....

I second this, Mofra can we get some context please.

What rock have you guys been living under for the last 30 years?!?

 

[phantom13]

What rock have you guys been living under for the last 30 years?!?

This is helpful, really helpful.

 

[Fadge]

This is helpful, really helpful.

Type a few keywords into google...

 

[DragoDelph]

Type a few keywords into google...

This should help them out.
I've seen two accounts, from partners of nurses, both different from each other.

https://aus.tv.narkive.com/mciUu49i/what-is-the-jennifer-keyte-champagne-bottle-story

 

[A Cut Above]

Brings back memories of all the Hawthorn board posters who bit my head off whenever I correctly labeled Brad Hill soft & lazy. Funny how many of them suddenly changed their tune after he left us.

 

[La Dispute]

Tex turned back the clock in terms of on-field performance.. also turned back the clock with his off-field performance, all the way back to the 1950s.. or 1993.. or 2013, sh*t. More than deserving of a special nomination.

So in South Australian terms basically on time.

 

[daniologist]

Updated score by team:

Carlton 9
St Kilda 8
Western Bullfrogs 5
Adelaide 0

Which of these will change? Will Carlton take a clear lead? Or will St Kilda draw level with Carlton? Will Adelaide get on the board? Was it a tomato sauce bottle or a champagne bottle? Oh the suspense.

 

[76woodenspooners]

Updated score by team:

Carlton 9
St Kilda 8
Western Bullfrogs 5
Adelaide 0

Which of these will change? Will Carlton take a clear lead? Or will St Kilda draw level with Carlton? Will Adelaide get on the board? Was it a tomato sauce bottle or a champagne bottle? Oh the suspense.

Wouldn’t be surprised if a certain Carlton player takes out the number 1 spot …

… if Mof decides to get equal opportunity and include AFLW.

 

[Fadge]

Wouldn’t be surprised if a certain Carlton player takes out the number 1 spot …

… if Mof decides to get equal opportunity and include AFLW.

YES!

 

[Baldur]

I object to putting Hill at second place.

He should have had number one.

But I guess calling him "number two" has a certain correctness about it as well.