Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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Mofra said:
Player #2 - Brad Hill
View attachment 1293527
Pictured: Brad Hill was unsighted even after the 111 point mauling against the Bulldogs

Brad Hill was one of the highest paid players in the AFL in 2021.

After he got sick of winning premierships at Hawthorn, Brad decided to go to Fremantle to play with his brother Stephen as there was no chance of Premiership success there. Then deciding that he really wanted to make sure he wouldn't have to work on Grand Final day again, he put himself on the market and the Saints bundled up players, first and second round picks, and decided to hand him a $900,000 pa deal for six seasons. That's $5.4m. Wowwee.

The Saints had a successful 2020 (by their standards) and headed into season 2021 full of optimism. They had won a final, some of their recruits (which actually make up most of their team) seemed to be performing well, and they were expected to take the next step towards further success. The Saints actually managed to win 4 of their first 8 games before disaster struck at Etihad to the tune of a 111 point mauling, and they just never recovered.

Underpinning all this was the concerning form of one Mr Bradley Hill. After registering games with 7 and then 6 clangers in the first four rounds, Bradley backed this up with consecutive 10 possession games as the Saints were smashed on field. This prompted Premiership Coach Mick Malthouse to 'controversially' suggest that players who aren't performing should be dropped, much to the horror of Brett Ratten.
Ratten then defended Brad by saying (get this) that it was his teammates fault because they weren't giving the ball to him, and that Brad won't be dropped.

Let that sink in. A flightly overpaid outside runner who isn't getting the ball and is not using it very well is being told that he will not get dropped regardless of output, and his teammates should win the ball for him and give it to him. Finding excuses for form in media conferences is one thing, but I applaud Ratten's left-field thinking in making downhill skiing a core part of St Kilda's gameplan. Ratten has actually managed to outdo some of the great excuses of history, such as:
  • I wasn't drunk driving, I was just swerving to the music (L Hunter)
  • I slipped in the shower which just so happens to be where I keep my tomato sauce bottle (J Keyte)
  • I was reaching for a pressure point (C Judd)
  • My mum gave it to me (S Warne)
  • My dog did it (J de Goey)
  • I was taking a piss and it backed up on me (NSW Farmer getting caught inside of a cow circa 1995)
Of course, this was around the time that Brad's lack of effort was exposed even further:


Above: "But I walked in his general direction!"

Eventually his wing form became so bad that Ratten moved him to the halfback line to try and find some ball, again sacrificing the team for the benefit of the individual. This came after Hill had 6 touches against the wooden spoon side and Ratten's defence of Brad this time was that he should have had 4 more handball receives but his teammates didn't give it to him.
Now I'm not suggesting that building your entire game plan around a 179cm, 78kg outside runner with no contested game who is horribly out of form is the worst idea ever considered, but surely it has to go damn close. AFLX, Sharknado Part 6, and this abomination seem like level headed choices in comparison:

View attachment 1293543
Pictured: It's microwave scrambled egg in a plastic cup that doesn't include egg. I weep for humanity

The season finished with Brad Hill having a few underwhelming games, his brother Stephen having to retire due to injury, his second cousin Ian "Bobby" Hill trying to get to Essendon and failing, and his WA namesake Josh Hill embroiled in a love triangle.
To top it all off, we even lost legendary ZZ Top bassist Dusty Hill in 2021 so it was just a bad year for landmass-named public figures all round. Based on current trends I bet Trevor Peninsula is just shitting himself.

Brad, good luck over the next 4 years of your mega-contract. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...


Damn you Mofra...that's just plain wrong.




It was a new zealander and a sheep, not nsw and a cow.
 
Mofra said:
Player #2 - Brad Hill
View attachment 1293527
Pictured: Brad Hill was unsighted even after the 111 point mauling against the Bulldogs

Brad Hill was one of the highest paid players in the AFL in 2021.

After he got sick of winning premierships at Hawthorn, Brad decided to go to Fremantle to play with his brother Stephen as there was no chance of Premiership success there. Then deciding that he really wanted to make sure he wouldn't have to work on Grand Final day again, he put himself on the market and the Saints bundled up players, first and second round picks, and decided to hand him a $900,000 pa deal for six seasons. That's $5.4m. Wowwee.

The Saints had a successful 2020 (by their standards) and headed into season 2021 full of optimism. They had won a final, some of their recruits (which actually make up most of their team) seemed to be performing well, and they were expected to take the next step towards further success. The Saints actually managed to win 4 of their first 8 games before disaster struck at Etihad to the tune of a 111 point mauling, and they just never recovered.

Underpinning all this was the concerning form of one Mr Bradley Hill. After registering games with 7 and then 6 clangers in the first four rounds, Bradley backed this up with consecutive 10 possession games as the Saints were smashed on field. This prompted Premiership Coach Mick Malthouse to 'controversially' suggest that players who aren't performing should be dropped, much to the horror of Brett Ratten.
Ratten then defended Brad by saying (get this) that it was his teammates fault because they weren't giving the ball to him, and that Brad won't be dropped.

Let that sink in. A flightly overpaid outside runner who isn't getting the ball and is not using it very well is being told that he will not get dropped regardless of output, and his teammates should win the ball for him and give it to him. Finding excuses for form in media conferences is one thing, but I applaud Ratten's left-field thinking in making downhill skiing a core part of St Kilda's gameplan. Ratten has actually managed to outdo some of the great excuses of history, such as:
  • I wasn't drunk driving, I was just swerving to the music (L Hunter)
  • I slipped in the shower which just so happens to be where I keep my tomato sauce bottle (J Keyte)
  • I was reaching for a pressure point (C Judd)
  • My mum gave it to me (S Warne)
  • My dog did it (J de Goey)
  • I was taking a piss and it backed up on me (NSW Farmer getting caught inside of a cow circa 1995)
Of course, this was around the time that Brad's lack of effort was exposed even further:


Above: "But I walked in his general direction!"

Eventually his wing form became so bad that Ratten moved him to the halfback line to try and find some ball, again sacrificing the team for the benefit of the individual. This came after Hill had 6 touches against the wooden spoon side and Ratten's defence of Brad this time was that he should have had 4 more handball receives but his teammates didn't give it to him.
Now I'm not suggesting that building your entire game plan around a 179cm, 78kg outside runner with no contested game who is horribly out of form is the worst idea ever considered, but surely it has to go damn close. AFLX, Sharknado Part 6, and this abomination seem like level headed choices in comparison:

View attachment 1293543
Pictured: It's microwave scrambled egg in a plastic cup that doesn't include egg. I weep for humanity

The season finished with Brad Hill having a few underwhelming games, his brother Stephen having to retire due to injury, his second cousin Ian "Bobby" Hill trying to get to Essendon and failing, and his WA namesake Josh Hill embroiled in a love triangle.
To top it all off, we even lost legendary ZZ Top bassist Dusty Hill in 2021 so it was just a bad year for landmass-named public figures all round. Based on current trends I bet Trevor Peninsula is just shitting himself.

Brad, good luck over the next 4 years of your mega-contract. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

Player leaves Freo for St Kilda.

You know he’s for “Show me the money”, not premierships.
 

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Mofra said:
Player #3 - Jared Polec
View attachment 1292858
Pictured: William Phelps Eno, the inventor of the one-way sign and Jared Polak's greatest career influence

Jared Polec is North's biggest profile signing in recent memory.

A former pick 5 for the Brisbane Lions, Jared then got homesick and went to Port Adelaide in 2014. Brisbane Improved after he left.
Jared Polec's wife then got homesick, and demanded Jared move to Melbourne (I assume her name is Brooke). Jared then left Port Adelaide (who improved after he left) and signed a lucrative 5 year deal with North Melbourne.

Jared played all 22 games with North in his first season at Arden St. Then after only 13 games last year, he had a big preseason and was selected in their round 1 side for 2021. He actually played the first 3 games of the season, but after his side's 128 mauling at the hands of the Bulldogs (in which he managed 7 disposals and no tackles) he was dropped.
Jared did make it back late in the season for two more games, registering 14 disposals. In total. He was then delisted and put onto the rookie list so North could be 'flexible' with list spots. Remember, this is one of the highest paid players at a club that won the spoon and is signing DFAs from expansion clubs to fill their list.

It's hard to see where it all went so wrong. Oh wait, it isn't. AFL in the modern era requires two way running, and while Jared may run faster than Rudi Giuliani's hair dye with ball in hand (an increasingly rare occurrence), when it comes time to defend he musters all the energy of a hungover pot-head sloth, on sedatives. The Olympics 100m final showcased more two-way running. In 'Roast me' form, this sums up Polec's penchant for defensive workrate well:
View attachment 1292859

Modern wingman just need to help their defenders out and Jared's not even on a first name basis with most of them. Some north supporters have tried to argue that it's not in his DNA as he's "an attacking wingman", but we'll test this theory shall we?

How many goals and assists would you expect an "attacking wingman" to chalk up in a regular season? In Jared's case.... zero goals, one assist. $700k doesn't seem to buy you much these days but Sydney's property market represents better value for money. You could probably buy an assistance monkey for 1/10th of that (just don't buy one from David Glascott). 395 other AFL players managed to kick a goal this year, and that's only counting players who played 5 or more games. At least he cracked the top 437 for assists. Half of the other players on the '1 assist' list don't even have their own Wikipedia page.

To top it all off Jared is 29 years old and in a team so young that the half time oranges are called 'smiley faces' so the kids will actually eat them.
Polec is now the most expensive rookie in the history of the AFL. Even still, it's not the worst thing about his signing - that was last year when a picture of Polec playing in a scratch match for Collingwood did the rounds in the media:

View attachment 1292870
Pictured: The irony of Collingwood playing someone they aren't paying, while not being able to play Treloar who they are paying for.

Anyway I hope Jared gets back to playing good football next year. Welcome to the pointy end of the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...

F*** yeah, a reference to Glascott's monkey. 😆
 
daniologist said:
Updated score by team:

Carlton 9
St Kilda 8
Western Bullfrogs 5
Adelaide 0

Which of these will change? Will Carlton take a clear lead? Or will St Kilda draw level with Carlton? Will Adelaide get on the board? Was it a tomato sauce bottle or a champagne bottle? Oh the suspense.
Click to expand...

I always heard it was a coke bottle. :drunk:
 
Mofra said:
The season finished with Brad Hill having a few underwhelming games, his brother Stephen having to retire due to injury, his second cousin Ian "Bobby" Hill trying to get to Windy Hill (no relation) and failing, and his WA namesake Josh Hill embroiled in a love triangle.
To top it all off, we even lost legendary ZZ Top bassist Dusty Hill in 2021 so it was just a bad year for landmass-named public figures all round. Based on current trends I bet Trevor Peninsula is just shitting himself.
Click to expand...
Fixed one line for you.

Like Starburns I heard it was a coke bottle.

More bad news for Hills IMO - a bloke from Broken Hill is likely to take the #1 spot.
 
Starburns_ said:
I always heard it was a coke bottle. :drunk:
Click to expand...

Yep.

Everyone I know who has worked in Emergency Departments tell stories about people admitted needing withdrawal of odd objects of passion.

None have confirmed urban legends about the respective noggins of David Warner and Tex having to be extracted from their own backsides. Neither are exactly limber.

That said I did see George Christensen walking rather awkwardly, so I hope Warner fronts for the Ashes today. I fear he might be a late and rather difficult withdrawal.
 
Grand Uncle Horace said:
Yep.

Everyone I know who has worked in Emergency Departments tell stories about people admitted needing withdrawal of odd objects of passion.
Click to expand...

Almost every nurse I have met, all over Australia, claims to have been on duty when a man and wife were admitted from the same ambulance. Him with severe
lacerations on his ****, and her with a both a burn and a big lump on her head.
 
Reminds me of the time back when I was in primary school and wild rumours swept the playground about a certain VFL player caught self-dominating in the carpark. At least we could make sense of that one, I think the Keyte story probably involved too many moving parts for us back-country Tasmanian schoolkids to get our noggins around.
 
Grand Uncle Horace said:
Everyone I know who has worked in Emergency Departments tell stories about people admitted needing withdrawal of odd objects of passion.
Click to expand...
There's the mythical (or is it?) "Trophy Shelf" where said objects have been spray-painted gold.
 
A Cut Above said:
Brings back memories of all the Hawthorn board posters who bit my head off whenever I correctly labeled Brad Hill soft & lazy. Funny how many of them suddenly changed their tune after he left us. :rolleyesv1:
Click to expand...
he actually played great footy for Freo, probably his best footy. Yes he's soft, but he bust his gut playing a role for us and was an amazing contributor to our 3pete.

When his strength is endurance running, and he chooses to play on a fast small ground in a team that doesn't know how to use outside midfielders, and is comfortable on 900k a year I can see how the massive drop in output has occurred.
 
Holy Rioli said:
he actually played great footy for Freo, probably his best footy. Yes he's soft, but he bust his gut playing a role for us and was an amazing contributor to our 3pete.

When his strength is endurance running, and he chooses to play on a fast small ground in a team that doesn't know how to use outside midfielders, and is comfortable on 900k a year I can see how the massive drop in output has occurred.
Click to expand...
How many times have you copied and pasted this response?
 

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Mofra said:
Brad, good luck over the next 4 years of your mega-contract
Click to expand...

:D 4 more years? Oh Saints, you marched right into that one.
 
MC Bad Genius said:
How many times have you copied and pasted this response?
Click to expand...
actually spent about 20 seconds typing it on the spot. Feel free to check my posting history, not even sure if I've made a post about Hill before.

BTW I'm not melting about his finishing position in Mofra's bottom 50, he deserves his spot.
 
Holy Rioli said:
actually spent about 20 seconds typing it on the spot. Feel free to check my posting history, not even sure if I've made a post about Hill before.

BTW I'm not melting about his finishing position in Mofra's bottom 50, he deserves his spot.
Click to expand...
I'm having crazy deja vu then. Time for me to log off bigfooty for a while ...
 
76woodenspooners said:
Wouldn’t be surprised if a certain Carlton player takes out the number 1 spot …

… if Mof decides to get equal opportunity and include AFLW.
Click to expand...

Tayla Harris doesn't play for Carlton anymore.
 

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