Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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Mof going gentle on Murph there. For sure I thought he’d be #1.

it almost reads like begrudging respect.
 

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Mofra said:
Marc's football journey began way back in 2005, where he declined the option to play at the Brisbane Lions (where he was eligible as a Father-Son pick) in lieu of getting picked by Carlton. In dating terms, he turned down Susan Boyle to date Gina Rinehardt.
Click to expand...

Um, not really …

… between 2001 and 2004 Brisbane had just played in four Grand Finals in a row and won three of them. By contrast in 2005 Carlton had just won their second wooden spoon in four years.
 
76woodenspooners said:
Um, not really …

… between 2001 and 2004 Brisbane had just played in four Grand Finals in a row and won three of them. By contrast in 2005 Carlton had just won their second wooden spoon in four years.
Click to expand...
Jeez, that almost reads like Susan Boyle isn't sexy as hell.
 
76woodenspooners said:
Um, not really …

… between 2001 and 2004 Brisbane had just played in four Grand Finals in a row and won three of them. By contrast in 2005 Carlton had just won their second wooden spoon in four years.
Click to expand...

I thought that Mofra was commenting on their relative singing ability.
Mind you i never heard Gina sing.
Susan has a set of lungs, reckon she could suck a Sherrin through a garden hose.
 
Mofra said:
Player #6 - Devon Smith
View attachment 1290367
Pictured: Devon Smith cracks a funny with lifelong Bombers fan Joe Daniher and Adam 'just get me here' Saad

Devon Smith is a short midfielder/forward that Essendon chased heavily and traded in from GWS, because Carlton had so much success with the same strategy that Essendon had to follow.
Devon is nicknamed 'Dev' because Essendon are well known for their affiliation for shortcuts. But first, a little history.

After a 2016 in which Essendon won the spoon and the Bulldogs won the flag, in 2017 Essendon shot up... the ladder to finish 7th, and were only 11 goals short of winning their first final for 13 years. Essendon decided to (yes) take a shortcut and trade for the best player on the market they could find.
Needing a big bodied, contested ball winning midfielder Dodoro naturally chased a short mid/forward and after handing over pick 11, got him.

James Hird's number 5 jumper had spent the last 12 months on a 'study tour' of France in 2016 but after its return to Australia (and with rumours of an illegitimate French T Shirt on the way) Essendon decided to give the jumper to Dev, in a jumper presentation that was presumably held off-site. Essendon hoped Dev would do the jumper 'proud' in an exercise of setting a bar so low that Caleb Daniel couldn't limbo under it.

Dev's time at Essendon started ok, with him bringing a lot of tackling to the team and over 20 touches a year in 2018. Since then he's been in a steady decline, like broadcast television and the quality of threads on Bay 13. This year his lack of pace and size was shown up by teammates such as that young kid everyone went nuts over because he's tall and can run, like Big Bird on that episode of Sesame Street where Bear Grylls rocks up. Dev is listed as 176cm and 77kgs making him small for a small forward. Players that small should be at least quick, and if you exclude brain fades and the occasional ridiculous 50m penalty then Dev is not.

Oh, then there's the selfishness. Exhibit A:


Above: Don't worry boys, I'll ignore two free options and take the responsibility to turn this over myself

Dev's 2021 stats do look 'passable' for a mid/forward if we're talking about a developing kid who may one day transition into a midfielder, but from a guy chased so heavily by Essendon and presumably on a decent sized contract it's not the return they'd be hoping for. Some are even questioning his place in the best 22 for next season - especially considering Essendon's 20th consecutive winning trade week has probably netted them some player ready to play from next year.

Oh, and Dev signed a contract extension in April 2021 because Essendon are desperate to keep their finals losing list together.

Fun fact: Dev Smith was meant to be of the 'S squad' that help Essendon become legitimate competitors again, along with Shiel, Stringer, Saad and Supplements.

Devon, you've done well in life despite your parents naming you after a cheap processed meat product. zackah probably agrees.
Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...


You can't say he isn't committed to his own cause. Has now gone past Toby Greene as the AFL player you'd most like to punch.
 
Mofra said:
Player #5 - Marc Murphy
View attachment 1290992
Pictured: Marc Murphy (right) assures former Carlton coach David Teague that he's fit to play

Marc Murphy is one of Carlton's many number 1 draft picks who have helped them climb all the way from cellar dwellers to 'just missing the finals' on multiple occasions.
He is a former club captain, although strangely for Carlton Marc has no court convictions and is of good character.

Marc's football journey began way back in 2005, where he declined the option to play at the Brisbane Lions (where he was eligible as a Father-Son pick) in lieu of getting picked by Carlton. In dating terms, he turned down Susan Boyle to date Gina Rinehardt. Over the years Marc was a fine player for Carlton, even being adjudged the best player in the competition the Coaches Association way back in 2011 which was only 7 years into Essendon's winless finals streak.

In 2013 he took over the Carlton captaincy from Mark Moran and held it until 2018. He then had a decent 2019 and an okish 2020 although it was obvious he was cooked by the end of the year. How cooked? "Even Geelong didn't offer him a contract" cooked.
Carlton decided that sentimentality was more important than on-field performance and gave Marc another year in 2021. The plan seemed to be nurse him to 300 games, although given Carlton's history with numbers I'm surprised they didn't just call him a 300 gamer and be done with it.

Carlton did manage to tape him together enough to roll him out for 14 games of such mediocrity that even his most ardent supporters were starting to question the club direction (which had otherwise been so strong for the past 20+ years). Jon Patton's attempts to "chalk up the big 300" were more dignified. Eventually Marc made it to round 22 where he wound back the clock, in that he somehow had 24 touches and Carlton lost by 95 points.

Now, I don't begrudge Carlton for finally giving their fans something to cheer about other than their bi-annual new coaching appointment to usher in 'a new era'. List managers these days seem to all watch Moneyball before making list decisions but I applaud Carlton for going against the grain and choosing a different film:
View attachment 1291000
Pictured: Sure beats their last Hollywood inspired strategy, based on Goodfellas

Marc Murphy will always be remembered for leading Carlton for years from a period of darkness to one of mild gloom. He spent so many years carrying a bunch of spuds that the Federal Government have granted him water rights.
There have been a few hiccups during his career, like in 2017 when Jake Carlisle sledged Marc Murphy about his wife and Marc took exception to it. Murphy refused to shake Jake Carlisle's hand at the end of the game, and Jake was reportedly so upset he was heard 'loudly sniffing' in the toilet cubicle afterwards.

Fun fact: Marc's dad John is a Fitzroy legend who played 214 games for the Roys, before playing for South Melbourne and North Melbourne. Fitzroy would merge with the Bears to become the Brisbane Lions, South Melbourne would become the Sydney Swans, and North Melbourne proudly stood alone to win the wooden spoon in 2021.

Marc, congratulations on a fine career. Adios and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...
**** me - we can't even win THIS????
 
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE said:
Shes not even the sexiest woman named Sooz. ♥
Click to expand...

7ee83130-2d7f-4785-81c8-45603fb38af8-gif.1216537
 

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AlecDuncan said:
Mof going gentle on Murph there. For sure I thought he’d be #1.

it almost reads like begrudging respect.
Click to expand...

Very disappointing tbh. No mention of the "games" he "played" as the sub to try and squeak him to 300. I mean this image didn't even get posted:

eRrKnogx.jpg
 
sobrave said:
Very disappointing tbh. No mention of the "games" he "played" as the sub to try and squeak him to 300. I mean this image didn't even get posted:

eRrKnogx.jpg
Click to expand...
That was clearly an oversight by Mofra, i’m glad he has been held accountable.
 
Stronzo said:
That was clearly an oversight by Mofra, i’m glad he has been held accountable.
Click to expand...
Accountable?
I don't hold a bun, mate
 
Player #4 - Mitch McGovern
1638488587175.png
Pictured: Carlton's instructions to Mitch of "model yourself on Lance Whitnall" have backfired spectacularly

Mitch McGovern has continued Carlton's 21st century tradition of trying to trade their way out of mediocrity by overpaying for mediocrity.
Mitch is part of the 'overpaid flankers club' at Carlton which include Martin, Saad and Williams. Mitch represents 25% of this club, but 52% by mass.

A former Crows forward who surprisingly didn't cover himself in controversy this year by either making racist remarks or pretending that Patrick Dangerfield has a friend, Mitch has appeared at the pointy end of the past two Bottom 50s.
I'm sure some of you can recall the gut-laughter around the competition when Carlton signed Mitch up to a 5 year, $800k pa contract only for him to turn up to his first pre-season at Carlton looking so overweight that Garry Lyon tried to steal his wife.
This earned him one of the best nicknames in the competition - brackets - because that's what the number 11 looks like when stretched across his back. It rivals other great nicknames such as 'the lizard' for Sydney's Blakey because he has no shoulders, 'Stiffy' for Boyd Woodcock because he shares Jame Hird's doctor, and 'that $%^&ing gutter trash little twerp' for Damien Barrett, because he's Damien Barrett.

This year Mitch McGovern arguably increased his output if you take his averages into account, which is about as tenuous praise as someone in a work meeting saying "thank you for your contribution, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view". He rolled out for 5 games in total which is 7 less than last year, but still managed to kick 6 goals which is not far off his 9 goal tally this year. That works out to be about $133.3k per goal kicked this year which is perhaps even worse value than a BigFooty Platinum NFT.
To put that in perspective $133k could otherwise buy you a decent block of rural land, a 2019 Jaguar F type, or cover Jordan de Goey's legal fees for an entire off-season.

In other positive news for Mitch, he wasn't dropped during this year to conduct an in-season mini-fitness camp which has happened previously during his time at Carlton. This was perhaps due to a combination of 5km restrictions, lockdowns and his local Ubdereats driver retiring 'due to exhaustion', meaning that this year Mitch just spent most of his time at Princes Park listening intently for the heart-warming jingle-jangle of the local ice-cream truck.
Mofra's dad used to tell a young Mofra that the ice-cream truck only played music when it ran out of ice cream, so he could save money. That's a story for another day though.

It is worth noting that Mitch's brother Jeremy is an elite intercept marker who plays for the West Coast Eagles, although he also had a drop in output this year. Mitch's dad was also an AFL footballer who played for Sydney before later becoming an inaugural Fremantle player, meaning football runs in the family (at least something does).
Michael Voss, taking note of Jeremy's style of play, has suggested that Mitch may train in defence this pre-season which will be something unique for Mitch, training during pre-season. I just hope this year he doesn't spend all pre-season turning the training cones upside down in the secret hope that one of them is a Cornetto.

Mitch, good luck with your transition into the defensive unit to fill the void left by Liam Jones' sudden retirement. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
 
'that $%^&ing gutter trash little twerp' for Damien Barrett, because he's Damien Barrett.

Sometimes the truth is the funniest
 
Mofra said:
Player #4 - Mitch McGovern
View attachment 1291438
Pictured: Carlton's instructions to Mitch of "model yourself on Lance Whitnall" have backfired spectacularly

Mitch McGovern has continued Carlton's 21st century tradition of trying to trade their way out of mediocrity by overpaying for mediocrity.
Mitch is part of the 'overpaid flankers club' at Carlton which include Martin, Saad and Williams. Mitch represents 25% of this club, but 52% by mass.

A former Crows forward who surprisingly didn't cover himself in controversy this year by either making racist remarks or pretending that Patrick Dangerfield has a friend, Mitch has appeared at the pointy end of the past two Bottom 50s.
I'm sure some of you can recall the gut-laughter around the competition when Carlton signed Mitch up to a 5 year, $800k pa contract only for him to turn up to his first pre-season at Carlton looking so overweight that Garry Lyon tried to steal his wife.
This earned him one of the best nicknames in the competition - brackets - because that's what the number 11 looks like when stretched across his back. It rivals other great nicknames such as 'the lizard' for Sydney's Blakey because he has no shoulders, 'Stiffy' for Boyd Woodcock because he shares Jame Hird's doctor, and 'that $%^&ing gutter trash little twerp' for Damien Barrett, because he's Damien Barrett.

This year Mitch McGovern arguably increased his output if you take his averages into account, which is about as tenuous praise as someone in a work meeting saying "thank you for your contribution, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view". He rolled out for 5 games in total which is 7 less than last year, but still managed to kick 6 goals which is not far off his 9 goal tally this year. That works out to be about $133.3k per goal kicked this year which is perhaps even worse value than a BigFooty Platinum NFT.
To put that in perspective $133k could otherwise buy you a decent block of rural land, a 2019 Jaguar F type, or cover Jordan de Goey's legal fees for an entire off-season.

In other positive news for Mitch, he wasn't dropped during this year to conduct an in-season mini-fitness camp which has happened previously during his time at Carlton. This was perhaps due to a combination of 5km restrictions, lockdowns and his local Ubdereats driver retiring 'due to exhaustion', meaning that this year Mitch just spent most of his time at Princes Park listening intently for the heart-warming jingle-jangle of the local ice-cream truck.
Mofra's dad used to tell a young Mofra that the ice-cream truck only played music when it ran out of ice cream, so he could save money. That's a story for another day though.

It is worth noting that Mitch's brother Jeremy is an elite intercept marker who plays for the West Coast Eagles, although he also had a drop in output this year. Mitch's dad was also an AFL footballer who played for Sydney before later becoming an inaugural Fremantle player, meaning football runs in the family (at least something does).
Michael Voss, taking note of Jeremy's style of play, has suggested that Mitch may train in defence this pre-season which will be something unique for Mitch, training during pre-season. I just hope this year he doesn't spend all pre-season turning the training cones upside down in the secret hope that one of them is a Cornetto.

Mitch, good luck with your transition into the defensive unit to fill the void left by Liam Jones' sudden retirement. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...


Absolutely 100 % justified nomination. His fetish for KFC buckets has really pegged back his footy career.
FU Colonial Sanders.

Speaking for KFC, once saw Marc Murphy at the Doncaster store about 5 years ago.
 
Mofra said:
Player #4 - Mitch McGovern
View attachment 1291438
Pictured: Carlton's instructions to Mitch of "model yourself on Lance Whitnall" have backfired spectacularly


Mofra's dad used to tell a young Mofra that the ice-cream truck only played music when it ran out of ice cream, so he could save money. That's a story for another day though.
Click to expand...

Please tell me this isnt true!!!
 
Mofra said:
Player #5 - Marc Murphy
View attachment 1290992
Pictured: Marc Murphy (right) assures former Carlton coach David Teague that he's fit to play

Marc Murphy is one of Carlton's many number 1 draft picks who have helped them climb all the way from cellar dwellers to 'just missing the finals' on multiple occasions.
He is a former club captain, although strangely for Carlton Marc has no court convictions and is of good character.

Marc's football journey began way back in 2005, where he declined the option to play at the Brisbane Lions (where he was eligible as a Father-Son pick) in lieu of getting picked by Carlton. In dating terms, he turned down Susan Boyle to date Gina Rinehardt. Over the years Marc was a fine player for Carlton, even being adjudged the best player in the competition the Coaches Association way back in 2011 which was only 7 years into Essendon's winless finals streak.

In 2013 he took over the Carlton captaincy from Mark Moran and held it until 2018. He then had a decent 2019 and an okish 2020 although it was obvious he was cooked by the end of the year. How cooked? "Even Geelong didn't offer him a contract" cooked.
Carlton decided that sentimentality was more important than on-field performance and gave Marc another year in 2021. The plan seemed to be nurse him to 300 games, although given Carlton's history with numbers I'm surprised they didn't just call him a 300 gamer and be done with it.

Carlton did manage to tape him together enough to roll him out for 14 games of such mediocrity that even his most ardent supporters were starting to question the club direction (which had otherwise been so strong for the past 20+ years). Jon Patton's attempts to "chalk up the big 300" were more dignified. Eventually Marc made it to round 22 where he wound back the clock, in that he somehow had 24 touches and Carlton lost by 95 points.

Now, I don't begrudge Carlton for finally giving their fans something to cheer about other than their bi-annual new coaching appointment to usher in 'a new era'. List managers these days seem to all watch Moneyball before making list decisions but I applaud Carlton for going against the grain and choosing a different film:
View attachment 1291000
Pictured: Sure beats their last Hollywood inspired strategy, based on Goodfellas

Marc Murphy will always be remembered for leading Carlton for years from a period of darkness to one of mild gloom. He spent so many years carrying a bunch of spuds that the Federal Government have granted him water rights.
There have been a few hiccups during his career, like in 2017 when Jake Carlisle sledged Marc Murphy about his wife and Marc took exception to it. Murphy refused to shake Jake Carlisle's hand at the end of the game, and Jake was reportedly so upset he was heard 'loudly sniffing' in the toilet cubicle afterwards.

Fun fact: Marc's dad John is a Fitzroy legend who played 214 games for the Roys, before playing for South Melbourne and North Melbourne. Fitzroy would merge with the Bears to become the Brisbane Lions, South Melbourne would become the Sydney Swans, and North Melbourne proudly stood alone to win the wooden spoon in 2021.

Marc, congratulations on a fine career. Adios and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2021.
Click to expand...
What is more controversial?

Marc Murphy missing out on this year's #1 in Mofra's Bottom 50, or

Andrew Walker losing out to Andrew Krakeour for the 2011 Mark if the Year?

The Carlton supporters will be coming for you over this one, Mof!!!
 

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Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2021

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