Event Season 32 Mobbenfuhrer Medal Count - Congratulations TheInjuryFactory!

[NaturalDisaster]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Sweet FA’s night of nights, the Mobbs Medal count. That’s right, two hours of reading NaturalDisaster posts before he gives a medal to his favourite ruck rover for the season. It’s also the night where Sweet FA’s finest get dressed up and step out onto the red carpet. I caught up with some of the players as they came in.

I see Headless coming over.

PMBangers: Headless, is it true your match payments are small baggies of herbal tea?

Headless: Oh, yes. Yes, small bags. We tried large bags at one stage, but they were much - MUCH - too large. For reasons of size (and other reasons, but mostly reasons of size), we changed to small bags - for they were smaller. In size, that is.

Small bags of herbal tea.

PMB: If you had to choose between attending tonight with Marlowe or manangatang, who would you choose and where would you send the other?

H: Please stop this immediately. I love my dear friends manangatang and Marlowe dearly, and I wish to abstain from this question.

In other, extremely related news, I have decided to join the West Coast Wonders.

I'm sorry to hear that. Here comes Marlowe.

PMBangers: Hello Marlowe, who are you wearing tonight?

Marlowe: The skin of my enemies.

PMB: Now you took a step back to let spookism come in as the Royals favourite tonight, how do you remain so unselfish?

M: A professional entourage surrounds me 24/7 to remind me of how humble I am. I think I did a great job listening to them this season for the first time.

PMB: And finally, what's your pre-awards night routine

M: In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

Then I jerk off in the shower quickly beforehand, and then grab an uber share ride and illuminate the driver and passenger with tales of all the awards I've never won.

Lingua Ignota has arrived. Let's see if we can get him over.

PMBangers: G'Day LI, what personality have you chosen to come as tonight?

Lingua Ignota: Privet Comrade. Tonight I am wearing the face of Nicholas Roerich. The lovely people at Brick Loosener's Grave Robbers Emporium have really looked after me. They've made sure I look as beautiful and pretentious as possible in finding this exquisite piece of human leather. Brick really did a bang up job in restoring it to its former glory. You can't even tell it was peeled off a corpse.

PMB: And what obscure references should I read up on to prepare for your S33 account?

LI: I've grown tired of trying to inject a little culture into the core of the dirt people. So for next season I will be stepping back and letting Party Gull take control. No pretentious or "obscure" references. Just good times, vibes and anal beads. Maybe some giraffe erotica, I'm not sure yet, I'm still pretty confused on that front.

PMB: Finally, question on everyone’s lips, have you organised the drop off for afters tonight?

LI: I am the drop off b*tch and I still require payment from last time. The amazing craftsmen at Dark Timber Knives™ were nice enough to outfit me with a comical amount of knives to ensure you don't squib on your bill. I am, unfortunately, contractually required to advertise them at least twice a night now. 'Dark Timber Knives™ - Don't let them squib out on the bill' use code "Bangersisabitch" to receive 30% off your next order.

I see manangatang over on the stairs. Let's see what he has to say.

PMBangers: Mang, you've been the centre of some big controversies this season, so once and for all can you put the rumours to bed, is it true you've enquired about signing a partnership with KFC?

manangatang: No, Yes

PMB: Approximately how much of the Snow Dome is storage for kettles or teapots?

m: Fiveteen

PMB: And finally, who have the BC decided will win the Mobbs tonight?

m: icefreak

Thanks mang. I've just seen The Notorious DAV walk past. Hey Dav! Dav!

PMBangers: So Dav good see you back again, is it true your hero is John Farnham

The Notorious Dav: Yeah unfortunately I got diagnosed with being a little Gen Z soyboy b*tch earlier this year, so I don't know who that is actually. I'm a massive fan of Michael Buble's ability to be relevant for one month a year though.

PMB: The question on everyones lips tonight, what round are you planning to abandon all media next season?

Dav: What round? Round about now probably.

PMB: And finally mate, who's your tip for worst on tonight?

Dav: To be completely honest with ya mate I've spent the last half hour putting sh*t up with my nose with TheInjuryFactory so with that in mind I'll say Supersuns.

Well that's it from the red carpet. The count is due to start so let's head on inside.

(Write up courtesy of PMBangers; graphics by Elton Johns Wig)

 

[Jabba73]

What the **** is the point of the count when you have already announced the winner?

Congratulations Mobbs on your win.

 

[Bastyy]

NaturalDisaster can you tell me who wins?

 

[Hate]

Like if ready for FUN

 

[NaturalDisaster]

NaturalDisaster can you tell me who wins?

Jack Watts

 

[Bastyy]

Jack Watts

**** now I'm excited

 

[serial_thrilla]

I can't wait to see which Swamprat wins the award this time.

 

[Jabba73]

NaturalDisaster can you tell me who wins?

He called it the Mobbs Medal count in the opening line of the OP.

Pretty clear who won it

 

[NaturalDisaster]

He called it the Mobbs Medal count in the opening line of the OP.

Pretty clear who won it

I know who I am not asking to do a comedy gig for next mobbs night...

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Good luck everyone

 

[Barrybran]

He called it the Mobbs Medal count in the opening line of the OP.

Pretty clear who won it

Mobbs didn't win mate. He's actually counting medals.

 

[kdavva]

Discord - Group Chat That’s All Fun & Games

Discord is great for playing games and chilling with friends, or even building a worldwide community. Customize your own space to talk, play, and hang out.

discord.gg

Join the semi-annual Awards Night discord server here

 

[Barrybran]

Discord - Group Chat That’s All Fun & Games

Discord is great for playing games and chilling with friends, or even building a worldwide community. Customize your own space to talk, play, and hang out.

discord.gg

Join the semi-annual Awards Night discord server here

Also known as the Phoenix recruitment drive this season

 

[DenieD]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Sweet FA’s night of nights, the Mobbs Medal count. That’s right, two hours of reading NaturalDisaster posts before he gives a medal to his favourite ruck rover for the season. It’s also the night where Sweet FA’s finest get dressed up and step out onto the red carpet. I caught up with some of the players as they came in.

I see Headless coming over.

PMBangers: Headless, is it true your match payments are small baggies of herbal tea?

Headless: Oh, yes. Yes, small bags. We tried large bags at one stage, but they were much - MUCH - too large. For reasons of size (and other reasons, but mostly reasons of size), we changed to small bags - for they were smaller. In size, that is.

Small bags of herbal tea.

PMB: If you had to choose between attending tonight with Marlowe or manangatang, who would you choose and where would you send the other?

H: Please stop this immediately. I love my dear friends manangatang and Marlowe dearly, and I wish to abstain from this question.

In other, extremely related news, I have decided to join the West Coast Wonders.

I'm sorry to hear that. Here comes Marlowe.

PMBangers: Hello Marlowe, who are you wearing tonight?

Marlowe: The skin of my enemies.

PMB: Now you took a step back to let spookism come in as the Royals favourite tonight, how do you remain so unselfish?

M: A professional entourage surrounds me 24/7 to remind me of how humble I am. I think I did a great job listening to them this season for the first time.

PMB: And finally, what's your pre-awards night routine

M: In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

Then I jerk off in the shower quickly beforehand, and then grab an uber share ride and illuminate the driver and passenger with tales of all the awards I've never won.

Lingua Ignota has arrived. Let's see if we can get him over.

PMBangers: G'Day LI, what personality have you chosen to come as tonight?

Lingua Ignota: Privet Comrade. Tonight I am wearing the face of Nicholas Roerich. The lovely people at Brick Loosener's Grave Robbers Emporium have really looked after me. They've made sure I look as beautiful and pretentious as possible in finding this exquisite piece of human leather. Brick really did a bang up job in restoring it to its former glory. You can't even tell it was peeled off a corpse.

PMB: And what obscure references should I read up on to prepare for your S33 account?

LI: I've grown tired of trying to inject a little culture into the core of the dirt people. So for next season I will be stepping back and letting Party Gull take control. No pretentious or "obscure" references. Just good times, vibes and anal beads. Maybe some giraffe erotica, I'm not sure yet, I'm still pretty confused on that front.

PMB: Finally, question on everyone’s lips, have you organised the drop off for afters tonight?

LI: I am the drop off b*tch and I still require payment from last time. The amazing craftsmen at Dark Timber Knives™ were nice enough to outfit me with a comical amount of knives to ensure you don't squib on your bill. I am, unfortunately, contractually required to advertise them at least twice a night now. 'Dark Timber Knives™ - Don't let them squib out on the bill' use code "Bangersisabitch" to receive 30% off your next order.

I see manangatang over on the stairs. Let's see what he has to say.

PMBangers: Mang, you've been the centre of some big controversies this season, so once and for all can you put the rumours to bed, is it true you've enquired about signing a partnership with KFC?

manangatang: No, Yes

PMB: Approximately how much of the Snow Dome is storage for kettles or teapots?

m: Fiveteen

PMB: And finally, who have the BC decided will win the Mobbs tonight?

m: icefreak

Thanks mang. I've just seen The Notorious DAV walk past. Hey Dav! Dav!

PMBangers: So Dav good see you back again, is it true your hero is John Farnham

The Notorious Dav: Yeah unfortunately I got diagnosed with being a little Gen Z soyboy b*tch earlier this year, so I don't know who that is actually. I'm a massive fan of Michael Buble's ability to be relevant for one month a year though.

PMB: The question on everyones lips tonight, what round are you planning to abandon all media next season?

Dav: What round? Round about now probably.

PMB: And finally mate, who's your tip for worst on tonight?

Dav: To be completely honest with ya mate I've spent the last half hour putting sh*t up with my nose with TheInjuryFactory so with that in mind I'll say Supersuns.

Well that's it from the red carpet. The count is due to start so let's head on inside.

(Write up courtesy of PMBangers; graphics by Elton Johns Wig)

Who decided to edit a gif by putting Alison Brie's face over it? You do know there are many different gifs of just Alison Brie herself right? You just wasted time trying to make something worse than what you can easily find on the internet.

Work smarter, not harder.

 

[Pugsley]

I have arrived with my glamour

 

[DenieD]

I can't wait to see which Swamprat wins the award this time.

Only one man can win this award this season.

And his name rhymes with whiff.

 

[TedDougChris]

I've got a good feeling about this.....

 

[Pugsley]

What the fu** is the point of the count when you have already announced the winner?

Congratulations Mobbs on your win.

He wins every year mate. Rigged.

 

[Headless]

I see my All-Sweet FA sermon was cut. What's up with that?

 

[TedDougChris]

I see my All-Sweet FA sermon was cut. What's up with that?

Apparently we don't exist....

 

[NaturalDisaster]

I see my All-Sweet FA sermon was cut. What's up with that?

Would you like me to post it here?

 

[NaturalDisaster]

Spoiler: Headless' lovely melt

1. So Headless, I've been told you're strongly opinionated on league issues and awards, is there anything you wish to promote in that regard with this platform?

think I’ve been quite open (at all times and at all costs) over the last many seasons re: my thoughts on All-Sweet FA criteria and selection, but I’ll try to summarise below.

My main concerns with current circumstances are:

• specific positions seem to be disproportionately recognised in All-Sweet FA team selection; and that
  
  
• those who play in less glamorous positions are consistently overlooked, and that this is ultimately harmful to the strength and depth of the league.

There are ample examples of this over a period of many seasons, but the type of selection I’m talking about is the selection of I Dont Care (who (I think) played every single game as a ruck rover) in a back pocket in Season 29. To me, that makes absolutely no sense when we could be recognising somebody who actually played in that less glamorous position, who is almost immediately precluded from any sort of sim-based award.

In my view, All-Sweet FA selection should be based where possible on a 50:50 split between sim performance and match thread contributions. Media shouldn’t be a factor. That’s not to say I don’t think media is important – to the contrary. I just think that media shouldn’t be a factor in All-Sweet FA selection specifically, and honestly I’m not really sure when it became so (if it has).

A few things to note:

• By “sim performance”, I don’t mean “top 20 players based on DT points” or anything along those lines. I think sim performance should be considered with positional context, and Barrybran’s work re: position-specific statistics is a strong step in the right direction. If Player A, a full forward, kicks 40 goals (the 10th best of all full forwards), but Player B, a forward picket, kicks 25 goals (the best of all forward pockets), I think Player B should have a stronger argument for final team selection based on sim performance alone, particularly given there are two available forward pocket positions. I don’t think this is currently the case.
  
  
• I think match thread posting should also be taken with positional context in mind. So (assuming posting quality is deemed equal) if the top 15 posters are all midfielders, that doesn’t mean all 15 midfielders should make the team – after all, there are only six midfield positions (including ruck), plus two interchange positions. It doesn’t mean we need to shoehorn all 15 into positions they didn’t play just because they have nice stats and posted lots.

Typically the counter-argument seems to be that the best posters tend to occupy “premium” (midfield, ruck, FF) positions, so of course more worthy posters will be in those positions. But the best posters play in those positions because they’re the positions most likely to be rewarded and/or accumulate stats. Why would anybody want to play on a HBF or FP when only three or four backs and forwards are named in the All-Sweet FA team?

If we start recognising those who play in less glamorous positions, maybe there’ll be less of a logjam for the “premium” positions. Maybe there’ll be more engagement around the league for those who aren’t kicking goals or notching up 12 tackles every week, like I tried to do with my stupid interchange campaign. Maybe – and this is my big thing – retention will improve, because rookies and more players in general will have something to work toward, or a realistic chance of All-Sweet FA honours come the end of the season. Because let’s be honest: if you’re currently a decent poster playing on a flank, you have very little chance – and that’s even before the season begins, just based on how All-Sweet FA current works.

Regarding media, to me, that’s what the beez MVP Trophy is for – to recognise the season’s best overall posters, including media. I’ve heard the argument that placings in the beez don’t matter apart from the winner. I don’t agree with that, but if that’s the general view, why not make a second “official” representative team based on the beez top 20? That way, you could make the All-Sweet FA team if you’ve had a great match thread posting and sim performance season, or the beez representative team if you’ve had a great overall posting season, or both if you’ve had all of the above. Make it a big thing.

Regarding quotas, I don’t have a strong opinion on the maximum of five nominations per club thing. I get why it exists. What I don’t get is the idea that if 80% of nominated players are midfielders, 80% of named players in the ultimate team need to be midfielders. As above, clubs are more likely to nominate their mids because a) they tend to accumulate the most (not necessarily contextually most impressive) statistics, and b) the most prominent posters tend to play in those positions for the aforementioned reasons. What this quota is doing is just reinforcing that cycle.

Mostly mids are nominated, so mostly mids are named, so there’s a logjam for midfield positions, so the best posters tend to play in those positions, so mostly mids are nominated, so mostly mids are named, and so on.

We just need to break that cycle, because it doesn’t make sense. This is how you end up with completely nonsensical decisions, like I Dont Care in a back pocket.

Also, for clarity, I don’t think there should be an interchange-specific position in the All-Sweet FA team, but I do think that all players should be appropriately considered based on their performance throughout the season in context of that position.

 

[U2tigers]

I can't wait to melt when the Committee ****s the All Sweet F.A. side, some worrying crap I am hearing about it.

 

[Pugsley]

I can't wait to melt when the Committee fu**s the Sweet All F.A. side, some worrying crap I am hearing about it.

It will be a travesty if I make the side.

 

[Tigerturbulance]

I can't wait to melt when the Committee fu**s the All Sweet F.A. side, some worrying crap I am hearing about it.

I guess your not happy lambchops got taken off the menu