Secrets you hide & Lies you keep up ... Advice for all

[Corleone]

Don't know if there's a thread similiar to this, did a quick search and couldn't find anything.

Basic idea is, share some deep shit. Proffer advice for others, or lurk and love it like I do for pretty much everything on this board.

So here goes.

1) My mate (mate 1) has been banging another mates (mate 2) missus for about a year, told me about it when he was hammered, said he kept trying to end it, but Mate 2's missus wouldn't let it end, and kept threatening to out him about it if he stopped seeing her on the sly. Mate 1 has just recently moved overseas with his missus, primarily to get away from Mate 2's missus because he couldn't stop doing it. Mate 2 proposed to his cheating dog of missus last weekend (she said yes ...) feel it is my obligation to tell Mate 2 about this, but that would directly betray Mate 1, although given his form, does he deserve any sympathy in this regard?

2) I saw some horrifically violent deaths when I was around 17-18, have had night terror's ever since (now 28), thought it would go away over time, they haven't. Only my missus knows about it because it's hard to ignore the fact that I wake up screaming/shaking in my sleep all that sort of stuff. She wants me to see a professional about it, I think that stuff is for weak people, and I don't want to admit that I'm mentally weak.

3) I secretly hate the fact that missus earns more money than me, we are in similiar career paths (finance, different companies, but simliar roles), but she's more advanced. She doesn't lord it over me or anything, but I hate it.

 

[GROTTO]

Don't know if there's a thread similiar to this, did a quick search and couldn't find anything.

Basic idea is, share some deep shit. Proffer advice for others, or lurk and love it like I do for pretty much everything on this board.

So here goes.

1) My mate (mate 1) has been banging another mates (mate 2) missus for about a year, told me about it when he was hammered,
2) I saw some horrifically violent deaths when I was around 17-18, have had night terror's ever since (now 28),
3) I secretly hate the fact that missus earns more money than me, we are in similiar career paths (finance, different companies, but simliar roles), but she's more advanced. She doesn't lord it over me or anything, but I hate it.

1) Dob the mate in, thats a dog act - Wayne Carey - I often go out for dinner with a mates gf but the thought of tapping her never ever crosses my mind.

2) You should look at getting counseling. Unless you saw a bikie do it - then you just pretend it never happened.

3) If she doesnt rub it in your face or make it an issue, then let go of it. Are you the king in the bedroom?

 

[Corleone]

1) Dob the mate in, thats a dog act - Wayne Carey - I often go out for dinner with a mates gf but the thought of tapping her never ever crosses my mind.

2) You should look at getting counseling. Unless you saw a bikie do it - then you just pretend it never happened.

3) If she doesnt rub it in your face or make it an issue, then let go of it. Are you the king in the bedroom?

1) Yeah I know, Mate 2 is just so happy though, it's going to destroy him. I know I have to do it, I just don't know how I'm going to...

2) Stupid Man Pride

3) Damn straight I'm king of the bedroom, and I know I should let it go ...

I didn't say they were rational, just thought it would be an interesting thread if it got off the ground.

 

[GROTTO]

1) Yeah I know, Mate 2 is just so happy though, it's going to destroy him. I know I have to do it, I just don't know how I'm going to...

2) Stupid Man Pride

3) Damn straight I'm king of the bedroom, and I know I should let it go ...

I didn't say they were rational, just thought it would be an interesting thread if it got off the ground.

Your mate is not a good man, it takes a fked up person to be tapping his mates partner.

Male pride it happens to all of us. As long as your the king the bedroom then let it be, view her as your slave that works and pays the bills lol if it helps you to get over it. But I do understand your situation. It can deflate the ego.

 

[nicky]

1. Tell your mate about his gf and "friend".
2. Yes, get counseling
3. i love your honesty

 

[radiojake]

Don't know if there's a thread similiar to this, did a quick search and couldn't find anything.


2) I saw some horrifically violent deaths when I was around 17-18, have had night terror's ever since (now 28), thought it would go away over time, they haven't. Only my missus knows about it because it's hard to ignore the fact that I wake up screaming/shaking in my sleep all that sort of stuff. She wants me to see a professional about it, I think that stuff is for weak people, and I don't want to admit that I'm mentally weak.

I used to have a similar kind of attitute regarding counselling quite a few years ago, until it got to the point that if I didn't do anything about my issues, I was going to lose a relationship -

Ended up I quite enjoyed the sessions, I was lucky and got a good counseller, but I found them quite cathartic and the helped immensely. Sure, there were some sessions where nothing much happened and it seemed like a waste of money, but the times where 'lightbulb' moments happened more than made up for them.

Haven't needed them for nearly 18 months now, but wouldn't hesitate to go back if things got heavy again.

You can get a referral from a GP that entitles you to 10 sessions with Medicare rebates, which certainly makes them less expensive than they otherwise would be -


----

Also, not only is mate 1 a dog for banging his mate's missus, he's a massive dog for telling you about it and putting this on you - It's not fair that he put you in this position. Those two acts alone make me think you don't owe him anything.

However that doesn't make it any easier to tell mate 2 - Good luck with however that goes -

 

[Halloween Jack]

Nothing weak about getting counseling mate. I reckon it takes a lot of guts to man up and go see someone. Good luck man.

 

[courtjester]

I saw some horrifically violent deaths when I was around 17-18, have had night terror's ever since (now 28), thought it would go away over time, they haven't. Only my missus knows about it because it's hard to ignore the fact that I wake up screaming/shaking in my sleep all that sort of stuff. She wants me to see a professional about it, I think that stuff is for weak people, and I don't want to admit that I'm mentally weak.

http://www.mantherapy.org.au/

 

[QS]

I disagree with some responses to number 1. Why should mate 2 be made to suffer if he is happy. What are the odds she will cheat again? Need to think outside 'punishing the wrongdoers' and think about the impact it would have on the innocent party. I do not condone cheating, but also could potentially ruin something for someone who may be better off being blissfully ignorant.

Saves OP from being caught in the crossfire. If it comes up in future you can always claim you forgot.

 

[courtjester]

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Tell his missus that you know, and if she doesn't tell him you will.

 

[LukasTheGreat]

You have to take responsibility if she cheats on him with someone else. You need to think how much you cherish his friendship, because if he finds out you knew the whole time without telling him he won't be happy.

 

[QS]

You have to take responsibility if she cheats on him with someone else.

Why? He hasn't cheated, there's no moral obligation for him to get involved. He happened to hear it.. what he chooses to do with the information is up to him.

 

[checkraiseulite]

Tell his missus that you know, and if she doesn't tell him you will.

Slight variant of this. I'd just tell her to break up with him and leave (no need to say why) or tell him, her choice.

If she maintains the status quo, you'll tell him.

Obv depends on how close mates they are though.

Failing that, just kill her IMO.

 

[jackn]

What are the odds she will cheat again?

If she's had a year long affair and pushed for it to continue I'd say they're very short odds. She is a **** and the mate needs to know before he marries her.

iPhone, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to tell him but you need to look out for your mate.

 

[nicky]

Tell his missus that you know, and if she doesn't tell him you will.

This is actually a brilliant approach.

 

[Keys]

Tell his missus that you know, and if she doesn't tell him you will.

Was going to post this

Tell her you know about her and your mate and that she needs to address it with her fiancee before the wedding. I'd be wary about telling your mate directly as it could **** the friendship he has with you if he doesn't believe you

 

[Barry_Badrinath]

I disagree with some responses to number 1. Why should mate 2 be made to suffer if he is happy. What are the odds she will cheat again? Need to think outside 'punishing the wrongdoers' and think about the impact it would have on the innocent party. I do not condone cheating, but also could potentially ruin something for someone who may be better off being blissfully ignorant.

Saves OP from being caught in the crossfire. If it comes up in future you can always claim you forgot.

Pitiful attitude.

And what are the odds she will cheat again? Pretty ****ing high. She clearly doesn't give a **** about him and can't even spend a few years without him before looking craving someone else's dick. He's getting married to her. They're agreeing to spend the rest of their life (I'm assuming 40-70 years) together, yet she can't even handle a few with him without ****ing around. What happens when they have kids? What happens when they get divorced because she inevitably cheats on him again? He loses all his kids and money and has to start over again at 40 years of age. The guy needs to know now while he's still young.

 

[QS]

If she's had a year long affair and pushed for it to continue I'd say they're very short odds. She is a **** and the mate needs to know before he marries her.

iPhone, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to tell him but you need to look out for your mate.

I am talking about with another guy who is not mate 1. 'She is a ****' - pretty sweeping statement.. you know what a **** is right?

 

[Zach Package]

no one knows my real ATAR, not even my parents, I up it significantly when it gets brought up.

not that it matters that much, got into the course I wanted to do anyway so very much over it.

The lie is so ingrained

 

[QS]

Pitiful attitude.

And what are the odds she will cheat again? Pretty ******* high. She clearly doesn't give a **** about him and can't even spend a few years without him before looking craving someone else's dick. He's getting married to her. They're agreeing to spend the rest of their life (I'm assuming 40-70 years) together, yet she can't even handle a few with him without ******* around. What happens when they have kids? What happens when they get divorced because she inevitably cheats on him again? He loses all his kids and money and has to start over again at 40 years of age. The guy needs to know now while he's still young.

Yes, but why should OP be the one to put himself in the firing line? That is my argument.. Essentially it is up to him but we seem so focussed on outing those who do wrong at the expense of those who might be better off not knowing - mate 2 might be crushed by this.. does he deserve to be having done nothing wrong? It's the devil's advocate position breaking the groupthink. I'm happy to see arguments come back as a result ... means I'm making you reason your point of view

 

[nicky]

I understand where QS is coming from even though i disagree with him. He's thinking of the innocent mates well being whereas others in this thread seem to be a bit caught up in punishing the other two.

I disagree with you QS because you're assuming that the innocent mate would rather be blissfully unaware of his closest friends betraying him and that is a MASSIVE assumption to make when i reckon in most cases, no matter how painful, people would prefer to know.

 

[QS]

I understand where QS is coming from even though i disagree with him. He's thinking of the innocent mates well being whereas others in this thread seem to be a bit caught up in punishing the other two.

I disagree with you QS because you're assuming that the innocent mate would rather be blissfully unaware of his closest friends betraying him and that is a MASSIVE assumption to make when i reckon in most cases, no matter how painful, people would prefer to know.

I'm not assuming at all, just putting it out there. You understood me correctly.
Just highlighting the natural reaction to out the wrongdoers without thinking of the impact it has on others.

 

[checkraiseulite]

I am talking about with another guy who is not mate 1. 'She is a ****' - pretty sweeping statement.. you know what a **** is right?

This isn't the case of a drunken mistake. This is the case of her blackmailing someone to keep ****ing her using telling her husband as the bait.

This bitch is cancer and he needs to get rid of her while he still can. Preferably incurring as little damage to himself as possible.

 

[Keys]

Is it possible that mate 2 knows about what happened with mate 1 and they've resolved it?