Friends, comrades, lurking opposition supporters and perverts who meant to write "BigBooty", it's almost a year now since our Most Glorious Supreme Leader Adam Simpson took over the best club in the competition. Then the police were called and he had to leave. Then a week later, West Coast hired him. Yay! And so, seeing as Canberra sucks and I couldn't do this in a preview last week, I thought it was time to look back on the last year and reflect on it in the manner most befitting BigFooty: through quotes from The Simpsons.
Preseason
As September 2013 rolled around, West Coast supporters could be forgiven for expecting to hear the smoky tones of Rod Serling suddenly narrating their lives; Fremantle were premiership fancies and West Coast were missing finals and had a list clogged with shit so everything had clearly become an episode of The Twilight Zone. Things got even more, as the French say, Fremantle-esque when long time coach John Worsfold 'resigned' suddenly.
Worsfold: So that's it, huh?! After 12 seasons it's 'so long and good luck'.
Nisbett: I don't recall saying good luck.
The search for Worsfold's replacement was compromised by all the top assistants being involved in finals and the AFL bribing Paul Roos to fix Melbourne. Soon though fans got a look at the candidates.
West Coast Eagles coaching candidates 2013. Pictured, Adam Simpson (seated right, arms crossed), Peter Sumich (behind Simpson, both in the photo and in the preferred coach stakes), Scott Burns (left of centre at the rear, many doubted his loyalty to the club after he turned up with a black and white bird on his head) and Ken Hinkley (centre rear, next to the alligator. Already had a job but applied out of force of habit)
Eventually the club appointed Adam Simpson, proving that the administration did not believe in the theory that human history was made up of repeating cycles by appointing a Hawthorn assistant coach after losing a long-serving premiership coach or, alternatively, attempting to prove that same theory.
The club went into Trade Fortnight with confidence and a high draft pick. Not wanting to give up their lucky 2nd round pick but keen to secure Elliott Yeo from Brisbane, the Eagles looked to cut a deal with Collingwood. What followed can be best summed up thusly:
Collingwood: West Coast, we'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy, old danish.
West Coast: Deal!
Still we ended up securing Elliott Yeo, as well as the only kid we apparently ever even thought of drafting in Dom Sheed and Johnny Deformed, aka Xavier Ellis who was discovered to have one leg shorter than the other. Ever jealous, Fremantle recruited their own free agency cripple in Scott Gumbleton, because whatever we have they have to have too.
With a new coach and new recruits, West Coast Supporters instructed their brokers to sell their stocks in insurance companies and buy in construction companies cos houses were going to be trained down and holy shit my cat just farted oh god it stinks how can it smell so bad. Reports from training had us dreaming of success.
Then Beau Waters injured himself again.
Beau Waters making chowder (file photo)
More injuries followed but nevertheless we entered the preseason competition - cleverly redesigned by the AFL to suck even more than usual - full of beans and with an onion tied to our belts, as was the style at the time. And we did great, thrashing Fremantle, Sydney and Fremantle and thus earning the coveted right to play with the Flintstone Phone first.
Next: Rounds 1 - 4
Preseason
As September 2013 rolled around, West Coast supporters could be forgiven for expecting to hear the smoky tones of Rod Serling suddenly narrating their lives; Fremantle were premiership fancies and West Coast were missing finals and had a list clogged with shit so everything had clearly become an episode of The Twilight Zone. Things got even more, as the French say, Fremantle-esque when long time coach John Worsfold 'resigned' suddenly.
Worsfold: So that's it, huh?! After 12 seasons it's 'so long and good luck'.
Nisbett: I don't recall saying good luck.
The search for Worsfold's replacement was compromised by all the top assistants being involved in finals and the AFL bribing Paul Roos to fix Melbourne. Soon though fans got a look at the candidates.
West Coast Eagles coaching candidates 2013. Pictured, Adam Simpson (seated right, arms crossed), Peter Sumich (behind Simpson, both in the photo and in the preferred coach stakes), Scott Burns (left of centre at the rear, many doubted his loyalty to the club after he turned up with a black and white bird on his head) and Ken Hinkley (centre rear, next to the alligator. Already had a job but applied out of force of habit)
Eventually the club appointed Adam Simpson, proving that the administration did not believe in the theory that human history was made up of repeating cycles by appointing a Hawthorn assistant coach after losing a long-serving premiership coach or, alternatively, attempting to prove that same theory.
The club went into Trade Fortnight with confidence and a high draft pick. Not wanting to give up their lucky 2nd round pick but keen to secure Elliott Yeo from Brisbane, the Eagles looked to cut a deal with Collingwood. What followed can be best summed up thusly:
Collingwood: West Coast, we'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy, old danish.
West Coast: Deal!
Still we ended up securing Elliott Yeo, as well as the only kid we apparently ever even thought of drafting in Dom Sheed and Johnny Deformed, aka Xavier Ellis who was discovered to have one leg shorter than the other. Ever jealous, Fremantle recruited their own free agency cripple in Scott Gumbleton, because whatever we have they have to have too.
With a new coach and new recruits, West Coast Supporters instructed their brokers to sell their stocks in insurance companies and buy in construction companies cos houses were going to be trained down and holy shit my cat just farted oh god it stinks how can it smell so bad. Reports from training had us dreaming of success.
Then Beau Waters injured himself again.
Beau Waters making chowder (file photo)
More injuries followed but nevertheless we entered the preseason competition - cleverly redesigned by the AFL to suck even more than usual - full of beans and with an onion tied to our belts, as was the style at the time. And we did great, thrashing Fremantle, Sydney and Fremantle and thus earning the coveted right to play with the Flintstone Phone first.
Next: Rounds 1 - 4
