Autopsy The famous 2024 Whipping Boy Thread

[Markfs]

I just noticed that Richmond already has a 2024 whipping boy thread up and running. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

I have a feeling that we're going to be inundated with suggestions in the first few months of the season, as the boys slacken off and grow fat dining out on their exploits last year..... yes, it's last year already. We are last year's premiership team...one foot in the grave.

A browse at the list provides a plethora of choices..

1. Patrick Limpdickski.....the question is whether the premiership is going to stop him from going in hard... yeh i'm joking.
2. Jamie....approaching the end fast...
3. Tom Mitchell.....approached and passed the end a couple of seasons back.
4. Lachie Schultz....a near certainty for success and we all know what that means
5. Little Johnnie Noble ....shrunk 3cm over the offseason. Now he's too short to stand Caleb Daniel

5

Caleb Daniel

Age

28

Ht

171cm

Wt

72kg

Pos.

M/F

Career

Season

Last 5

D

21.3

5star

K

11.5

4star

HB

9.8

5star

M

3.5

4star

T

2.9

4star

CL

1.4

4star

D

19.5

4star

K

11.1

4star

HB

8.4

4star

M

3.6

4star

T

2.0

3star

CL

1.0

3star

D

16.4

4star

K

7.2

3star

HB

9.2

5star

M

3.4

4star

T

2.6

4star

CL

0.2

2star

6. Pendles....the end will come quick and the hounds will howl...
7. McStay......who?
8. Harry.....his supporters will be saying weekly that he needs time. Not this year
9. Darcy Cameron

14

Darcy Cameron

Age

29

Ht

204cm

Wt

103kg

Pos.

Ruck

Career

Season

Last 5

D

6.0

1star

K

3.3

1star

HB

2.7

2star

CL

0.3

2star

HO

5.3

5star

D

7.5

2star

K

4.5

2star

HB

3.0

2star

CL

0.5

3star

HO

3.5

5star

D

6.0

2star

K

3.3

2star

HB

2.7

3star

CL

0.3

2star

HO

5.3

5star

...currently doing less than Mason Cox

46

Mason Cox

Age

33

Ht

211cm

Wt

110kg

Pos.

F/R

Career

Season

Last 5

D

8.7

2star

K

5.2

2star

HB

3.5

3star

M

4.0

4star

T

1.6

4star

G

1.2

4star

D

6.0

1star

K

3.0

1star

HB

3.0

2star

M

2.3

2star

T

0.3

1star

G

1.0

4star

D

9.0

3star

K

5.4

2star

HB

3.6

3star

M

2.6

3star

T

2.4

4star

G

1.8

5star

which is an achievement.
10. Krooogs....Too bad to be called a disaster. He's a leading candidate
11. Ed Al....Gee we were lucky to get him....Should be looking to resume his surfing in the West by the end of the year
12. Pete Frampton....some say he was best on the ground for doing nothing....The only way is UP...but he'll manage to find another way..
13. Fin Macrae.....yeh he's in the leading pack one back, one off the fence coming around the bend at flemington....should be lying behind a blanket being put down by season's end.

This is all too depressing. I'll need to recover for Part 2.

 

[noideaatall]

Good on you markfs, you are the appropriate chief whip. I promise to leave you mob to your own devices this year, given our philosophical differences. However I will make a shout out for the JB Memorial Trophy. Blair epitomised what a whipping boy is and should be remembered. I note you have not included WHE in your list so far, for good reason. Last year WHE showed us what effective whipping can produce. His change from the player most posters wanted out to being the one they were crying for his return should give us all hope.
Enjoy your whipping folks, I hope you mob can have an effective impact on the horrible hairdos of 2023 gf.

 

[piesaregreat]

I'm waiting for the first player to get a persistent and recurring injury to find someone to blame
Use some science to allocate blame not just emotion

 

[jmac70]

Good on you markfs, you are the appropriate chief whip. I promise to leave you mob to your own devices this year, given our philosophical differences. However I will make a shout out for the JB Memorial Trophy. Blair epitomised what a whipping boy is and should be remembered. I note you have not included WHE in your list so far, for good reason. Last year WHE showed us what effective whipping can produce. His change from the player most posters wanted out to being the one they were crying for his return should give us all hope.
Enjoy your whipping folks, I hope you mob can have an effective impact on the horrible hairdos of 2023 gf.

Thanks mate, it’s nice to see my efforts were appreciated….

Good luck with the thread Mark, my whipping days are over. No matter how bad things get, I can always watch the replay, and avoid the game day thread of course.

 

[Markfs]

I miss the gameday thread so much. My life is devoid of meaning. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed. I dont know if I can be stuffed providing the baseline performance levels for the rest of the squad.....

 

[Vicky Park]

I'm waiting for the first player to get a persistent and recurring injury to find someone to blame
Use some science to allocate blame not just emotion

But…but…I prefer to base my assessment of players on emotion. Couldn’t care less about facts or stats. As for injuries - the old ‘he’s got a niggle’ or ‘he’s carrying something’ excuse. Pfft. Look at Checkers…he’s ALWAYS carrying something, which is his recurring excuse for going missing in games. Our Captain’s another who’s ALWAYS got a niggle. Another excuse for trailing behind his man. I’m sick of it already, and the season hasn’t even started yet. Or has it?

 

[Timmy from Thomastown]

Can we kick the year off with a nomination for Mr Darcy. The other one, not the good one. He seems to have a habit of getting in front of the camera at training whey they do promotional vids ( which are generally excellent until it’s his turn) … and having very little to contribute. Much like his match day performances!

what’s your New Years resolution “um”
What’s your favourite colour “ um”
What’s Your name “ um”
Who is the best exponent of the non preferred inside out barrel snapshot around the corner whilst wearing a blindfold “ um”
Who is the dumbest “ me”
Are you still hung over “ um”

Etc etc

 

[Markfs]

But…but…I prefer to base my assessment of players on emotion. Couldn’t care less about facts or stats. As for injuries - the old ‘he’s got a niggle’ or ‘he’s carrying something’ excuse. Pfft. Look at Checkers…he’s ALWAYS carrying something, which is his recurring excuse for going missing in games. Our Captain’s another who’s ALWAYS got a niggle. Another excuse for trailing behind his man. I’m sick of it already, and the season hasn’t even started yet. Or has it?

I have to agree. There are players who have built their careers on excuses. Will Kelly got 5 years or more out some injury in his first year that I cant even remember. Then he was trying to find his "right position".

It's a friggin game where you pick the ball up and kick the damn thing. High low slightly off-centre halfward who runs forward but cant run sideways, run with type etc etc etc etc. Just kick the bloody thing. All this theorising just gives players somewhere to hide....

 

[Markfs]

Can we kick the year off with a nomination for Mr Darcy. The other one, not the good one. He seems to have a habit of getting in front of the camera at training whey they do promotional vids ( which are generally excellent until it’s his turn) … and having very little to contribute. Much like his match day performances!

what’s your New Years resolution “um”
What’s your favourite colour “ um”
What’s Your name “ um”
Who is the best exponent of the non preferred inside out barrel snapshot around the corner whilst wearing a blindfold “ um”
Who is the dumbest “ me”
Are you still hung over “ um”

Etc etc

The biggest mistake with Cameron was telling him to be himself....To convince him that somehow he deserves some input. In days gone by, he would have been a rower in a greek warship, or someone to feed to the lions in the colloseum.

 

[Markfs]

Thanks mate, it’s nice to see my efforts were appreciated….

Good luck with the thread Mark, my whipping days are over. No matter how bad things get, I can always watch the replay, and avoid the game day thread of course.

Jmac, you were always our favourite woke accessory to the thread. Someone to wheel out when the gov't people came around and wanted to know about equal representation. Your departure probably beds down the thread's culture and focuses us on getting rid of the duds and the weirdos. You've represented their interests well. Everyone deserves a say, no matter how much that say is ignored. It's good that you leave feeling appreciated. Now all we have to do this year is to get rid of half a dozen players in the same way.....

 

[sr36]

I miss the gameday thread so much. My life is devoid of meaning. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed. I dont know if I can be stuffed providing the baseline performance levels for the rest of the squad.....

You sound as soft as most of our players.

I'll do it for you.

Nick: Good but soft

Jordy: Good but probably arrested

Bruzzy: Good, but stupid

Everyone else a combo of soft, shit and/or woke.

 

[Markfs]

You sound as soft as most of our players.

I'll do it for you.

Nick: Good but soft

Jordy: Good but probably arrested

Bruzzy: Good, but stupid

Everyone else a combo of soft, s**t and/or woke.

Not all of us can be as strong as you, SR. It's been months since the last gameday thread... I have a lot of frustrations in my life. I need to get rid of them in a balanced and sustainable but non-wokeish manner.

A point about your comment - i dont mind jordy in jail as long as he gets day release for the game.

 

[Vicky Park]

I have to agree. There are players who have built their careers on excuses. Will Kelly got 5 years or more out some injury in his first year that I cant even remember. Then he was trying to find his "right position".

It's a friggin game where you pick the ball up and kick the damn thing. High low slightly off-centre halfward who runs forward but cant run sideways, run with type etc etc etc etc. Just kick the bloody thing. All this theorising just gives players somewhere to hide....

I agree. Just kick it. Simple. Uncomplicated. No zones. No plays. No plans B, C or D. Just kick it. Used to work 100 years ago when we won most of our flags.

 

[sr36]

Not all of us can be as strong as you, SR. It's been months since the last gameday thread... I have a lot of frustrations in my life. I need to get rid of them in a balanced and sustainable but non-wokeish manner.

A point about your comment - i dont mind jordy in jail as long as he gets day release for the game.

The one good thing that weedy coach has said is to celebrate your victories for a long time.

I'm still celebrating that we got rid of the butcher, the lairy haired flog, that NDIS kid from WA, the barrista, the lemon son and a few other blokes I've already forgotten.

Actually I'm still celebrating the woke, the mummy's boy, the Madge and the father son spuds.

Depression will only kick in when we sign a few of the rejects that are training with us.

 

[Pie eyed]

I just noticed that Richmond already has a 2024 whipping boy thread up and running. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

I have a feeling that we're going to be inundated with suggestions in the first few months of the season, as the boys slacken off and grow fat dining out on their exploits last year..... yes, it's last year already. We are last year's premiership team...one foot in the grave.

A browse at the list provides a plethora of choices..

1. Patrick Limpdickski.....the question is whether the premiership is going to stop him from going in hard... yeh i'm joking.
2. Jamie....approaching the end fast...
3. Tom Mitchell.....approached and passed the end a couple of seasons back.
4. Lachie Schultz....a near certainty for success and we all know what that means
5. Little Johnnie Noble ....shrunk 3cm over the offseason. Now he's too short to stand Caleb Daniel
6. Pendles....the end will come quick and the hounds will howl...
7. McStay......who?
8. Harry.....his supporters will be saying weekly that he needs time. Not this year
9. Darcy Cameron...currently doing less than Mason Cox which is an achievement.
10. Krooogs....Too bad to be called a disaster. He's a leading candidate
11. Ed Al....Gee we were lucky to get him....Should be looking to resume his surfing in the West by the end of the year
12. Pete Frampton....some say he was best on the ground for doing nothing....The only way is UP...but he'll manage to find another way..
13. Fin Macrae.....yeh he's in the leading pack one back, one off the fence coming around the bend at flemington....should be lying behind a blanket being put down by season's end.

This is all too depressing. I'll need to recover for Part 2.

I always thought our "whipping boy" thread was a rolling thread, independent of calendar.

 

[Juan Ide]

Pretty sure Shultz is a German oompa loompa. He'll lose every war he wages and be small, pathetic and prefer singing to football, therefore.

 

[sr36]

Pretty sure Shultz is a German oompa loompa. He'll lose every war he wages and be small, pathetic and prefer singing to football, therefore.

You're confusing me. Is he German or French?

 

[Markfs]

I always thought our "whipping boy" thread was a rolling thread, independent of calendar.

Our?.... Put some hard yards in before you start setting the rules.

FYI. This thread mirrors game day threads but on a longer time scale..... we forget last year's rants because some of the players "turn". Some turn bad, and some turn good - although that is a very rare case indeed. Some people are trying to convince the thread that the hyphen has turned into a good serviceable player....but as Mick used to say, the ox is long and the day is short.

 

[Markfs]

You're confusing me. Is he German or French?

well shultz is the french spelling....schooltz is the german spelling i think

 

[Markfs]

As we come to the end of the SSSPD period, we are going to learn the names of the players who will have the good fortune of not being on the list and come under this thread's razor focus.

The same ol's are still there....although we got rid of a lot of rabble last year. We also traded in two new players named Shultz and Schultz....evidently they're related and play similar roles. I've been told that only one of them will play seniors each week.

Personally, I'm looking forward to seeing if the Limp one will be required to tackle this year.

I'm also interested in the increasing use of man bras this season, as seen below. Maybe it's a trend that will extend to the community in general. I must admit that as I age, I'm getting increasing encouragement to get fitted out with one. I'm being bombarded by influencers on a daily basis. The societal pressure is enormous. I'm thinking of calling my local proud boy....

 

[Markfs]

It's going to be 7am local time for me tomorrow. I find it hard to grab onto any emotion at that time of day but if North beat us, I think that I'll be able to get up and running...

Thanks to the club for keeping the hyphen in the team. It will be interesting to see if the Limpdickski is still going to avoid contests. Freddie should be strapped up and in a casket by half time and little johnny will be trying way too hard again. The next wave is ready to go, Feef and Feen, the twins. I wonder who is going to put their hands up. Looks like an early night...

 

[stormskye]

I just noticed that Richmond already has a 2024 whipping boy thread up and running. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

I have a feeling that we're going to be inundated with suggestions in the first few months of the season, as the boys slacken off and grow fat dining out on their exploits last year..... yes, it's last year already. We are last year's premiership team...one foot in the grave.

A browse at the list provides a plethora of choices..

1. Patrick Limpdickski.....the question is whether the premiership is going to stop him from going in hard... yeh i'm joking.
2. Jamie....approaching the end fast...
3. Tom Mitchell.....approached and passed the end a couple of seasons back.
4. Lachie Schultz....a near certainty for success and we all know what that means
5. Little Johnnie Noble ....shrunk 3cm over the offseason. Now he's too short to stand Caleb Daniel
6. Pendles....the end will come quick and the hounds will howl...
7. McStay......who?
8. Harry.....his supporters will be saying weekly that he needs time. Not this year
9. Darcy Cameron...currently doing less than Mason Cox which is an achievement.
10. Krooogs....Too bad to be called a disaster. He's a leading candidate
11. Ed Al....Gee we were lucky to get him....Should be looking to resume his surfing in the West by the end of the year
12. Pete Frampton....some say he was best on the ground for doing nothing....The only way is UP...but he'll manage to find another way..
13. Fin Macrae.....yeh he's in the leading pack one back, one off the fence coming around the bend at flemington....should be lying behind a blanket being put down by season's end.

This is all too depressing. I'll need to recover for Part 2.

How dare you leave out the 3 local spuds we’ve added to the list. What are we thinking adding Some Footscray local footballer, (already forgotten his name) a bloke who who couldn’t get a game with stkilda, and Who’s this Eyre guy? Been delisted by half of the AFL teams with hammys more likely to ping than Melbournes Joel Smith on a sat night

 

[Markfs]

How dare you leave out the 3 local spuds we’ve added to the list. What are we thinking adding Some Footscray local footballer, (already forgotten his name) a bloke who who couldn’t get a game with stkilda, and Who’s this Eyre guy? Been delisted by half of the AFL teams with hammys more likely to ping than Melbournes Joel Smith on a sat night

i wanted to leave some room for long-time contributors like yourself to introduce the new candidates, stormie. After all, we love each other and we pick each other up when we fall down from the pain from seeing all the mistakes the players make......and of course, we have our hands on each other's knees in our selfies...

I couldnt believe that they listed that eyrehead. Evidently, they did it to fill a list spot. They didnt consider that he might have to play a game or two in the next few seasons. So murphy's effectively delisted, that dean bloke is due for another injury and he's a dud anyway, and now this eyrehead gets listed. So the ex-melb bloke is due to go off the boil and the captain is probably likely to go on tour with tay tay...

i can see little johnnie being on the key position talls during the year...

 

[Vicky Park]

How dare you leave out the 3 local spuds we’ve added to the list. What are we thinking adding Some Footscray local footballer, (already forgotten his name) a bloke who who couldn’t get a game with stkilda, and Who’s this Eyre guy? Been delisted by half of the AFL teams with hammys more likely to ping than Melbournes Joel Smith on a sat night

And while you were composing this post, we added another bloke who dropped into the AIA Centre and asked to be put on our list. He’s a cricketer and was on his way home from the MCG practice nets when he thought ‘I’d like to play for the Pies’.

I love Fly’s inclusive mindset and generosity of spirit, but I think our open door policy has gone too far. The place is now bursting with footballers. We’ve run out of lockers!

 

[neilk]

And while you were composing this post, we added another bloke who dropped into the AIA Centre and asked to be put on our list. He’s a cricketer and was on his way home from the MCG practice nets when he thought ‘I’d like to play for the Pies’.

I love Fly’s inclusive mindset and generosity of spirit, but I think our open door policy has gone too far. The place is now bursting with cricketers/basketballers. We’ve run out of lockers!

Fixed it for you.