The Gospel According to Dean

[d33my]

Well, this is something that I just knocked together when I was bored in my creative writing tute at Uni, thought some of you guys would like to see it.

Please be mindful that its all just for a laugh, it's not meant to be seen as being overly arrogant, I know the MFC still has a long way to go.

I didn't get to include all the players, and there is definitely room for improvement, plus if some of you guys want to add to 'The Book of Dean' with subsequent chapters/rewrites etc this could be a fun thread.

Enjoy

In the beginning Tom Wills created the Melbourne Football Club.
And the Melbourne Football Club was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the supporters. And the spirit of Bailey moved upon the Club.
And Bailey said, ‘Let there be a rebuild.’ And there was a rebuild.
And Bailey saw the rebuild, and it was good, and Bailey divided the young players from the old.
And Bailey called the young the Light, and the old the Dark.
**
On the second day Bailey said ‘Let there be a midfield.’ And the midfield was created. And in this midfield were players embodied with the spirit of the Melbourne Football Club.
McDonald the elder was endowed a great and important role by Bailey.
‘Go unto ye MCG and teach the young to tackle.’ He commanded.
And McDonald the Elder led McKenzie the Younger; Moloney the Wise; Aaron the Flash; Jones the Hardnut and the promised sons Scully and Trengove unto the turf and there he did teach them to tackle, and made warriors of them all.
And Jamar the Russian, the largest man in the land, was instructed to go forth and tap, and tap to advantage, so that ye mayeth gain a clearance.
And Bailey saw the midfield and saw that it was good.
**
On the third day Bailey said ‘Let there be a backline.’ And out of the void came a backline, and through this backline flowed a magnificent Rivers, and the Rivers was but a magnificent guide for Warnock the Strong, Frawley the Brave, Colin the Crafty, and Grimes the Sex. And the backline was but an unmovable mountain, and Bailey saw his work and saw that it was good.
**
On the fourth day Bailey said ‘Let there be a forward line.’ And he made it so. And in the forward line was Ricky the Bobby, Matthew the Flame, the crafty Wizard Jurrah, Colin the Silver and the wise and battle-hardened Brad of Green.
And Bailey said unto them ‘Ye are to kick goals of every kind; of set shots, of bananas, of checksides, of soccer’s off yea ground. And should your trials be difficult, do not despair; instead be heartened, for in the future we are preparing the way for the Chosen One, who shall but kick bags.
And Bailey viewed upon the forward line and saw that it was good.
**
On the fifth day Bailey said ‘Let there be a gameplan.’ And it was so.
And the gameplan did perplex, for at times it appeared to vanish, and some called the gameplan a black magic, but Bailey urged
‘O ye of little faith. I have but created a strong and powerful gameplan, one of great merit. The fruit of my labour shall not be in vain.’
And it was so. And the players did adhere unto the gameplan. And they did tackle, and they did use the previously forbidden land of the central corridor, and they did convert from set shots.
Bailey saw the gameplan, and saw that it was good.
And what God had created in seven days, Bailey had created in five.
So be the word of Bailey.

 

[Deefolt]

That's not bad. I kinda wish I didn't read this on the train though I look like a smirking fool

 

[whelan=legend]

LOL'ed multiple times. Very good.

 

[Theeighthhamster]

Good stuff.

 

[CM Sean]

That is the best thing I've ever layed eyes upon to read!

Couldn't stop smiling throughout, very well done

 

[mfc150]

Absolute gold my red and blue friend.

 

[lose]

probably some of the best writing ever created lad... love it... go dees

 

[Higgs Boson]

Ahahaha.

10 points for originality and, well, gosh darn it, 10 points for humour.

Well done!

 

[d33my]

Thanks for the replies guys, glad you enjoyed it.
I've got another one in mind that I hopefully will get a chance to write over the next couple of days, but like i said this should be a team effort. Its surprising how easy you can slip into 'ye olde bible speak' once you get on a roll.

 

[givemethecure]

This is terrific, and the reason why i often just read a bunch of threads on this board, cos every now n then there's a blinder post like this one that makes me wish I thought of it first.

Well done, boyo. And go you for doing creative writing.

 

[Wise Guy Sam]

<---- Posting in an epic thread.

Very clever stuff.

"Grimes of Sex" was pure win.

 

[KickLongTackleHard]

"previously forbidden land of the central corridor" haha clever.

 

[Mr Rude]

Reminds me of Ye Ole Bay13.

Go and pinch some of the script templates off that thread and re-do. Would look even better.

Good work Ye ole Dee ofth 33thyMy.

 

[Captain Jack]

"Grimes the Sex" clearly the best line.
"in the future we are preparing the way for the Chosen One, who shall but kick bags." yep.

Hilarious stuff, massive kudos to d33my. Well played Sir.

 

[d33my]

Book Two of the Gospel According to Dean;
In which
A mighty Lion is banished.

Now the Brisbane Lions gathered their forces for battle and assembled at the sacred MCG. And the Melbourne Demons did also assemble on the MCG, and the Lions had their camp at the City End, and the Demons at the Punt Rd end, with the centre square between them.

A champion named Goliath-Brown, a three time premiership player, came out of the Brisbane camp. He was over 9 feet tall. He had a bronze lion on his chest and glistening white boots. And Goliath-Brown did say:

"Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Lion, and are you not the lowly Demons? Choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us."

On hearing Goliath-Brown’s words, the loyal supporters of the Melbourne Demons were dismayed and terrified.

Now David-Frawley was the nephew of Spud, a well respected warrior from times of yore. And David-Frawley asked the men standing near him:

"Who will be the man who kills this Lion and removes this disgrace from the sacred MCG? Who is he that he should defy the armies of the coach Bailey?"

And so David-Frawley did volunteer to fight Goliath-Brown. But there was much doubt and angst amongst the Melbourne Football Club. “You are not able to go out against this Lion and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth!”

But David-Frawley replied: ‘I have beaten the Magpie and the Crow. It was Bailey who delivered me from the claw of the Magpie and the beak of the Crow, and Bailey will deliver me from the paw of this Lion."

And so Warnock the Brave said unto David-Frawley, "Go, and Bailey be with you."

And the battle commenced, and although try as he might the power of Goliath-Brown was no match for the cunning and athleticism of David-Frawley. And at the end of the battle, which had seen much destruction, David-Frawley did keep Goliath-Brown to but one major and a lowly 38 Dream Team points. And when the Lions had seen that their hero was defeated, they turned and ran, and the Melbourne Football club did triumph.

So be the word of Bailey.

 

[Punchy Demons]

Very, very good.

Hopefully we continue our winning ways & you can continue on in the role of MFC 'Town Crier'

 

[Kicking Back]

Gold...........Gold

 

[stretcharmstrong]

Good work mate, funny as ****!

 

[Devastating Boris]

Awesome. Pure gold. When can we expect the first edition?

 

[Mr Rude]

ye drafte oth 2010th, Ye Ole Melbourne Football Clube selctoth wit thy 5th picke Maximus of Gawn.

 

[pezz]

 

[Captain Jack]

I want to see a chapter about 'The Much-Renowned Hands of Scull"... dunno what the biblical analogy is there, good luck.

 

[mfc150]

Our Warnock brings all the balls to the ground
and our boy is batter than yours
Yeah our boy is better than yours
Just watch him as he stops you score

 

[d33my]

Thread bump for lulz because this place needs some cheering up. In any case, thats footy for you and I'm sure it will all be forgotten next week when we're singing 'Grand Old Flag after pumping the Dogs

Hahaha MFC150 that was gold. A youtube Warnock highlights package to that tune would be great

Anyway, here's my latest offering for the Gospel (i hope it turns out to be prophetic), remember, contributions (like MFC150s, Pezz, Mr Rude etc) are encouraged, because it relieves a bit of footy tension

The Third Book of the Gospel According to Dean,
In which
Ricky the Bobby is tempted.
One day Ricky the Bobby was on his way unto the Junction, where he was to listen to the coach Bailey preach, but along the way he was accosted by an evil spirit. The spirit took Ricky to the Coast of Gold and had him stand on the highest point above the land. The spirit showed him the wonders of the Golden Coast with salary cap concessions and plenty of glamour and bountiful women.

The spirit said unto Ricky ‘All of this I will give to you if you bow down to the almighty dollar.’

Now Ricky the Bobby was young, and handsome, and the offer was tempting. But Ricky the Bobby was also faithful to the Melbourne Football Club, and to his one true coach Bailey.

Ricky the Bobby replied ‘You fool! Do you not know it is written “Do not put your coach Bailey to the test”? Away from me, Satan! For it is also written ‘Worship the Bailey your coach, and serve him only!’ And with this Ricky banished the evil spirit of the Golden Coast away, and the spirit left him, and angels did attend to him, and he did but kick a five goal bag the next weekend.

So be the word of Bailey.

 

[Gazza_11]

Can I post this on FB as a note? I won't claim it....