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The f*ck you just say about me?!

I'll be hanging round though, I just moved up to second favourite to be the next coach behind Montgomery.

Not everyone is as ignorant as you mate, but I'll give you a pass this time. I'm tough, uncompromising and I demand a contested brand of holding identification. My preference is being worn like a sash, but at the very least I'm here to make sure Schoey gets to the restricted areas without an...

Thanks for the nod mate. Looking forward to taking the reigns from Knights and that troglodyte Webster - he's been a massive dribbling sook since Schofield tried to use me to strangle him for suggesting moving Witherden to the wing and he's never let it go. There's a new sheriff in town, y'all...

Hi Simon, you coming to the family lunch on Sunday? Dad said if you're bringing your girlfriend with the dreadlocks and the bone through her nose to make sure she wears shoes and deodorant this time and to let her know there won't be any vegan dishes.

Hey mate, I'm not certain what is considered a cushy job's salary at West Coast, but I can confirm that the match committee, recruitment department, marketing & promotions team and the board have spent the entire day together and we are now certain that Liam Duggan is in fact 27 years old, and...

You heard it here first folks - chuck an avocado on me and drinks will be on you!

Afternoon all, guess who's got a new job for the next 7 weeks?!

I can confirm that all the 1994 premiership team and everyone else at the club thinks that Brad Hardie is a fool.

I'll put in a good word with the match committee if you agree to cut the crusts off my sandwich - dad said now that he's no longer CEO he's not gonna baby me anymore and that I have to fend for myself.

Whole bunch of pathetic virgins in this thread.

^^^^^^ Finally this has come up organically! 10 years is a long time when you add it all up - 4 hours a day (including lunchbreak), 3 days a week for 22 weeks of the year (including 6 weeks of annual leave) watching kids play footy is exhausting - real nose to the grindstone kind of stuff. I'm...

When I applied for the list manager position I thought it was just that; keeping a pile of lists under control, you know like not letting them get all shuffled up or blown away in the wind, maybe even scanning them into digital storage after I finish my nightschool IT course! Suffice to say I'm...

Thanks for standing up for me Keys, you've always been my favourite uncle, despite being on the RSPCA watch list for your involvement in the black market crow carcass trade you're a decent sort.

I've already taken this bullying issue to Eagles HR, dad says BOND 007 is under notice and dad is going to take me out for a Macca's icecream cone but I'll have to stand outside the car and eat it coz of what happened last time.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!! That position was supposed to be mine, dad promised! Oh for ****s sake I just took out a 3 year release on a new Cayenne too!

Guess who just got promoted! Drinks* are on me guys! *limit of 1 per person. Soft drinks and juice only.

Well coincidentally dad took me out for a milk shake today and said he has some good news and some bad news; he said the bad news is that I'll be taking the blame for the current state of the Eagles, the Titan submersible tragedy, the current cost of living crisis and the assassination of John...

Pssst, thanks Phil - your tickets to Whore Island are in the mail.

Guys can we please stop this unfair targeting of my dear old dad? I don't think you lot really understand just how much pressure he is under and how frail it is making him these days. Just this morning he barely cracked a grin after his daily routine of throwing the scalding dregs of his...

Dad says I have to write up an application if I want to be Mr Bossman and do it as an oral application - but I told him that oral presentations are a massive jip coz not only do you have to write it down but then do the public speaking! That's double the work! At first he got angry but then he...

Please don't add me to yet another list! My dad has banned me from playing Roblox and has been using me as a human Ottoman for the past fortnight for breaking curfew, I can't bear to think what he'd do if he saw that - maybe no icecream after dinner! The horror!

Not yet, dad says I'm not allowed to be CEO until I stop calling out for a glass of water during the night for a whole week. My record is 2 nights so far.

Finally getting the recognition I deserve. In your face, dad!

So if we remove the 100% mark-up, then who's going to pay to have my Porsche serviced? You think I'll pay for it out of my allowance? Pfffft!

Oh hai gaiz! Am I too late to get the afore mentioned Dutch rudders for picking 4 Redden replacements?

It's against site rules to have a sock-puppet account, so I'm gonna have to delete your account mate.

I know you guys think you're pretty funny, but we dont use that obsolete Hotmail, we use Yahoo. Dad says we're a club at the cutting edge of innovation and this includes our tech area, if you want more info on how we keep our finger on the pulse with this kind of stuff just head to over to our...

I'll tell you what I told Nic and the other boys; hit outs, contested possessions, goals - all these mean nothing to me. Uncontested marks around the ground - now that's the sign of a great ruckman.

Not to worry mate, Dad's already got me writing up a program for when I take over as head of S&C at season's end: 1: 45 minute daily workouts - mainly to focus on bicep curls and bench presses. Everything beyond that is a waste of time. 2: Advanced brisket preparation - gotta have the most...