Ask Ricky Anything

[Damp Squarie]

Hai Ricky...two questions

What did Jimmy boy do with the spreadsheet?
Why don't the Aints merge with the Paer?

 

[TootToot!]

Cheers Ricky, knew it would be that ungrateful campaigner Boomer's fault in some way.

I have another question, how is it that a man with even less talent and charisma than yourself in Basil Zemplias got a job on Television doing commentary and sports reports?

Well Furfie, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Basil had a mouth like a Dyson vacuum cleaner and it was responsible for his meteoric rise within the media. But funnily enough, it's not. It's actually his abnormally large nose which is the perfect length to "milk the prostate" whilst he tongues your gooch - which is all the rage in tv exec land at the moment. And so adept is he at it you'll find the description of this sex act on Urban Dictionary under "The Baz".

Were you dropped on your head as a baby? Or did your mum throw you on purpose?

I've got a pair of nunchucks with your teeth's name on it. Gate 3 tomorrow night. Bring snacks.

#TootToot!

 

[TootToot!]

Ricky, are you and Duritz closely related? Because you two look very similar.

No son of mine would do the polio diet!

Of course I'd welcome him back into the family in exchange for a hot meal! Or a meal that was once hot! Or any kind of food really! Even raw pasta! Seriously, I'd even eat decorative bath soaps!

#TootToot!

 

[harry000]

I've got a pair of nunchucks with your teeth's name on it. Gate 3 tomorrow night. Bring snacks.

#TootToot!

 

[Packedlunch]

Have you got a permit for selling your $5 hand shandies at gate 3? And umm..do you deals for bulk?

 

[Freofalcon]

Hey Ricky.

Why do you resemble a shrivelled scrotum ?

 

[TootToot!]

Hey Ricky.

Why do you resemble a shrivelled scrotum ?

You are what you eat!

#TootToot!

 

[TootToot!]

Have you got a permit for selling your $5 hand shandies at gate 3? And umm..do you deals for bulk?

Send me your email, I'll mail you out one of my free* loyalty club cards where your tenth hand-shandy is half price! And for an extra $3 I'll even let you spit in my mouth afterwards!

 

[TootToot!]

Looks like I've got my next application to appear on Saturday Night Live covered!



I'm coming for you Dane Cook!

RICKY'S BACK BABY!

#TootToot!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Ricky,
Where has royals1922 gone? Will he be back?

 

[David Schwarz]

Hey guys!

My publicist (the homeless guy named Crazy Eyes Jeffrey who shares a storm drain with me) thought it'd be a great idea to get my gorgeous face out there before I start my next run of tour dates for my brand new and improved comedy show: "If It Tastes Like Chicken, Keep on Lickin'!"

So I've decided to do a no holds barred, free* for all Q & A where you can ask any question you like to the greatest ever superstar player manager! No not ******* Liam Pickering you grubs! Me, Ricky! And I'll give you all the inside goss on whatever you wannak know that's lingering in the slimy AFL underbelly!

So like I told the Nick Riewoldt when he threatened to give me the sack for conduct unbecoming of a player manager - fire away! And I'll do my best to answer all questions in a timely manner - on the proviso that I can get access to the YMCA communal PC that is!

#TootToot!




*$295.95 PP + P&H

Hi Rick,

First time caller, long time telegrapher,

A question. What are your thoughts on the political instability in Burkina Faso?

 

[TootToot!]

Ricky,
Where has royals1922 gone? Will he be back?

Hey Gawnskie, I believe royals took a job with Collin's Thesaurus where he's spearheading a new division dedicated to creating new synonyms for sore anus!

Will he be back?! I'm certain he's lurking right now, crying into his turnip juice as we speak...

Hi Rick,

First time caller, long time telegrapher,

A question. What are your thoughts on the political instability in Burkina Faso?

Mmmm I love Burkina Faso! It's that Nepalese place down on Fourth right?! Their creamy chicken butter balls are to die for!

#TootToot!

 

[Milkshaker]

Hi Ricky. I have just scored some blow and would like to share it with someone experienced as it is my first time. Are you keen and do you promise not to take advantage of me?

 

[Freofalcon]

Hey Ricky.

How do we get DaVillaBlues to **** off and not come back ?

 

[Morganashlee]

Hey Ricky.

How do we get DaVillaBlues to **** off and not come back ?

Get him to play survivor then blindside him in the first round?

Not that anyone would quit for such a reason ...

 

[DaVillaBlues]

Hey Ricky

Why does Freofalcon constantly masterbate over Pauline Hanson and George Pell ? One twisted brother if you ask me.

 

[TootToot!]

Hi Ricky. I have just scored some blow and would like to share it with someone experienced as it is my first time. Are you keen and do you promise not to take advantage of me?

I'M ALREADY ON MY WAY DONT START WITHOUT ME!

 

[Freofalcon]

Hey Ricky

Why does Freofalcon constantly masterbate over Pauline Hanson and George Pell ? One twisted brother if you ask me.

Better than tossing one out over Sooz.

 

[db swannie]

What did Kim Duthie really do to your conca?

A) she bit it.
B) she stubbed her durrie out on it.
C) she laughed at it. Or
D) all of the above before asking for more money.

 

[leobarryustar]

Hey Ricky, what's better than sex with 16 year olds?

 

[Freofalcon]

Hey Ricky, what's better than sex with 16 year olds?

Now it's getting weird.

 

[Benwah83]

Apologies for the delay!

No that was all an elaborate set up, I was never even in the same room as Dim Kunthie! Mr Fat Cat Andy D thought that I was getting too successful and wanted to cut me down a peg, so he hired the world's greatest sh00pers oogac and Benwah83 to sh00p into some pics of me snorting lines out of her arse crack!

Like a phoenix I will rise from the ashes!

Have you got any spare change?

One of my best bits of work, that one. Cropping your head onto Craig Hutchinson's body, and Kim's head onto Caroline Wilson's...

Demetriou paid top dollar, and I didn't even need to shoop in the coke!

 

[Catscratch]

Hey guys!

My publicist (the homeless guy named Crazy Eyes Jeffrey who shares a storm drain with me) thought it'd be a great idea to get my gorgeous face out there before I start my next run of tour dates for my brand new and improved comedy show: "If It Tastes Like Chicken, Keep on Lickin'!"

So I've decided to do a no holds barred, free* for all Q & A where you can ask any question you like to the greatest ever superstar player manager! No not ******* Liam Pickering you grubs! Me, Ricky! And I'll give you all the inside goss on whatever you wannak know that's lingering in the slimy AFL underbelly!

So like I told the Nick Riewoldt when he threatened to give me the sack for conduct unbecoming of a player manager - fire away! And I'll do my best to answer all questions in a timely manner - on the proviso that I can get access to the YMCA communal PC that is!

#TootToot!




*$295.95 PP + P&H

Shut up D/H!

 

[TootToot!]

Shut up D/H!

Look, I've been really desperate and pathetic before; like so low I've sold my pubes to a wig maker to pay for my Bath Salts habit after flushing my life down the shitter chasing teenage trim!

But even compared to me, you're a real piece of shit you cousin rooting degenerate!

#TootToot!

 

[Bodicifer]

How do I stop my wife smoking?