Football Jargon, Phrases You Can’t Stand

[Partridge]

“An amazing player and also an amazing human”

This sycophantic, vomit-inducing trash is spewed out quite often by the likes of Brayshaw and Darcy.

Go easy with the drool fellas. They’re just footballers, let’s just enjoy the game.

Yep. I heard Brayshaw say that about a certain J. Krakouer this year.

Vomit-inducing is spot on.

 

[Partridge]

When the ** did a shot for goal become a "look?" James Brayshaw can ** off. "He hasn't had any looks today." Just say this is his first shot at goal campaigner.

"He kicks a little chiseller" No he doesn't Brian Taylor. He kicks it short. "He kicks a right foot slider." I still don't know what the **** that is.

"He fans it out to Langdon on the wing." No he doesn't Brayshaw, stop being a total ****wit.

"He loves the competition." About a player who thrives on the contest. Jesus ****ing freezes.

When did "giving his best" become cracking in, and who was responsible for that ludicrous phrase entering the footballing lexicon?

Torpedo punt already had a perfect alternative colourful description in spiral punt. A Barrel is something you transport beer in you stupid stupid campaigners.

Commentators should not try to inject themselves into the match. All commentators: you are an unnecessary evil. Stop acting like you are a necessary evil.

**** I hate commentators.

I'll nominate just one (from many):

"From the paint".

Anyone who utters that should be brutally executed in front of their family.

 

[Partridge]

Came in here to say this.

I don’t agree with murder, and I don’t like the idea of incarceration, and I certainly don’t support the idea of making innocent people’s lives worse by taking away someone they care about but I would f**ken take a sledgehammer to David king’s f**ken face given the slightest f**ken chance to do so and bludgeon it until it looked like a burst watermelon if it removed the words stoppage and clearance in singular form, from AFL lexicon.

What a c**t

When it comes to current footy commentators I am absolutely in favour of all of these things.

 

[janty]

• the industry
• sacrosanct
• if there is foot candy and hand candy then what is standard candy?
• learnings
• wanted it more
• the pressure gauge on Fox Footy broadcasts
• great man
• superstar

 

[Tall poppy Syndrome]

I’ve received 2 phone calls this morning:

Jobe Watson rang to say he’s enjoyed the status operatus of the thread.

While Alastair Clarkson asked me to pass on that through your comments you’ve all had your fair lick of the ice cream but he just can’t decide which one is worthy of taking the chocolates.

 

[Rabish Binney]

1. "Long levers"
2. "Takes the ball at the highest point" (WTF??)
3. "He's got a stinger". What exactly is a stinger?

 

[kickazz]

3. "He's got a stinger". What exactly is a stinger?

An impact to the body (often shoulder) that causes a lot of acute pain but no real damage as such.

 

[westie]

Deeefence, Offfence and most Brayshawisms.

 

[Partridge]

• the industry
• sacrosanct
• if there is foot candy and hand candy then what is standard candy?
• learnings
• wanted it more
• the pressure gauge on Fox Footy broadcasts
• great man
• superstar

Ah yes, bogan footy terminology 101. Apparently there are a lot of great men in footy now. Like absolutely everyone Andy Maher has ever spoken to.

Along with "going beautifully" - used to describe absolutely anyone doing the most basic task at the most basic level.

 

[Bont the Lord]

Geelong Facons Football Factory

 

[JPetro83]

"he's a jet" and any American term that is used.

 

[cryptor]

Not that I can't stand them, they're just dumb when you take a couple seconds to think about what they're trying to say.

"Running on top of the ground"

"Leg speed"

"Perceived pressure"

"That _______ piece" ("connection piece" probably most common)

Refering to a list of pluralised player names when describing a type/position. eg. Instead of saying "A big key forward" they'd say "The Curnows, the Hogans, the Hawkins' of the competition"

 

[GoEaglesGoSGIO]

Liam Baker

3

Liam Baker

Age

26

Ht

173cm

Wt

72kg

Pos.

D/F

Career

Season

Last 5

D

15.7

4star

K

7.8

3star

HB

7.9

5star

M

3.2

3star

T

2.6

4star

MG

222.2

3star

D

14.6

4star

K

6.8

3star

HB

7.9

4star

M

3.8

4star

T

1.8

3star

MG

191.9

3star

D

14.4

4star

K

6.2

3star

HB

8.2

5star

M

1.6

2star

T

1.8

4star

MG

224.2

4star

 

[threesixpio]

Yep. I heard Brayshaw say that about a certain J. Krakouer this year.

Vomit-inducing is spot on.

Devils advocate - maybe it suggests that most football players are a bit average as humans which isn’t a terrible assumption to make. Therefore the sentiment is possibly correct but maybe it should be “great footballer and actually not a farkkstick somehow”

 

[sosos]

"He's good in tight." He's good at what??

"Inside mid, outside mid, inside/outside mid." Aren't they rovers, ruck rovers and wingers?

"Runs both ways". What happens when they run sideways?

 

[simba_]

ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL

 

[GhostofJimJess]

Pluralising individual players when trying to make a point - "North Melbourne have a number of young developing leaders on their list - the Wardlaws, the Sheezels, the McKerchers ..."


Or when they add an unnecessary preposition - "North Melbourne have a number of young developing leaders in Wardlaw, Sheezel, McKercher ..."

Makes it sound like a GWS post-season players skit.

 

[Rich]

“The contest.”

Absolute garbage.

Commentators, players and coaches always vomit this one out.

 

[Purple Jesus]

" lick of the icecream "

 

[Piggy Smalls]

I'm still trying to figure out why all of their buildings only have four walls

 

[Spirit Level]

"At the contest"

 

[LightTower4]

Brayshaw and 'What he brings to the table'.

Not sure if off topic but do away with mid game interviews with coaches and players.
Every question is rhetorical and it brings nothing to the table.