Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2019 - Now featuring the bottom 5 Arnott's biscuits

[Starburns_]

Not every expansion team

Didn't you guys have priority access to Andrew McLeod and traded him because he wore an earring to an interview with the football department?

If losing to Essendon wasn't embarrassing enough, he was also fined for making an 'obscene gesture' to an Essendon fan (rumoured to be sign language for 'child support' in French to a guy who was sitting 'in a good place'). To top it off, he was then suspended for a week for stomping on Shaun McKernan. Ta dah.

56.8m? Per game?

That's not as typo folks. Most rebounding defenders will kick the ball once per game longer than Statton's average rebound for the entire game.
That would mean his speed of ball movement over the course of a 120 minute game of football is 0.0284 km/h on average.

The average speed of a garden snail is 0.047 km/hr. Ben Stratton's ball movement is, literally, slower than a garden snail. Let that sink in.

 

[hawkman]

Shocked he wasn't higher

 

[Chaisa]

I’m outraged. How was there 25 worse footballers than Ben Stratton?

 

[Dinsdale]

fair enough.
Poor bastard only has 3 premierships too.

 

[evo]

Most embarrassing captain since Richie Vandenburg.

 

[asanque]

Player #26 - Ben Stratton

It looks like the cliff is sometimes less obvious for some players than it is for others. Stratts, Pinchy, welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

Just missing the reference to being 'cooked'.

Pinchy taking a hot bath

 

[Over The Post]

Most embarrassing captain since Richie Vandenburg.

Didn't he crash and burn? Oh, that was the Hindenburg. Sorry.

 

[A Cut Above]

I’m outraged. How was there 25 worse footballers than Ben Stratton?

McVeigh
Jack
Grundy
Smith
Menzel
Franklin

That's 6 right off the bat

 

[CJApples87]

Yeah, a guy who’s kicked almost 1000 goals is worse than Stratton.

 

[MC Bad Genius]

McVeigh
Jack
Grundy
Smith
Menzel
Franklin

That's 6 right off the bat

Have you seen one of these threads before???

 

[A Cut Above]

Yeah, a guy who’s kicked almost 1000 goals is worse than Stratton.

Since when did past history factor into Mofra's bottom 50?

Sydney paid Franklin $1.3m this year to play a pitiful 10 games & kick 27 goals. Easily bottom 50 and the melts would be glorious.

 

[leobarryustar]

Since when did past history factor into Mofra's bottom 50?

Sydney paid Franklin $1.3m this year to play a pitiful 10 games & kick 27 goals. Easily bottom 50 and the melts would be glorious.

2.7 goals per game is better than Roughie’s 1.88, Breust’s 1.55 or Gunston’s 1.30 (lol). Nice injury troll for 3am though

 

[A Cut Above]

2.7 goals per game is better than Roughie’s 1.88, Breust’s 1.55 or Gunston’s 1.30 (lol). Nice injury troll for 3am though

Melting and he hasn't even been named yet, ladies & gents I rest my case. Lance "Cooked & Due to be Paid $1.4m in 2020" Franklin for Mofra's Bottom 50.

 

[HairyO]

Yeah, a guy who’s kicked almost 1000 goals is worse than Stratton.

Stratton led the 2nd best defence in the League.

Buddy spearheaded... I dunno... a really shit offence thst sometimes fell over the line but mostly not ?

 

[Bjchan13]

Stratton led the 2nd best defence in the League.

Buddy spearheaded... I dunno... a really s**t offence thst sometimes fell over the line but mostly not ?

Agree on Stratton, very stiff not to pinch a spot in the AA side.

 

[HairyO]

Agree on Stratton, very stiff not to pinch a spot in the AA side.

For sure in the squad. Not a lot of pinch hitters outside of baseball.

 

[leobarryustar]

Melting and he hasn't even been named yet, ladies & gents I rest my case. Lance "Cooked & Due to be Paid $1.4m in 2020" Franklin for Mofra's Bottom 50.

That’s mot a melt. This is a melt:

 

[LittleG]

2.7 goals per game is better than Roughie’s 1.88, Breust’s 1.55 or Gunston’s 1.30 (lol). Nice injury troll for 3am though

Buddy is a top 10 lock.

Looking forward to your melt, it might almost be as epic as your October 2016 one.

 

[Laphroaig]

That’s mot a melt. This is a melt:

View attachment 756350

Chad is rightly providing strong leadership here.

Caption says:

Listen you four over the hill hacks. I'm worth a 1st, a 2nd and Ryan Burton - none of you old age pensioners would bring a stale pack of potato chips. Just kick it to me, if you ever manage to get your hands on it.

 

[Chaisa]

On a more serious note I’d be disappointed if Jack or Menzel wasn’t there.

Hawfies just offended that they have a piece of shit captain that should’ve been Hall’d by Fantasia if we’re being honest

 

[skam85]

Chad is rightly providing strong leadership here.

Caption says:

Listen you four over the hill hacks. I'm worth A 1st, a 2nd and Ryan Burton and a yearly subscription of Fortnite - none of you old age pensioners would even know what Fortnite is. It's the best. Just play Fortnite with me, if you ever manage to buy a gaming console or PC.

EFA

 

[CJApples87]

Melting and he hasn't even been named yet, ladies & gents I rest my case. Lance "Cooked & Due to be Paid $1.4m in 2020" Franklin for Mofra's Bottom 50.

You produced an epic melt and then deleted it.

 

[A Cut Above]

You produced an epic melt and then deleted it.

If Buddy isn't in this year's bottom 50 book him in for next season. So tragic watching him lose his athleticism and seeing Sydney's flag hopes fade with it.

 

[Mofra]

Player(s) #25 - Assorted McDonalds


Pictured: The McDonald brothers at melbourne lead the competition for awkwardly staged photos

It's halfway, so time to cram a few players in all at once (not in a St Kilda way).
In the AFL or at 3am, the name 'McDonalds' was synonymous with disappointment this year. Firstly, the demons.

Tom started his career as a defender and had a very good year as a forward last year. With Melbourne finally getting to the finals and winning a couple, hopes were higher than a Willie Rioli 'weekend with the boys'. 2019 was obviously disappointing with a number of players having poor years, and Tom's drop in output was no exception. His goal tally dropped from 53 to 18, numbers which are concerning even if we pretend he was mastering the sportsman's double. He dropped in basically every other category too - marks by a third, disposals by a couple, his tackles halved and and even his hitout numbers suffered. Before you say 'well that's not good, is he alone?' his brother Oscar says 'hold my beer'.

Oscar is the younger of the two and is so highly rated at Melbourne they went and chased Steven May and Jake Lever to replace him. They didn't quite achieve that, but Oscar nonetheless managed to have a worse year than last despite being a 23 year old 'developing' player. He averaged less than 9 touches and a clanger for every 4 touches. Tom was happy because the way Oscar's year panned out, he was still 'the good one'.

By a weird quirk of nature, both of the McDonalds went to Melbourne at pick 53 in their respective years. With their state-league netballer sister Laura a chance to enter the AFLW, it could actually happen again. We might actually see a numerical circumstance so weird that the last time it happened Richmond lost a final, to Carlton, who had finished 9th. I'm not sure what their family does to produce so many professional athletes but if my childhood memory serves me correct, their father is aged and owns a rural property upon which he engages in various forms of primary production.

Someone drafted much, much higher than 53 was Luke McDonald.


Pictured: Luke challenges a player called 'Chayce', because Tasmanians can be bogans too

Luke McDonald was selected at pick 8 under the father/son rule. His father, Donald McDonald, played 155 games for North Melbourne and inspired the public's voting of a name of a ship in England.

Luke has shown that if you're a decent junior, you can enter the AFL system and improve in absolutely no aspect of your game and still be picked. An outsidish flanker who kind of rebounds, he represents Dorian Gray in the AFL better than Wilde ever could have (that's Oscar, not Wilbur you pop culture philistines). Luke has pretty much maintained his first year output, with a little bit of a spike in 2017 and a bit of a dip this year.
Although it's not really his role, he had a whopping 3 clearances for the year indicating he likes to get his hands dirty about as much as his Trinity Grammar alumni. As I understand it, it's a school so posh they were exposed to only one of the Spice Girls.

All in all, welcome to the assorted McDonalds to the Bottom 50 this year.

 

[blackshadow]

Player(s) #25 - Assorted McDonalds
His father, Donald McDonald, played 155 games for North Melbourne and inspired the public's voting of a name of a ship in England.

Well played sir!