Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2019 - Now featuring the bottom 5 Arnott's biscuits

[WillHayward]

Stynes gave away the 15m penalty as it was in those days but not the original free kick.

Gotya.

 

[HirdsTheWord]

nah my guess is that Mofra's rabid anti_essendon obsession is now wedged so firmly up his ass that he will be unable to resist putting Stringer or Shiel at the No 1 spot

Rent free

 

[sthmelb_dimmies]

Over 70% of his disposals are uncontested so he clearly likes body contact about as much as Clementine Ford.

 

[Dinsdale]

True. And that Collingwood bloke who won 9.

No one remembers that guy

Sent by shoephone via Tapatoe

 

[76woodenspooners]

No one remembers that guy

Oh?

No problem. They’ve named an award in this weekends game after him just to remind them.

(ps. No, you idiot, not Sir Bob Premiership, or the ‘Life. Be in it.’ bloke, the other one)

 

[TedDougChris]

Oh?

No problem. They’ve named an award in this weekends game after him just to remind them.

(ps. No, you idiot, not Sir Bob Premiership, or the ‘Life. Be in it.’ bloke, the other one)

Leon Davis Medal ??

 

[Dinsdale]

Oh?

No problem. They’ve named an award in this weekends game after him just to remind them.

(ps. No, you idiot, not Sir Bob Premiership, or the ‘Life. Be in it.’ bloke, the other one)

excuse me, there is no Eddie Sadface award this weekend.

 

[Mofra]

Player #28 - Mason Wood


Pictured: Nobody outside of North fans have seen this guy before, why does he look like his face was put together by a police identikit staffer on their first day?

Mason Wood is basically a younger, smaller Jarrad Waite with less of a body of work behind him.

A 26 year old mid-sized 'tweener' forward, he has played 57 games because, well, North. A second round pick, Wood has survived largely because he would occasionally show glimpses of being a decent player before either copping an injury or losing form. He showed signs in 2018 by kicking 22 goals in 13 games, but went backwards a little this year.

His 2019 numbers look 'ok', largely due to two inflated games: the first a dead-cat bounce where he kicked 3 goals the week after Brad 'cockroaches, vegemite and tardigrades' Scott was sacked stood down. The second game was a week later, a four goal effort against Richmond's VFL side that were carrying more injuries than Collingwood fans perpetually think Collingwood actually has.

Unsurprisingly, he is both contracted and looking for 'further opportunity' with Freo linked to him and his Wikipedia page stating he has chosen Sydney, which is both unconfirmed and a frightening expansion of Tom Browne's reach. I might as well now mention that Wood kicked 21 goals and 21 behind this year. That puts his accuracy at 50%, a mere 49.9% higher than Tom Browne.

To be honest, I think part of the reason he's out the door is that he makes Rhyce Shaw's mega-round head look even more round than normal:


Pictured: The guy who looks like a thought bubble, talking to Mason Wood

Mason, Woody, good luck at your new club next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

That identikit caption. Quality as ever.

 

[Wild Bill]

Player #28 - Mason Wood

View attachment 753508
Pictured: Nobody outside of North fans have seen this guy before, why does he look like his face was put together by a police identikit staffer on their first day?

Mason Wood is basically a younger, smaller Jarrad Waite with less of a body of work behind him.

A 26 year old mid-sized 'tweener' forward, he has played 57 games because, well, North. A second round pick, Wood has survived largely because he would occasionally show glimpses of being a decent player before either copping an injury or losing form. He showed signs in 2018 by kicking 22 goals in 13 games, but went backwards a little this year.

His 2019 numbers look 'ok', largely due to two inflated games: the first a dead-cat bounce where he kicked 3 goals the week after Brad 'cockroaches, vegemite and tardigrades' Scott was sacked stood down. The second game was a week later, a four goal effort against Richmond's VFL side that were carrying more injuries than Collingwood fans perpetually think Collingwood actually has.

Unsurprisingly, he is both contracted and looking for 'further opportunity' with Freo linked to him and his Wikipedia page stating he has chosen Sydney, which is both unconfirmed and a frightening expansion of Tom Browne's reach. I might as well now mention that Wood kicked 21 goals and 21 behind this year. That puts his accuracy at 50%, a mere 49.9% higher than Tom Browne.

To be honest, I think part of the reason he's out the door is that he makes Rhyce Shaw's mega-round head look even more round than normal:

View attachment 753524
Pictured: The guy who looks like a thought bubble, talking to Mason Wood

Mason, Woody, good luck at your new club next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

If we get a pick in the late 80's we will be the 2019 trade winners.

Although I was hoping ess would get the 3-peat this year to inflate their supporters expectations in 2020. Watching them fail again is always fun.

 

[Mofra]

Player #27 - Aaron Francis


Pictured: An incredibly rare photo. Aaron Francis running.

Aaron Francis was pick no 6 in the 2015 AFL draft. He also happens to be Essendon's last first round pick that they legitimately earned, as they now concentrate on topping up so they can appear in week one of the finals on a more consistent basis.

Let's cut to the chase. Francis has not played regular football prior to this year because he has the tank of an asthmatic chain smoker and Essendon have preferred others in his position like Hooker and Hurley, who have more finals experience. Also, they have used Hartley, Ridley and... actually come to think of it, anyone except Aaron. This culminated in Francis requesting a trade away from Essendon (who he supported as a kid) back to South Australia at the end of 2017. Both SA clubs said 'lol, no' marking the first time Adelaide has rejected anyone who wants to move there.

This year was Aaron's 'breakout year'. He played 17 games, mostly in defence where he can use his leap. Unfortunately Bombers fans have realised that his leap is just about his only asset given he still can be worked over by opposition forwards. He managed almost 10 effective disposals per game, and 2 clangers. He did manage a career high 20 disposal game in the elimination final against West Coast, mostly because the ball was down there so much.

Actually given the return Essendon have had on Francis, you can understand why they are so keen to trade away high draft picks for established talent. Their best draft pick for a long time is Zac Merrett who plays so outside he brings a tent to games.

Francis is a red head from Adelaide so presumably has never had sex without some form of associated cash exchange. Adrian Dodoro said Francis recently 'turned his back' on a move back to SA to recently sign a 3 year contract extension at Essendon, conveniently ignoring the fact both SA clubs don't want him. Everyone was shocked to be sitting here to hear any form of spin emanating from Tullamarine, but wonders never do cease. Work is now underway to stop he and Jake Stringer from sharing diet advice with each other.

Aaron, good luck for next season. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

 

[Bjchan13]

He hasnt had his breakout year yet.

 

[Starburns_]

He hasnt had his breakout year yet.

So he's still got potential then?

Jarrad Waite likes this

 

[Wild Bill]

Player #27 - Aaron Francis

View attachment 753639
Pictured: An incredibly rare photo. Aaron Francis running.

Aaron Francis was pick no 6 in the 2015 AFL draft. He also happens to be Essendon's last first round pick that they legitimately earned, as they now concentrate on topping up so they can appear in week one of the finals on a more consistent basis.

Let's cut to the chase. Francis has not played regular football prior to this year because he has the tank of an asthmatic chain smoker and Essendon have preferred others in his position like Hooker and Hurley, who have more finals experience. Also, they have used Hartley, Ridley and... actually come to think of it, anyone except Aaron. This culminated in Francis requesting a trade away from Essendon (who he supported as a kid) back to South Australia at the end of 2017. Both SA clubs said 'lol, no' marking the first time Adelaide has rejected anyone who wants to move there.

This year was Aaron's 'breakout year'. He played 17 games, mostly in defence where he can use his leap. Unfortunately Bombers fans have realised that his leap is just about his only asset given he still can be worked over by opposition forwards. He managed almost 10 effective disposals per game, and 2 clangers. He did manage a career high 20 disposal game in the elimination final against West Coast, mostly because the ball was down there so much.

Actually given the return Essendon have had on Francis, you can understand why they are so keen to trade away high draft picks for established talent. Their best draft pick for a long time is Zac Merrett who plays so outside he brings a tent to games.

Francis is a red head from Adelaide so presumably has never had sex without some form of associated cash exchange. Adrian Dodoro said Francis recently 'turned his back' on a move back to SA to recently sign a 3 year contract extension at Essendon, conveniently ignoring the fact both SA clubs don't want him. Everyone was shocked to be sitting here to hear any form of spin emanating from Tullamarine, but wonders never do cease. Work is now underway to stop he and Jake Stringer from sharing diet advice with each other.

Aaron, good luck for next season. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

If Mason Wood is worth a pick in the late 80's the Francis would be closer to an exchange on 2nd round rookie picks.

 

[Baird]

Not sure how people find this rubbish funny tbh

 

[Wild Bill]

Not sure how people find this rubbish funny tbh

 

[Kabanna]

Not sure how people find this rubbish funny tbh

You should probably trying having a sense of humour then?

 

[Mofra]

Not sure how people find this rubbish funny tbh

I was dehydrated

 

[Deadpool]

I was dehydrated

Is that what they call it these days?

Back in my day (ie. today) they just call it getting pissed.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Player #28 - Mason Wood

View attachment 753508
Pictured: Nobody outside of North fans have seen this guy before, why does he look like his face was put together by a police identikit staffer on their first day?

Mason Wood is basically a younger, smaller Jarrad Waite with less of a body of work behind him.

A 26 year old mid-sized 'tweener' forward, he has played 57 games because, well, North. A second round pick, Wood has survived largely because he would occasionally show glimpses of being a decent player before either copping an injury or losing form. He showed signs in 2018 by kicking 22 goals in 13 games, but went backwards a little this year.

His 2019 numbers look 'ok', largely due to two inflated games: the first a dead-cat bounce where he kicked 3 goals the week after Brad 'cockroaches, vegemite and tardigrades' Scott was sacked stood down. The second game was a week later, a four goal effort against Richmond's VFL side that were carrying more injuries than Collingwood fans perpetually think Collingwood actually has.

Unsurprisingly, he is both contracted and looking for 'further opportunity' with Freo linked to him and his Wikipedia page stating he has chosen Sydney, which is both unconfirmed and a frightening expansion of Tom Browne's reach. I might as well now mention that Wood kicked 21 goals and 21 behind this year. That puts his accuracy at 50%, a mere 49.9% higher than Tom Browne.

To be honest, I think part of the reason he's out the door is that he makes Rhyce Shaw's mega-round head look even more round than normal:

View attachment 753524
Pictured: The guy who looks like a thought bubble, talking to Mason Wood

Mason, Woody, good luck at your new club next year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

Finally, should have been top 10. Jarrad Waite's long lost potential son.

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Is that what they call it these days?

Back in my day (ie. today) they just call it getting pi**ed.

Spoiler

Something Willie Rioli Something Something Gatorade Something Something Dehydrated

 

[Cleavy]

Player #28 - Mason Wood

View attachment 753508
Pictured: Nobody outside of North fans have seen this guy before, why does he look like his face was put together by a police identikit staffer on their first day?

 

[craffles]

Player #34 - Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti



Above: A punk song about Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti. It certainly beats the Essendon club song:



Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti is an Essendon player known as Tippa or Walla, because his full name is too hard for Essendon fans to spell.

A small forward, he kicked 32 goals at 1.4 goals per game from his 23 games (home & away season plus one losing final, because Essendon).
That seems pretty respectable but... let us examine his year a little closer shall we?

Walla is a downhill skiier par excellance. In 11 losses this year, Walla managed 6 goals and that was dressed up by 4 goals in his last two games. When Essendon's season was on the line, Walla managed 1 goal from 8 losses.

He also seems to have an aversion to expansion clubs. In 5 games against expansion clubs he managed one goal (against the Crows in round 18). This basically means he only really performs in conditions are just right for him, against 'traditional clubs', in a win when his teammates up field fed him the ball. In bukake/Saints team bonding session terms, he is the guy who finishes last after everyone else has... actually no let's just shut down that mental image right there.

There is no denying his story is a good one. Growing up on the Tiwi Islands, to further his football he moved to Drouin in Victoria where he learned to speak English, unlike most of the locals who grew up there. To help anyone who suffers a catastrophic GPS failure and finds themselves down there, he is a handy translation guide to help you:

Whaddayoooloogin at? - Sir or madam, why has my appearance has piqued your interest?
Gottadurry? - May I please borrow a tobacco product from you?
Wannagokarnt? - I challenge you to a duel of fisticuffs!
Cousin - Life partner

Walla added McDonald to his name in tribute to the family who cared for him during his time at Drouin. This would not work for Richmond fans as 'KFC' is a ridiculous addition to a surname.

Fun fact: at 171cm tall, he is a mere 5 inches taller than Starburns_

Walla, Tippa, watch out for Zac Merrett as he likes to pull dreadlocks. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

Someone’s triggered that he signed on again with the dons and didn’t join the missing pieces of the dogs premiership puzzle in Josh Bruce and Alex Keath

 

[Ant_]

Someone’s triggered that he signed on again with the dons and didn’t join the missing pieces of the dogs premiership puzzle in Josh Bruce and Alex Keath

Lol

 

[craffles]

Lol

All smart ass digs aside he is pretty stiff to be in here, inconsistent yeah but he had a good year. All part of the 36 week annual mof fishing expedition