Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2019 - Now featuring the bottom 5 Arnott's biscuits

[WillHayward]

Two new genuine, accurate entries and more reason to support the Mof's public fellatio.

I actually thought Mason Wood was only 22 and thought Mof was harsh.

But 26. FFS. Jesus. He is a veteran.

Francis is a deserved entrant too. No longer a developing 'kid'. Now just an adult slob.

 

[Wild Bill]

All smart ass digs aside he is pretty stiff to be in here, inconsistent yeah but he had a good year. All part of the 36 week annual mof fishing expedition

He is your classic down hill skier. Is useless when the team loses.

 

[craffles]

He is your classic down hill skier. Is useless when the team loses.

Hai m7 I see you still have a stiffie for the dons

 

[Mofra]

There's always a belated melt

 

[craffles]

There's always a belated melt

Hai m7 have u finished 2018 yet?

 

[A Cut Above]

Two new genuine, accurate entries and more reason to support the Mof's public fellatio.

I actually thought Mason Wood was only 22 and thought Mof was harsh.

But 26. FFS. Jesus. He is a veteran.

Francis is a deserved entrant too. No longer a developing 'kid'. Now just an adult slob.

Not sure what it is about Norf players, feels like we've only been aware of Ben Brown a few years yet he'll be 27 next month, and Robbie Tarrant's already 30. Its as if they go through a 3-5 year larval stage of being practically invisible before blossoming into their final form - tepidly above average footballers.

No wonder Boomer didn't retire from his job of Professional Raffle Winner until he was 38, refusing to handball inside fifty in those first 350 games amounted to a cry for attention.

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

a four goal effort against Richmond's VFL side that were carrying more injuries than Collingwood fans perpetually think Collingwood actually has.

#richmondhaveinjuries

Pictured: The guy who looks like a thought bubble, talking to Mason Wood

Speech bubbles are round

 

[swansfan51]

Mof who is currently the most capped Bottom 50 player? It's a big achievement, shit enough to make multiple bottom 50s, but kept on a list regardless.

If he makes this year, my money is on Gary Rohan, it's at least his 3rd

EDIT: Gary Rohan has been in the bottom 20 of 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018. The most consistently shit player in the league, unless someone can find a better example

 

[Chaisa]

Not sure what it is about Norf players, feels like we've only been aware of Ben Brown a few years yet he'll be 27 next month, and Robbie Tarrant's already 30. Its as if they go through a 3-5 year larval stage of being practically invisible before blossoming into their final form - tepidly above average footballers.

IIRC Brown only got drafted in 2013, so that's why he was invisible for a while. Tarrant started his career as a shitty forward before becoming an awesome defender.

 

[Sgt Bargearse]

Finlayson's GF performance must have him rocketing up the charts

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Not sure what it is about Norf players, feels like we've only been aware of Ben Brown a few years yet he'll be 27 next month, and Robbie Tarrant's already 30. Its as if they go through a 3-5 year larval stage of being practically invisible before blossoming into their final form - tepidly above average footballers.

No wonder Boomer didn't retire from his job of Professional Raffle Winner until he was 38, refusing to handball inside fifty in those first 350 games amounted to a cry for attention.

Tarrant would be your best defender and Brown would be your best forward.

 

[TedDougChris]

Finlayson's GF performance must have him rocketing up the charts

Can an entire team win the Leon Davis medal ????

 

[A Cut Above]

Mof who is currently the most capped Bottom 50 player? It's a big achievement, s**t enough to make multiple bottom 50s, but kept on a list regardless.

If he makes this year, my money is on Gary Rohan, it's at least his 3rd

EDIT: Gary Rohan has been in the bottom 20 of 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018. The most consistently s**t player in the league, unless someone can find a better example

Zac Dawson would be right up there.

 

[Spiritof82]

The plastic failures will have to be up there for the #1 position

 

[76woodenspooners]

The plastic failures will have to be up there for the #1 position

Sure, if you don’t count the 16 teams below them.

 

[Spiritof82]

Sure, if you don’t count the 16 teams below them.

The other 16 teams didn't get endless AFL assistance in the form of draft picks and under the table financial payments to try and pretend they are even a relevant team like the plastics did, and still will

 

[76woodenspooners]

The other 16 teams didn't get endless AFL assistance ...

Rubbish. All teams get hefty concessions when they’re established. How else did WCE, Brisbane Lions, Crows get to win multiple Premierships not long after they’re founded? And it is still possible to screw it up (Suns)

 

[Sentinel]

Tomlinson a certainty

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

This one is going to be even one sided than the game.

There's argument we should look at renaming the medal he was that bad.

 

[hawkman]

Player #43 - David McKay

View attachment 739852
Pictured: The Herald-Sun refuse to interview Mackay due to his obvious left-bias

Look, we may as well get it out of the way now. The hard running, peroxide loving outside player from Adelaide is a permanent fixture in the Bottom 50 and, much like Adelaide's team sheet, there seems little he can do to get off it.

MacKay grew up in Melbourne's leafy south-easy and attended Trinity Grammar in Kew which is a well to do private school. Alumni include the annoying guy from The Cat Empire (who am I kidding, that's all of them), the politician with the most appropriate middle name in history (Wilfrid Kent Hughes) and the guy who invented Milo, Thomas Mayne.

David's 2018 was very much like his 2017. One more game than last year, one more goal, missing the finals again, and sparking a lot of debate on the Crows board about what their club was doing. It appears unlikely that he adds to his career Brownlow medal vote tally of one, achieved in 2015. Then again a lot of things appear unlikely:

View attachment 739858
Pictured: Forget the Taman Shud case, this is the greatest mystery in Adelaide's history

There appears little doubt that MacKay has been the Crows' whipping boy over the years, and it seems that the Crows have again grabbed the whip and given off a panic handball straight to the opposition (fittingly). He looks set to sign another contract extension as a vanilla player who could...
... ah forget it.

I've read the Adelaide Board and there is no way I could do a hatchet job of MacKay better than they have done themselves. You can actually feel their frustration as their six-fingered hands pound away in the local library's shared computer space, wondering why a 31 year old who averages under 17 touches (stats wise, not Saints-wise) throughout his career is getting a contract while half their players look set to 'explore their opportunities'.

David, good luck next year. Thank you and once again welcome to the Bottom 50.

And now signed on for another year of appearing in the Bottom 50

 

[yyou]

Rubbish. All teams get hefty concessions when they’re established. How else did WCE, Brisbane Lions, Crows get to win multiple Premierships not long after they’re founded? And it is still possible to screw it up (Suns)

Not every expansion team

 

[Spiritof82]

Not every expansion team

Concur, only those teams located in NSW got all the concessions

 

[TubbsFarquhar]

Player #43 - David McKay

View attachment 739852
Pictured: The Herald-Sun refuse to interview Mackay due to his obvious left-bias

Look, we may as well get it out of the way now. The hard running, peroxide loving outside player from Adelaide is a permanent fixture in the Bottom 50 and, much like Adelaide's team sheet, there seems little he can do to get off it.

MacKay grew up in Melbourne's leafy south-easy and attended Trinity Grammar in Kew which is a well to do private school. Alumni include the annoying guy from The Cat Empire (who am I kidding, that's all of them), the politician with the most appropriate middle name in history (Wilfrid Kent Hughes) and the guy who invented Milo, Thomas Mayne.

David's 2018 was very much like his 2017. One more game than last year, one more goal, missing the finals again, and sparking a lot of debate on the Crows board about what their club was doing. It appears unlikely that he adds to his career Brownlow medal vote tally of one, achieved in 2015. Then again a lot of things appear unlikely:

View attachment 739858
Pictured: Forget the Taman Shud case, this is the greatest mystery in Adelaide's history

There appears little doubt that MacKay has been the Crows' whipping boy over the years, and it seems that the Crows have again grabbed the whip and given off a panic handball straight to the opposition (fittingly). He looks set to sign another contract extension as a vanilla player who could...
... ah forget it.

I've read the Adelaide Board and there is no way I could do a hatchet job of MacKay better than they have done themselves. You can actually feel their frustration as their six-fingered hands pound away in the local library's shared computer space, wondering why a 31 year old who averages under 17 touches (stats wise, not Saints-wise) throughout his career is getting a contract while half their players look set to 'explore their opportunities'.

David, good luck next year. Thank you and once again welcome to the Bottom 50.

I'm late to the party but we just gave this vanilla bean another contract.

 

[Mofra]

Player #26 - Ben Stratton


Pictured: Ben Stratton attempts to 'fly the flag'

Ben Stratton is the captain of the Hawthorn Football Club, taking over just as they start to miss finals.

Now if the mass exodus of many of their fans from the Bay isn't a clue, the Hawks are in a bit of a bind. They have more players over 30 than any other club in the competition, missed the finals, and have lost legends of the club in recent years like Roughy, Hodge, Lewis, Mitchell and Ryan Burton.
Filling the breach as an inspirational leader sounds like a difficult task, and because Clarkson likes in-jokes he chose Ben Stratton.

Ben was a mature aged medium defender in the WAFL when he lucked out and was drafted by the Hawks, as concessions to expansion clubs meant clubs who were rebuilding couldn't challenge the then-status quo. A decent defender for years, he largely flew under the radar as most players were higher profile.

All that changed when he was appointed captain at the start of 2019. Would he epitomise the tough but fair style of Hawks leaders in the past, such as Luke 'goalposts' Hodge and Sammy 'knees' Mitchell? Well, let's let a picture say 1,000 words:


Pictured: Not on the stomach, so not track marks.

Ben Stratton decided to show his boys how to play by pinching the hell out of Orazio Fantasia for the entire game. A game in which Hawthorn lost.
If losing to Essendon wasn't embarrassing enough, he was also fined for making an 'obscene gesture' to an Essendon fan (rumoured to be sign language for 'child support' in French to a guy who was sitting 'in a good place'). To top it off, he was then suspended for a week for stomping on Shaun McKernan. Ta dah.

The AFL world was largely united in condemnation. Even the GWS Giants fan, who is ok with off-field assault and eye-gouging, expressed negative sentiments. Chad Cornes said something too, but Dangerfield made that all about him. Cale Hooker made comments about it being unnecessary which indicates how well thought of the Hawks captain is behind the closed doors of the AFL fraternity.

Sadly, the controversy overshadowed a year in which the 30 year old went backwards in every statistical category to mirror the Hawks on-field performance. He doesn't get much of the ball (7.4 effective disposals per game), doesn't mark much, low tackle rate, not particularly high in 1%ers for a defender and his average metres gained is...

56.8m? Per game?

That's not as typo folks. Most rebounding defenders will kick the ball once per game longer than Statton's average rebound for the entire game.
That would mean his speed of ball movement over the course of a 120 minute game of football is 0.0284 km/h on average.

The average speed of a garden snail is 0.047 km/hr. Ben Stratton's ball movement is, literally, slower than a garden snail. Let that sink in.

It looks like the cliff is sometimes less obvious for some players than it is for others. Stratts, Pinchy, welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2019.

 

[Kabanna]

Lol I love the “remorse” Stratton showed after the Fantasia incident. Saying some shit about not wanting to be a bad role model to “any kids out there”.. he’s a repeat offender who’s only sorry cause he finally got caught and suspended for his dirty antics. Charlie Cameron says hi!

It’s a sad day when you realise someone is known more for his on field behaviour than he is for his declining football skills.