Official Match Thread Season 37, Grand Final - Sin City Swamprats v Ophidian Old Boys at SFA Park

[DemurePrincess]

Pussy

 

[DemurePrincess]

Probably depends a bit on what you are poking him with & where, right?

Really mate! You only fart from one place

 

[Pugsley]

So is your supposed big doodle!

I’ll have another drink while I wait! At least the more drinks I consume… the less disappointed I’ll be!

That's what she said

 

[Dingster]

Would you?

In a heartbeat

 

[Ant Bear]

'Twas Ant Bear , from Sin City, that caught the cycling craze;
He turned away the good old horse that served him many days;
He dressed himself in cycling clothes, resplendent to be seen;
He hurried off to town and bought a shining new machine;
And as he wheeled it through the door, with air of lordly pride,
The grinning captain Jackster said, "Excuse me, can you ride?"


"See here, young man," said Ant Bear, "from Alberton to the sea,
From Conroy's Gap to Castlereagh, there's none can ride like me.
I'm good all round at everything as everybody knows,
Although I'm not the one to talk - I hate a man that blows.
But riding is my special gift, my chiefest, sole delight;
Just ask a wild duck can it swim, a wildcat can it fight.
There's nothing clothed in hair or hide, or built of flesh or steel,
There's nothing walks or jumps, or runs, on axle, hoof, or wheel,
But what I'll sit, while hide will hold and girths and straps are tight:
I'll ride this here two-wheeled concern right straight away at sight."


'Twas Ant bear, from Sin City, that sought his own abode,
That perched above Dead Man's Creek, beside the mountain road.
He turned the cycle down the hill and mounted for the fray,
But 'ere he'd gone a dozen yards it bolted clean away.
It left the track, and through the trees, just like a silver steak,
It whistled down the awful slope towards the Dead Man's Creek.


It shaved a stump by half an inch, it dodged a big white-box:
The very wallaroos in fright went scrambling up the rocks,
The wombats hiding in their caves dug deeper underground,
As Ant bear, as white as chalk, sat tight to every bound.
It struck a stone and gave a spring that cleared a fallen tree,
It raced beside a precipice as close as close could be;
And then as Ant Bear let out one last despairing shriek
It made a leap of twenty feet into the Dean Man's Creek.


'Twas Ant Bear, from Sin City, that slowly swam ashore:
He said, "I've had some narrer shaves and lively rides before;
I've rode a wild bull round a yard to win a five-pound bet,
But this was the most awful ride that I've encountered yet.
I'll give that two-wheeled outlaw best; it's shaken all my nerve
To feel it whistle through the air and plunge and buck and swerve.
It's safe at rest in Dead Man's Creek, we'll leave it lying still;
A horse's back is good enough henceforth for Ant Bear."

Thing of beauty.
Belongs in THIS THREAD

 

[Ant Bear]

Ode to an Ant!

I believe it to be a poem by legendary bush poet AB Patterson

 

[damicky]

I believe it to be a poem by legendary bush poet AB Patterson

Ant Bear *Paterson

*there is only one t

 

[Ant Bear]

Really mate! You only fart from one place

 

[Ant Bear]

This was a good 'un, Dingster

I was drinking at Uncle Tony’s House when a player caught my eye
He had a ring through his nose and a tattoo on his thigh
I asked for his name and he said that he was Ding
He smelt like he’d shit himself but he danced with a certain zing

I asked him if he liked country western or rock
And he screamed, "I like big busty Bombers to give plenty of ****!"
He said, "Come on Argus are you game for a laugh?"
So we jumped in a cab and went back to his gaff

Now the house was in Southport and on the front door
Was a crest from each Qooty club that had been there before
I said to him “*** Dingster that's impressive to see"
As it looked as if he’d had far more roots than me!

It smelled like a lair that I’d been in before
There were Dragon scarfs and Swamprat goo all upon the floor
He walked up to the window and sat upon the ledge
I put my hand down his jocks and felt his meat and two veg

It was then that I realised that Ding had this hammer
I gasped then I mumbled and blubbed with a stammer
I ran out of the door and onto the street
With my bra ‘round my belly and body in heat.

Id bearly escaped and thanked God that I had
Got a Bundy and a cab and went back to Baghdad
So, if you're up in the Gold Coast and bump into Ding
Just remember he'll split ya with that monstrous thing.

 

[Ant Bear]

The Man From Furietown

It was the man from Furietown who struck the SFA,
He wandered over street and park, he didn't want to play.
He loitered here, he loitered there, till he was like to drop,
Until at last in sheer despair he sought a BRABer's shop.
"'Ere! shave my beard and whiskers off, they'll never put me down,
I'll go and do the SFA toff up home in Furietown."



The BRABer man was small and flash, as BRABers mostly are,
He wore a strike-your-fancy sash, he smoked a huge cigar;
He was a humorist of note and keen at repartee,
He laid the odds and kept a "tote", whatever that may be,
And when he saw our friend arrive, he whispered, "Watch me put him down!
Just watch me catch him all alive, this man from Furietown."

There were some Gumbie youths that sat along the BRABer's wall.
Their eyes were dull, their heads were flat, they had no brains at all;
To them the BRABer passed the wink, his dexter eyelid shut,
"I'll make this bloomin' yokel think his bloomin' throat is cut."
And as he soaped and rubbed it in he put the Furie down:
"I s'pose the flats is pretty pink, up there in Furietown."

A grunt was all reply he got; he shaved the the tiger's's chin,
Then made the water boiling hot and dipped the razor in.
He raised his hand, his brow grew black, he paused awhile to gloat,
Then slashed the red-hot razor-back across rfctiger74's throat:
Upon the newly-shaven skin it turned from red to brown -
No doubt it fairly took him in - the man from Furietown.



He fetched a wild up-country yell might wake the dead to hear,
And though his throat, he knew full well, was cut from ear to ear,
He struggled gamely to his feet, and faced the murd'rous foe:
"You've done for me! you dog, I'm beat! one hit before I go!
I only wish I had a knife, you blessed murdering clown!
But you'll remember all your life the man from Furietown."

He lifted up his hairy paw, with one tremendous clout
He landed on the BRABer's jaw, and knocked the ****er out.
He set to work with nail and tooth, he made the place a wreck;
He grabbed the nearest Gumbie youth, and tried to break his neck.
And all the while his throat he held, and ne'er once fell down,
And "Murder! Bloody murder!" yelled the man from Furietown.



A peeler man who heard the din came in to see the show;
He tried to run the Furie in, but he refused to go.
And when at last the BRABer spoke, and said "'Twas all in fun—
'Twas just a little harmless joke, a trifle overdone."
"A joke!" he cried, "By Mobbs, that's fine; like you wearing a gown;
I'd like to catch that murdering swine some night in Furietown."

And now while round the hippodrome the list'ning Furies gape,
He tells the story o'er and o'er, and brags of his escape.
"Them BRABer chaps what keeps a tote, By Mobbs, I've had enough,
One tried to cut my bloomin' throat, but thank the Lord it's tough."
And whether he's believed or no, there's one thing that's well known,
That flowing beards are all the go way up in Furietown.
​

Where is my new friend BRAB, by the way?

 

[DemurePrincess]

In a heartbeat

 

[Ant Bear]

****, I was good back then!

'Twas by accident he ascended, to the post suddenly vacated,
By the Milkman who had fallen in with a bad crowd

The band recently parted, left a hole inside the hearted,
And all that remained was sportsmaniac and a Cloud_


Then Dingster magically appeared, and whispered in his ear,
"We can build it; they will come and the music will play again"

The Auction House was alerted, funds slyly diverted,
And all the trash was thrown in the bin


The road was long and potholed, and Qooty gods were invoked,
To halt the eight game streak of many fails,

And evil rose to greet him, and he ne'er let them beat him,
All their efforts were of no avail


But the spoon was the reward, and the Cloud got bored,
And vanished, to rise again as a Royale

Still the Dingster was unbowed, and he gathered all around
An impressive rookie bunch of boys and girl


The season of 25 began, as 24 had ran,
With defeats and disdain ringing in their ears

They GotTheGoodes and had many a brutal battle
And collectively gained the respect of all their peers


Thus they gathered their wits together, and rose above the weather,
To slip into seventh seat on the table

They were irrepressible; their chatter was unmissable,
But they fell to the elders at the final hurdle


The Captain climbed aboard, his old and trusted steed,
And said "This will be the final frontier"

The troops gave him a cheer, and without any fear,
Set forth once more into the breech and beer


Alas, the Dingster was waylaid, in a place of ill repute,
To become a shopkeeper of the meek and mild

In his place on Captains right, arose a shooting comet bright
But SarahSmiles was little more than a child


A lieutenant was sorely needed, and the protege reappeared,
Clancy of the Underground joined the final fray

He Far Kern had the Captains back; it was a calculated attack,
And skipper felt the steel at first light of day


In a final triumphant battle, philreich's ribs were rattled
The second Holy Grail was set free

And in his final leaders breath, as vultures fed upon his death,
The Captains final words were "First To Three"​

 

[GotTheGoodes]

Would you?

Would you though?

 

[GotTheGoodes]

****, I was good back then!

Still are mate.

 

[GotTheGoodes]

Really mate! You only fart from one place

What if he's distracted?

Or blocked up....

 

[BRAB]

Where is my new friend BRAB, by the way?

Can’t believe that it’s Tuesday and this thread is already on 80 pages. Wild.

 

[GotTheGoodes]

Mmm. No. I'll still be talking about okey's dick I reckon.

I... uhh... wow. Yep.

okeydoke7

 

[DemurePrincess]

What if he's distracted?

Or blocked up....

Then watch out. That’s a shit explosion that I really don’t want to be apart of.

 

[GotTheGoodes]

EFA

The ultimate no u.

Shame. I thought you won an EKA?!

 

[DemurePrincess]

I... uhh... wow. Yep.

okeydoke7

 

[damicky]

Can’t believe that it’s Tuesday and this thread is already on 80 pages. Wild.

 

[GotTheGoodes]

View attachment 2025575

Don't fear....

 

[DemurePrincess]

Where the **** have you been?

 

[GotTheGoodes]

You did over 400 in each of S25 and S27 GFs, don't know about an 800 post thread though

Cheers mate...

 

[DemurePrincess]

Don't fear....