QS
Brownlow Medallist
Just for the record if I was mate 2, I would want to know.
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Secrets you hide & Lies you keep up ... Advice for all
- Thread starter Corleone
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- Aug 23, 2011
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Yes, but why should OP be the one to put himself in the firing line? That is my argument.. Essentially it is up to him but we seem so focussed on outing those who do wrong at the expense of those who might be better off not knowing - mate 2 might be crushed by this.. does he deserve to be having done nothing wrong? It's the devil's advocate position breaking the groupthink. I'm happy to see arguments come back as a result ... means I'm making you reason your point of view
And he ****ing should be crushed by this. The girl he just proposed to has been ****ing one of his mates behind his back for over a year. Better to feel heartbroken for a little while than to build a marraige based on a devasting lie. He deserves better.
- May 12, 2011
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1. Dob in your mate. He deserves no sympathy and if can sleep with a mate's missus you shouldn't trust him as a friend. It will be worse if Mate 2 ever finds out and that you knew, friendship over. This secret will tear you up the length of their marriage.
2. Do you want to get better? Go to counselling.
3. If your girlfriend isn't bragging then there should be no problem. Be proud of her.
2. Do you want to get better? Go to counselling.
3. If your girlfriend isn't bragging then there should be no problem. Be proud of her.
Sterge
Premium Platinum
Your only problem with scenario 1 is that you definitely lose mate 1 and there is a possibility mate 2 blames you for telling him and you end up with no mates.
Can you break the news anonymously?
Can you break the news anonymously?
- May 5, 2006
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Butterfly effect.
If Mate 2 knew 6 or 12 months ago, would he still have proposed recently? Would Mate 2 maintain his relationship with his missus, Mate 1 or OP?
Fast forward to the wedding. OP says nothing. Maybe Mate 2 lives a happy life never knowing what his missus did or continues to do behind his back. Maybe a month into the marriage he catches his missus cheating and is crushed. Maybe he finds out about Mate 1, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he finds out OP knew all along, maybe he doesn't.
The shit thing for OP is there is nothing he can do that doesn't have the potential to blow back on him. Tell Mate 2, risk ruining his happiness or the friendship. Tell the missus, risk her playing Mate 2 against him. Say nothing, risk Mate 2 finding out down the line as above.
My advice: move to Nepal and live as a goat.
If Mate 2 knew 6 or 12 months ago, would he still have proposed recently? Would Mate 2 maintain his relationship with his missus, Mate 1 or OP?
Fast forward to the wedding. OP says nothing. Maybe Mate 2 lives a happy life never knowing what his missus did or continues to do behind his back. Maybe a month into the marriage he catches his missus cheating and is crushed. Maybe he finds out about Mate 1, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he finds out OP knew all along, maybe he doesn't.
The shit thing for OP is there is nothing he can do that doesn't have the potential to blow back on him. Tell Mate 2, risk ruining his happiness or the friendship. Tell the missus, risk her playing Mate 2 against him. Say nothing, risk Mate 2 finding out down the line as above.
My advice: move to Nepal and live as a goat.
Sterge
Premium Platinum
Only problem is if he approaches her tells her he knows how likely is she to lie further to protect her secret
If she runs straight to mate 2 and tells him op tried to make a move on her, anything op says after that sounds like a lie. Depends who mate 2 is more likely to believe op or the fiance
QS
Brownlow Medallist
I would be. But I would also want to know why OP didn't tell me sooner.
There's more complexities to this than just posthumously doing the right thing; can you not see that?
How do you know he will be heartbroken for a "little while" what happens if it crushes him for years and has trust issues for the rest of his life? Does he deserve that?
- Apr 16, 2008
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I hate to break it to you, but if you're being mentally affected so greatly by this after a decade and haven't been able deal with it yourself, then you aren't much different to these so called 'mentally weak' people you refer to....
- Apr 4, 2013
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May I suggest a different option: now that mate 1 is gone, take your turn and bang the missus of mate 2.
Gotta tell him, better he knows now and gets shattered rather than in 5, 10 years time when consequences of a break up could be much more sevre.
Are we supposed to be giving the OP advice or posting our own secrets and lies?
Both, I believe.
Maybe not the technically correct use of the word. I don't think many people will have a problem with the use of it in this case though. She's having a long term affair before they're even married and you don't think he should warn his mate... you know what a mate is right?
OP
2. There's nothing weak about counselling.
3. I'm earning a lot less than my missus at present. It doesn't worry me in the slightest. I was earning more in a job I wasn't enjoying, have changed careers and am now earning less but happier. The money will come down the track (hopefully).
QS
Brownlow Medallist
Yes which is why for a mate it is a tricky situation for some of the reasons I have already outlined in this thread.
If he tells his mate now don't you think his mate is gonna crack it anyway cos he knew all this time but never told him?
It's a terrible position to be in for the OP, nobody can answer honestly unless they are/have been in the position.
It's a terrible position to be in for the OP, nobody can answer honestly unless they are/have been in the position.
OP needs to do this now and post results.
JuddsABlue
Norm Smith Medallist
who gives a **** about point 1 you blokes cant wait to get your dick out of your pants and play best mate of the year its a boring as batshit story go watch The Dilemma its this exact same thing except has Vince Vaughn in it whos a cool dude and has much less reading than this thread
The real gem of this thread are these voilent killings OP tell us about these killings please and get this thread back on track I want gory details let us share your horrors it might help
The real gem of this thread are these voilent killings OP tell us about these killings please and get this thread back on track I want gory details let us share your horrors it might help
Just wanted to get something off my chest.
I have been banging my mates GF behind his back for a few years. I wanted to stop but she told me that she would confess all to my mate if we did. I have had to move overseas to get away from the situation.
Now the damn fool has gone and proposed to her.
Should I say anything?
I have been banging my mates GF behind his back for a few years. I wanted to stop but she told me that she would confess all to my mate if we did. I have had to move overseas to get away from the situation.
Now the damn fool has gone and proposed to her.
Should I say anything?
- Aug 23, 2011
- 19,105
- 62,069
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- Richmond
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- Grand Finals at the Gabba
