The Worst Football Jargon

[Gibbo_88]

your Judds your Abletts your Pendleburys
.

Urghh, can't stand that. A few times this year I've even heard players go through half the team adding that damn s on the end of everyone's name.

 

[Holden Hillbilly]

That's what I expect from your Gibbo 88s

 

[Hank93]

your Judds your Abletts your Pendleburys



I actually don't mind it, given the right circumstance it makes a lot of sense.

This x100000! Why is there a group of Judds??

 

[biggiemediums]

Anything Cometti tries to make up.

 

[LongBomb]

Bruce was on the "chaos type ball" tonight

 

[g-thing]

ITT: Luke Darcy's entire vocabulary

Ditto for Tom "Tugger" Harley

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

If we pronounced names "as spelt", we'd be screwed. Good luck with names like McGuane, Thomas, Hodge, Enright, etc. There's no "as it's spelt" with language, there's only the accepted pronunciation. I'm just arguing for the accepted pronunciation to be the one that person uses for their own name. If Nick says it's with a V sound, it's with a V sound. It's his name, just like your nephew's name is his.

The commentators can't win with the Reewolt/Reevolt thing. They're going to get bagged, regardless of which one they use. I guess most of them figure it's better to be bagged for being a a pedant, than it is to be bagged for being wrong. I'd probably do the same, in their position

 

[Partridge]

Words are just words. Your life would be much more enjoyable if you simply accepted their use for what it is and relaxed. There are much better things to worry about, and even most of those things aren't worth worrying about.

To each their own. I enjoy hating commentators and their unprofessionalism, complete mangling of a clear language, and their obsession with talking about themselves rather than the game. I also imagine slow painful deaths for Russell and Taylor, and this gives me great pleasure.

 

[Moquo]

I get the feeling I'm the only one that can't stand this...but surely if the margin is "within 3 points" then it's less than three points?

9 points the difference and ..."this to bring it within three points...".
Why not.."this to make it the margin three points"?

"Within" suggests 'less than' to me'. Ok maybe I'm a pedantic nutjob, but that's why we are all here.

 

[Partridge]

Notsureifserious. Pretty sure 'outside of the boot' refers to a banana kick.

Even then it's 100% wrong. A banana kick is executed by kicking the outside of the BALL, not - repeat not - the foot. Try and kick a footy in any way with the outside of the your foot and see what happens.

The sad reality is all footy commentators are utterly obsessed with introducing new and terrible jargon into commentary, whether it makes any sense or not, or is even part of the English language (a lot isn't). A short list of comments that make me want to kill people (especially Brian Taylor and Dwayne Russell):

"X-factor" - code for "indigenous, can get 3 touches a game and maybe kick a goal if no opponent within 20 metres".

"From the paint" - anyone who says it should be shot. Without exception.

"Structures" as well as "Important to our structures" - the latter means "he's a shit defender and a shit forward, but if we put 10 guys around him we can pretend he's a good footballer".

"Dukes" - pure Taylor-ism. Also pure undiluted horseshit.

"Clunks it" - Another instant executable offence in a just world.

"Catch" - No excuse for this. Ever.

"Shot on goal" - This. It is a shot AT goal. AT GOAL - AT GOAL - AT GOAL. When was the last time you saw a ball land on a goal you sheepminded morons?

"Go the journey" or "Over the journey" - again, the obsession with creating new unintelligible terms continues. I don't care about journeys, I would like to know if a player can, for instance, KICK THE DISTANCE.

 

[The House]

A "champion". A champion of what, exactly? What championship have they won?

Any of the racist comments used to describe Indigenous players. "Naturally gifted/talented" etc

Haha yes, I love that it's perfectly ok to use jargon that is essentially a sweeping generalization based on the race of a person......as long as it's positive

- because of course players such as Relton Roberts, Troy Taylor, Dale and David Cockatoo-Collins, Jarrad Oackley Nicholls, Shawn Lewfat, Wille Dick etc were all so much more obviously "magical" and "exciting" than Steve Johnson, James Hird, Jason Akermanis, Gary Ablett, Chris Judd, Ben Cousins, Shane Crawford, Wayne Carey etc

Try using a negative sweeping generalization based on race and see how that goes down

 

[QS]

'goes the checkside'

 

[Nankervis brothers]

Agree with those who have mentioned 'leg speed'. Seriously, what a load of nonsense, and a tautology at that. A players speed is dependent upon his legs. Speed in running infers already the legs. A player doesn't run on on his hands, FFS. Why not just refer to a players 'speed'. I also dislike 'gut running'. What a tortured and nonsensical way of referring to a players endurance and/or their ability to sustain a long distance sprint.

 

[krisholio14]

I've had enough of just about all modern terminology, but words like 'structure/s', 'the press', 'spread' and 'zone' in particular really piss me off.

 

[Nankervis brothers]

Anything Cometti tries to make up.

Disagree on Commetti. He doesn't really do football neologisms. He can be flippant, and make the odd left field association while calling a game, but he has too great a command of the English language to torture it with the kind of faddish jargon other commentators retrieve from their arse.

 

[Furuncle]

Agree with those who have mentioned 'leg speed'. Seriously, what a load of nonsense, and a tautology at that. A players speed is dependent upon his legs. Speed in running infers already the legs. A player doesn't run on on his hands, FFS. Why not just refer to a players 'speed'. I also dislike 'gut running'. What a tortured and nonsensical way of referring to a players endurance and/or their ability to sustain a long distance sprint.

Rubbish

There are all kinds of speed which are relevant to AFL football

Speed of thought - anticipating play, judging angles, sizing up the situation, decision-making
Speed of getting boot to ball
Quick hands

A player such as Lenny Hayes can be quick at all three, but slow as treacle in terms of leg speed. People say he is slow, but in many facets of the game, he is not slow and rarely gets caught. Conversely, a player can have all the leg speed in the world, but he is slow-witted and he always takes forever to get rid of the ball.

Leg speed is a stupid-sounding expression that would make English professors cringe, but I think it is highly descriptive for our game and conveys an accurate meaning. That's what language is all about.

 

[Nankervis brothers]

Sticking to our structures

Sticking to 'structures' (or failing to do so) is hilarious because it is incredibly ambiguous. The return question, whenever this term is used, should be what 'structures' specifically are you (or the team in question) attempting to set in place? This question never gets asked, as it would burst the rhetoric bubble. It is also a difficult question to answer given the fluid, changing, and even anarchic nature of the game that is Australian Rules Football. 'Structures' as a term is a get out of jail free card - it ceates a greater sense of order and design than may actually be present in the game.

 

[Furuncle]

My favourite is when the footballers say "structure up"

WTF?

 

[Nankervis brothers]

Rubbish

There are all kinds of speed which are relevant to AFL football

Speed of thought - anticipating play, judging angles, sizing up the situation, decision-making
Speed of getting boot to ball
Quick hands

A player such as Lenny Hayes can be quick at all three, but slow as treacle in terms of leg speed. People say he is slow, but in many facets of the game, he is not slow and rarely gets caught. Conversely, a player can have all the leg speed in the world, but he is slow-witted and he always takes forever to get rid of the ball.

Leg speed is a stupid-sounding expression that would make English professors cringe, but I think it is highly descriptive for our game and conveys an accurate meaning. That's what language is all about.

Agreed, language is all about adaptation and change through successive generations use of it. I would never argue that age-old grammatical 'rules' should get in the way of that change.

But there is a difference between that and jargon - which is just a superfluous and meaningless use of language with the aim of appearing clever. 'Leg-speed', IMO, fits into this category, as it is an unnecessary way to describe a player who runs with higher than average pace. It is evident that the player’s quickness is on account of the speed of his legs. It is a given. We can simple say the player is fast; the player has speed and so on.

This simplicty of means doesn't preclude us from being able to also understand that the player may or may not be fast in the delivery of the ball or in decision-making.

 

[melbournemartin]

Many of these have probably already been mentioned.

Genuine superstar
Elite
Quarterback (probably the worst)

 

[Altum Volantes]

Not scaling through all this (ie. probably mentioned) but for me...

* References to the 'Geelong Falcons Footy Factory' or similar..

These are just repeated constantly, as if even a casual follower wouldn't already be aware -

* How tall Aaron Sandilands is (Every...single...game - usually every quarter!)

* How old Dustin Fletcher is.

* How high Nic Natanui can jump.

...and this is more an odd habit than something that is easy to pin point but I hate it when commentators start...talking...quite...slowly...when the contest is over and they are running out the clock. They roll out a big pile of cliches and just stretch it out as if they're batteries are running low. I was watching a game last week (I forget which), one team kicked out to 25+ out with about 10 or so minutes on the clock and they kept up this weird back and forth slow motion talking all the way to the siren. Painful!

 

[Harmichael]

"Carlton"

"Collingwood"

"Essendon"

 

[QS]

I haven't read the whole thread so I apologise if already mentioned but 'The Weapon'.

Problem I've noticed is they aren't bringing in professional announcers anymore, they are all ex coaches, ex players etc that are taught how to commentate and dribble shit. Not sure why this is, but you listen to any premier league game and the professionalism of Martin Tyler, Clyde Tildsley and the like leave these blockheads for dead.

 

[Furuncle]

Agreed, language is all about adaptation and change through successive generations use of it. I would never argue that age-old grammatical 'rules' should get in the way of that change.

But there is a difference between that and jargon - which is just a superfluous and meaningless use of language with the aim of appearing clever. 'Leg-speed', IMO, fits into this category, as it is an unnecessary way to describe a player who runs with higher than average pace. It is evident that the player’s quickness is on account of the speed of his legs. It is a given. We can simple say the player is fast; the player has speed and so on.

This simplicty of means doesn't preclude us from being able to also understand that the player may or may not be fast in the delivery of the ball or in decision-making.

Yeah, yeah, I understand, but I just think our game showcases different types of quickness. Leg speed is the only speed that matters in athletics and most ball sports like rugby union, rugby league, gridiron, soccer and field hockey. It would be silly to talk about the "leg" speed of Randy Moss, Billy Slater, Samuel Eto'o or Usain Bolt.

There is an element of speedy decision-making in all sports, but maybe not to the same degree as AFL football. Our game has 36 players flying around in all directions, tackling and smashing into each other. There is no off-side rule and there are a variety of ways to use the ball. You can run with it, kick it, handpass, elect to tap the ball instead, or not take possession and tackle your opponent. Other sports are simpler in terms of the choices you need to make.

There is kicking in other sports, but it's not the primary skill. Soccer requires kicking skills but it's a far simpler action to swing your boot at a round ball that drop an oval ball out of your hands. We grow up with this skill, so we take it for granted, but if you watch a novice try to execute a drop punt, you can see how complex it it is.

No other sport places such a premium on making the correct decision ASAP and then executing the complex skill of punting the ball quickly and accurately. Quarterbacks in the NFL are judged for their "quick release" of the ball. This is the closest comparison. The speed of getting boot to ball is underrated, but you only need to watch Koschitzke get tackled in the process of kicking to understand it's importance.

Quick hands is another area. Centre square artists like Greg Williams (of yesteryear), Sam Mitchell, Daniel Kerr and Jobe Watson don't set the world record for 100m, but when you watch them work in their element in the centre packs, they are among the quickest players in the game.

You don't need to be fleet of foot to be a quick player in Australian Rules. When a player is described as slow, it usually means he took an eternity to size up his surroundings and look for an option. He failed to dispose of the ball in time and got caught in possession. More often than not, it has nothing to do with his "leg speed".

 

[Furuncle]

Righto, here is my nomination for Worst Football Jargon

Rookie


Rookie is an American term for a novice, a greenhorn, a 1st year apprentice

Nothing wrong with the word per se, but there is plenty wrong in the way we use it.

One of the idiots in charge of the AFL decided it would be a good idea to to label the supplementary listed players who missed out on getting drafted as "rookie list players". Most of the time, these guys have played 1/2/3 seasons of senior football. In Podiadly's case, he had played senior football for 10 years before he became a so-called "rookie"

The word "rookie" should really apply to all players who are in their first year at an AFL club, whether they've come off the rookie list or whether they were drafted with the first pick overall. Jonathon Patton, Stephen Coniglio, Chad Wingard and Brandon Ellis are rookies.

Ashton Hams won the Simpson Medal as best afield in the 2009 WAFL Grand Final for South Fremantle. He was taken in the following Rookie Draft and played 11 games in 2010 and 4 games in 2011 before getting upgraded off the rookie list. It's sheer bullshit to say he was a "rookie" in 2011. It's a complete misuse of the word.

It shits me that some idiot who works at the AFL has made this error and now we've all followed suit.