Roast Where are you Richo?

[Ford Fairlane]

The email itself isn't the problem.

It's the fact that it's the fourth one he's sent since he stepped into the role, and that saying something like "there are no excuses" when clearly there are because no one is ever held accountable, makes him look like an administrative robot spewing out false platitudes to quell the masses.

May as well sign it off with "thoughts and prayers".

You don't need excuses when you don't have accountability

 

[JayPea14]

Excellent email white noise!


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[Janey]

For the nothing its worth, here's my email to Richo:

"To the poor staff member who is having to read yet another letter like this, I apologise. This is obviously not directed at you, but being a member I have absolutely no control in dictating anything that happens at my club - except what little impact not renewing a membership would have.

Please stop sending me membership renewal notices and vacuous nothing emails from a CEO who claims to be accountable.... whilst no one takes any responsibility. The wording in sections is almost identical to that after the shitshow against the bulldogs a couple of years ago.

I've been going to Port games since I was five. Last year I buried my Dad with my guernsey and his sister's scarf she wore at the 2004 GF. I haven't missed a game all year, going now with my son. I care about my club.

I don't expect to win every week. I don't expect premierships. But I demand a club that tries to. We don't anymore.

We continue to re-appoint a coach who is ill-equipped to prepare a team that gives the best account of itself in finals or showdowns and there is absolutely no accountability for any of it. We haven't turned up at the last 2 showdowns or last 3 finals. Ken hasn't developed a single tall player in a decade (depending on your opinion of Todd Marshall). He's quoted as "finals are scary" and gives another limp press conference after yet another finals humiliation. There's no DNA of the Port Magpies left anymore.

I'm just about old enough to remember we didn't re-appoint Russell Ebert when we weren't properly competing for flags. Russel *ing Ebert no less! Ken is a tenth the football man Russ was (wonderful Ebert family tribute game too last year btw). Have another two years. What's he on... $800K, $900k ?? It's not his fault. I'd be equally ill-equipped to coach a football team but i'd take the money too. Hell, I'd probably also put my kid on the club's payroll.

Its just that I'm just fed up of him taking any more of my money.

Kindly, shove your member mailouts and CEO emails. I'm out until we start at least trying something different."

Brilliant.

 

[PeacefulWarrior]

Richo that is the most underwhelming piece of copy you could have written. It would have taken 5 minutes if that.

I’m actually not sure you could have come up with something more vanilla and uninspiring if you actually attempted to.

Just a bit of fake emotion, no real call to arms. No mention of the mistakes you and your team shirk away from.

You should be ashamed of yourself you gormless potato.

 

[philreich]

As soon as I finished reading the e-mail, I replied with this:

The fact remains that the club has ignored the wishes of the fans by reappointing Ken Hinkley as the senior coach for the next 2 seasons, and as such, I will not be renewing my club membership until he’s gone. For the 16th year in a row, 2 other teams will be running around the MCG on grand final day – we need a coach who can get us there, because I’m of the firm belief that Ken can’t do so.

 

[manureid]

Richo that is the most underwhelming piece of copy you could have written. It would have taken 5 minutes if that.

I’m actually not sure you could have come up with something more vanilla and uninspiring if you actually attempted to.

Just a bit of fake emotion, no real call to arms. No mention of the mistakes you and your team shirk away from.

You should be ashamed of yourself you gormless potato.

Can someone please photoshop his face on to a potato!!

 

[Poo Eckert]

What else is he going to say?

The coach has been signed, assistants signed, so what is going to change really? Players?

If anyone thinks he’s going to email saying I quit they’re dreaming. Like Hinkley, all and sundry will need to be pushed.

That’s on the board. Where are the board behind all this, are they seen outside the AGM?

 

[manureid]

What else is he going to say?

The coach has been signed, assistants signed, so what is going to change really? Players?

If anyone thinks he’s going to email saying I quit they’re dreaming. Like Hinkley, all and sundry will need to be pushed.

That’s on the board. Where are the board behind all this, are they seen outside the AGM?

Well Cos Cardone is getting ready to watch his team play in a Prelim.

 

[PowerLil]

What else is he going to say?

The coach has been signed, assistants signed, so what is going to change really? Players?

If anyone thinks he’s going to email saying I quit they’re dreaming. Like Hinkley, all and sundry will need to be pushed.

That’s on the board. Where are the board behind all this, are they seen outside the AGM?

What do you mean assistants signed?

 

[Sheeds]

Well they dont have to review the Prelim final performance this time.

I am still not convinced they reviewed it the first time. And If they did, some of the players were not aware of it. Some of the interviews from players Dixon, Duursma, Butters, Jonas all in the pre-season asked about the review of the Prelim all giving very different answers was a huge red flag. Ranging from “we haven’t touched on it yet” to “ yeah we did a little work on it and will do more no doubt” to “ ohh we have analysed it in-depth” Although they could all be operating under the George Costanza model. But if you are going to lie to your fans maybe all get on the same page.

 

[hOUTkley]

Can someone please photoshop his face on to a potato!!

 

[Coobk001]

CLUB: We're gonna win 3 flags in 5 years!

Supporters: Ok, that sounds good.

Supporters: Hey, it'd be nice if maybe our team could win more than 2 finals in 9 years. Maybe don't give another contract to a guy who set the world record for NOT even making it a grand final?

CLUB: DON'T SET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, THIS ISN'T THE SANFL ANYMORE! WE'VE GOT TO BE OBJECTIVE HERE!

insane.

kock is untenable. richo is untenable. stinky is untenable.

sack the lot.

Perfection

 

[finbarr]

The email itself isn't the problem.

It's the fact that it's the fourth one he's sent since he stepped into the role, and that saying something like "there are no excuses" when clearly there are because no one is ever held accountable, makes him look like an administrative robot spewing out false platitudes to quell the masses.

May as well sign it off with "thoughts and prayers".

First thing i thought was the whole email was simply A.I. generated.

 

[finbarr]

Any chance they are crossing all fingers and toes for Butters to nab a brownlow and provide some distraction?.... That would be a long wait...

That would be the cherry on top of the "moral premiership".

 

[Tibbs]

If that doesnt trigger my PTSD ... Nothing will!!!!

 

[backtozero]

What else is he going to say?

The coach has been signed, assistants signed, so what is going to change really? Players?

If anyone thinks he’s going to email saying I quit they’re dreaming. Like Hinkley, all and sundry will need to be pushed.

That’s on the board. Where are the board behind all this, are they seen outside the AGM?

There's nothing he can say, but he should have known that not having anything to say was a huge possibility when he and everyone else oversaw the last contract extension.

 

[tribey]

The email has arrived....

I wasn’t going to bother to contact him this time, but that shoulder shrug of a communique was the epitome of a red rag.

 

[Poo Eckert]

What do you mean assistants signed?

Care signed for two
Chad has two left from what I read here.
Basset probably the same as Chad
We still don’t have a senior assistant.

Perhaps we should sack the runner, seems like a good scapegoat, who is our runner anyway?

 

[finbarr]

That email is atrocious. A series of poorly written dot point that offer nothing, followed by 3 (THREE) paragraphs on the AFLW, which i personally don't give the slightest f**k about.

 

[simba_]

the logical explanation is that CEO, Chairman etc. literally know we aren't going to win the league/play in the GF, that's why they come out with all this outrageous loser talk. it's really like their number one priority/biggest hurdle is watering down our expectations and shutting us up, we won't just shut up and accept mediocrity. 60k members, good crowds, AFLCA POTY, 13 in a row, the women winning, we're supposed to be celebrating how good all of this is and forget about actually making the GF because that's unlikely. they genuinely want us to remember season X fondly as our first brownlow, season Y was great because 13 in a row, season Z ahhh that's when we juuuuust lost in extra time! so close! such a good game!

 

[PowerLil]

Care signed for two
Chad has two left from what I read here.
Basset probably the same as Chad
We still don’t have a senior assistant.

Perhaps we should sack the runner, seems like a good scapegoat, who is our runner anyway?

I was under the impression Chad and Bassett are out of contract.........

 

[sobrave]

What else is he going to say?

The coach has been signed, assistants signed, so what is going to change really? Players?

If anyone thinks he’s going to email saying I quit they’re dreaming. Like Hinkley, all and sundry will need to be pushed.

That’s on the board. Where are the board behind all this, are they seen outside the AGM?

He should say... myself and the board have utterly failed by reappointing this potato of a senior coach. I hereby quit and will be donating my salary to assist the club in paying out our failed coaches contract, so that we can finally be rid of the anchor around our necks.

 

[manureid]

That email is atrocious. A series of poorly written dot point that offer nothing, followed by 3 (THREE) paragraphs on the AFLW, which i personally don't give the slightest f**k about.

I think he is hoping they can somehow win 3 premierships for him so he doesnt look like as much of a twunt.

 

[bomberclifford]

Imagine being in a position where the CEO's email to members after a straight sets exit was about not renewing Ken's contract, saying thanks for your service and announcing a hand over to Josh Carr

Josh Carr

Age

44

Ht

179cm

Wt

80kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

17.8

4star

K

10.6

4star

HB

7.2

4star

M

4.0

4star

T

3.3

5star

CL

2.0

4star

No current season stats available

D

12.2

3star

K

7.2

3star

HB

5.0

4star

M

2.6

3star

T

0.8

3star

as a part of a planned transition, instead of a "whoops! sorry " boilerplate with some [insert some good things here] listed to soften the blow.

 

[Doctor Feel]

lol Chris Davies will review it straight after saying how much he wants to gargle hinkley's gentleman sausage (and also has greyhound interests they share). I'm sure there will be impartiality there.

What a ****ing ratbag organisation that that dude thought we were for not signing Ratten.