Off-topic Bay 13 Survivor: Cockburn (2016). We have a winner! (links in OP)

[Dinsdale]

I think not everyone got the same second secret challenge. Theres a faction here that thinks Stronzo and I dont have an idol between us...

 

[Stronzo]

People didn't like it so keep short and simple.

Just like yourself?

 

[A Cut Above]

I like it how those of us who've been kicked out are all hanging around bitching like the sore losers we are. Whoever wins this thing is gonna to be about as popular among the rest of us as polio.

 

[Starburns_]

I like it how those of us who've been kicked out are all hanging around bitching like the sore losers we are. Whoever wins this thing is gonna to be about as popular among the rest of us as polio.

And half the flogs who have been booted will have to decide the winner too.

 

[bontshow]

nah, we couldnt snag an idol thingy, you choppy's have had a seemingly endless supply.
#notRigged

Toot's posting was good the last few, he was unlucky to miss out, got a special mention a couple of times

But then a couple of the tribal challenges that Cotchin tribe won could have gone either way

 

[Dinsdale]

And half the flogs who have been booted will have to decide the winner too.

I for one have only admiration for those already booted. Youse are all champs in my eyes

sent by shoe phone using tapatoe

 

[Starburns_]

Tribal Council

Alright, last chance to play the hidden #impunity idol, does someone have it?

Benwah: I would like to give the challenge #impunity idol to DapperJong and the hidden one to Red mist

Benwah83 has gifted both idols, VOTES FOR DAPPERJONG AND RED MIST WILL NOT BE COUNTED!

Time to tally the votes. With 3 of the 5 votes cast...



Stronzo, the tribe has spoken, please bring your torch forward to the bathwater, then take your place on the jury.

Well, the man who by naming this hellhole was essentially the father of Cockburn is now gone. Only 4 flogs remain, with Dinsdale the last flog left from the Tribe Cotchin alliance. Time for the next challenge...


Challenge #15 - Campaigners

It's 2016, and those with any political inclinations know that it's an election year in America. Obama's time is up and it is a free for all with crazy old Donald Trump running, and even Tom Brady polling in the new Hampshire primary (this is true).

Around here the 'highest' office you can be elected to is FOTY, but Boydogs thinks mods should campaign and be elected by popular vote in what would possibly be the only greater clusterf*** than the American Presidential race. For the sake of the lulz, we're going to indulge him a little bit.

Task
You are going to campaign for the modship of Bay 13.

This can be done however you choose, with grand speeches, catchy slogans/banners, smearing your opponents, or just flat out empty promises. It's your campaign, and you can run it however you want*.

The winner will be determined by a poll in this thread, most votes wins.

VOTERS PLEASE NOTE: You will each get 2 votes in the poll (just in case you want to donkey vote for Jack Watts) and can change them at any time. Any attempts to Kim Jong-Un (or Bayer_) the poll with the brand new Eliases many of you just minted may result in said Eliases being taken out the back and executed (and the votes not counting).

*The Rules

To enter the challenge, you must start with the words: “Challenge #15 entry.”

Once you have posted your entry, it cannot be modified. Mods can see edit histories.

If you break this rule or post incorrectly, you will be disqualified from the round. If you vote with an Elias you will also be disqualified. Any posts following your entry deemed to be additional campaigning may lead to disqualification (you may use your sigs and avatars to campaign).

You have until 8pm Friday AEDT to enter the race, though the polls will remain open for another 24 hours after that. If you don't enter, you cannot get #impunity.

The Prize

The winning candidate will win #impunity and cannot be voted out at Tribal Council.

Good luck floggos, and may the best flog win.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Lol Starburns, solid troll of poor boydshow there with the challenge.

 

[Starburns_]

Lol Starburns, solid troll of poor boydshow there with the challenge.

I was starting to wonder when he made it so deep into the game whether he'd survive this long......so close.

 

[Duritz]

I like it how those of us who've been kicked out are all hanging around bitching like the sore losers we are. Whoever wins this thing is gonna to be about as popular among the rest of us as polio.

Lol i haven't been bitching. It was fun, those in still have done well. If you're angry, well, just remember Freud says you want to **** your mum.

 

[Starburns_]

Oh dear, check out party diehard JoseMourinho voting before anyone has even officially entered the race.

 

[Dinsdale]

bye Stronzo
no one said this was gonna be easy...

 

[Red mist]

Independent. Hehe.

 

[Starburns_]

Independent. Hehe.

I imagine your status as a tribal turncoat will cop some serious criticism in the campaign.

In hindsight maybe I should've run this challenge a round or two earlier, nothing would shake the game up like a bitter, public political stoush.

 

[DapperJong]

Sigh, I wish I had a gf to like my posts.

So ronery

 

[DapperJong]

Also wtf

A challenge where my only tactic is against the rules.

 

[Starburns_]

Also wtf

A challenge where my only tactic is against the rules.

Equalisation is a bitch.

 

[Packedlunch]

Will swap votes for bennies!

 

[Dinsdale]

Challenge #15 entry

!!!! VOTE FOR DINSDALE !!!!​

You should vote for me folks. And these are the reasons why you should:

BAY 13 Mod Campaigner promises

25. Ponies for all. And rainbows. Not only does this benefit those pony lovers among us, it also means rainbows.

24. A cure for dumbness, Lime disease and cancer. No one likes these things, and education, you know I’m right

23. A veto on a JoseMourinho post more than 2 lines long. We don’t have time to read his lists anyway

22. The Bay 13 populace will be the best educated. Dont ask how, KNOW how by being educated.

21. No more shitty Richmond flogs with their lack of tyre changing abilities. I promise a tyre iron to every Richmond supporter.

20. I will not exploit my opponents obvious lack of intelligence and hygiene. I just wont get into to that dumb stinky stuff - they will get all the extra hugs they need. It will also help with the straight jacket over-supply at casa-del-Dins.

19. The future will be here, from tomorrow onward.

18. I will stand by our Norf Korean spies with their funny accents.

17. I will remove the Alswearengine auto-change for the word ****. Every campaigner knows what we mean, why hide?

16. I will Banz-Hammer and arrest anyone who starts making sense in Bay 13.

15. There will be free tickets to Bay 13 members to all CarLOLton games.

14. All Melbourne games will be subsidised - every card-holding bay 13 flog will receive, by the tune of, 1 free meat pie or Golden Gaytime (NTTAWWT) .

13. My modship will be the funnest. Not having fun in a thread? Tell me and I’ll banzhammer the flog who upset your feelings. I never want to have sex with you so I don’t really care about your feelings, but I do want your vote.

12. For those who have lost their ponies or never had one, you will get a brand new pony.

11. Zebras cannot change their spots, so those who vote for me will get “I voted for Dinsdale” badges to wear on their avatars to proclaim their mental superiority, everyone else will get a big fat L for Loser on theirs.

10. Bay 13 will withdraw our troops from Iraq and Antartica. The polar bears will live in peace again.

9. I promise to never post or banzhammer anyone whilst under the influence of drugs or alcohol. So that’s Tuesday the 18th of July…some year.

8. Normalcy. Its not even a word, so it will be banzHammered.

7. Bazil Zempalas will not replace Dennis Commetti. I will get this one right, precise, down to the prefect measurement approximating 10 millipedes.

6. Everyone will get tasty sandwiches with their own choice of bread and filling, and will not be torn limb from limb by my dark passenger. They can even refuse avocado if they have no taste.

5. I promise things will be more like they are now than they ever were before, but much much better.

4. Bay 13 will establish a Moon colony and a Mars Probe (NTTAWWT) – you know it makes sense.

3. My faithful servants will find Trent, and return him to Richmond to provide more laughs for everyone.

2. Free beer. That’s a given. Or cocktails for the ladies and Jose. And beer for the ladies if they so desire. Just no throwing up into my shoes again ok.

1. James Effing Hird will be brought to justice, will **** off to wherever, maybe Easter island or West Horsham where no one ever goes, and never bother anyone ever again with his faux claims of innocence and agistment deals gone wrong.

That’s it Compadres, vote for me.

Notes to self:
<gif of gold bars for every vote>
<jpeg of that other thing that will convince them>
<Other jpegs/gifs of entertaintaing stuff wat I have done, this is my last effing chance maybe apart from the 3rd secret challenge that’s a doddle, a benny to the 3rd power>
<put this one in somewhere, it got likes before>
<don’t forget to pay Jose all those mint-julips – hes a good sport>
<praise boydshow and Morganashlee somehow just not in the same post, maybe a pm, but don’t crawl to the other jury members, they already know how cool and attractive they are>
< Kangaroos4eva – pay him by not referring to Norf as Norf >
<praise Moisty Red mist for his independence>
<rally the other goo (cross out goo) Hawfies on the main board – we have to win everything, sometimes more than once>

 

[DapperJong]

****ing wow already

 

[Dinsdale]

View attachment 216961


******* wow already

thanks for your vote Dapper. Promise #11 was meant for you

 

[A Cut Above]

Dinsdale you had me convinced at the mention of rainbow colored ponies.

NTTAWWT

 

[Benwah83]

Challenge #15 Entry

Benwah for Mod – Official Campaigner Launch Transcript

Date: 17/2/2016
Time: 7:00pm
Venue: Cockburn Recreation Centre
Weather: Raining goo

Let me begin by saying thanks to all you who've travelled, from far and wide, to brave this weather today.

We all made this journey for a reason. It's humbling, but in my heart I know you didn't come here just for me, you came here because you believe in what this forum can be. In the face of war, you believe there can be peace. In the face of despair, you believe there can be hope. In the face of a barrage of eliases, that have shitted you to tears, that have divided us for too long, you believe we can be one group of flogs, reaching for what's possible, building that more perfect union.

That's the journey we're on today. But let me tell you how I came to be here. As most of you know, I moved to the Bay 12 months ago. I was a young piece of toast then, just out of a team board; I knew no one here, was without money or family connections. But oogac offered me a job as a shoop crafter for $2 an hour. And I accepted the job, sight unseen, motivated then by a single, simple, powerful idea - that I might play a small part in building a better Bay.

Each and every time, a new generation of flog has risen up and done what's needed to be done. Today we are called once more - and it is time for our generation to answer that call.

All of us know what those challenges are today - a benny war with no end, a dependence on repetitive West Horsham shitfights that threatens our future, threads where too many tier 5 posters congregate and cause an intelligence black hole, and minnow club supporters struggling paycheck to paycheck despite flogging it up as hard as they can.

We know the challenges. We've heard them. We've talked about them for years.

What's stopped us from meeting these challenges is not the absence of sound modship and sensible banzhammering. What's stopped us is the failure of acknowledgement of the issues. For the last three months we've been told that the eliases will be exposed by Packedlunch and db swannie. We've been told that bushie was dead, then he wasn’t dead, that he was now a GWS supporter, and then he cancelled his account. And when all else fails, when Ja’Id’’s reappears under another name, or the shit fred toll in the Divvy mounts, we've been told that our crises are somebody else's fault. We're distracted from our real failures, and told to blame Tyreboyz, or 48%er supporters, or JoseMourinho.

Always bloody Jose….

It's time to turn the page.

Let's be the flog generation that finally banishes all West Horsham shitfights to a sub-forum, and then burns down the sub-forum.

Let's be the flog generation that ends boydshow and Morganashlee's passive-aggressive tension.

Let's be the flog generation that finally frees the Bay from subaru and bombersfan4000.

Let's be the flog generation to bring back Porked04. COME BACK PORKED!

I know there are those who don't believe we can do all these things. I understand the skepticism. After all, every now and then, new mod candidates make similar promises (or they would if we ran a stringent Boydog mod-election routine each time at great expense to the ordinary bay taxpayer). I expect this campaign will be no different with my competition:

• DapperJong – our supreme leader who will rule you under a cloud of kooky North Korean propaganda.
• Dinsdale – our blood-curdling sandwich maker who is just as likely to cut you into pieces as he is to Divvy your thread. He’s already made you 25 promises (AND I’M AWARE OF MY HYGIENE PROBLEM, THANKS!).
• Red mist – our resident abstract post and shoop master, who may occasionally go on random cryptic tangents that leave us all scratching our heads.

We will all make bold promises. We all may post propaganda against each other…except me – I would never stoop to that….

Slideshow in the background changes to show a photo of Benwah's competitors hanging out with their ‘best mate’.

But too many times, after the mod election is over, and the goo is mopped up, all those promises fade from memory, and ordinary flogs turn away, disappointed as before, left to struggle on their own.

That is why this campaign can't only be about me. It must be about us - it must be about what we can do together.

By ourselves, this change will not happen. Divided, we are bound to fail.

There is power in words. There is power in conviction (although not conviction is preferable).

There is power in having a underwhelming, fragile ex-no. 1 draft pick as a Spirit Guide in an online game of Survivor on a football forum during the off-season.

There is power in hope.

There is power in toast.

That is our purpose here today.

That's why I'm in this race.

Not just to bastardise and abridge a Barack Obama 2008 presidential campaign speech, but to gather with you to transform a forum.

Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be done, and usher in a new birth of freedom on Bay 13.

Share the slogan. Dare to dream. #ToastWeCanBelieveIn

Thank you.

------------------------------------

Ok, enough of that shit. Time for the TLDR / bribe option.

If you vote for me, you may come to the stage up the front and help yourself to either a kitten OR a puppy out of one of these boxes. JUST ONE YOU GREEDY CAMPAIGNERS.

Have a kitten!

Have a puppy!

If you don’t vote for me – fine. Your umbrella will be confiscated and I hope you slip on some goo on the way home.

Transcript End: 7:34pm

 

[Dinsdale]

Challenge #15
<snip>

TL;DR.
So it comes down to puppies or kittens over Rainbow Ponies? Tough choice for some, so thanks for your vote Benwah83 here you go: D1 <I voted for Dinsale, I am hyper-intelligent and attractive>

 

[jack lives here]

10. Bay 13 will withdraw our troops from Iraq and Antartica. The polar bears will live in peace again.

I've always wanted our troops out of Antartica, should never have gone their.