Off-topic Bay 13 Survivor: Cockburn (2016). We have a winner! (links in OP)

[DapperJong]

shit yes I'll take a dog!

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

shit yes I'll take a dog!

Don't eat him.

 

[db swannie]

Challenge #15 Entry

Benwah for Mod – Official Campaigner Launch Transcript

Date: 17/2/2016
Time: 7:00pm
Venue: Cockburn Recreation Centre
Weather: Raining goo

Let me begin by saying thanks to all you who've travelled, from far and wide, to brave this weather today.

We all made this journey for a reason. It's humbling, but in my heart I know you didn't come here just for me, you came here because you believe in what this forum can be. In the face of war, you believe there can be peace. In the face of despair, you believe there can be hope. In the face of a barrage of eliases, that have shitted you to tears, that have divided us for too long, you believe we can be one group of flogs, reaching for what's possible, building that more perfect union.

That's the journey we're on today. But let me tell you how I came to be here. As most of you know, I moved to the Bay 12 months ago. I was a young piece of toast then, just out of a team board; I knew no one here, was without money or family connections. But oogac offered me a job as a shoop crafter for $2 an hour. And I accepted the job, sight unseen, motivated then by a single, simple, powerful idea - that I might play a small part in building a better Bay.

Each and every time, a new generation of flog has risen up and done what's needed to be done. Today we are called once more - and it is time for our generation to answer that call.

All of us know what those challenges are today - a benny war with no end, a dependence on repetitive West Horsham shitfights that threatens our future, threads where too many tier 5 posters congregate and cause an intelligence black hole, and minnow club supporters struggling paycheck to paycheck despite flogging it up as hard as they can.

We know the challenges. We've heard them. We've talked about them for years.

What's stopped us from meeting these challenges is not the absence of sound modship and sensible banzhammering. What's stopped us is the failure of acknowledgement of the issues. For the last three months we've been told that the eliases will be exposed by Packedlunch and db swannie. We've been told that bushie was dead, then he wasn’t dead, that he was now a GWS supporter, and then he cancelled his account. And when all else fails, when Ja’Id’’s reappears under another name, or the shit fred toll in the Divvy mounts, we've been told that our crises are somebody else's fault. We're distracted from our real failures, and told to blame Tyreboyz, or 48%er supporters, or JoseMourinho.

Always bloody Jose….

It's time to turn the page.

Let's be the flog generation that finally banishes all West Horsham shitfights to a sub-forum, and then burns down the sub-forum.

Let's be the flog generation that ends boydshow and Morganashlee's passive-aggressive tension.

Let's be the flog generation that finally frees the Bay from subaru and bombersfan4000.

Let's be the flog generation to bring back Porked04. COME BACK PORKED!

I know there are those who don't believe we can do all these things. I understand the skepticism. After all, every now and then, new mod candidates make similar promises (or they would if we ran a stringent Boydog mod-election routine each time at great expense to the ordinary bay taxpayer). I expect this campaign will be no different with my competition:

• DapperJong – our supreme leader who will rule you under a cloud of kooky North Korean propaganda.
• Dinsdale – our blood-curdling sandwich maker who is just as likely to cut you into pieces as he is to Divvy your thread. He’s already made you 25 promises (AND I’M AWARE OF MY HYGIENE PROBLEM, THANKS!).
• Red mist – our resident abstract post and shoop master, who may occasionally go on random cryptic tangents that leave us all scratching our heads.

We will all make bold promises. We all may post propaganda against each other…except me – I would never stoop to that….

Slideshow in the background changes to show a photo of Benwah's competitors hanging out with their ‘best mate’.

But too many times, after the mod election is over, and the goo is mopped up, all those promises fade from memory, and ordinary flogs turn away, disappointed as before, left to struggle on their own.

That is why this campaign can't only be about me. It must be about us - it must be about what we can do together.

By ourselves, this change will not happen. Divided, we are bound to fail.

There is power in words. There is power in conviction (although not conviction is preferable).

There is power in having a underwhelming, fragile ex-no. 1 draft pick as a Spirit Guide in an online game of Survivor on a football forum during the off-season.

There is power in hope.

There is power in toast.

That is our purpose here today.

That's why I'm in this race.

Not just to bastardise and abridge a Barack Obama 2008 presidential campaign speech, but to gather with you to transform a forum.

Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be done, and usher in a new birth of freedom on Bay 13.

Share the slogan. Dare to dream. #ToastWeCanBelieveIn

Thank you.

------------------------------------

Ok, enough of that shit. Time for the TLDR / bribe option.

If you vote for me, you may come to the stage up the front and help yourself to either a kitten OR a puppy out of one of these boxes. JUST ONE YOU GREEDY CAMPAIGNERS.

Have a kitten!

Have a puppy!

If you don’t vote for me – fine. Your umbrella will be confiscated and I hope you slip on some goo on the way home.

Transcript End: 7:34pm

OMFG, this fred suffers from a proliferation of prolixity, verbal vomiting and tautology!

Stop with the wicket keeping glove reacharounds please!

 

[Stan_Darsh72]

15. There will be free tickets to Bay 13 members to all CarLOLton games.

Im not sure if that is good promise to have.

 

[Bender_]

Im not sure if that is good promise to have.

You don't like laughing?

 

[Benwah83]

OMFG, this fred suffers from a proliferation of prolixity, verbal vomiting and tautology!

Stop with the wicket keeping glove reacharounds please!

LOL You seem a bit agitated today, db. Can I interest you in a kitten or puppy to help calm you down?

Or should I just get the wicket keeping gloves?

 

[db swannie]

LOL You seem a bit agitated today, db. Can I interest you in a kitten or puppy to help calm you down?

Or should I just get the wicket keeping gloves?

If we can combine the lot and add a can of Pal to the mix I'm in!

 

[Praetorian]

Dinsdale has surely wrapped up the hawthorn goo vote and the gay vote, although there is significant overlap between these two populations

Benwah got bogged down with real issues (a big no-no in politics) before saving face with an offer of free edible puppies that will please emaciated norf supporters and norf korean dictators alike. whether those 3 votes are enough to get him over the line remains to be seen.

 

[Allikat]

OH MY GOD PUPPIES!!!!

 

[JoseMourinho]

Support the Turncoat.

Support Red mist

 

[Duritz]

I'd mock you both until you STFU (and encourage others to do so). If that didn't work I'd start booting you from threads.

The other thing re that turning point is that the rest of Cotchin (me, toot, dins, stronzo) knew we potentially had the game on our terms, which is why I found it so strange k4e and red moist wanted to throw it away.

Boydflog goes on about the tribal alliance but he fails to realise it basically didn't last beyond the remerge.

 

[DapperJong]

How is misty a turncoat if he never broke an alliance that was in place since the beginning of the comp?

I'm sure duritz has nicer boobs than me but the greener grass on the other side is just an illusion. Misty is mature and man enough to know this.

 

[Duritz]

How is misty a turncoat if he never broke an alliance that was in place since the beginning of the comp?

I'm sure duritz has nicer boobs than me but the greener grass on the other side is just an illusion. Misty is mature and man enough to know this.

Turncoated in his cockchin alliance

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Lol, I love the blame. This notion of me destroying Cotchin/chopsticks team loyalty is a load of naive crap and everyone in the game knows this. We all stuck to our alliances from the start of the game, not fyfie's enforced team's. Partnering with the same people that voted royals and my alliance members out, due to being part of a team l was forced into, was never going to end well with me. I was loyal to my alliance to the very end, not a forced one that would have caused me to be voted out, just a little later.

How about we move on, l hold no grudges against Duritz or anyone, it's just a game. Just don't slander my character or spread bullshit about me in the process.

 

[Bender_]

it's just a game.

Just don't slander my character or spread bullshit about me in the process.

 

[Starburns_]

You can have banter, but not slander.

 

[DapperJong]

You're all a bunch of campaigners

 

[Packedlunch]

Lol, I love the blame. This notion of me destroying Cotchin/chopsticks team loyalty is a load of naive crap and everyone in the game knows this. We all stuck to our alliances from the start of the game, not fyfie's enforced team's. Partnering with the same people that voted royals and my alliance members out, due to being part of a team l was forced into, was never going to end well with me. I was loyal to my alliance to the very end, not a forced one that would have caused me to be voted out, just a little later.

How about we move on, l hold no grudges against Duritz or anyone, it's just a game. Just don't slander my character or spread bullshit about me in the process.

Duritz told me you pick your nose and eat it?

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Duritz told me you pick your nose and eat it?

Conniving bugger, l told him that in strict confidence.

 

[Stronzo]

So there was a melt when we booted that treacherous K4E.

It just took a couple of weeks to surface.

 

[Wristo_]

Wow, so much tension in here k4e, I am happy to give you a half priced wristy for your troubles, you melty flog.

 

[Dinsdale]

Dinsdale has surely wrapped up the hawthorn goo vote and the gay vote, although there is significant overlap between these two populations

Benwah got bogged down with real issues (a big no-no in politics) before saving face with an offer of free edible puppies that will please emaciated norf supporters and norf korean dictators alike. whether those 3 votes are enough to get him over the line remains to be seen.

Solid second post in this thread mate, I notice you didn't vote though. You dont want this to be like the US and have some moran in charge just because you didnt bother voting.

 

[DapperJong]

Challenge #15 Entry

Man: "I'm so happy to vote for DapperJong"​

THIS COULD BE YOU!​

But first, a few things I have to address RE Norf Korea



Now this is a load of shit. Have a look at this.



99.97% rocked up to vote and the all voted for me. Honestly why would they bother if it's just a formality? I feel like I get unfair criticism sometimes. Love those Chongu dudes.

Before I get to the main part of my campaign, just have another look at this sentence.



This is correct. For those who have already voted for other campaigners, just think about your life for a second.

DapperJong for Moderator - 2016!​

If I'm elected to be a mod, a few things will change around here. No man in power achieved anything ruling with a feather duster. Look at Iraq - Saddam (miss u bro) had that hell-hole in check. he knew what was up. As soon as they got rid of him that place went to shit.

CHANGES FOR 2016.

• Everyone posting in Bay13 will be required to use a Kim Jong Un avatar (no degrading memes)
• Alternatively, a picture of Dear Leader must be hung in your dwelling. Proof is required
• Signatures must contain statements of praise for me
• Everyone must start supporting the Essendon Bombers and acknowledge James Hird as a diety.
• Every post i make must receive 100 likes from the Bay13 community (shared job)
• All (former) Hawthorn and Carlton supporters must attend shock therapy until I trust you
• A Special Performance must occur once a fortnight for my entertainment. Through form of dance or song. I think it's time we bought back footy/australiana songs to the limelight.

So, clearly, the Bay will be a better place if I'm elected to be a mod.

Be aware that my moderating style will not be questioned and I will not be required to explain deleted/infracted posts. If I am questioned about this, you will be forced to post on the HTB for the remainder of your forums days.

​

 

[Bloody_Nine]

DapperJong how did you get so many votes even before you posted your campaign?
You are a sure thing to win this ..

 

[DapperJong]

DapperJong how did you get so many votes even before you posted your campaign?
You are a sure thing to win this ..

I was also surprised as my usual campaign methods are not allowed here.

I have respect for Starburns_ in this matter.

He rules with a large iron hand shaped implement.