Family & Relationships How do you get over a girl?

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Ed_Gein said:
In the end, i'm struggling to get over a girl i wasn't officially dating (she loves me too), but i have to get over.
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Similar situation here. I had an extremely good thing going, clicked well with this girl, slept with her, but we were never dating. Which I was fine with.

Then she gets into a relationship with someone else. And for some reason that has really pissed me off.

I've been trying to tell myself that it's just the sex I'm not getting now that is why I'm shitty. But I don't know.

I went away for the weekend on a bender, have come back better. Just sucked it up, because I'm her friend and I should be happy for her. But now she is confiding in me about this guy being too clingy and how she doesn't want to be in a relationship.

On Friday I'd have used this a chance to get myself back in, tell her to break it off and things can go back to normal. Now I don't know.
 
The last month has been ****ing difficult for me, but I think my mind is almost rid of the obsession, though my confidence isn't quite back yet.

For a fair while, I was very good friends with this extremely hot European woman. And she was probably the nicest woman I had ever met as well. There was no dating in a real sense, she had another on and off relationship. But the way she acted around me, it seemed reasonable to think that something would happen somewhere along the line. I really enjoyed her company.

Something then changed and she became closed off all of a sudden. I did keep trying to make something happen though. Then one day I get a knock on the door by the rent officer, telling me to stay the **** away from her. Probably one of the most gut wrenching moments of my life, but an incredibly gutless action. I asked her what was wrong, as I was sensing differences, but no succinct answer, just sugar coated crap.

I tried in vain to repair things, as I was still feeling so devastated about the whole thing. It fairly much finished in a marathon yelling session out in the open about two weeks ago. I was fairly drunk at the time, so it was a fair suit of armour.

It makes things worse that she is a neighbour and the meetings now are inevitable and inevitably icy. A short, cold 'hello' seems to be the prevailing trend.

Since the initial noticing of changes about a month and a half ago, I've had cases of anxiety and days of fairly nasty depression. I was going to find a job etc, but never had any energy left for it. Don't think I felt genuine happiness at all during that time. I'd hate to be like that all the time, but the last five days have been the first days in a bit that I haven't felt so bad.

But finally I think that I'm getting over that part of my life. Been talking to mates as much as possible, went on a holiday, trying to get a few things done etc etc. Still don't have much in the way of confidence around others at the moment now, never mind women in any sort of conversation. But I'm trying to find ways to get that back.

What techniques did you use to get that vibrancy and confidence back?
 

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Ed_Gein said:
Long story short, i am an utter, utter arseh*le.

In the end, i'm struggling to get over a girl i wasn't officially dating (she loves me too), but i have to get over.

I'm backpacking at the moment which would seem like it would take my mind off things, but it's not working. :eek:
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This is the married girl you work with, or something along those lines?
 
Mr_Smooth said:
^^ i'd shit on her doorstep for a start (like on a regular basis)
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It was genuinely patronising and farcical the way it was handled, which made it even worse. Rationally, people who deal with such a situation in that manner don't deserve to be relevant anymore. I just keep my music on a little bit longer now etc, but I think that era is over and don't want to cause anymore problems. The botched repair job just damaged a couple of other friendships and only made things worse. So I hope to never tread in that minefield again.

Spring starts on Thursday, and everything began at the dawn of winter, so I'm working towards a more productive, positive future.
 
We are still seeing each other, as she still clearly has feelings for me (she has admitted this to me). It really was more of a step back to a slower pace than anything else, among a few other complicated issues... But, for now at least, we are going ok.
 
nmfk said:
My girlfriend dumped me after 3 years together then starts going out with another guy 4 days later.
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4622173.gif
 
or that is what she wanted you to think
 

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They met at a footy club function (not mine) and obviously talked a little and added each other on facebook. Then they started with small talk, that was all I thought it was. Find out later they exchanged number and organizing to meet up. One of the meet ups they were going to have ended up causing the argument that caused our break up. I wanted to visit her and she forcefully said no. I now know why she didn't want to see me.
 
carn tigez said:
Were you not worried by her meeting a guy, adding him on fb and talking to him? Not danger signs at all?

Just seems a strange thing to do if happy in a relationship, I know I'd question my gf over it if she did that.
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That theory is a recipe for disaster if ever I've seen one.

The whole paranoia thing is probably the worst situation to be in with a relationship. Doesn't matter if you are right about it or not, it just ****ing sucks.
 
IAMJUNGLEMUFFIN said:
The whole paranoia thing is probably the worst situation to be in with a relationship. Doesn't matter if you are right about it or not, it just ****ing sucks.
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Agreed, it just turns into a cycle, you try and get your head around things and end up not getting anywhere close to the answer and feel far far worse than when you began...

That's kind of when I knew my previous relationship was over. If the answer to why things aren't working isn't clear, it's obvious that the other half is not pulling their weight/not interested

FWIW I have been broken up with my ex for a few months now and while I haven't gone out of my way to go get other girls, I feel far more freedom and am almost relieved that I don't have someone to worry about at the end of the day. I have got with a few new girls since though, one that I am interested in, but I don't see her as the relationship type just yet, I know being in a relationship so soon again is silly, I'm just trying to enjoy myself.

I have spoken to the ex a couple of times since our break up, but most of it has been initiated by her, but I think she has got the picture about where I am at nowadays. I will be there as a friend if she wants, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to stay close, I don't really care.

I also have got to the point where I am able to see all her flaws that under the influence of 'love' I was unable to see. She was a selfish bitch, I'm better off without her anyway ;)
 
IAMJUNGLEMUFFIN said:
That theory is a recipe for disaster if ever I've seen one.

The whole paranoia thing is probably the worst situation to be in with a relationship. Doesn't matter if you are right about it or not, it just ****ing sucks.
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Mmm, I wasn't very clear. I meant more talking to him a lot from day 1 and in a more than friends kind of way, stuff like that stands out a lot.

If my gf just met a guy, added him on fb, and within a few days was texting him daily, then I'd be worried. Talking occasionally and I wouldn't say anything.

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak but definitely a little bit paranoid.
 
Just wanted to say I appreciate reading the comments in here.

I think different people have different views on this subject and you just have to choose the approach that is best suits you.

I am in the process of getting over a girl, it hurts like crazy and the loneliness and companionship missing, causes such pain.

Im just putting one foot forward each day as I begin the process of moving on.

Thank you to all. :eek:
 
- **** buddies
- One nighters
- Freedom

I've never had a meaningful relationship. Longest I've lasted is 5 weeks. Mainly due to not liking being bombarded with texts/calls about nothing. Hate girls having to know what your doing all the time etc and whinging that you never see them/only see them for sex.

Might change when I'm older and more mature but at the moment a relationship is the last thing I want in my life.
 
Dazb86 said:
- **** buddies
- One nighters
- Freedom

I've never had a meaningful relationship. Longest I've lasted is 5 weeks. Mainly due to not liking being bombarded with texts/calls about nothing. Hate girls having to know what your doing all the time etc and whinging that you never see them/only see them for sex.

Might change when I'm older and more mature but at the moment a relationship is the last thing I want in my life.
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Judging by your username, you're about 25 right?
A lot of mates around that age will start to hook up permanently in the next 2 years, you'll probably find your feelings will change and maybe your mates won't want to go out as much.
Once you find a good one, they'll make your life better not worse. What you have to do is give a girl a long enough time to convince you they may be a good one.
 
Let me preface this by saying I'm married and the proud father of two wonderful children.

72% of Relationships fail within 12 months.
25% Of those that survive fail
44% of Marriages end in divorce.
78% of Marriages have at least one unhappy partner.

CONGRATULATIONS! You've met a girl!

She has a 9% chance of making you unhappy the rest of your life.
She has a 9% chance of taking half your assets.
She has a 7% chance of taking some of your assets
She has a 72% chance of dumping your ass, leaving you heartbroken.

So the girl you've just met has a 3% chance of ending in a happy marriage.

=====
9% times 50% of your assets = 4.5%
7% times (say) 30% of your assets = 2.1%

Are you willing to best 6.6% of your life worth that the next girl you meet will be the 3%?

Lets say you're 20. In the next 40 years you'll earn minimum wage (40 x 50k) = 2 million. 6.6% of that is 130k.

130k for a 33-1 shot (3%) = 4.29 Million dollars

That's a lot of hookers.
 

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Family & Relationships How do you get over a girl?

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