Family & Relationships How do you get over a girl?

[hougie]

Simon Nesbit = The Love Doctor. Gave me a good laugh.


I got burnt a few months back and have gone shamelessly into a rebound relationship - she knows it, I know it. So far everything's going fine and it's proved to be a fantastic distraction but I have plans to work overseas next year so there's an approaching expiry date. Not sure if I'm using her but I can see how it would be interpreted that way. Roles reversed I wouldn't be in a relationship with me but luckily I don't have to be.

Sometimes being a **** pays off.

*Awaits karma*

 

[eastcoastcrow]

Let me preface this by saying I'm married and the proud father of two wonderful children.

72% of Relationships fail within 12 months.
25% Of those that survive fail
44% of Marriages end in divorce.
78% of Marriages have at least one unhappy partner.

CONGRATULATIONS! You've met a girl!

She has a 9% chance of making you unhappy the rest of your life.
She has a 9% chance of taking half your assets.
She has a 7% chance of taking some of your assets
She has a 72% chance of dumping your ass, leaving you heartbroken.

So the girl you've just met has a 3% chance of ending in a happy marriage.

=====
9% times 50% of your assets = 4.5%
7% times (say) 30% of your assets = 2.1%

Are you willing to best 6.6% of your life worth that the next girl you meet will be the 3%?

Lets say you're 20. In the next 40 years you'll earn minimum wage (40 x 50k) = 2 million. 6.6% of that is 130k.

130k for a 33-1 shot (3%) = 4.29 Million dollars

That's a lot of hookers.

Did you get the first part of those stats from somewhere or you made it up?

 

[Stocks_go_Up]

If your relationship is not bringing you a lot of happiness then - GTFO NOW. There is no reason to stay with a girl if you are not in love and having a great time. The single life provides so much more than a shitty relationship. Grab your balls and break up with your girlfriend. If your girlfriend broke up with you, say thank you and go smash some box. Yes you will get all emo and cry like a baby for a few weeks, but eventually you will move on. Just don't contact or have any communication with her for at least a few months. You priority is to get yourself in a good mental state, if this means ignoring your ex-girlfriend in class then so be it.

 

[Kaladin Stormblessed]

It's freaking hard isn't it.

You miss even just everyday things...waking up in the morning, checking your phone and not having text messages on your phone, listening to songs that remind you of her, the laughter, companionship and when your phone used to light up when she called.

It's even harder when you parted on 'good terms' - i.e. there was no massive fight/hate/cheating etc.

 

[camsmith]

It's freaking hard isn't it.

You miss even just everyday things...waking up in the morning, checking your phone and not having text messages on your phone, listening to songs that remind you of her, the laughter, companionship and when your phone used to light up when she called.

It's even harder when you parted on 'good terms' - i.e. there was no massive fight/hate/cheating etc.

Yep. Spot on there.. Missed waking up next to someone tbh. Things happen every day that remind you of her. I still have her as a FB friend even though I kow I shouldn't.

Also hard when im now good friends with some of her friends who I met through her (both guys and girls). Hard to know what to do in that case... do I cut all contact with them too? When I really don't want to..

 

[neng]

I'm struggling to stay in contact with my ex. We left on good terms, but we just don't feel the need to speak or see each other anymore

 

[davoss]

Friends with ex.... Can it happen? When I got dumped it felt as though I not only lost a lover but a best friend. Can that friendship be retained?

Can't be done mate. Sure you may stay in contact for a few weeks or even months but eventually one of you realises that there's no point to it and you just stop communicating. I've been there before, it's a massive mind ****

 

[WALL-e]

My girlfriend dumped me after 3 years together then starts going out with another guy 4 days later.

Lots of girls are like this, they need something to go to before they leave where they're at now. Perrenial relationship bishes.

Likely hitting it off (at the very least) with said guy before she broke it off. Not worth the time these lasses.

 

[eastcoastcrow]

Admittedly I am struggling.

My gf (1.5yrs) broke up with me over a week ago now and I have struggled to leave the bed let alone the house.

My mind is numb and heart is broken. I have no energy or desire to do a thing, dropped 2 kgs in the process from being depressed.

I know its very dark days for now, I just hope I can snap out of this feeling of hopelessness.

Its fair to say that different people react to things differently.

I wish I was mentally stronger.

 

[Smoooothy]

Admittedly I am struggling.

My gf (1.5yrs) broke up with me over a week ago now and I have struggled to leave the bed let alone the house.

My mind is numb and heart is broken. I have no energy or desire to do a thing, dropped 2 kgs in the process from being depressed.

I know its very dark days for now, I just hope I can snap out of this feeling of hopelessness.

Its fair to say that different people react to things differently.

I wish I was mentally stronger.

it will get better dude

i'd recommend going out for a hit of golf, a few games of ten pin bowling, or going for a hike somewhere. something that'll get your mind off her..

2 weeks til you'll be glad that this has happened.

 

[eastcoastcrow]

it will get better dude

i'd recommend going out for a hit of golf, a few games of ten pin bowling, or going for a hike somewhere. something that'll get your mind off her..

2 weeks til you'll be glad that this has happened.

Thanks mate, much appreciated.

Its so damn hard when one feels this way, almost makes falling in love not worth it. Havent eaten a proper meal in over a week, havent gone outside apart to the doctors for certificates for work and have basically been surfing.

Its scary when the mind goes to dark places when your sad and depressed.

I can probably say that this forum has saved my life. Its provided me anonymity but allowed me to at least chat with others, while hiding out.

The AFL has helped me take my mind of it, been just pouring my time over the past week reading AFL and gambling. I know gambling is dangerous but I am a seasoned punter so its helped and provided a distraction.

Sadly I still cling onto hope that she will tell me she was wrong and wants to get back together with me.

I hope that as times goes on things change for the better.

Probably the worst thing she told me is that she loves me but doesnt see a future for us. So thought its best to end it now......

Anyways I appreciate anyone in here providing advice in how they coped. As I am sure with different solutions, I will arrive at one for me.

 

[Smoooothy]

Sadly I still cling onto hope that she will tell me she was wrong and wants to get back together with me.

I hope that as times goes on things change for the better.

Probably the worst thing she told me is that she loves me but doesnt see a future for us. So thought its best to end it now......

Anyways I appreciate anyone in here providing advice in how they coped. As I am sure with different solutions, I will arrive at one for me.

one more piece of advice, don't think this. invariably it wont happen.

the best thing you can do is to do things that will completely get her out of your mind. try to involve mates in this process

 

[deled3]

Anyways I appreciate anyone in here providing advice in how they coped. As I am sure with different solutions, I will arrive at one for me.

Get around the boys, better than hanging out with a bird anyway.

 

[King Elvis]

We are still seeing each other, as she still clearly has feelings for me (she has admitted this to me). It really was more of a step back to a slower pace than anything else, among a few other complicated issues... But, for now at least, we are going ok.

It's your first relationship, that right?

Mate, be very conscious of going too hard too early, you'll freak her out, and when it invariably ends, you'll be shattered.

Enjoy it for what it is, and let things develop, don't force them or rush them.

Its so damn hard when one feels this way, almost makes falling in love not worth it. Havent eaten a proper meal in over a week, havent gone outside apart to the doctors for certificates for work and have basically been surfing.

Its scary when the mind goes to dark places when your sad and depressed.

Mate, get out of the house!

It's a vicious circle, and it snowballs.

Get out of the house, go do things with mate, go out and meet new people and do new things - TRY and have fun.

You sit at home thinking about her, you'll just get deeper and deeper into a feeling of helplessness and it'll hurt.

Get some mates, and go out - go to a decent bar, and look at all of the gorgeous girls there are around the place; get back in the game and find yourself one!

 

[WALL-e]

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Easier said than done I can understand mate, but you're stewing in your own sad depressing juices at home. Go for a run, a coffee, catch up with the fellas, go out, watch sport....go take a piss on a tree. Just GTFO!

 

[eastcoastcrow]

Just wanted to say thanks to you guys, yes I got the message - Get out!

It is easier said then done, but I took a small step just now, went out had lunch and did the groceries. While I may be back home, it was nice to go for a drive.

Spent an hour and half chatting to my mates wife, which helped a lot. I think speaking to a female helps to discuss feelings that you cant with your mates, while your mates help you in other areas in getting your mind off your ex.

I wouldnt wish this on anyone, I mean that. It is painful and hurts like crazy. However, I am improving and getting just a little bit stronger day by day.

I am definitely not at all interested in meeting any new girls atm, probably just need to focus my energies solely on myself for the time being.

 

[rizzo]

Just wanted to say thanks to you guys, yes I got the message - Get out!

It is easier said then done, but I took a small step just now, went out had lunch and did the groceries. While I may be back home, it was nice to go for a drive.

Spent an hour and half chatting to my mates wife, which helped a lot. I think speaking to a female helps to discuss feelings that you cant with your mates, while your mates help you in other areas in getting your mind off your ex.

I wouldnt wish this on anyone, I mean that. It is painful and hurts like crazy. However, I am improving and getting just a little bit stronger day by day.

I am definitely not at all interested in meeting any new girls atm, probably just need to focus my energies solely on myself for the time being.

Great to hear mate! Keep us updated.

Took me almost 12 months to fully get over my ex-girlfriend and must admit this thread certainly helped too.

FWIW I spent a lot of time hanging around with my two best mates + their girlfriends. Pretty sure they got sick of seeing my face, but being around some good people really gives you an energy boost. Also led me to meeting my GF. Things are now top notch

 

[Caesar]

Spent an hour and half chatting to my mates wife, which helped a lot. I think speaking to a female helps to discuss feelings that you cant with your mates, while your mates help you in other areas in getting your mind off your ex.

Be careful with talking. Talking can either help you get everything off your chest and move on, or it can give you an excuse to dwell on it and keep thinking about it, which in turn just gives you an excuse to be miserable.

You're going to think about it anyway, but you can at least give yourself the best chance possible of thinking about it as little as possible. Being alone, or talking to someone about her, is not giving yourself that chance.

You were emotionally invested in a relationship. Now you're emotionally invested in the breakup. Next step is to get emotionally invested in something else - yourself, your mates, your family. Get fit. Learn something new. Throw yourself into work or uni. Go out and bond with your mates. Go to your parents' place at the weekend and do odd jobs for them. All those things will require you to put energy into them, which means less energy for lamenting your breakup. And unlike lamenting your breakup, those things make you feel good about yourself afterwards.

You've had your vent to your mate's wife - that's good. Now draw a line under it. Start pretending you're okay and enjoying life, and sooner than you know it you'll start to actually be okay and enjoying life.

 

[Mancey]

Yeah talking can be a trap.

You can talk and talk and talk all you want to someone about how shit your situation is, but it's not going to solve the issue of what is making you miserable (the ex), and pretty much just makes you dwell on it all.

Better just to talk about anything and everything else that's going on in life and your future plans. Anything to get your mind off shit

 

[King Elvis]

I am definitely not at all interested in meeting any new girls atm, probably just need to focus my energies solely on myself for the time being.

That's fair enough mate, but at the same time, be open to it.

Even if you aren't interested in new relationships, it's going to cheer you up and give you hope to know that the ex wasn't the be all and end all, and that there are plenty of nice, hot girls out there.

 

[camsmith]

Log on to fb tonight only to see ".... is in a relationship". Thought I was finally over it too...

 

[swiftdog]

Meeting new girls definitely helps. You don't even need to hit on them. You realise that there are plenty of pretty, fun and friendly girls around and I've found it helpful in the past to just have friendly chats. Getting back into the game just took care of itself with a bit of time.

 

[Caesar]

That's why you're supposed to delete them off Facebook when you break up.

 

[Zarrix]

That's why you're supposed to delete them off Facebook when you break up.

This is important. It's easy to become an online, obsessive paranoid long after the event has happened. I did this (deleted), and I don't regret it at all. Burn that bridge.

Mind it is impossible to burn ALL bridges in my situation (a page or so back) , but it was still a pivotal step in my opinion.

 

[triplejdude]

Alright GD brethren, I'm in need of some advice.

Been going out with my girlfriend for just over 3 years now. Things have gotten really stale over the past few months, and I find myself wishing constantly that I was single. Grass is always greener, and so forth. I'm still young, and want to move on and play the field so to speak.

Two problems - 1. I'm being a pussy bitch about it. I can't bring myself to break it off with her, especially because I know she likes me a lot. Just the thought of having that conversation and what it would spiral into makes me apprehensive about doing it.

And 2. We've booked a weeks interstate holiday in early December, staying in an apartment with her friend and her friend's boyfriend. If I break it off now it would become an incredibly awkward situation, especially after reading your stories about making attempts to be friends with your ex.

Over to you boys, help a brother out. Also, inb4growsomeballsanddoit.