Family & Relationships How do you get over a girl?

[Ferris_rules]

Any warning or reason why Ferris? (always think it makes a difference in the break up process)

Hi Coledinho

I was abusive to her on Monday about something she did in the past, which I had accepted her reasoning, but the abuse I gave wasn't forgivable ironic.

There was no name calling or hitting, thats never cool, but I abused the fcuk out of her ex. yes it was disgusting in fairness - once off though only. It was to her and to him as in, I didnt go over and abuse him, but was almost about to.

She has no feelings for him, but its the ugly way I did it hurt her badly.

She doesnt trust me and told me in person and by email that its all over.

Thoughts?

I asked for another chance, how long should one wait before giving up?

Should one fight for it, to win her back?

Im very depressed about this! :-(

 

[rhinowce]

Hi Coledinho

I was abusive to her on Monday about something she did in the past, which I had accepted her reasoning, but the abuse I gave wasn't forgivable ironic.

There was no name calling or hitting, thats never cool, but I abused the fcuk out of her ex. yes it was disgusting in fairness - once off though only. It was to her and to him as in, I didnt go over and abuse him, but was almost about to.

She has no feelings for him, but its the ugly way I did it hurt her badly.

She doesnt trust me and told me in person and by email that its all over.

Thoughts?

Dont wanna sound like a prick but dude how bout harding the **** up for a start.

stop blaming yourself, arguments and fights are part and parcel of a being in a relationship if she cant get over it its her problem, just move on hang with the boys for a while and you will be right..

 

[Coledinho]

Saying you will change means little in todays society. Just the way we have been brought up. If your going to say it ACT it. Whether that be attending a anger management class/stop drinking alcohol (were you drunk) or something else you can think off. Before you say your going to do something put in the process the actions required to actually help you do it. Earns alot more respect in todays society.

I wouldnt of approached her so early. 2 weeks it generally takes for rational thought. Window of opportunity to mend things are about 6 weeks or longer (depending on length of relationship).

Other than that I got nothing because you are kind of obscure in your information provided which is fair enough.

 

[Coledinho]

Dont wanna sound like a prick but dude how bout harding the **** up for a start.

stop blaming yourself, arguments and fights are part and parcel of a being in a relationship if she cant get over it its her problem, just move on hang with the boys for a while and you will be right..

This is alot easier to say when your not the one wearing the shoes. TBH we dont have enough proof to judge if it actually was his fault or not or whether she has a reasonable thought in thinking there may be a problem.

BTW hanging with the boys is horrible advice. The boys are generally tossers who will make the matter worse. They are okay for fun but in times of seriousness they should be as far away as possible

 

[rhinowce]

This is alot easier to say when your not the one wearing the shoes. TBH we dont have enough proof to judge if it actually was his fault or not or whether she has a reasonable thought in thinking there may be a problem.

BTW hanging with the boys is horrible advice. The boys are generally tossers who will make the matter worse. They are okay for fun but in times of seriousness they should be as far away as possible

Ok then doctor Phil il leave you to give the advice.

 

[Coledinho]

You do that

 

[Caesar]

In my experience serious longterm relationships generally don't completely fall apart over one isolated fight, no matter how bad it is. If it really was a one-off and totally out of character for you, perhaps there's other underlying issues and this was just what brought it to a head.

 

[woopedazz]

This is alot easier to say when your not the one wearing the shoes. TBH we dont have enough proof to judge if it actually was his fault or not or whether she has a reasonable thought in thinking there may be a problem.

BTW hanging with the boys is horrible advice. The boys are generally tossers who will make the matter worse. They are okay for fun but in times of seriousness they should be as far away as possible

Someone doesn't have any real friends.

 

[Coledinho]

Someone doesn't have any real friends.

Boys and friends are different surely? Hang out with the friends sure but when I think of hang out with the boys Im thinking "too drunk to remember what happened" type of event

 

[woopedazz]

Boys and friends are different surely? Hang out with the friends sure but when I think of hang out with the boys Im thinking "too drunk to remember what happened" type of event

So all your friends are girls and whenever you are around boys you're slizzard like a G6?

 

[Coledinho]

So all your friends are girls and whenever you are around boys you're slizzard like a G6?

Well friends are friends. I just dont have any "boys". Im too sophisticated for that shit

 

[nicky]

Well friends are friends. I just dont have any "boys". Im too sophisticated for that shit

Well said.

I hate that expression, "hanging with the boys" - it's so ****ing 1950s Greece. "hanging with the boys" should be incidental, like, having some drinks after you've played cricket or you find yourself naked in a club, surrounded by other naked men. But to actively have a boys club where the wounded hearted seek so they can get over their woes is very homosexual.

 

[Caesar]

You guys are reading a heck of a lot into a gender-specific noun.

 

[yeah_nah]

Well said.

I hate that expression, "hanging with the boys" - it's so ****ing 1950s Greece. "hanging with the boys" should be incidental, like, having some drinks after you've played cricket or you find yourself naked in a club, surrounded by other naked men. But to actively have a boys club where the wounded hearted seek so they can get over their woes is very homosexual.

Dont you go to gay bars to avoid getting hit on occassionally?

Same thing, basically.

 

[Caesar]

It's just silly. Unless their friendship group is of mixed gender, most people use "the boys" or "the girls" as a colloquial synonym for "my group of friends".

Not sure where all these implications of immaturity or superficiality or whatever are coming from.

 

[woopedazz]

It's just silly. Unless their friendship group is of mixed gender, most people use "the boys" or "the girls" as a colloquial synonym for "my group of friends".

Not sure where all these implications of immaturity or superficiality or whatever are coming from.

This. I went to the beach with "The boys" just yesterday arvo. I didn't get smashed and hire hookers.

 

[Ferris_rules]

Dont wanna sound like a prick but dude how bout harding the **** up for a start.

stop blaming yourself, arguments and fights are part and parcel of a being in a relationship if she cant get over it its her problem, just move on hang with the boys for a while and you will be right..

Yes the truth hurts, but your right about that.

 

[Ferris_rules]

Saying you will change means little in todays society. Just the way we have been brought up. If your going to say it ACT it. Whether that be attending a anger management class/stop drinking alcohol (were you drunk) or something else you can think off. Before you say your going to do something put in the process the actions required to actually help you do it. Earns alot more respect in todays society.

I wouldnt of approached her so early. 2 weeks it generally takes for rational thought. Window of opportunity to mend things are about 6 weeks or longer (depending on length of relationship).

Other than that I got nothing because you are kind of obscure in your information provided which is fair enough.

I would happily get counselling advice and did take up what you said.

ie google search.

I get scared that if the break is long then we will be broken forever.

Sadly my spirit & soul is being pummeled from pillar to post.

I miss her terribly, Im not saying things were perfect before the fight.

We have been going out for 12 months. Past two months were not perfect, but not bad either, coasting. She did something two months that hurt me, it took an argument for me to see that I was wrong when she clarified something she did.

I felt she cheated on me. Not physically but with something she did.

Guys thanks for a lot of the advice.

Each person has different opinions no one here is totally wrong or totally right.

I carry a very heavy and wounded heart.

Why do i Love her? Because me having the opportunity to root around is not something I would ever consider even though the guys tell me to do it.

I still very much love her.

I begged her for forgiveness and went to her best friends house (male) and asked forgiveness and told him how much I loved her.

Im not sure I have any left in the tank to give in order to get her back.

 

[standingroomonly]

Sounds like you've laid everything on the table and now it's up to her. Your basically ****ed until you know either way if you have a chance.

If you get a second shot, great, do whatever you have to do if you think the relationship is worth it.

If she tells you it's over and you don't get a second shot then you can move on, do the whole rebound thing.

Give her a little time to figure out what she wants and in the meantime have a look at yourself and think about whether getting back with her is what you really want, go out with the boys or go out with some workmates, anything to see if you actually might enjoy being single.

 

[Ferris_rules]

Sounds like you've laid everything on the table and now it's up to her. Your basically ****ed until you know either way if you have a chance.

If you get a second shot, great, do whatever you have to do if you think the relationship is worth it.

If she tells you it's over and you don't get a second shot then you can move on, do the whole rebound thing.

Give her a little time to figure out what she wants and in the meantime have a look at yourself and think about whether getting back with her is what you really want, go out with the boys or go out with some workmates, anything to see if you actually might enjoy being single.

NAIL HAMMER HEAD

Sadly your right.

So guys have you ever gone for the extra mile to save a relationship?

What worked and what didnt?

I gather giving time to her is the key?!

I am slowly reaching a stage where I may even move on myself, you can only say tell and ask so much. After that its ridiculous. You need to just move on.

I didnt hit her, cheat her or abuse her.

I sent a horrible email outlining flaws etc and some nasty words at her ex. coupled with some horrible text again same things.

Thats not a reason to end a relationship?

If you can bring up over that, then it wasnt worth saving in the first place.

 

[MisterB]

You can't force someone to be with you. I think you've made things pretty clear to all involved where your heart lies. Whether things return is now out of your control. Accept that.

As to how to cope in the absence of your relationship? Keep busy. Have there been any interests (pastimes, hobbies, sports etc.) that you have not given time to as a result of your relationship? Get back into them. Try new things as well. Any thoughts of things that have come to mind in the past "Hey I wouldn't mind trying that". Give them a go.

 

[La Di Da]

Went through something similar last year (4 year relationship, lived together etc). I'm not going to pretty it up, it hurt heaps and i felt like i was going to break down at anytime.

Firstly don't be afraid to cry when you're by yourself, it actually made me feel a lot better and releases a lot of pent up stress and anger. Take some time to yourself to deal with it, everyone is different but i really needed to just be myself at the time and feel sorry myself, it may sound like self loathing but i think it is part of the healing process.

I didn't even want to think about talking to other girls and was nowhere near hooking up with them for about 2-3 months after, it just didn't interest me. Slowly but surely everything started to turn around and i'm now happier without her in my life, the only thing that can fix this situation is time, it will hurt like hell for a while but it slowly gets better and you will probably realise that your life is better without her.

 

[NMFCMUFC]

 

[Ferris_rules]

You can't force someone to be with you. I think you've made things pretty clear to all involved where your heart lies. Whether things return is now out of your control. Accept that.

As to how to cope in the absence of your relationship? Keep busy. Have there been any interests (pastimes, hobbies, sports etc.) that you have not given time to as a result of your relationship? Get back into them. Try new things as well. Any thoughts of things that have come to mind in the past "Hey I wouldn't mind trying that". Give them a go.

I dont like your answer in fact I hate it.

BUT YOUR RIGHT!

I cannot force someone to be with me.

I just dont know though whether I should try for a while or simply walk away.

I think the thing that runs through my head is that if I dont try she may think that I never loved her or cared about the relationship.

ie. That I fighting for us etc.

 

[Ferris_rules]

Went through something similar last year (4 year relationship, lived together etc). I'm not going to pretty it up, it hurt heaps and i felt like i was going to break down at anytime.

Firstly don't be afraid to cry when you're by yourself, it actually made me feel a lot better and releases a lot of pent up stress and anger. Take some time to yourself to deal with it, everyone is different but i really needed to just be myself at the time and feel sorry myself, it may sound like self loathing but i think it is part of the healing process.

I didn't even want to think about talking to other girls and was nowhere near hooking up with them for about 2-3 months after, it just didn't interest me. Slowly but surely everything started to turn around and i'm now happier without her in my life, the only thing that can fix this situation is time, it will hurt like hell for a while but it slowly gets better and you will probably realise that your life is better without her.

Im so deeply sorry for your pain. But I am glad your in a better place.

Fascinating how 6 months from now, where I will be?

The only issue that I have is that I want to fight for a month and thats it.

After that I will walk away.

Im not going to communicate with her, but leave that to her as she knows how I feel. But I will be open to any remote possibility.

Sadly the ball is in her court and I have no way to retrieve it.