Official Team Thread Las Vegas Bears S38 Official Team Thread ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ 🎰 Year of the Bear? Ah, Who Are We Kidding!

[tony]

From the very first bounce, it was clear we were in for a tough day at the office. The Gold City Royals came out firing, dominating the early exchanges and piling on the pressure. Unfortunately for them, their accuracy was as reliable as a drunk bloke trying to hit the toilet in the dark, they had the first six scoring shots of the match but somehow managed to spray them everywhere.

Enter Tommycash, the man with ice in his veins and a boot of pure gold. In the 18th minute, he had our first crack at goal, and unlike the Royals, he didn’t need a GPS to find the big sticks. Bang! Straight through the middle! That, my friends, is how it’s done. By the end of the quarter, the scoreboard was lopsided in terms of opportunities, the Royals had 10 scoring shots to our 2, but thanks to their woeful accuracy, they could only convert 3 of those into goals. Meanwhile, we were clinical, converting both our chances and keeping ourselves in the contest despite the lopsided play.

The second quarter? More of the same, folks. The Royals were out there playing a game of "How Many Points Can We Kick?" (Spoiler: a lot). If their shots were a weather forecast, it would’ve been “99% chance of disappointment.” They had more scoring shots than a rowdy Vegas bar on a Friday night, but their 3.7 meant we were still in with a sniff. MWPP and kane249 managed to capitalise on the few chances we had up forward, each nailing a goal to keep the flickering flame of hope alive.

At half time, we were down by 24 points. It could have been much worse given the Royals' dominance, but their inability to convert kept us in the hunt.

The third quarter? Well, the plan was to make a fast start, but we did the exact opposite, the Royals finally found their inner sharp shooters and kicked the first goal of the half. Then they decided to really have a crack and stretched the lead to 41 points. It was like watching a slow motion train wreck. But just when it seemed like we were down for the count, MWPP and Art Vandelay_ stood up, dusted off the disappointment, and gave us two much needed late goals. Thanks to them, we were only mildly stressed at three-quarter time, with the margin at 29 points. Could we dare to dream?

Down by 29 points, we knew we had to start the last quarter strong, and Art Vandelay_ delivered with the first goal of the term. We were within four goals now, and the crowd (all five of them) started believing in miracles. But that’s as close as we’d get. The Royals found their rhythm again, finally remembering that goals count for more than behinds, and surged ahead, putting the game to bed.

Sure, MWPP and Senor M added some junk time goals to make it look a little more respectable, but let’s be honest, we were never really in with a shot. The final margin of 22 points? Could’ve been worse, could’ve been better. But with the Royals racking up 33 scoring shots to our 21, the real miracle is that we didn’t lose by 10 goals.

So where does that leave us? Well, my dear Bear friends, it leaves us paddling furiously up shit creek without a paddle, sitting 11th on the ladder and 15% adrift of the top 8. With a bye this week, it’s about to get even harder.

Art Vandelay_ and MWPP kicked 3 goals each, Matera92 chipped in with 2 and kane249, Millky95, Senor M and Tommycash 1 each.

SSSSSS lead the way with 25 possessions, Senor M 22 and 9 Marks, RonnieRaven 20 and 7 Marks, Chipmunk 19 and Electronic_Renaissance 18.

Have you ever wondered if the match review was written in the style of a musical what it would look like. Imagine no longer. Beware its terrible.

Spoiler: Musical Review

"The Royal Fumble: A Las Vegas Bears Musical"​

(Opening number: A dramatic overture, with lights dimmed. The stage is set with raindrops falling, and players slipping in slow motion. The Bears take their positions as a choir of backup dancers in royal outfits appear.)

Verse 1 – "The Royals Can't Kick"(To the tune of “I Will Survive”)

Royals (ensemble singing in minor key):
"We came out strong, we had the ball,
But every shot we took, missed, we couldn't score at all!
Our boots were wild, our kicks went wide,
A royal mess it was, but hey, at least we tried!"

(Spotlight on Tommycash, who struts forward, football in hand.)

Tommycash (solo, in triumph):
"I saw my chance, the time had come,
The Royals were stumbling ‘round like they’d had too much rum.
And so I kicked, and nailed the goal,
While they sprayed it wide, I made it whole!"

(Chorus echoes "He made it whole!" with jazz hands.)

Chorus (harmonizing):
"Oh, Tommy’s got the magic touch!
His kick was sweet, it meant so much!"

Royals: (looking dejected)
"We had 10 shots, and what did we get?
Three measly goals, no goals to forget!"

(Cue a comic dance sequence where Royals players fumble and flail around, kicking in every direction but the goals, with confetti flying as the crowd laughs.)

---

Verse 2 – "A Slim Hope"(To the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’”)

MWPP and Kane (duet, arms raised dramatically to the sky):
"It’s pouring down, but we’re still here,
Though the scoreboard makes us shed a tear.
But there’s a spark, a little flame,
These Royals, they just can’t play the game!"

Backup dancers, dressed in royal robes, twirl umbrellas and miss every step as MWPP and Kane belt out their goals.

Kane:
"I see the ball, I take my shot,
And through the rain, I hit the sweet spot!"

MWPP:
"And I’ll follow through, and nail one too,
Oh Royals, you’ve got no clue!"

Chorus (building into crescendo):
"Three-seven? Are you kidding me?
This game should be done, but there’s a chance for victory!"

---

Verse 3 – "The Comeback That Wasn’t"
(To the tune of “The Final Countdown”)

(Stage turns red, lights flash, and a massive clock appears in the background, ticking down. The Bears huddle up for one last push, while Art Vandelay takes center stage.)

Art Vandelay (powerful solo):
"I kicked it first, I made them squirm,
Four goals down – do we have a turn?
Can we rise up, can we prevail?
Or will this end, a tragic tale?"

(Royals ensemble begins to find their form, singing harmonies about getting their kicks back on track, as the Bears struggle.)

*Chorus (melancholic):
"The Royals… they’re finally awake…
Our slim chance… about to break…"

(The clock ticks louder. The Royals regain their composure, but MWPP and Senor M fight back, each with their own lines.)

MWPP:
"I won't go quietly into the night,
I’ll kick another, fight the fight!"

Senor M:
"One more for pride, we’ll go down swinging,
Even if this match isn’t ours for winning!"

(The Royals, now smug, high-kick their way through a triumphant dance as the Bears slump slightly, but with dignity.)

---

Finale – "Up Shit Creek (Without a Paddle)"(To the tune of “My Way”)

The stage dims as the Bears regroup, gathering on one side of the stage, gazing up at the scoreboard. The Royals lounge on the other side, sipping tea with pinkies up. A spotlight shines on the Bears' captain as he begins the final number, slowly and dramatically.)

Bears Captain (soulful solo):
"And now… the game is done,
We fought the fight, but lost the fun.
The Royals… well, they had the ball,
But missed the goals – they missed them all."

The Bears, heads held high, sing in unison as they march off the field, still proud.

**Chorus (full ensemble):
"We’re up shit creek… without a paddle,
It’s a mess, but we’ll never rattle.
Though we’re 11th now, it’s plain to see,
The Bears will rise again – just wait and see!"

The final note rings out, as confetti cannons fire in the stadium. The Bears exit in slow-motion, determined for a comeback, while the Royals awkwardly celebrate their win, spilling their tea. The curtain falls.

Art Vandelay_ Cap Chipmunk CountryLad Electronic_Renaissance Fizzler Grin I Dont Care Jezmiester40 JoseMourinho JoshWoodenSpoon kane249 Matera92 Millky95 MKMatty Muddiemoose MWPP RonnieRaven RookiePick Senor M Shadow Man SSSSSS Tandy Test Tickle Tommycash

 

[Matera92]

 

[tony]

Well, Bears fans, we’ve had close calls, tough losses, and glorious wins, but never a match like this. This week’s epic clash against The Bye was one for the ages, as we fought bravely to an exhilarating 0-0 draw. And while the scoreboard might imply nothing happened, let’s just say we found more ways to not score than anyone thought possible.

As we gathered in the hallowed Stadium in the Sky, it seemed that every single Bear player on the list was warming up, ready to take to the field. With us not completing a team sheet this week, I am sure there is someone out there just waiting to dob us in.

From the outset, The Bye meant business... in the form of no business at all. With an entirely invisible line up, they expertly maintained an eerie defensive pressure, or so we assumed, because every time we glanced downfield, their players were nowhere to be seen. We tried pushing forward, but with no opponents to distract us, things quickly went off script. MWPP tried a slick dummy pass, only to realise she was faking out herself, while Kane249 somehow managed to bounce the ball directly into his own face.

Millky95 looked to settle the nerves with a shot on goal, but just as it seemed set to sail through, JoseMourinho pulled up late to the game, bus and all, and drove directly into the goal square, blocking the shot. Apparently, nobody had informed him that he didn’t need to park the Bus this week.

After a team huddle to discuss our non existent opposition, we charged back out for the 2nd Quarter, convinced this was our quarter. The Bye’s strategy of being a complete no show was working as a psychological masterstroke, leaving our players confused and aimless. Art Vandelay finally lined up what looked to be a sure six pointer, but as his kick sailed goalward, disaster struck. Out of nowhere, a rogue seagull flew into the ball’s path, deflecting it wide of the posts, and the seagull was left sprawled on the ground, feathers everywhere. Art was last seen muttering, “This is all Matera's fault.”

Switching up tactics for the 3rd Quarter, we decided to test our skills against the, well... the concept of nothing. We tried it all: chip kicks, banana kicks, torpedoes, even the odd backflip. But without a single opponent to dodge, our play devolved into an existential crisis. Midfielders started passing aimlessly and even stopped to wave to the crowd (who were equally puzzled as to why they’d paid for tickets). At one point, MWPP lined up for a dummy pass, only to psych herself out and fall for her own move.

As we neared the goal, Matera took a shot, but somehow it hit our runner instead, who was on his way to fetch a couple of beers for Testy.

Desperate to break the deadlock, we brought out the big guns in the last Quarter. Chipmunk found himself with a clear line to the goal in the final term, lining up a shot that was all set to sail through... when against all odds, the same seagull from the second quarter, dazed but determined, rose from the turf like a true Phoenix and swatted the ball away mid flight. The stunned silence was only broken by the sound of Chipmunk muttering, “That’s gotta be personal.”

With mere seconds remaining, Joshwoodenspoon marked the ball on the Bye's goal line, saving the match winning score for the opposition. Knowing time was running out, he bravely played on, unaware of where The Bye’s players might be lurking. The Bears immediately called for the legendary platypus formation. Josh quickly passed to Tony, who, unfortunately, was too busy devouring a pizza to even notice the ball. Luckily, Testy had just finished his beer and had a free hand to tap the ball onto SSSSSS, who launched a booming kick toward Shadow Man. Shadow Man, seizing the moment, handballed to the overlapping Ronnieraven, who kicked it swiftly to Cap.

Cap had the final shot in the dying moments and lined up to break the deadlock but just as the ball headed for the line, our runner dashed through, carrying a fresh six pack for Testy and accidentally knocked the ball back into play. The final siren sounded, leaving us at a glorious, unforgettable 0-0 draw.

After four quarters of gritty, absolutely baffling play, we left the field exhausted, laughing, and still trying to figure out exactly how we didn’t score against an opponent who wasn’t even there.

Moral of the Game: You can’t beat what doesn’t exist… or maybe you can, but we’ll never know.

We are 2 points out of the 8 and a lot of percentage but miracles can happen. We have the Bombers up next.



Art Vandelay_ Cap Chipmunk CountryLad Electronic_Renaissance Fizzler Grin I Dont Care Jezmiester40 JoseMourinho JoshWoodenSpoon kane249 Matera92 Millky95 MKMatty Muddiemoose MWPP RonnieRaven RookiePick Senor M Shadow Man SSSSSS Tandy Test Tickle Tommycash

 

[JoshWoodenSpoon]

#3votesMatera92

 

[Art Vandelay_]

#3votesMatera92

Las Vegas Bears delist JoshWoodenSpoon

Squad list amended.

 

[Matera92]

Las Vegas Bears delist JoshWoodenSpoon

Squad list amended.

 

[Art Vandelay_]

 

[Art Vandelay_]

ART VANDELAY PRESENTS: A DEEP DIVE INTO THE SIM, STATS AND "3 VOTES MATERA92".
​

3 Votes Matera92.

Possession 1.

1 : .07 {lW} - Now Matera92 has the ball. What can he do with it?.
1 : .1 {rW} - He beckons for a lead.
1 : .13 {rW} - That's an extraordinary juggled one-hander to mcgrath_truther.

Verdict: Shit skills lead to predictable turnover. 0/1


Possession 2.

1 : .24 {rW} - Matera92 rises over the pack majestically.
1 : .28 {lW} - Matera92 assessing what lies ahead of him.
1 : .3 {rHFF} - He kicks long and low.
1 : .34 {rHFF} - Senor M spills the mark.

Verdict: Low kick not to teammates advantage. Not @Senor M fault. 0/2

Possession 3.

1 : 1.51 {lW} - Handpass over the shoulder to Matera92.
1 : 1.51 {rW} - He kicks sideways towards RonnieRaven.
1 : 1.51 {rW} - Ohhh. RonnieRaven runs back with the flight of the ball and nearly gets cleaned up.
1 : 1.51 {rW} - With the ball is RonnieRaven.

Verdict: Shit kick but @RonnieRaven makes him look good with his great skills. 1/2

Free Kick:

1 : 1.51 {lW} - A wild handball - but luckily Matera92 was well placed to clean up.
1 : 1.51 {lW} - Matera92 got into the back of Lunar.
1 : 1.51 {rW} - Now Lunar has the ball. What can he do with it?.

Verdict. Typical shit play from Matera causing turnover.

Possession 4.

1 : 3.23 {rW} - No mark taken as Lunar and Matera92 wrestle for position.
1 : 3.27 {lW} - Matera92 slowing down the play.
1 : 3.31 {lW} - A lookaway handpass to Tandy.
1 : 3.34 {lW} - Don't tell me he's kicked it.
1 : 3.38 {lW} - And Tandy scores a behind.

Verdict: He hit a target. Don't expect a well done from Art. All he did was his job. 2/2.

Possession 5.

1 : 4.1 {lW} - Matera92 turns on the afterburners - look at him go.
1 : 4.15 {rHFF} - I Dont Care takes off on a lead.
1 : 4.19 {rHFF} - But kickthething is better positioned and marks safely

Verdict: Yet another turnover. 2/3.

Possession 6.

1 : 4.58 {lW} - Matera92 with a moment to look downfield.
1 : 5.02 {lW} - Matera92 takes a bounce and nearly fumbles it.
1 : 5.06 {lHFF} - Matera92 touches the ball to the ground.
1 : 5.09 {lHFF} - Boot to ball from Matera92 under pressure.
1 : 5.12 {lHFF} - Fantastic goal from Matera92.

Verdict: Holy shitttttttttttttttttttttttttt he ****ing did something. Well done floggo 3/3.

Possession 7.

1 : 6.04 {lW} - He transfers play using Matera92.
1 : 6.06 {lW} - Matera92 takes an impressive grab.
1 : 6.1 {lW} - Matera92 slowing down the play.
1 : 6.15 {lW} - Matera92 bounces the ball.
1 : 6.16 {rW} - A wild kick laterally towards RonnieRaven.
1 : 6.2 {rW} - RonnieRaven wrestles with mcgrath_truther - and wins. Good mark.
1 : 6.25 {rW} - RonnieRaven with the ball now.

Verdict: Chose to kick laterally to a contest rather than DOWN THE LINE to a contest. Shit decision that yet again @RonnieRaven makes him look good. 4/3.

Weak as Piss competitiveness.

1 : 7.14 {rW} - RonnieRaven takes the mark on the second attempt.
1 : 7.18 {rW} - RonnieRaven wants to get on with proceedings.
1 : 7.22 {lW} - A wild kick laterally towards Matera92.
1 : 7.24 {lW} - Matera92 is outmarked by Lunar.

Verdict: Perfect kick from Ronnie that Mateflon fumbles with his shitness.


Possession 8.

1 : 8.28 {lW} - Matera92 calls for it.
1 : 8.32 {lW} - Over the back of the pack comes Matera92 and plucks it out.
1 : 8.36 {lW} - Matera92 wants to get on with proceedings.
1 : 8.38 {CHF} - A spearing pass towards JoseMourinho.
1 : 8.43 {CHF} - The umpire calls play on.
1 : 8.47 {CHF} - JoseMourinho wants to get on with proceedings.

Verdict: Clearly a kick not long enough given the play on call. 4/4.

Possession 9.

1 : 11.46 {lW} - A measured kick to Matera92.
1 : 11.5 {lW} - The ball spills free.
1 : 11.52 {lW} - Matera92 with a little space.
1 : 11.56 {CHF} - He tries to find JoseMourinho with a chip pass.
1 : 11.58 {CHF} - Horrific choice of kick and norway blue will mark unopposed.
1 : 12.03 {CHB} - Not enough pressure on norway blue.

Verdict: Lack of skills unable to mark a simple kick. Then doubles down with a turnover. 4/5.

Possession 10.

1 : 12.08 {rW} - Matera92 reads the play better and marks.
1 : 12.13 {lW} - Its hard and tough but Matera92 wins possession.
1 : 12.17 {rW} - He handpasses to RonnieRaven.

Verdict: Again, no praise for simply doing your job. 5/5.

Possession 11.

1 : 13.04 {lW} - @Matera92 dances around Lunar.
1 : 13.06 {lW} - There's been a change.
1 : 13.1 - <<< Millky95 is trading places with JoshWoodenSpoon >>>
1 : 13.16 {lW} - Matera92 takes them on.
1 : 13.21 {lW} - Tandy on the end of this.

Verdict. Well I'll be, he can hit a teammate with a handpass. 6/5

Possession 12.

1 : 14.02 {lW} - A lookaway handpass to Matera92.
1 : 14.04 {lW} - Handpass over the shoulder to Tandy.

Verdict: Two in a row. It's a November Miracle. 7/5.

Possession 13.

1 : 14.18 {lW} - Almost a throw to Matera92.
1 : 14.25 {CHF} - Sees JoseMourinho out of the corner of his eye.
1 : 14.29 {CHF} - Spoilt by norway blue.

Verdict: More shitness. This is just sad. 7/6

Possession 14.

1 : 17.59 {lW} - Matera92 has possession.
1 : 18.03 {rW} - A lookaway handpass to @RonnieRaven.

Verdict: Wow! Having completed two handpasses he now isn't even looking! 7/7.

Possession 15.

1 : 20.21 {lW} - Matera92 breaks free and has found some space.
1 : 20.25 {C} - Kick goes sideways.
1 : 20.27 {C} - Chipmunk can't mark but is able to bring the ball to ground.
1 : 20.31 {C} - Chipmunk sizes the options in front of him.

Verdict: Shit kick Chippy does well to salvage. 7/8.

More shitness.

1 : 23.25 {rW} - Matera92 will take this. No - he's dropped it.

Verdict: Just talentless. Bloody talentless.

Possession 16.

2 : 2.52 {lW} - Handpass over the shoulder to Matera92.
2 : 2.57 {CHF} - He kicks towards JoseMourinho and norway blue.
2 : 2.58 {CHF} - norway blue gets a timely fist to the ball.

Verdict: Can't execute a simple foot pass. At this point he should just handball. A midfielder with ruckman skills. 7/9

Possession 17.

2 : 15.53 {lW} - Matera92 to send the ball forward.
2 : 15.55 {rHFF} - That's a real finger-breaker in the direction of I Dont Care.
2 : 16 {rHFF} - Top mark - not paid.
2 : 16.04 {rHBF} - PluggaBlanche has it.

Verdict: A shit kick once more. Needed to be softer for his teammate. Not a Jarman-esque bullet pass. 7/10

Possession 18.

2 : 22.02 {lW} - Handpasses to Matera92.
2 : 22.06 {CHF} - Hoofs it forward..
2 : 22.08 {CHF} - norway blue gets a timely fist to the ball.
2 : 22.12 {lHBF} - kickthething assessing what lies ahead of him.
2 : 22.16 {lHBF} - Kilroy receives his handpass.

Verdict: "hoofs it forward". **** me dead, campaigner. Just how damn shit are you. 7/11.

2 : 23 {rW} - Lunar shoves Matera92 out of the contest. Free kick paid.

Verdict: Was definitely a dive. Flopped like a fish. Piss poor but not unexpected softness.

Possession 19.

3 : 3.42 {lW} - Quality gather by Matera92.
3 : 3.46 {CHF} - A kick in the general direction of JoseMourinho.
3 : 3.5 {CHF} - JoseMourinho can't mark but is able to bring the ball to ground.

Verdict: No more leniency here. Generally direction resulting a teammate having to perform miracles just to avoid a turnover no longer tolerated. 7/12.

Possession 20.

3 : 4.17 {lW} - Matera92 slowing down the play.
3 : 4.19 - <<< QueenSare is coming on to replace Kilroy >>>
3 : 4.27 {lW} - Matera92 dances around Lunar.
3 : 4.29 {lW} - Fires out the handpass to Senor M.

Verdict: Give him some credit, he does have his handpasses dialled in. 8/12

3 : 5.2 {rW} - Lunar outbodies Matera92 and takes the mark.

Verdict: Weak in the contest. Again.

Possession 21.

3 : 5.26 {rW} - The ball falls straight into the hands of Matera92.
3 : 5.31 {lW} - Nobody's checking Matera92.
3 : 5.35 {rHFF} - He chooses the sensible option - to kick it long.
3 : 5.37 {rHFF} - That's an extraordinary juggled one-hander to kickthething.

Verdict: Under no pressure. Another turnover by foot. 8/13

Possession 22.

3 : 5.58 {lW} - The ball is now with Matera92.
3 : 6.02 {lW} - A wild handball - but luckily JoshWoodenSpoon was well placed to clean up.
3 : 6.06 {lW} - Long shot at goal from JoshWoodenSpoon.
3 : 6.08 {lW} - It's going to result in a goal. Goal to @JoshWoodenSpoon.

Verdict: The leniency is over, but given Joshie made up for it. Cancels out. Still 8/13.

Possession 23

3 : 12.27 {lW} - Matera92 has it.
3 : 12.31 {lW} - Matera92 has a bounce.
3 : 12.36 {CHF} - A measured kick in the direction of JoseMourinho.
3 : 12.37 {CHF} - Spoilt by norway blue.

Verdict: Again, 'in the direction'. Stop kicking the footy, dickhead. 8/14.

Possession 24.

3 : 13.13 {lW} - Matera92 does some crumbing and is away.
3 : 13.16 {lW} - @Matera92 too far out to score - or is he?.
3 : 13.19 {lW} - That's a terrible miss.

Verdict: Delusions of grandeur that he was good enough to kick it straight from distance. His earlier kicks show that to be foolish. 8/15.

Possession 25.

3 : 15.24 {lW} - A lookaway handpass to Matera92.
3 : 15.28 {C} - He beckons for a lead.
3 : 15.31 {C} - Over the head of Chipmunk.
3 : 15.35 {C} - Chipmunk dances around Bovo.
3 : 15.38 {C} - Hands it off to JoshWoodenSpoon.

Verdict: Chippy yet again needing to cover for Teffy's shit kicks. 8/16.

Possession 26.

3 : 16.06 {lW} - Matera92 wants to get on with proceedings.
3 : 16.08 {rW} - Kick goes sideways.
3 : 16.12 {rW} - The ball drops short of RonnieRaven.
3 : 16.16 {rW} - With the ball is Lunar.

Verdict: Running out of ways to describe his shit kicks. Time and time again missing targets. 8/17

Possession 27.

3 : 18.03 {lW} - Matera92 breaks a tackle and is off.
3 : 18.07 {rHFF} - A flat punt.
3 : 18.12 {rHFF} - All up but nobody can take the mark.
3 : 18.13 {rHFF} - Who wants it? @I Dont Care does. Great stuff.

Verdict: Another nothing punt to no one that a teammate has to clean up. 8/18.


Putrid competitiveness.

3 : 24.08 {lW} - Matera92 is caught under pressure and knocks the ball forward.
3 : 24.1 {rW} - Not enough pressure on Lunar.

Possession 28.

4 : 1.23 {lW} - Taking the ball is Matera92.
4 : 1.28 {rW} - A short kick to RonnieRaven.
4 : 1.3 {rW} - Over the back of the pack comes RonnieRaven and plucks it out.
4 : 1.34 {rW} - RonnieRaven slowing down the play.

Verdict: Q4 and he's finally hitting a footpass. Hallelujah! 9/18

Possession 29.

4 : 2.11 {rW} - Horrific choice of kick and Matera92 will mark unopposed.
4 : 2.15 {C} - Chipmunk looking for a lead.
4 : 2.17 {C} - Smashed by Bovo.
4 : 2.21 {C} - Bovo threads his way through traffic.

Verdict: Poor decision to kick to someone not open. An injury here to Chippy is on him. 9/19.

Possession 30.

4 : 8.51 {lW} - Quality gather by Matera92.
4 : 8.55 {rW} - A wild kick laterally towards RonnieRaven.
4 : 8.59 {rW} - RonnieRaven can't mark but is able to bring the ball to ground.
4 : 9.01 {lW} - mcgrath_truther with a little space.
4 : 9.05 {rW} - No-look handpass to Lunar.

Verdict: Yet another indiscriminate kick that is turned over. 9/20

Possessions 31 & 32

4 : 10.15 {lW} - Hands it off to Matera92.
4 : 10.19 {rW} - Handpass to space. RonnieRaven runs onto it.
4 : 10.23 {rW} - He takes the opportunity to bounce.
4 : 10.25 {lW} - Handpasses to Matera92.
4 : 10.3 {C} - He tries to find Chipmunk with a chip pass.

Verdict: Hits two targets in quick succession. 11/20

Possession 33.

4 : 11.15 {lW} - Matera92 takes them on.
4 : 11.17 {rHFF} - He rewards the I Dont Care lead.
4 : 11.21 {rHFF} - Shocking kick and kickthething will take the mark.

Verdict: Chops his legs off and give him wooden stump to walk with. 11/21.

Possession 34.

4 : 16.01 {rW} - Lunar is crunched in a tackle by Matera92.
4 : 16.06 {lW} - Matera92 slowing down the play.
4 : 16.1 {lW} - A slick handpass goes to Senor M.
4 : 16.12 {lW} - Senor M bounces the ball.

Verdict: Sniped his opponent but again hit a target. 12/21.


Possession 35.

4 : 23.51 {lW} - Matera92 with all the time in the world.
4 : 23.53 {lW} - A quick handpass to JoshWoodenSpoon

Verdict: Handballing is his go. 13/21

So as you can see folks, this so called "3 vote game" has garnered nothing more than 13 effective disposals.
Worthy of scorn for being a liability more so that productive. I recommend we drop Matera92 to the Istopes.

 

[tony]

ART VANDELAY PRESENTS: A DEEP DIVE INTO THE SIM, STATS AND "3 VOTES MATERA92".
​

So as you can see folks, this so called "3 vote game" has garnered nothing more than 13 effective disposals.
Worthy of scorn for being a liability more so that productive. I recommend we drop Matera92 to the Istopes.

Well that's the review done for this week. Amazing work Art.

 

[Art Vandelay_]

Well that's the review done for this week. Amazing work Art.

View attachment 2157960

When flogs lead with their chin it needs be uppercut. Wind that neck back in.

 

[tony]

In Round 15, our "home" game took a wild detour all the way to FNB Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Our coach, still blissfully unaware that the game had been moved, was last seen frantically on the phone trying to relay messages to the bench from the Stadium in the Sky coaches box, clearly missing the memo that the rest of the team was halfway across the world. With no one calling the shots, we were in need of a quick solution. Fortunately, a local overheard our dilemma and offered his services as a temporary coach. When we asked about his experience, he admitted he’d never heard of Qooty but was willing to give it a go. We told him he was clearly overqualified, but he said he’d do it on one condition, if he could get a selfie with Test Tickle.

With our new coach on board and a reshuffled lineup to cover Cap’s absence (SSSSSS stepping into the ruck, Matera92 to the wing, and JoseMourinho at CHF), we were ready to roll. The lineup changes paid off right away, with Matera nabbing the first possession and Jose slotting the opening goal within the first minute. MKMatty and Matera quickly followed with goals of their own, giving us a solid 20 point lead within the opening five minutes. The Bombers responded, but with Jose booting his second and Art Vandelay adding two goals, we kept control and took a 14 point lead into quarter time.

The second quarter continued how the first finished, with both teams trading goals. Tommycash snagged two, while Art, Jose, and Shadow Man each added one to keep us narrowly in front. By halftime, we held on to a 10 point lead, the match shaping up to be a nail-biter as both teams refused to give an inch.

Our third quarter saw us break away, with MKMatty kickstarting a goal streak, followed by majors from Senor M and JoshWoodenSpoon to stretch our lead to 30 points. Jose added another late in the term, capping off a 6 to 2 goal quarter that pushed the margin out to 39 points going into the final break.

The Bombers fought hard in the last, clawing back to within 23 points, but Art Vandelay_ came up clutch with two crucial goals to steady our nerves. We traded goals with the Bombers for the rest of the game and ultimately walked away with a 35 point win.

Now sitting in 10th, our finals dream is still alive. If we can beat the Dragons next week and get a bit of luck with other results, we might sneak into the top 8. The teams in 7th, 8th, and 9th have all played one extra game, so they’re well within reach if we keep up this form.

Everyone played their role this week, but there were some standout performances. Another of our rookie coach’s moves was shifting JoshWoodenSpoon into the middle of the ground, where he thrived with 24 kicks, 8 handballs, a team high 10 tackles, 3 goals, and a massive 148 DT points. Matera92 looked every bit the wing king of old, clocking up 25 kicks, 13 handballs, and 8 marks for 138 DT. Chipmunk anchored the middle with 13 kicks and 21 handballs (98 DT), while RonnieRaven was the new age wing King, collecting 12 kicks, 14 handballs, and a team high 10 marks. Senor M moved into the Ruck after half time and got 13 hitouts, 19 disposals and 2 goals.

Up forward, JoseMourinho was clinical with 4 goals from 24 disposals (102 DT), while Art Vandelay_ was electrifying, Kicking 5 goals and adding a touch of class to the Bears' attack. Other goalkickers were JoshWoodenSpoon and Tommycash with 3 apiece, 2 each to MKMatty and Senor M and singles to I Dont Care, Matera92 and Shadow Man.



Art Vandelay_ Cap Chipmunk CountryLad Electronic_Renaissance Fizzler Grin I Dont Care Jezmiester40 JoseMourinho JoshWoodenSpoon kane249 Matera92 Millky95 MKMatty Muddiemoose MWPP RonnieRaven RookiePick Senor M Shadow Man SSSSSS Tandy Test Tickle Tommycash

 

[Tommycash]

View attachment 2160660

In Round 15, our "home" game took a wild detour all the way to FNB Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Our coach, still blissfully unaware that the game had been moved, was last seen frantically on the phone trying to relay messages to the bench from the Stadium in the Sky coaches box, clearly missing the memo that the rest of the team was halfway across the world. With no one calling the shots, we were in need of a quick solution. Fortunately, a local overheard our dilemma and offered his services as a temporary coach. When we asked about his experience, he admitted he’d never heard of Qooty but was willing to give it a go. We told him he was clearly overqualified, but he said he’d do it on one condition, if he could get a selfie with Test Tickle.

With our new coach on board and a reshuffled lineup to cover Cap’s absence (SSSSSS stepping into the ruck, Matera92 to the wing, and JoseMourinho at CHF), we were ready to roll. The lineup changes paid off right away, with Matera nabbing the first possession and Jose slotting the opening goal within the first minute. MKMatty and Matera quickly followed with goals of their own, giving us a solid 20 point lead within the opening five minutes. The Bombers responded, but with Jose booting his second and Art Vandelay adding two goals, we kept control and took a 14 point lead into quarter time.

The second quarter continued how the first finished, with both teams trading goals. Tommycash snagged two, while Art, Jose, and Shadow Man each added one to keep us narrowly in front. By halftime, we held on to a 10 point lead, the match shaping up to be a nail-biter as both teams refused to give an inch.

Our third quarter saw us break away, with MKMatty kickstarting a goal streak, followed by majors from Senor M and JoshWoodenSpoon to stretch our lead to 30 points. Jose added another late in the term, capping off a 6 to 2 goal quarter that pushed the margin out to 39 points going into the final break.

The Bombers fought hard in the last, clawing back to within 23 points, but Art Vandelay_ came up clutch with two crucial goals to steady our nerves. We traded goals with the Bombers for the rest of the game and ultimately walked away with a 35 point win.

Now sitting in 10th, our finals dream is still alive. If we can beat the Dragons next week and get a bit of luck with other results, we might sneak into the top 8. The teams in 7th, 8th, and 9th have all played one extra game, so they’re well within reach if we keep up this form.

Everyone played their role this week, but there were some standout performances. Another of our rookie coach’s moves was shifting JoshWoodenSpoon into the middle of the ground, where he thrived with 24 kicks, 8 handballs, a team high 10 tackles, 3 goals, and a massive 148 DT points. Matera92 looked every bit the wing king of old, clocking up 25 kicks, 13 handballs, and 8 marks for 138 DT. Chipmunk anchored the middle with 13 kicks and 21 handballs (98 DT), while RonnieRaven was the new age wing King, collecting 12 kicks, 14 handballs, and a team high 10 marks. Senor M moved into the Ruck after half time and got 13 hitouts, 19 disposals and 2 goals.

Up forward, JoseMourinho was clinical with 4 goals from 24 disposals (102 DT), while Art Vandelay_ was electrifying, Kicking 5 goals and adding a touch of class to the Bears' attack. Other goalkickers were JoshWoodenSpoon and Tommycash with 3 apiece, 2 each to MKMatty and Senor M and singles to I Dont Care, Matera92 and Shadow Man.

View attachment 2160657

Art Vandelay_ Cap Chipmunk CountryLad Electronic_Renaissance Fizzler Grin I Dont Care Jezmiester40 JoseMourinho JoshWoodenSpoon kane249 Matera92 Millky95 MKMatty Muddiemoose MWPP RonnieRaven RookiePick Senor M Shadow Man SSSSSS Tandy Test Tickle Tommycash

JoshWoodenSpoon and I are natural born forwards, I've always said it.

 

[SSSSSS]

Hopefully Cap took some notes watching the undefeated undisputed #1 ruckman in Vegas.

I was able to write most of my memoirs from the bench. Maybe I'll release them one day.

 

[Chipmunk]

I had 13 kicks

 

[JoshWoodenSpoon]

Art Vandelay_ to the list manager's office.

 

[Art Vandelay_]

Art Vandelay_ to the list manager's office.

I played well son.

2 : 15.1 - <<< Matera92 is trading places with Art Vandelay_ >>>

Moved into the guts and had 21 touches and kept us in it.

I may or may not have given Matera a rabbit punch as he switched places with me.