Analysis Whipping Boys - 2023 edition

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It’s time to get those whips ready for a new season of whipping action!

The Blair Memorial Trophy promises to be hotly contested with perhaps the most open field in years.

Here are my top five whipping boys:

1. Darcy Cameron - stood up manfully for most of the 2022 campaign, but that Preliminary Final form cannot be ignored. If he can maintain that he will be hard to beat.

2. Daniel McStay - joins the club with a goal a game average on big bucks. It’s a heady combination and will ensure a frenzy of whipping should he ever kick less than 3 goals.

3. The Hyphen - a super consistent performer with a strong base of whippers behind him.

4. Ash Johnston - whenever questions are asked about fitness or work ethic, you can bet on a good old fashioned whipping.

5. Nathan Krueger - set to assume the title of being made of glass. Let’s hope he is strong enough to withstand the whip!

This year, the thread will be managed by my two assistants, noideaatall and Markfs
Any queries or complaints can be directed their way.

Let the whipping commence!
 
It’s time to get those whips ready for a new season of whipping action!

The Blair Memorial Trophy promises to be hotly contested with perhaps the most open field in years.

Here are my top five whipping boys:

1. Darcy Cameron - stood up manfully for most of the 2022 campaign, but that Preliminary Final form cannot be ignored. If he can maintain that he will be hard to beat.

2. Daniel McStay - joins the club with a goal a game average on big bucks. It’s a heady combination and will ensure a frenzy of whipping should he ever kick less than 3 goals.

3. The Hyphen - a super consistent performer with a strong base of whippers behind him.

4. Ash Johnston - whenever questions are asked about fitness or work ethic, you can bet on a good old fashioned whipping.

5. Nathan Krueger - set to assume the title of being made of glass. Let’s hope he is strong enough to withstand the whip!

This year, the thread will be managed by my two assistants, noideaatall and Markfs
Any queries or complaints can be directed their way.

Let the whipping commence!

Oh Jmac,

what a great list.

D Cameron almost doesn't need a whip. He practically whips himself with every average performance. Forever will live in the Grundy shadow. A career that will forever be haunted by a giant cat o nine tails. Average ruck, b-grade forward. Poor bastard set up to be flogged by a shoddy trade of an All-Australian. Has to be number one!
 
Frampton, for mine. A great galumphing accident of a man, whose only redeeming quality appears to be a surfeit of bad-tempered testosterone, which will doubtless initially appeal to the mongrel wing of our supporters. Will probably end up playing for the first team once, cop a suspension for headbutting his opponent, biting a medico and then mooning the umpires. Might as well prepare to lock him in the stocks now and lay down a useful stock of rotting vegetables in time for his debut appearance, methinks!
 
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Frampton, for mine. A great galumphing accident of a man, whose only redeeming quality appears to be a surfeit of bad-tempered testosterone, which will doubtless initially appeal to the mongrel wing of our supporters. Will probably end up playing for the first team once, cop a suspension for headbutting his opponent, biting a medico and then mooning the umpires. Might as well prepare to lock him in the stocks now and lay down a useful stock of rotting vegetables in time for his debut appearance, methinks!

Thanks for this. I already dislike him intensely - for no particular reason - so this post is an especially sweet treat.
 
It’s time to get those whips ready for a new season of whipping action!

The Blair Memorial Trophy promises to be hotly contested with perhaps the most open field in years.

Here are my top five whipping boys:

1. Darcy Cameron - stood up manfully for most of the 2022 campaign, but that Preliminary Final form cannot be ignored. If he can maintain that he will be hard to beat.

2. Daniel McStay - joins the club with a goal a game average on big bucks. It’s a heady combination and will ensure a frenzy of whipping should he ever kick less than 3 goals.

3. The Hyphen - a super consistent performer with a strong base of whippers behind him.

4. Ash Johnston - whenever questions are asked about fitness or work ethic, you can bet on a good old fashioned whipping.

5. Nathan Krueger - set to assume the title of being made of glass. Let’s hope he is strong enough to withstand the whip!

This year, the thread will be managed by my two assistants, noideaatall and Markfs
Any queries or complaints can be directed their way.

Let the whipping commence!

There's something ironic about an old woke stager like yourself starting off the 2023 version of the thread. It just indicates that we have established a broad church.

Cameron is a good pick. He had a couple of good games after he took over from Grundee and the faithful pinned their hopes on him.....and now we know that he's a dud.

McStay is just not up to the standard that the Pies deserve. As many have said, you dont get a decent key position outside the top 10 draft picks. A pretender and a probable list clogger by next year.

Will Swill. Is he still on the list?

Ash Johnson. if the forum has to choose between Mr. Johnson and posters in this thread, I might have to start a new hobby,

Frederick Kreugar - see the above. Showed his skills in hospitals. I doubt he can do much else.

Cameron is fresh blood at least. Its only now that I appreciate the roles played by the brown brothers and grundee. The soy sauce boy (as opposed to any references to beveridge) was a natural in the whipping universe.

The fact that none of these guys are doing anything currently - which will probably continue for much of the year - means that there's no much to whip. I expect the first thing to happen will be a frederick injury.
 
Naicos for mine. If he doesn't win the Brownlow, Copeland and Norm Smith this year we may have to offload him.

He can fall a long long way. He might have to leave Melbourne if he does.....maybe even go back to macedonia to play the round ball...
 
The thing about starting a new thread is the loss of intellectual property from the old thread. We have a wealth of constructive criticism contained within it.
 
Wildcard-N Daicos will be whipped post season 2023 for not completing the Coleman-Norm Smith-Copeland trifecta. Two out of three ain't bad, but not enough for the whippers.
 
The thing about starting a new thread is the loss of intellectual property from the old thread. We have a wealth of constructive criticism contained within it.

Given how much we repeat ourselves, I doubt we’ll lose much.
 
Given how much we repeat ourselves, I doubt we’ll lose much.

Yes but there's also the aspects where we whip a player and he either improves (not often i admit) or they are they're thrown off the list and we're vindicated...

i think its important to celebrate our victories....and gloat
 
Yes but there's also the aspects where we whip a player and he either improves (not often i admit) or they are they're thrown off the list and we're vindicated...

i think its important to celebrate our victories....and gloat
Nearly all my posts were about Olly Henry last year, from very early on. I DEMAND GLOATING RIGHTS!

On the other hand, I'm very relieved to have offloaded all that metrosexual crap about hairstyles and puffer jackets. Good riddance! ...and hang your heads in shame all those who participated and then had the chutzpah to call out the glorious Woke Revolution.
 
Nearly all my posts were about Olly Henry last year, from very early on. I DEMAND GLOATING RIGHTS!

On the other hand, I'm very relieved to have offloaded all that metrosexual crap about hairstyles and puffer jackets. Good riddance! ...and hang your heads in shame all those who participated and then had the chutzpah to call out the glorious Woke Revolution.

I think we ran him outta town like in a western cowboy movie of my youth....no special effects just that wimpish snivelling whimpering centre-parted prep boy crawling down the geelong road with his jodhpurs around his ankles...
 

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You took a wrong turn and ended up in the whipping thread when you were clearly aiming for the cult hero thread.

I apologise for letting that one get through to the keeper. We can only wish that Pete Frampton goes berserk in a final and we have to bring in the underbelly defence lawyers to get him off for the next game....a la that bloke who won the brownlow
 
I just visited the Pie site and everyone has gone home for about a month. Are they going to come back by Australia Day? or have they decided to ignore that holiday and stick their heads up some time later in the year when the 8 hour working day is celebrated.

Anyway, I just realised that brendan bolton's kid has been given a microphone and he was infecting all our players. Now I didnt mind that they brought in the super nerd to cater for the bookworms and other nerds in the team, but they shouldn't allow his son to run riot and distabilise the club. Unfortunately, this thread cant promote the whipping of this kid as we are signatories of various human rights agreements. However, we aren't adverse to issuing a stern warning to keep the kid in chains in a back room of the administration....for his own protection
 
Thanks to Jmac for getting off the IPAs and starting this thread.

Firstly, as I have it, WHE won the Blair Memorial Trophy in 2022 by one vote. I am not sure whether congratulations are in order but he certainly had some competition.

Glad we started early this year as there are some serious concerns to identify. As many of you would be aware a prominent poster in another thread claimed at best there are only a couple of whipping boy contributors that take their role seriously. Further, an esteemed mod replied ‘everyone knows the thread is a joke.’ This thread has become the laughing stock of the Collingwood site. It is a disgrace. You all need to have a good hard look in the mirror. Some of you don’t belong here, some of you won’t be here at the end of the year.

I won’t say I warned you, which I did numerous times last year. You mob have become complacent and its very likely that cost us another lost grand final, given how close we were in 2022. There was a clear loss of inspiration and a need to go back to basics. No more what do they put in their coffee or what side they part their hair. Can a player catch the ball? Pendlebury has got off scot free for years but proved he can catch in 2022 – your failure to whip him likely cost us a heap of Brownlows. Can a player kick over a jam jar: get specific, 375g or 500g. You need to put some time into players partners: this trend towards hot princesses is not on. As if they are going to wash a jockstrap, as if a player is going to rush to training early and miss some action at home.

A post from last year:
It's sad really how the pies fans continually dig into Hoskin-Elliott for the smallest mistake meanwhile Cooked Sidebottom gets a free ride it's just sad he was more impactful than Ash Johnson , Checkers (not really his fault he had been harbouring an injury all finals) and one of my other favorites Beau McCreery

Welcome …. This bloke embarrassed you all. Created an opportunity to focus on WHE and took a sideswipe at the bottom simultaneously. It’s a good point. Sidey was all too willing to get his gear off at Howie’s but does he post pictures? If the Dacoi can do it so can he. Definitely hiding something.

I've had a look at the first two days of preseason and some positives signs are there. That said, some new blood would help. We need some support on the ground, not posters banished to some god forsaken place like Freemantle in Markfs's case. We need photos of hair cuts, coffee cups and jam jars. Someone go out and recruit Jen.

Pull your socks up folks. The target is three good nominations for the Blair Memorial Trophy by season start or go back to the 'who we are going to draft in 2029 thread. '
 
The Brown brothers leave very big holes to fill. They will be missed. And who better to fill a big hole than Big Cox???

We have about six part-time ruckmen on our list but no genuine No.1. That won’t stop us from holding the Big Texan solely responsible every time we lose the clearance count. It’s gonna be a long year, Mason.


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com
 
I always thought that if you were a laughing stock of the main BF threads, you were doing something right.... it's a mantra which has kept me sane in these social media-driven times when most of us are threatened by a few words by someone who you dont know and who means even less to you than that bloke down the pub who knew everything about the Pies.

Let me add the next word to the forum's most successful thread ...... diddly-squat
 
The Brown brothers leave very big holes to fill. They will be missed. And who better to fill a big hole than Big Cox???

We have about six part-time ruckmen on our list but no genuine No.1. That won’t stop us from holding the Big Texan solely responsible every time we lose the clearance count. It’s gonna be a long year, Mason.


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

At least Mason has some charisma.....a backstory.....something the brown brothers delivered along with their almost footy output. His ruck mate, cameron thingy or is that thingy cameron, had his moment in the sun mid-season and he's ready to return to the sydney vfl side. I wont say what he will be remembered as, because he wont be remembered. On the other hand, Mason has a presence but he's preparing himself to let us down again this year.

Although Will Swill is still on the books, he's effectively gone already. I think we'll all be grateful to see the big cox move onto his next double entendre at season's end. I thought we cleared the books but the accountant must have cooked the books
 
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I’m a little concerned there has not been a mention of Bianco, might be slipping under the whip a little, if he’s getting games, he’s getting whipped……so, so whippable

It's a good call and I think he's going to be a bit of Sheep dog brown replacement without the back story.....and I think the pressure is going to be a slow build where people will siowly start wondering why he is staying on the list. I think back to that last minute elliot goal. When Moore kicked it to him, he was miles clear but by the time he kicked it, he wasn't far from being tackled......I had the feeling that he was doing the michael jackson backwards moonwalk he was so slow. I've got a lot of italians in my family and I've never seen an italian run fast. It's not in their blood.
 
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I’m a little concerned there has not been a mention of Bianco, might be slipping under the whip a little, if he’s getting games, he’s getting whipped……so, so whippable
He's got a built in whip protector - because he's so useless, if Bianco gets games, I'll be whipping the coaches rather than Bianco.
 
He's got a built in whip protector - because he's so useless, if Bianco gets games, I'll be whipping the coaches rather than Bianco.

Derek will be doing his usual trick of marking down the games played and then skiting about how good he is when he is having tea and bikkies with cal twomey....

There's a rumour going around that bianco's family has made an offer to the club that the Fly can't refuse, to get the Don to 50 games. Supposedly, the Fly woke up one morning with a horse's head and a cafe latte
 
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