Media BREAKING: GF captain held to ransom over EKA outcome; EKABOMBER speaks out again

[Jabba73]

#1 change gender randomly constantly

Can just see Tigerturbulance sneaking into Mrs Turbo sssss wardrobe

View attachment 2025085

Well, Tigerturbulance is a Mrs Turbo alt.

Story checks out

 

[Fleabane]

26. Secret police everywhere are intrigued by you and your success

Laughed out loud at this one. It's clear from points 1 to 25 that cursed Turbo will be so very successful!

 

[Braklet]

Not I. I am very smart

View attachment 2024777

 

[Braklet]

View attachment 2024869

This intrepid reporter believes the shark may have been jumped

• You believe the lice on your body are a tiny civilisation and you are their god, you tell people about this often

Shrimpkins

The Shrimpkins were a race of tiny aliens that spawned on Bender when he was shot through space. They started out as a rudimentary and frugal civilisation, with a state of progress comparable to Earth's medieval era. The Shrimpkins that Bender could see started worshiping him as their deity...

futurama.fandom.com

• You’re a fanatical masturbation fan
• You seek out most the decadent, corrupt and depraved companions for horrible parties

Sounds like Wednesday night to me.

• Tentacle polyps grow on you
• You grow tentacles or crab claws for hands

What's wrong with tentacles, you rotten speciesist EKABomber?

• You eat everything you kill or at least have a bite if pressed for time

• Sewerage tastes like delicious candy to you, you have no shame in pursuit of this yummy treat

OK, now I'm starting to worry about EKABomber, RUOK?

 

[Braklet]

Wonder what the first thing I will do when I suddenly get chick parts, at least it won't be weird to sit whilst I piss.

I know exactly what I'd do... and I'd never leave the house.

 

[big_icky]

I know exactly what I'd do... and I'd never leave the house.

 

[Pamcake1]

Be careful what you wish for.

 

[Pamcake1]

 

[DemurePrincess]

Umm! I caught a glimpse of this dude at the airport!!

Looked like they were on some kind of mission!

 

[Pugsley]

 

[big_icky]

Umm! I caught a glimpse of this dude at the airport!!
View attachment 2025275
Looked like they were on some kind of mission!

 

[DemurePrincess]

View attachment 2025547

Says you

I bet you walk past kids parties and pop their balloons

 

[Pugsley]

Says you

I bet you walk past kids parties and pop their balloons

With a cigarette just to show he is serious.

 

[big_icky]

Says you

I bet you walk past kids parties and pop their balloons

It ain't much but its honest work.

 

[Grav]

It ain't much but its honest work.

Speaking of which, I can’t believe it’s taken you all year to come up with the thread of the year. Bravo!

 

[Tigerturbulance]

has he gone?

 

[dogs105]

Has to be someone who never won an EKA, that eliminates a few.

Hi sausageroll

 

[dogs105]

View attachment 2023261​

Some disturbing news has crossed the desk of this intrepid reporter today and I have managed to get my grubby little yellow hands on a concerning document that was delivered to Ophidian Old Boys captain Tigerturbulance this morning.

An unnamed poster has sent Turbo a letter accusing him of rigging the EKA Medal, awarded to myblueroan last night as the premier rookie in the league, and set out a list of demands. Despite threat of repercussions from Ophidian College's renowned legal defense team, I have produced this letter for the league at large to read today:

View attachment 2023263

Tigerturbulance has so far been unavailable for comment but the Old Boys' grand final preparations have been THROWN into CHAOS with the possibility of an evil curse afflicting their 'piece of shit club' should Turbo not withdraw himself from the team on Sunday.

The actions of this anonymous Pamcake1 champion, who I am terming the EKABOMBER, have cast a large shadow over the legitimacy of myblueroan's EKA win, but who is this shadowy figure? Could it be Wonders captain AnUltimateRessie who brought five rookies into the league this season with no EKA to show for it? Could it be long-time Old Boys foe serial_thrilla? Could it be Turbo, determined to make a martyr of himself? Well I couldn't possibly solve this mystery.

View attachment 2023266
​

Can you?

Can you please put the translation underneath?

 

[Pugsley]

has he gone?
View attachment 2025902

 

[sausageroll]

Hi sausageroll

 

[big_icky]

Quite an extraordinary turnaround has occurred from the EKABOMBER, who gained internet access and posted this on an online forum yesterday:

22/6/24

My dearest Turbo,

I have something very important to share with you today.

After a most restful slumber I awoke early and partook in a bath and then met a curious fellow in the exercise yard who introduced me to the teachings of the Indian mystic Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

The orange overalls I was given to wear here now feel a lot more comfy.

I now seem to have undergone a religious conversion which has caused me to re-evaluate my life in oh so many ways.

I have reconsidered my dealings with you these past few days in the light of my newfound enlightenment and it is clear to me now that I was wrong, so very wrong.

As such, I am delighted to inform you that henceforth, I withdraw all threats of placing curses upon your good self and your team, more broadly. I wish to unequivocally apologise for my recent naughty behaviour and beg you for your forgiveness. I now believe my dabblings in black magik to be a closed chapter and a profoundly regrettable lifestyle choice.

As someone commented upon, I perhaps could have spent my time more productively than dreaming up 110 most foul curses.

I also would like to make special mention of myblueroan, the worthy winner of the season 37 EKA award and regret any shade I may have inadvertently thrown in their direction. That wasn’t fair, I’m sorry.

I wish both teams - the OOBs and the Swamprats all the very best for the big match tomorrow and just hope everyone has fun and there be no injuries. May the best team win. Happy qootying to you all.

Kind blissful regards, EKABomber

 

[Grav]

View attachment 2027102

Quite an extraordinary turnaround has occurred from the EKABOMBER, who gained internet access and posted this on an online forum yesterday:
View attachment 2027104
22/6/24

My dearest Turbo,

I have something very important to share with you today.

After a most restful slumber I awoke early and partook in a bath and then met a curious fellow in the exercise yard who introduced me to the teachings of the Indian mystic Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

The orange overalls I was given to wear here now feel a lot more comfy.

I now seem to have undergone a religious conversion which has caused me to re-evaluate my life in oh so many ways.

I have reconsidered my dealings with you these past few days in the light of my newfound enlightenment and it is clear to me now that I was wrong, so very wrong.

As such, I am delighted to inform you that henceforth, I withdraw all threats of placing curses upon your good self and your team, more broadly. I wish to unequivocally apologise for my recent naughty behaviour and beg you for your forgiveness. I now believe my dabblings in black magik to be a closed chapter and a profoundly regrettable lifestyle choice.

As someone commented upon, I perhaps could have spent my time more productively than dreaming up 110 most foul curses.

I also would like to make special mention of myblueroan, the worthy winner of the season 37 EKA award and regret any shade I may have inadvertently thrown in their direction. That wasn’t fair, I’m sorry.

I wish both teams - the OOBs and the Swamprats all the very best for the big match tomorrow and just hope everyone has fun and there be no injuries. May the best team win. Happy qootying to you all.

Kind blissful regards, EKABomber

View attachment 2027105

After reading this report about the EKABomber being dressed in orange, I believe I have worked out who this person is. I’m almost certain this person hasn’t won an EKA, with the only doubt being, him apologising which for him would be right out of left field.

 

[Tigerturbulance]

 

[Grav]

You know if the EKABomber posted himself instead of hiding behind big_icky with throwing his apolgies around, I could almost see him saying sorry to the music machine Pamcake1 …. surely he’s annoyed the “heck” (omg, I can’t believe I said that) out of you, reckon it would have to be to music too.

 

[AnUltimateRessie]

You know if the EKABomber posted himself