Braklet
🐍 OOB 🏆🥄🏆🐍
- Aug 7, 2021
- 10,115
- 23,143
- AFL Club
- Geelong
- Other Teams
- Duke Blue Devils, L.A. Lakers
Toads in your skivvies sounds like a feature, not a bug.
"c'mon Toady... almost there..."
"c'mon Toady... almost there..."
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AFLW 2024 - Round 6 - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
Deadline has passed, how are the mirrors faring at home Tigerturbulance?
I'm more interested in the toad undies...
Deadline has passed, how are the mirrors faring at home Tigerturbulance?
***** ******** said:Dear Turbo,
I wish to express my extreme disappointment that you did not follow my instructions which I carefully laid out for you.
I write this to you from the Melbourne Remand Centre as I was involved in an unrelated matter yesterday and the Victoria Police are so far not believing my version of events.
I have had a change of heart on the timeline I gave you to deal with this matter - you now have until midnight tonight to follow my list of demands. I am really being more than fair with this gracious extension.
Anyway, as an added incentive …….. I have had some time to reflect here and would like to advise I will add one hundred additional curses for yourself and your team, just because I can, should you not reply by the specified new deadline ……… despite some conjecture on this subject, I assure you that I am completely sane. I will follow through with this.
Just.watch.me.
Kind Regards, the EKABomber x
PS - Here’s what else you may have to look forward to ………..
100 Additional Curses
- Change to Hermaphrodite or change gender randomly constantly
- Cannot eat, mostly throws up
- Animals all grow sick near you
- People you meet hate you
- Desperately try to mate as often as possible, increasingly desperate and weird
- Any meat you try to eat becomes animated and crawls around like slugs
- Any plant matter you try and eat turns rotten
- You always get sexual diseases and spread it to every lover
- Possessed – an hour a night you get up to no good and don’t remember what you did
- Horrible crimes and accidents keep happening near you by coincidence
- Love Is Blind – embracing a love object like a goat, elderly prostitute or virgin priestess
- Nobody loves you and you constantly moan about lack of love annoying everybody
- Boats always leak when you are in them
- You lose control of your bladder when talking to opposite sex
- Uncontrollable diarrhoea and vomiting when meeting new people
- Holy symbols repulse you if wielded by believer
- Children attack you on sight
- Birds attack you in swarms daily
- A ghost baby attaches itself to you, crying, weeping and haunting you and your fellow inhabitants with illusions and nightmares
- You are doomed to fall in love with a dangerous or inaccessible person, possibly married already or sworn to chastity with a powerful family and followers to stop your advances
- You believe the lice on your body are a tiny civilisation and you are their god, you tell people about this often
- You only eat worms or grubs
- You will not do anything without astrology reading or divination by some roadside hustler
- You become a left handed if right currently and the reverse case also
- You’re a fanatical masturbation fan
- Secret police everywhere are intrigued by you and your success
- Police think you look like your up to no good
- You criticise everyone's clothing, personal style, haircut and grooming choices as often as possible
- A single bizarre magic being torments you every full moon
- Horrible digestive emissions – you stink up the place, ruin toilets and everyone hates you
- Compulsive smoker – constantly using a pipe and smoking at all times – must smoke something constantly or you go into coma
- Alcohol makes you ill and stupid (even more so)
- Doldrums – Sailing ships won’t move with you aboard
- Someone who looks just like you came and killed some locals – perhaps the mob will solve this problem ?
- Constantly mistaken for a criminal – you look like trouble
- Flies love you and probably frogs too
- Liar Liar! – people don’t believe any of your stories, friends stories mentioning you sound bad, merchants fear you are a con man or robber
- Offend Everybody – People misinterpret your words and explode into violence
- Birds shit on you constantly
- Lonely ghosts and spirits bug you out of boredom and for something to do
- Dogs love humping your leg, they talk about how hot it is to other dogs
- Everyone you kiss finds you repulsive and wants to be sick after
- You find everything hilariously funny, laughing loudly at the wrong time
- Doppelgängers causes you problems everywhere you go
- Tentacle polyps grow on you
- Old friends and loved ones forget you ever existed
- Your nose swells and leaks phlegm constantly
- You believe what everyone says no matter how stupid it is
- Hooves – your feet become hooves, cloven or split - your choice
- You can never find your way home
- You think ugly people are beautiful and vice versa
- You wake up in strange bed every morning
- Only fools and children believe you
- Barks like a dog, can hear self speech unchanged, everyone else thinks you barking mad
- An older/younger version of you hunts you - who knows what will happen if you kill them ?
- Sewerage tastes like delicious candy to you, you have no shame in pursuit of this yummy treat
- Your teeth all fall out
- Your fingernails and toenails fall out
- You change bodies with your next lover
- Androgyny - people are uncertain of your gender so you keep getting invited to wrong parties
- You sleepwalk to deadly locations like a graveyard or a cliff
- Your smile looks horrible and cruel and scares people
- You grow a beak like a chicken or duck
- You eat everything you kill or at least have a bite if pressed for time
- Your thumbs disappear
- Everyone thinks you are an idiot
- When your enemies meet each other they become friends and allies
- Unnatural attraction to animals rather than humanoids
- Your pets hate you and become aggressive and attack you on sight
- Irrational fear of poisoning, everyone is out to get you
- You cant refuse a request for help
- You cant keep a secret, blab about everything to everyone
- All music, poetry, art and natural beauty does nothing for you
- You seek out most the decadent, corrupt and depraved companions for horrible parties
- You lose an inch in height a day till bug sized, stuff does not shrink
- Poltergeist grope members of opposite sex near you all the time causing you much trouble as it looks like you’re doing the groping
- Give everyone unwanted, untrue medical advice in a patronising manner until you lose all your friends - obsess and always talk about health, crazy diets and strange exercises
- Visited by sky spirits in bed at night, now you want to tell everybody about them and the humiliation they heaped on you
- You cant refuse a bet, constantly lose and go broke
- You believe you can speak any language but you can’t
- Irrational fear of plants and fungus
- You grow tentacles or crab claws for hands
- Wherever you stay ghosts awaken
- You fall in love with and marry a horrible person, you only see best in them
- Everyone thinks you are making sexual advances to them
- Everyone thinks you are an idiot
- You cannot hear without a huge ear trumpet
- Your arms grow longer till knuckles drag on ground
- All doors lock themselves when you approach
- All animals howl in your presence
- You sing instead of talk
- Birds tell everyone your personal business
- Everything you kill appears as a tattoo on your body
- Only you can hear animals all making personal comments about you, starts to drive you crazy
- You discover you were born with a tail and your mother sends it to you in a jar
- Tools and items you need are never where they’re meant to be
- You are compelled to only eat stolen food
- Addicted to vice including, sex, drug addiction, alcoholic, prone to lewdness and running with crazy gangs of like minded often privileged hooligans
- Black thumb – you cannot grow food
- You play for the OOBs in the Sweet FA
Wonder what the first thing I will do when I suddenly get chick parts, at least it won't be weird to sit whilst I piss.View attachment 2024869
This intrepid reporter believes the shark may have been jumped and the lore may have been irredeemably lost in this case but the EKABOMBER insisted this message was passed on to the masses. This was sent via fax from HM Prison this morning.
Most of that list looks like a normal dayView attachment 2024869
This intrepid reporter believes the shark may have been jumped and the lore may have been irredeemably lost in this case but the EKABOMBER insisted this message was passed on to the masses. This was sent via fax from HM Prison this morning.
Oh! Of course you are!
Whilst some members are on holidays atm, I have put together the best available. #WhoistheEKABomberView attachment 2024180
This intrepid reporter is now begining to fear for his own safety after finding a note from the EKABOMBER on his doorstep when he returned from the BI Productions Office. There were no signs of life on the street when I found the note although the smell of ammonia lingered in the air. For my own sake, I hope this is the final notice from the EKABOMBER.
View attachment 2024181
Here's a reminder of the 10 curses if you missed them earlier:
#1 - Toads form in you underpants hourly
#2 - Wet your pants every time your surprised
#3 - Only talk in rhyme
#4 - Only feel pleasure from torturing others
#5 - Goblinoids think you are awesome, want to have your children, touch you, get some of your hair, etc
#6 - Stray cats follow you about, sometimes in hundreds
#7 - Stray dogs follow you everywhere
#8 - You will have no shadow nor reflection, if you look into any mirror, it shatters.
#9 - A monster thinks your its baby
#10 - Viva la revolution – you compulsively help the peasants revolt even if they seem happy
BI Productions is considering reaching out to Tandy, SFADA's top investigator, for his assistance in the hunt for the EKABOMBER.
Grav - Turbo prefers to wear Red - FYI#1 change gender randomly constantly
Can just see Tigerturbulance sneaking into Mrs Turbo sssss wardrobe
View attachment 2025085
Hmmm! Worth a proposal