Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
I found out there are people who eat animal guts and entrails.
I think that's offal.
I think that's offal.
Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread
- Thread starter Butters Made Me Do It
- Start date
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- Jun 12, 2012
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Hey Dad I’m just going to get a haircut.
Which one? How about I cut it for you instead of going out into the community unnecessarily and bringing back a potentially lethal disease into this house and passing it on to me and your mother in order to get your inheritance early you selfish little prick.
Which one? How about I cut it for you instead of going out into the community unnecessarily and bringing back a potentially lethal disease into this house and passing it on to me and your mother in order to get your inheritance early you selfish little prick.
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are dose? asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything
I have posted this before .. but I like it LOL
The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are dose? asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything
I have posted this before .. but I like it LOL
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
What’s the difference between sand and period blood?
You can’t gargle sand
You can’t gargle sand
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
Wrong thread?
Contested Marx
Schrodinkley's Cat
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Ford Fairlane
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A blonde rushes up to her boyfriend and excitedly tells him "Look, I finished my jigsaw puzzle"
Her boyfriend looks at it and asks "What's the big deal?"
The blonde replies "Well Mr Smartypants, the box says 3 to 5 years and it only took me two weeks!"
Her boyfriend looks at it and asks "What's the big deal?"
The blonde replies "Well Mr Smartypants, the box says 3 to 5 years and it only took me two weeks!"
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
How do you know how heavy a chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh now
Give it a weigh now
Port Woolwich
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What do you call a Man standing between two buildings?
Ali
What do you call a drunk man standing between two buildings?
Hammed Ali
What do you call a drunk man with a moustache standing between two buildings?
Mohammed Ali
What do you call a woman who cannot draw?
Tracy
What do you call a man with no kneecaps?
Neil
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going for a swim?
Bob
What do you call a man who has his head stuck in a lawnmower?
Sean
Ali
What do you call a drunk man standing between two buildings?
Hammed Ali
What do you call a drunk man with a moustache standing between two buildings?
Mohammed Ali
What do you call a woman who cannot draw?
Tracy
What do you call a man with no kneecaps?
Neil
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going for a swim?
Bob
What do you call a man who has his head stuck in a lawnmower?
Sean
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
I met all the guys from the band R.E.M and got a photo with them
that’s me in the corner
that’s me in the corner
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
Ford Fairlane
Moderator
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- #41
What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
The water. Butane is lighter fluid.
The water. Butane is lighter fluid.
Ford Fairlane
Moderator
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
- Jul 22, 2009
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What do you call a dear with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
No idea
What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no genitals?
still no ****ing idea.
Eddie Dingle
Moving chairs
If I see a robbery at an Apple store does that make me an iWitness?
- Jul 22, 2009
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A bloke was walking along the beach and spies a beautiful woman with no arms and no legs.
He went up to her and told her how beautiful she was.
She responded saying "none has ever said that to me before".
He then asked her if she had been kissed before, to which she responded "No"
So he laid down next to her and gave her a kiss.
He then asked if she had ever been kissed on the breasts before. Again she responded with a no.
So he starts kissing her breasts.
He then asks if she has ever been fcuked before and gets the same, but this time excited, response of "No".
So he picks her up and throws her in the sea.
He went up to her and told her how beautiful she was.
She responded saying "none has ever said that to me before".
He then asked her if she had been kissed before, to which she responded "No"
So he laid down next to her and gave her a kiss.
He then asked if she had ever been kissed on the breasts before. Again she responded with a no.
So he starts kissing her breasts.
He then asks if she has ever been fcuked before and gets the same, but this time excited, response of "No".
So he picks her up and throws her in the sea.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene
What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?
Irene
- Jul 22, 2009
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What do you call a bloke with a spade?
Doug
Doug
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Did you know you can test an ant's gender by putting it in water?
If it sinks - girl ant.
And if it floats - buoyant.
Ford Fairlane
Moderator
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- #50
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but the light bulb has to want to change.
Only one but the light bulb has to want to change.
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