Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Garibaldi Red]

The Dad joke my kids got sick of, so it was great when the grandkids came along, was when we were eating dinner and a pea fell off the plate I used to shout out "escapee"

 

[powerrrrrrrrrrrr]

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

 

[wannabejack]

What do you call a fly with no wings.
A walk.

 

[wannabejack]

Who can drink 20 litres of petrol?
Jerry can.

 

[Butters Made Me Do It]

this thread is everything i expected

 

[Tredz]

this thread is everything i expected

You should reevaluate your expectations

 

[wannabejack]

I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' dvd.
It was here a minute ago

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Who can drink 20 litres of petrol?
Jerry can.

That is the clubhouse leader for best joke so far

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' dvd.
It was here a minute ago

That is the clubhouse leader for worst joke in this thread.

 

[Duck Farmer]

A bear walks up to a rabbit in the woods and asks "Excuse me Mr Rabbit, but do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit ponders for a moment then replies "No, Mr Bear I don't have that problem". So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

The first time I heard this joke it was so well delivered that I could've been an extra in that Monty Python secret German weapon sketch.

 

[raman]

A bear walks up to a rabbit in the woods and asks "Excuse me Mr Rabbit, but do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit ponders for a moment then replies "No, Mr Bear I don't have that problem". So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

This is a classic but it works so much better with the actions.

 

[raman]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[Tredz]

Q: What can you sit on, sleep on and brush your teeth with?
A: A chair, a bed and a toothbrush

 

[jac147]

Knock, knock
Who’s there
Arch
Arch who
Bless you

 

[Eddie Dingle]

What’s green and brown has 4 legs and falls out of trees?


A billiard table

 

[raman]

My mate won a toilet brush at a pub quiz night once.

The next week I asked him if he liked it, he said it was pretty good but he still preferred the paper.

 

[Grave Danger]

The Dad joke my kids got sick of, so it was great when the grandkids came along, was when we were eating dinner and a pea fell off the plate I used to shout out "escapee"

Every time we had sausages for dinner one of the kids would say, "these sausages are mouldy!" and everyone else would say, "shut up and drink yer gin!"

 

[raman]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I went to the butchers to get some meat for dinner. I bet him $50 he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf

He said no way Ed the steaks are too high

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I had a mate who was always cracking shit jokes so I asked him to stop.

he said I bet I can crack ten jokes and one will make you laugh

But no pun in ten did

 

[bomberclifford]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's brown and rhymes with 'snoop'.

Dr Dre

 

[bomberclifford]

My mate won a toilet brush at a pub quiz night once.

The next week I asked him if he liked it, he said it was pretty good but he still preferred the paper.

Topical. I like it.

 

[NEGAN]

What’s green and brown has 4 legs and falls out of trees?


A billiard table

I don't know why but I lost my shit at this.,,

 

[Marmozet]

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?"
"No."
"Neither has he"

 

[Tredz]

What's brown and rhymes with 'snoop'.

Dr Dre

I don't get it.