Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Loony Juice]

Q: What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A: A lip reader

 

[Loony Juice]

I hope death is a woman

That way it will never come for me!

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: Did you hear about the blind prostitute?


A: Well, you have to hand it to her

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?


A: Wiped his arrse

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb?


A: None, they just sit in the dark and cry

 

[El Zorro]

Q: What do you call a somalian with a rat?

A:Wealthy



Q: What do you call a somalian with 2 rats?

A: A caterer

Horrible. Please delete.

edit: apply the above to all your "jokes"

 

[davesnothere]

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[wannabejack]

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

 

[wannabejack]

Geology rocks but geography is where it's at.

 

[Relativity]

Johnny met a magical genie who gave him a single wish. Johnny said: “I wish I could be you.”

The genue then saud: “Weurd wush, but, all rught. Ut’s granted!”

That’s how the NZ accent was created.

It took me a while.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Loony Juice]

I tried to make Cauliflower cheese the other night, but how do you make a vegetable into a dairy product?

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: How come Greece have never won the soccer world cup?


A: Because every time they get a corner they build a fruit and veg shop

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: What's the motto of the Greek army?


A: Never leave your mates behind

 

[Loony Juice]

I don't have a carbon footprint

I just drive everywhere

 

[Loony Juice]

My parents raised me as an only child

That really annoyed my sister

 

[Quadzilla]

Q: How come Greece have never won the soccer world cup?


A: Because every time they get a corner they build a fruit and veg shop

Fish shop?

 

[Tredz]

Q. What did the autopsy discover in Liberace?
A. A little piece of Rock.

 

[hOUTkley]

I went to a dress up party as a chicken, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken...

 

[dirty2]

S

I went to a dress up party as a chicken, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken...

Stolen lol

 

[Loony Juice]

I have a stepladder

Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

 

[Loony Juice]

I threw a boomerang the other day

I now live in constant fear

 

[Loony Juice]

The most corrupt CEO's are from the rope industry

They're just so twisted

 

[Loony Juice]

Q: What's a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?


A: None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving


But you do need one to go skydiving twice

My grief counsellor died last week

She was that good I didn't even care

My elderly relatives used to take great pleasure winding me up at weddings with 'you're next'

They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals

My favourite film is 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story

Q: What did the man say after he was caught 'self pleasuring' to an optical illusion?


A: Babe, it's not what it looks like

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face

Especially when you push them down the stairs

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn

Doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs