Official Match Thread Season 38, Round 7: Roys FFC v Coney Island Warriors at Brunswick Junction Oval

[Freofalcon]

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Agent93 Barrybran brian_muz Dinsdale FootyGuy13 Frankston Rover Freofalcon Lord_Flashheart Mesc Mofra Ocha905 pantskyle Paracleet Piggy Smalls Purple7x08_24 raffrox Raveneyes Reginald Perrin SBYM Smoooothy Snuffaluphagus spudmaster Stokey The Filth Wizard TheInjuryFactory toxic TubbsFarquhar Volbeat zackah

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Evening Wazzas, it's another week of me telling you about who this week's opponents are by way of an entry from the Quinness World Records book of world records.

This week we're playing the Roys, the self-proclaimed (and universally acknowledged) retirement home of Sweet. I was considering telling you about the oldest thing in the universe apart from Mobbs but that would have meant me going all Neil DeGrasse Tyson on your arses and I hate that guy for killing Pluto so I decided against it*. Instead I'll tell you about the oldest people.

The oldest verified person in history was Jeanne Louise Calment who lived in Arles, France from 21/02/1875 to 4/08/1997, making her 122 years and 164 days old when she died. She was a bit of a hottie back in the 19th century too, check out this sepia action:

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[Pictured - Jeanne Calmert aged 20 in 1895, quite the SILF]

The oldest verified male in history (quite a way down the list of oldest people) was Jiroemon Kimura who lived in Kyoto, Japan from 19/04/1897 to 12/6/2013, making him 116 years and 54 days old when he pined for the fjords.

Unverified on the other hand? Hoboy! Azerbaijani Mahmud Eyvanzov was claimed by Soviet media to be 152 years old when he died in 1960. National Geographic believed that countryman Shirali Muslimov was 168 years & 162 days old when he shuffled off this mortal coil, while Time magazine had Li Ching-Yuen somewhere between 196 & 256 years old when he joined the Choir Immortal in 1933.

Go further back into antiquity and things get even more hog wild! Dangun, the first ruler of Korea, was apparently 1908 years old. There was a Persian Shah named Zahhak that was 1000, Tiresias the blind seer of Thebes was over 600 and Peng Zu lived over 800 years during the Yin Dynasty.

But you'll find the creme de la creme in religion. There's the blokes back in the Old Testament who kicked it beyond 900 years including Methuselah (969), Jared (962), Noah (950), Adam (930) & Seth (912). Islam had Abdul Azziz al-Hafeed al-Habashi who lived for 674 years, and the Sikhs has Baba Biram Das who lived 321 years. Then there a HUGE step up to these faiths. Buddhism had Vipassi & Tanhankara who lived for 100,000 years each. The Hindu god-king Rama was 11,000 and his dad Dasharatha lasted more than 60,000 while Ikshvaku king Bhagiratha lived for more than 360,000 years. The Tirthankaras of Jainism take the cake though, with 12 of them living over 10,000 years with the longest being Shretansanatha who was said to have lived for over 8,400,000 years before his ascension. He must have had a crazy big superannuation plan! Deified people in Taoism even claim to be xian, which is to achieve immortality. Vampires essentially. Like Blacula, but he died.

So there you go Wazzas, get yourself in a religious text and you can live for ages. Enjoy the week with the oldies at the Brunswick Junction Oval, and be patient with them as they tell you shit like when they used to wear onions on their belts, which was the style at the time.

































* OK I'll tell you - the controversial answer is BD+17°3248, a Population II ultra-metal-poor star estimated to be 13.8 billion Gyrs old but with an uncertainty of 4 billion Gyrs. The oldest thing without the uncertainty is 2MASS J18082002−5104378 which comes in at 13.535 Gyrs. I was always a Bill Nye person anyway, he never believed all that Pluto erasure slander.

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Oldest male would have to be Dinsdale

 

[Tonga Bob]

Oldest male would have to be Dinsdale

Not sure if it’s him or Mobbs. We’ll just have to cut both in half and count the rings inside their trunks.

 

[Dinsdale]

How did we get on the subject of spuds??


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I picture spudmaster as one of the things from this cartoon that looks like a spud but can morph into any shape...and there's also an awesome gorilla in it.

 

[Mobbs]

Look, editing a black and white picture doth butter no parsnips.

That's colour, it just happens to have grey blocks in the image

 

[Mobbs]

I don't want no urban development in Fulmina, it'll wreck the vibe of the suburb. Mobbs I might have to tell you my plan for Fulmina.

There's one footy ground, one bakery, one racecourse and one house in Fulmina. That vibe must be preserved at all costs!

 

[Mobbs]

Not sure if it’s him or Mobbs. We’ll just have to cut both in half and count the rings inside their trunks.

TAKE YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF MY SILKY DRAWERS!

 

[spudmaster]

There's one footy ground, one bakery, one racecourse and one house in Fulmina. That vibe must be preserved at all costs!

Shotgun top bunk!

 

[Tonga Bob]

TAKE YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF MY SILKY DRAWERS!

And you Sir. Are you ready to receive my limp trunk HOW DARE YOU!!!

 

[Mobbs]

And you Sir. Are you ready to receive my limp trunk HOW DARE YOU!!!

The Whore Tree celebration was last week Bob!

 

[Tonga Bob]

The Whore Tree celebration was last week Bob!

For some the fun never stops

 

[Kilroy]

Abdu Prison is the home ground of the Baghdad Bombers. The team sprung out of the Abu Grange suburb where Abdu Prison sits. The same prison also once hosted a team called the "Correctional Facility Staff Social League" which was later renamed the Mod Squad

 

[Reginald Perrin]

Look, editing a black and white picture doth butter no parsnips.

Just as well. Parsnips are disgusting and the taste is not improved by butter.

 

[Reginald Perrin]

Both teams will be looking to cement their spot in the eight

We're in the eight?

 

[spudmaster]

We're in the eight?

Yeah, 5 teams folded over the off-season.

How are you Reg? Have the cards been kind to you of late?

 

[Mobbs]

I popped in 9 more new properties in the Docklands to flesh the suburb out a bit more. Added a bunch to Rico St and named a street as Perrin St with one new home, in honour of famed Warrior mainstay Reginald Perrin .

 

[Mobbs]

We're in the eight?

There's 0.02% difference in percentage between our two teams

On SM-A146P using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Mobbs]

For some the fun never stops

#stopwhoretreefun

On SM-A146P using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Dinsdale]

I popped in 9 more new properties in the Docklands to flesh the suburb out a bit more. Added a bunch to Rico St and named a street as Perrin St with one new home, in honour of famed Warrior mainstay Reginald Perrin .

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He's more of a spinnaker to us.

 

[Mobbs]

He's more of a spinnaker to us.

You have immaculate maritiming.

On SM-A146P using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[_Mike_]

I'm here to score at least 7 goals.

I’m here to make at least 7 DFA points!

 

[The Filth Wizard]

I’m here to make at least 7 DFA points!

This smells like a mod team up!

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Fixed it

Don't worry if you're out of form. TheGoatBaron will kick 11 this week and show you how it's done.

TheGoatBaron sounds like the sort of guy to give The Filth Wizard a lesson.

 

[Reginald Perrin]

Yeah, 5 teams folded over the off-season.

How are you Reg? Have the cards been kind to you of late?

I am well. The cards have not been kind. My last tournament series on the Gold Coast was a disaster. I'm currently dealing with storm damage at two of my properties and at my age I'm feeling less comfortable up a ladder. First world problems which all pale into insignificance when I think of what the sim has in store for us.

 

[Tonga Bob]

This smells like a mod team up!

 

[The Filth Wizard]

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