Certified Legendary Thread The Cut

[MUYB]

The entire Melbourne football department is sitting down in a meeting, suddenly Moloney stands up.
Brent:*That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college![leaves]
Mark Neeld:*I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

 

[Rudeurrection]

I wish to see this (wear headphones and keep the kiddies away from this):



That is dead set epic. The last 26 seconds are outstanding.

 

[Wonaeamirri33]

Neeld: Sylvia? He's a genius. What he can't do with two legs, isn't worth knowing. Give me that lad's legs and someone else's brain, you've got a winner.

 

[maxmustard]

Neeld's first address to the playing group:

Hello, players, look at your winning record, now back to me, now back at your record, now back to me. Sadly, it will stay crap without me, but if you stopped playing like kamikaze artists and switched to a defensive gameplan, you could win like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a stage with the premiership side you could play like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a case with a medal saying you won a flag. Look again, the medal is now $100 bills. Anything is possible when youplay a defensive gameplan and not Baileyball. I’m on a horse.

Winner

 

[d33my]

On the Couch, 21/5/12

Gerard Healy: And we're here tonight with the MFC president, Don McLardy. Don, the Melbourne Football Club has been called "a lumbering dinosaur".
*McLardy screams*
Healy: Uh, my director is telling me not to talk to you any more.
McLardy: Woohoo!

Later

Healy: Don, how do you respond to the charges that while the Melbourne Football Club's membership numbers are only slightly down on last year, heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
McLardy: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Gerard. Forfty percent of people know that.
Healy: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has lost any semblance of a football club and is refusing to play for the jumper?
McLardy: Oh, Gerard, I'd be lying if I said my men were playing for the jumper.
Healy: [pause] Well, touché.

 

[Rudeurrection]

On the Couch, 21/5/12

Gerard Healy: And we're here tonight with the MFC president, Don McLardy. Don, the Melbourne Football Club has been called "a lumbering dinosaur".
*McLardy screams*
Healy: Uh, my director is telling me not to talk to you any more.
McLardy: Woohoo!

Later

Healy: Don, how do you respond to the charges that while the Melbourne Football Club's membership numbers are only slightly down on last year, heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
McLardy: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Gerard. Forfty percent of people know that.
Healy: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has lost any semblance of a football club and is refusing to play for the jumper?
McLardy: Oh, Gerard, I'd be lying if I said my men were playing for the jumper.
Healy: [pause] Well, touché.

d33my domination continues.

 

[Dory_77]

On the Couch, 21/5/12

Gerard Healy: And we're here tonight with the MFC president, Don McLardy. Don, the Melbourne Football Club has been called "a lumbering dinosaur".
*McLardy screams*
Healy: Uh, my director is telling me not to talk to you any more.
McLardy: Woohoo!

Later

Healy: Don, how do you respond to the charges that while the Melbourne Football Club's membership numbers are only slightly down on last year, heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
McLardy: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Gerard. Forfty percent of people know that.
Healy: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has lost any semblance of a football club and is refusing to play for the jumper?
McLardy: Oh, Gerard, I'd be lying if I said my men were playing for the jumper.
Healy: [pause] Well, touché.

Hahaha, d33my, you truly are the king of this thread!

 

[LBJ6]

Craig Hutchison: Could Mark Neeld be a coaching failure? His father spoke out on his behalf.

Neeld Snr: My Mark is not a bad coach. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a bad coach, but he is *not* a pr0n star!

 

[Bluelegs]

Worried about his assistant coaching job Leigh Brown discovers why Tom Couch hasn't been selected and why Mark Neeld is so wound up.

Leigh Brown: There on to me dude, those guys are sharp as nails up there, you can't put anything past them. Oh my god, dude, I am freaking out, I am so stressed out; I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

Mark Neeld: You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! OK! I've stumbled onto a major club conspiracy, Leigh--how 'bout that for stress?

Leigh Brown: What the hell are you talking about?

Mark Neeld: This club is being bled like a stuck pig, Leigh, and I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. [Goes to a wall covered in paper and string] Take a look at this.

Leigh Brown: Jesus Christ, Mark!

Mark Neeld: That right there is the game plan. Now let's talk about the game plan. Can we talk about the game plan, please, Leigh? I've been dying to talk about the game plan with you all day, OK? "Tom Couch," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Tom's name is getting brought up to me. Tom Couch! Tom Couch! I look at the game plan, and this whole wall is Tom Couch! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go down to his locker and talk to him about the goddamn game plan! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and his name is going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Tom's locker and what do I find out, Leigh? What do I find out?! There is no Tom Couch. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Tom Couch? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Couch! All right. So I start marchin' my way up to Cameron's office and I knock on his door and I say, "Cameron, Cameron! I gotta talk to you about Tom." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Cameron. Leigh, half the employees in this building have been made up. This club is a goddamn ghost town.

Leigh Brown: OK, Mark I'm going to have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they've been asking to see you on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.

Mark Neeld: Well, calm down because here's one thing that's not going to happen.

Leigh Brown: What?

Mark Neeld: We're not gonna get fired.

Leigh Brown: We're not?

Mark Neeld: Because we've already been fired.

Leigh Brown: We've lost our jobs!

Mark Neeld: Yeah. About 3 days ago a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia.

Leigh Brown: If we've lost our jobs, then that means we've lost our coaching career's. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit, dude, I am having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.

Mark Neeld: Well, will you settle down and have a another cup of coffee?

Leigh Brown: I am, bro.

Mark Neeld: All right, well, fine. You know what, Mick? Give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out. [turns to Mick Malthouse wearing black trench coat and hat standing next to him]

Leigh Brown: Huh? Who?

Mark Neeld: Mick. He's the one who tipped me off about Tom Couch.

Leigh Brown: Mick? Who the hell is Mick?

Mark Neeld: You don't see the...[Looks around and Mick's disappeared] Holy shit! Where the hell did he go?


Bonus points if you get the reference.

 

[Marlowe]

Bluelegs FTW!

 

[LBJ6]

Mac and Charlie from It's Always Sunny... love it.

 

[syl]

Mac and Charlie from It's Always Sunny... love it.

Loving all the pop culture adaptations of our current dilemma, very refreshing!

 

[Bluelegs]

Found this on the bay. Actually gave me a bit of a laugh.

 

[stretcharmstrong]

Neeld: Ok boys, new game plan. We all stink at football, so we're going to quit the league and buy a KFC franchise. I want a team effort. Wattsy and Trenners, you're on the registers. Don't forget to supersize and get em buying the 1 percenters. Spud, you're on the drive-in window. The rest of you can divide between the kitchen and the tables. I want a good clean effort and solid discipline. Mick Malthouse will be coming in once a week for a chat and a Zinger burger. Make sure it's a fresh one. Alright, let's do this! #It's a grand old spice, there's 11 and they're nice, it's the chicken and burgers for you...#

Very gooooot!

 

[Dory_77]

Found this on the bay. Actually gave me a bit of a laugh.

That's gold!

 

[Brock 'n' Roll]

Mark Neeld: Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it *against* the Carlton Blues?

Leigh Brown: [miserable] Oh, I thought the Demons were due!
[watches the game ]

Leigh Brown: He's spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take it!
[the blues score]

Leigh Brown: That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701128/quotes?qt0545762

 

[d33my]

Worried about his assistant coaching job Leigh Brown discovers why Tom Couch hasn't been selected and why Mark Neeld is so wound up.

Leigh Brown: There on to me dude, those guys are sharp as nails up there, you can't put anything past them. Oh my god, dude, I am freaking out, I am so stressed out; I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

Mark Neeld: You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! OK! I've stumbled onto a major club conspiracy, Leigh--how 'bout that for stress?

Leigh Brown: What the hell are you talking about?

Mark Neeld: This club is being bled like a stuck pig, Leigh, and I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. [Goes to a wall covered in paper and string] Take a look at this.

Leigh Brown: Jesus Christ, Mark!

Mark Neeld: That right there is the game plan. Now let's talk about the game plan. Can we talk about the game plan, please, Leigh? I've been dying to talk about the game plan with you all day, OK? "Tom Couch," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Tom's name is getting brought up to me. Tom Couch! Tom Couch! I look at the game plan, and this whole wall is Tom Couch! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go down to his locker and talk to him about the goddamn game plan! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and his name is going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Tom's locker and what do I find out, Leigh? What do I find out?! There is no Tom Couch. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Tom Couch? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Couch! All right. So I start marchin' my way up to Cameron's office and I knock on his door and I say, "Cameron, Cameron! I gotta talk to you about Tom." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Cameron. Leigh, half the employees in this building have been made up. This club is a goddamn ghost town.

Leigh Brown: OK, Mark I'm going to have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they've been asking to see you on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.

Mark Neeld: Well, calm down because here's one thing that's not going to happen.

Leigh Brown: What?

Mark Neeld: We're not gonna get fired.

Leigh Brown: We're not?

Mark Neeld: Because we've already been fired.

Leigh Brown: We've lost our jobs!

Mark Neeld: Yeah. About 3 days ago a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia.

Leigh Brown: If we've lost our jobs, then that means we've lost our coaching career's. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit, dude, I am having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.

Mark Neeld: Well, will you settle down and have a another cup of coffee?

Leigh Brown: I am, bro.

Mark Neeld: All right, well, fine. You know what, Mick? Give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out. [turns to Mick Malthouse wearing black trench coat and hat standing next to him]

Leigh Brown: Huh? Who?

Mark Neeld: Mick. He's the one who tipped me off about Tom Couch.

Leigh Brown: Mick? Who the hell is Mick?

Mark Neeld: You don't see the...[Looks around and Mick's disappeared] Holy shit! Where the hell did he go?


Bonus points if you get the reference.

One of my fav episodes of Sunny. Charlie.
Great work Bluelegs

 

[ExTasDeeMan]

Dean Bailey (showing his whiteboard): Ah, come on Schwab, you know what this is.

Schwab: Dean, I don't know what it is.

Bailey: [sighs] It could not be more simple, Schwab. You want me to show this to Colin Sylvia, and have Sylvia tell you what it is?
'Cause the dumbass's going to get it.

Schwab: I'm sorry, I'm not as smart as you, Dean. We didn't all work at Port Adelaide.
[timer dings]

Bailey: It's a game plan! Gah! Don't you even know game plan when you see it?

Schwab: Dean, you're spitting.

Bailey: Okay, genius, why don't you draw a gameplan.

 

[wonna]

*Everyone in the crowd laughing and pointing*

Supporter1: I can't even watch, don’t know how you can sit here laughing at poor jack when he is out there scared to death.

Supporter2: We are laughing with him it is a big difference.

*Watts squeals*

*All laugh uncontrollably again*

Supporter2: With him


________________________________________________________________

*Neeld and Craig sit in the coaches box*

Craig: Now that we are alone Neeld, admit it, you like Mitch best.

Neeld: No *eye twitches*

Craig: Oh, so your a Watts man?

Neeld: No! *eye twitches and face contorts*

Craig: well you can't possibly like Davey best what's he ever done, nothing for nobody.

______________________________________________________________


*Neeld giving pre match address*

Neeld: Ok team just remember to have fun out there today and if you lose I'll kill you.

*Neeld and team laughs together*

*Neeld turns to the team and shakes his fist with right eye twitching and face contorted*

 

[Eth]

Dean Bailey (showing his whiteboard): Ah, come on Schwab, you know what this is.

Schwab: Dean, I don't know what it is.

Bailey: [sighs] It could not be more simple, Schwab. You want me to show this to Colin Sylvia, and have Sylvia tell you what it is?
'Cause the dumbass's going to get it.

Schwab: I'm sorry, I'm not as smart as you, Dean. We didn't all work at Port Adelaide.
[timer dings]

Bailey: It's a game plan! Gah! Don't you even know game plan when you see it?

Schwab: Dean, you're spitting.

Bailey: Okay, genius, why don't you draw a gameplan.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Some of these are starting to make it onto AFL Memes and I have a feeling it won't be long before I see this there.

 

[stickman11]

After reading the Jolly article today, it is not hard to see where our cultural problem has arrisen from.

 

[Syrus]

After reading the Jolly article today, it is not hard to see where our cultural problem has arrisen from.

What paper stickman?

 

[stretcharmstrong]

After reading the Jolly article today, it is not hard to see where our cultural problem has arrisen from.

Can you elaborate stickman?

 

[Syrus]

Nevermind, found it.

http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/coaching-carrots--and-sticking-points-20120522-1z38e.html

 

[CowboyFromHell]

After reading the Jolly article today, it is not hard to see where our cultural problem has arrisen from.

Our culture started from a bloke who couldn't handle criticism and wanted to leave because he didn't like it and was playing behind an AA ruckman?

Yeah, that's totally it.