Toast The Official Kurt Tippett Celebrity Roast

[DangerSloane]

When going Home means you end up being "Home" Alone (in Sydney)

Bahaha a family comedy without the family. Brilliant.

 

[OrdinaryJoel]

I love this thread SO MUCH!!!

 

[Realslimshady2]

Been meaning to do this for a few days and only just found the time. Plagiarized from a similar picture but still think it makes a point.

 

[Realslimshady2]

Thats gold Jerry, GOLD!!!!

 

[Realslimshady2]

Too far maybe?

nah thats on the money

 

[Huntercrow]

Conspiracy theory #145....The Tippet cunundrum.

I love conspiracy theories and my recent idleness has given me more time to reflect than usual and they say idle minds are the devils playground so here goes.

Kurt and his management along with a nameless third party are after a specific result. The formula required to achieve this result is packed full of stealth and cunning. I know, you're thinking stop W*nking on and get to the point.
I believe this is a conspiracy. Not just against the AFC but also the newly crowned premiers. Yes I'm talking Sydney. Look at the known facts....
Kurt wants out
Has said for 2 years he wants to finish his career at home.
Kurt has now declared Sydney to be his original home town. Funny how this little gem has just come from nowhere.
Made his final decision to move to Sydney at the last possible moment making a trade agreement between these two clubs difficult.
Sydney would be the last team in the AFL willing to part with their players. Kurt and his management would be aware of this.
The Swans say Kurt would be on less in his first year than what he would earn in Adelaide. Applying the 10% cost of living in Sydney would put him on pretty ordinary coin in comparison. This seems very strange of Kurt to except less
The option for sending him to the PSD is there which in theory would send him to GC as GWS are supposedly not interested.
Now GC have had 2 years to prepare for this moment and would have clued Kurts management into the deal. To get Kurt to GC for nothing by setting Sydney and AFC against each other to the point where one or both send him to the PSD.
Result. GWS decline to pick him up as they already have enough talent in the forward line and Sheedy himself has declared their lack of interest, therefore he slips to Gold Coast by default. In theory.

However there's a final twist to the tail just as the PSD draft gets underway Kevin Sheedy makes a personal appearance to sit at the GWS table. All eyes are on his highness as he stands to announce Kurt Tippet as the first pick of the Pre Season Draft......"As soon as Kurt said he wanted to go home to Sydney we saw it as our duty to see that he got there. This is why we sent Giles packing. Did no one see that for what it was???"

 

[DangerSloane]

Conspiracy theory #145....The Tippet cunundrum.

I love conspiracy theories and my recent idleness has given me more time to reflect than usual and they say idle minds are the devils playground so here goes.

Kurt and his management along with a nameless third party are after a specific result. The formula required to achieve this result is packed full of stealth and cunning. I know, you're thinking stop W*nking on and get to the point.
I believe this is a conspiracy. Not just against the AFC but also the newly crowned premiers. Yes I'm talking Sydney. Look at the known facts....
Kurt wants out
Has said for 2 years he wants to finish his career at home.
Kurt has now declared Sydney to be his original home town. Funny how this little gem has just come from nowhere.
Made his final decision to move to Sydney at the last possible moment making a trade agreement between these two clubs difficult.
Sydney would be the last team in the AFL willing to part with their players. Kurt and his management would be aware of this.
The Swans say Kurt would be on less in his first year than what he would earn in Adelaide. Applying the 10% cost of living in Sydney would put him on pretty ordinary coin in comparison. This seems very strange of Kurt to except less
The option for sending him to the PSD is there which in theory would send him to GC as GWS are supposedly not interested.
Now GC have had 2 years to prepare for this moment and would have clued Kurts management into the deal. To get Kurt to GC for nothing by setting Sydney and AFC against each other to the point where one or both send him to the PSD.
Result. GWS decline to pick him up as they already have enough talent in the forward line and Sheedy himself has declared their lack of interest, therefore he slips to Gold Coast by default. In theory.

However there's a final twist to the tail just as the PSD draft gets underway Kevin Sheedy makes a personal appearance to sit at the GWS table. All eyes are on his highness as he stands to announce Kurt Tippet as the first pick of the Pre Season Draft......"As soon as Kurt said he wanted to go home to Sydney we saw it as our duty to see that he got there. This is why we sent Giles packing. Did no one see that for what it was???"

Wow you have been busy...slow day at work?
Plausible...not likely though. I wouldnt be that unhappy if that happened. I mean yes we will have got nothing but at least hes not playing with a contender and also he misses any chance at personal success for a few years.

 

[headache1]

This is the thread where we call Tippett a dumb campaigner, not make him out to be an evil AFL mastermind.

Also, the far easier thing to do would have been for Tippett to request a trade to GC, and GC offer us nothing but a 3rd round pick and a signed Nathan Bock guernsey.

 

[FR0GGY]

Love the ending

 

[Huntercrow]

This is the thread where we call Tippett a dumb silly, not make him out to be an evil AFL mastermind.

Also, the far easier thing to do would have been for Tippett to request a trade to GC, and GC offer us nothing but a 3rd round pick and a signed Nathan Bock guernsey.

Have you no sense of theatre? It's a conspiracy theory its supposed to be full of holes. But your version would still have the same conclusion.

 

[Crows4Eva]

Kurt: "I'll be going ''home'' to Sydney next year! Yep, home is where the mone- I mean heart is."

Kurt: "You'll still be my friend right Tex?"

Tex: "Of course buddy!"
Singing in his head: "Fight fire with fire. Burning down the house!"


Kurt: "Daddy! I need a hug, Tex burnt my house down! Waaaah!"

Kurt: "....Oh wait, daddy don't live in Sydney...*Cry*.."

Kurt: "At least I still have my money..."

 

[Crow_Sting]

Good thread. Would read again.

 

[Iva Bigun]

Posted here as per fabs33's request

 

[SydCrow]

 

[Alecks]

 

[footy_noob]

ooooh, can I play?

crows coloured blood. brilliant.

When going Home means you end up being "Home" Alone (in Sydney)

bwhahaha, brilliant

 

[Firewalker]

"Here's Tonight's top 10 everybody..."​

​

​

"Number 10:"​

"Wants to play for a Coach over 5 ft 9"​

"Number 9:"​

"He's a beach boy at heart and likes saying the word Bingo!"​

"B-I-N-G-O!"​

"Number 8:"​

"Just wanted an excuse to send a text message from his new phone​

"Number 7:"​

"He can't grow a mullet as good as Tex"​

"Number 6:"​

"Him, Nathan Bock, Phil Davis and Jack Gunston are starting a boy band and ​

they're going to be auditioning for the next season of X Factor" ​

"Number 5:"​

"Wants to be part of the 'Bloods' culture, as long as​

they're all happy earning less then what he does" ​

"Number 4:"​

"So he and Phil can catch up and spend all their millions of dollars ​

hang out together in Sydney"​

"Number 3:"​

"No number 3 Tippett just had another concussion"​

"Number 2:"​

"It's not all for the money... ahhh I was like apparently born in Sydney"​

​

​

"And the number 1 Piss Weak Excuse Kurt Tippett Is Giving for Wanting to be traded..."​

​

​

"Wants to go out and be able to enjoy the ​

lifestyle which Sydney would offer him - screw football"​

​

​

​

​

​

 

[JP Sauce]

Haha nice work.

Nothing wrong with mardi gras though.

 

[SydCrow]

Love your work Firewalker

coming out is about the only thing that could save him now

 

[MarksGirl-kbcrowgirl]

"Here's Tonight's top 10 everybody..."​

​

​

"Number 10:"​

"Wants to play for a Coach over 5 ft 9"​

"Number 9:"​

"He's a beach boy at heart and likes saying the word Bingo!"​

"B-I-N-G-O!"​

"Number 8:"​

"Just wanted an excuse to send a text message from his new phone​

"Number 7:"​

"He can't grow a mullet as good as Tex"​

"Number 6:"​

"Him, Nathan Bock, Phil Davis and Jack Gunston are starting a boy band and ​

they're going to be auditioning for the next season of X Factor" ​

"Number 5:"​

"Wants to be part of the 'Bloods' culture, as long as​

they're all happy earning less then what he does" ​

"Number 4:"​

"So he and Phil can catch up and spend all their millions of dollars ​

hang out together in Sydney"​

"Number 3:"​

"No number 3 Tippett just had another concussion"​

"Number 2:"​

"It's not all for the money... ahhh I was like apparently born in Sydney"​

​

​

"And the number 1 Piss Weak Excuse Kurt Tippett Is Giving for Wanting to be traded..."​

​

​

"Wants to go out and be able to enjoy the ​

lifestyle which Sydney would offer him - screw football"​

​

​

​

​

​

Just brilliant!!

 

[SugarShane]

Great work, very Letterman Top 10-like jokes too (ie, #3).

 

[mrmatt]

Do you think fans would embrace the 2013 Flip It to Tippett campaign?

 

[SydCrow]

View attachment 5411
Do you think fans would embrace the 2013 Flip It to Tippett campaign?

Yes, the 19th man would lap it up

We could also do "Kick it to me Tippett" signs. Anyone within 180 degrees of the goal face would be a chance.

 

[Iva Bigun]

mrmatt can you add 1 Suns hand with the same gesture, I also would like to him Tipp the big finger

Excellent work

 

[mrmatt]

mrmatt can you add 1 Suns hand with the same gesture, I also would like to him Tipp the big finger

Excellent work

...As requested