Toast The Official Kurt Tippett Celebrity Roast

[The Karma Bus]

Verukurt Salt..

Those scales have tipped over to bad by a decent margin

Big money, closer to home without actually being there and stuck at clubs low on the ladder, hopeful premierships, no gws.. ~~I think I've forgotten some~~

I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!

And screw the AFC..

 

[SydCrow]

Agreed. Kurt needs to be linked to a huge, worthless, steaming pile of shit movie:

more like Gigolo, as in would screw anybody for money (starting with his old club)

 

[adelcrows]

3 guys walk into a bar, an Englishman, Irishman and Kurt Tippett..........

The Englishman and the Irishman just walk back out....Cause Kurt Tippett is a shit bloke.

 

[SydCrow]

 

[Wright Away]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH TIPPETT'S THUMBS? SOMEONE POSTED A PHOTO OF HIM IN A CHEFS HAD AND HIS THUMBS LOOKED ****ING WEIRD. INBRED TYPE SHIT BANJO PLAYING

 

[Alecks]

"Jimmys jumpin' for dollars"

 

[SpeciousArgument]

I believe credit for this goes to ltdamn, and i post it here at Mattrox request.

Kurt Tippetts official Wikipedia Bio before it was mercilessly and ruthlessly vandalised.

Kurt Tippett
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Kurt Tippett

Tippett practicing another crucial miss from 20 out on a slight angle
Personal information
Full name Kurt Udell Nathaniel Tippett
Nickname(s) Tippo, KT, Moneybags, LeBron
Date of birth 8 May 1987 (age 25)
Place of birth Sydney, New South Wales
Original team Southport Sharks (QLD)
Draft 32nd overall, 2006
Adelaide
Height/Weight 202 cm / 104 kg / 60 I.Q
Position(s) Forward, Cum-Mercenary
Club information
Current club Himself
Number $
Playing career1
Years Club Games (Goals)
2007-2012 Adelaide 104 (188)
Representative team honours
Years Team Games (Goals)
2012 All-Australian $hit Blokes Team 2.7
1 Playing statistics to end of 2012 season .

Kurt Tippett (born 8 May 1987) is a Gun For Hire in the Australian Football League. He currently plays for the Adelaide Crows and wears the number $ on the back of his jumper. He has represented his state at under 18 level in basketball before converting to Australian rules football and playing for Southport. Kurt attended All Saints Anglican College during his high school years and was probably widely disliked, even then. He was picked up by Adelaide at number 32 in the 2006 AFL Draft.
Contents

1 Personal Life
2 Junior Football
3 AFL Career
3.1 Adelaide Crows
3.2 Sydney Swans
3.3 Personal Life
4 Statistics
5 See also
6 External links
7 References

Personal Life

Tippett was now apparently born in Sydney, New South Wales to parents from country New South Wales but moved to the Gold Coast, Queensland after roughly 5 minutes. His first love was himself, followed by Basketball and at the age of 11 made his representative debut for the Gold Coast. In 2004 he represented Queensland in the u18 Championships and was given a spot on the Brisbane Bullets development squad. While competing in the u18 Championships Tippett competed against the likes of Patrick Mills, Joe Ingles and future AFL player Scott Pendlebury. He also toured the United States with the Queensland Academy of Sport team. Upon returning from the United States he accepted an offer from the Gold Coast Stingrays to try out for their Australian Rules Football representative team. His brother Joel played in the AFL for the Brisbane Lions and the Gold Coast Suns purely based on Kurt's ability as a footballer, while his sister Gretel played professional Basketball for the Logan Thunder in the WNBL. During Kurt's two years with the Southport Sharks he studied underachieving at Griffith University on the Gold Coast.
Junior Football

Tippett began playing Australian Rules Football for the first time in an inter-school sports tournament for All Saints Anglican College. It was not until he returned from a Basketball tour of the United States that he began to take making money from playing football seriously. Trying out for the Gold Coast Stingrays, he made the team and they went on to be crowned state champions, causing him to become concussed. Following the victory he joined the Southport Sharks for their 2005 season and after a few games in the reserves he made his seniors debut at the Gabba against the Brisbane Lions reserves team and matched up on AFL premiership player Jamie Charman, who accidentally concussed Tippett while shaking his hand pre-game. Kurt would end 2005 with the Sharks reserves best and fairest award while playing in 10 seniors matches for the season, kicking 12.47. He then went on to represent Queensland in the 2006 AFL National Under 18 Championships where they would go undefeated through the tournament to win the second division title. He would also be the second highest goal kicker during the Sharks 2006 premiership winning season. In November he was drafted to the Adelaide Crows with the 32nd pick in the 2006 AFL Draft, and was immediately concussed by his friends patting him on the back in the act of congratulations.
AFL Career
Adelaide Crows

Tippett made his debut in 2008. Playing as a key forward and ruckman, he became a regular in the side, but was often criticized for his inaccurate kicking at goal and lack of effort at the contest. At the Crows Club Champion evening, he received a 2008 Rising Star Nominee and a concussion from a slight breeze which blew a stray leaf into his head.

By the next season, Tippett had begun to develop into a potent tall forward. A bag of seven goals and a high mark against Essendon in Round 11 showed his potential to become the high-potential inconsistent and self-interested key forward that Adelaide had lacked since the departure of Ian Downsborough, and with successive bags of five against Richmond and Fremantle he showed he could perform on a regular basis when he wanted to and was not concussed. He finished the home-and-away season with 47 goals, second behind only Jason Porplyzia (52) in the club's goalkicking. He kicked 8 more goals in the finals to finish with 55 for the year. His dramatic 60m goal from the boundary line gave Adelaide a 1 point lead against Collingwood in the last minute of the 2009 semi final; however, this went in vain as opposing forward Jack Anthony restored Collingwood's lead seconds later, resulting in a heartbreaking loss, and a concussion for Tippett after he threw his head back too hard when staging for a free kick in the dying seconds, which was not paid.

In 2009 he signed a three year deal with the Crows, preventing the soon-to-be Gold Coast club from recruiting him as one of their uncontracted player signings, and confirming that hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing. [1]
Sydney Swans

On October 6, 2012 it was announced Tippett would request a trade to the Miami Heat. Criticism was later heard from many people, two of which were Crows legend Mark Ricciuto, who said that Tippett was a money driver and former Hawthorn president Jeff Kennett who angrily said the Swans should be stripped of money on trying to get him. Both publicly stated their belief that the extra money from their cost of living allowance which Sydney were able to throw at Tippett may have hit him in the head and concussed him as a result.
Personal Life

Tippett currently lives with his surfboard which he bought in September of 2012. He has a cardboard cutout of himself in his bedroom, and a dog named Rover.

He reportedly has a fear of spiders, people asking how his head is feeling, and fast-moving objects travelling at or around head height.

 

[ltdamn]

I believe credit for this goes to ltdamn, and i post it here at Mattrox request.

Kurt Tippetts official Wikipedia Bio before it was mercilessly and ruthlessly vandalised.

Yeah, the bots got to it pretty quick - probably because a few edits got made in quick succession. Depending on how next week pans out I may go back for more once it's all wrapped up and the press conferences have been held.

Looks better on the page itself where you can see the full layout - it's still there under the edit history. Click on it below to view it bigger.

 

[cm_perfect]

It appears Tippett is still talking to the AFC through email and text....

 

[SydCrow]

Hey, maybe Kurt isn't so bad after all.

I googled "Dumb, greedy, draft dodging daddy's boy" and look who showed up:

 

[EXNICKS]

Hope I can join in.
What does Tippet use for birth control?
His personality.

 

[Pilchard_Adams]

So, how much did you want next year Kurt?

Well...

...

...

...

LOL!!!

Jeez, this made me laugh?!!!

 

[headache1]

Hope I can join in.
What does Tippet use for birth control?
His personality.

 

[footy_noob]

Hey, maybe Kurt isn't so bad after all.

I googled "Dumb, greedy, draft dodging daddy's boy" and look who showed up:

lol, cut from the same cloth. could be worse i guess, tippett could be our prime minister.

 

[BundyJack]

lol, cut from the same cloth. could be worse i guess, tippett could be our prime minister.

Don't know which one to trust less!

 

[xchadders]

this thread is pure gold.
i wonder if kurt will chase it too...

 

[SydCrow]

Kurt tried to follow this thread but he couldn't read which way it was going and it went over his head.

 

[KimSoma]

 

[LiquidCrow]

From Bernie's twitter feed, starts at the 30s mark.

 

[footy_noob]

Great first post, buddy.

 

[OrdinaryJoel]

That is gold LiquidCrow!

 

[The Karma Bus]

The perils of dropping your wallet on your foot

 

[Draft Bored]

Here's two I made:

Kurt crying himself to sleep after reading the 'Tippett's Gone' BF thread.

AAMI Stadium 2013

 

[BundyJack]

Go get 'im Tex !

 

[WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot]

$kurt Tippett: I want to go home. And by home I mean Sydney. I was born there and raised there (well, for the first 5 minutes of my life at least), so it really is my true home:

NEK MINNIT: