What is the funniest thing you have heard said/shouted at the footy?

[Chasing the Dream]

A mate yelled at Ray Chamberlain during a boundary throw in.

"Hey Chamberlain, give Centerlink a call, I am sure they have a pension for midgits"

He actually gave a thumbs up and kept running.

Another classic I heard at the GABBA during 1996 was at another boundary throw in "Hey boundary, didn't you mum ever tell you not to wash your whites and the colours together."

Never knew why they wore powder blue that year anyway

 

[Jean Claude Vas Deferens]

At a Brisbane v Melbourne game at the G about 10 years ago, everytime Melbourne supporters called for holding the ball, or holding the man or whatever free kick they thought they deserved, this Brisbane supporter kept yelling back "That's not a free. Learn the rules you idiots. Learn the rules."

After a while of this he says it again, "Learn the rules you idiots. Learn the rules."

This Melbourne supporters yells back, "We invented the game. You learn the rules idiot."

Not hilarious, but thought it was amusing.

Very subtle, very clever.

 

[Walshy_The_Goat]

Funniest thing i've ever heard at the footy takes me back to Round 9, 2002 - Carlton vs Adelaide at Optus Oval - where we ended up getting pumped by 56 points.

This was the year when Carlton started it's on-field decline, and went on to eventually finish 16th for the first time in the clubs history, after quite a successful year previous. Among Carlton supporters, having only recorded one win up until Round 9 of that year, you could say a few supporters were feeling restless.

So i'm in the toilet at half time to take a leak at one of the massive urinals, when this older bloke and his mate step up to the plate alongside me as one quite adamantly mutters to the other: "Mate, if we don't beat Freo next week i'll suck my own ****ing dick!"

The funniest part is we actually got rolled by the Dockers the next week. HAHA! I wonder if he stood by his word.

Still cracks me up to this day, and have used the same remark jokingly whenever i make an informal bet amongst mates.

 

[pity the fool]

At a Geelong v North game in the mid 90's at Kardinia Park :
As Mick Martyn was picking up the ball from near the fence after a point had just been kicked :
"Stay away from the fence Mick, you're scaring all the kids!"

 

[Laurie Bingham]

One for the old-timers: Carl Ditterich is playing for St Kilda. An opposition fan yells out "Hey Ditterich, hope your car breaks down in Balaclava !".

One from the early nineties. Hawthorn Fitzroy reserves game at Princes Park. Matt Rendell, in the twilight of his career is playing full forward. There's about 1000 people at the ground at this stage and someone yells to Rendell from behind the goals, "Hey Rendell, you're crap - you're too old and should retire". Matty looks up, eyeballs the fan and comes back with "Yeah, you're probably right".

One for the WTF files. Same game, Hawthorn West Coast seniors. Hawthorn spanking the Eagles and the Eagles fairly miniscule cheer squad is copping it from all angles. It starts to rain. One of the Eagles cheer squad members stands up, turns around and says "At least when it rains our grounds don't get wet".

 

[Stevo's Girl]

At the Roos V Saints game a few weeks back, deep into the last qtr when the Saints had pulled away convincingly, a Roos supporter sitting behind me says to the people she sits with

"St Kilda aren't that good are they? They have only beaten teams below them this year"

I just shook my head.

 

[saj_21]

Mine wasn't at a game of ALF, but involved former afl umpire John Harvey. He umpired one of our school footy games 6 or 7 years ago and did so in his afl umpire uniform. He came into the rooms before the start of the game to introduce himself he walked around and shook hands with everybody and when he came to my mate (who was always had great one liners) the conversation went like this;

John Harvey (JH): G'day mate John
Mate: hey, aren't you John Harey, you umpired AFL

JH looking very chuffed some one had recognised him replied; Yes i am...

Before he could say nething else, my mate replied; so you're the prick who nevers gives Chris Tarrant a free kick!

Before Harvey could respond my mate jumped in again; seriously any danger of giving him a free kick!

Was halirous even the teacher/coach was pissing himself, was great seen a grown man have the piss taken out of him by a 15 yr old.

 

[Dick johnson]

Collingwood supporter: I sleep with ya missus!!!
Essendon supporter: Really?! was it a nice break from your boyfriend?
Collingwood supporter: errrrrrrrr *walks off*

 

[Jedi01]

"Lake, you are the worst Bulldog defender since Harris".

HAHAHA, possibly the best one.

 

[Beckers]

To Milne, "Hey Steven, NO means NO" still cracks me up.

 

[Penski]

its funny how people think the players can actually hear what the fans say... 99% of the time they dont hear sh!t...... so many internet heros out there...

I told this one in one of the other threads, but i'll add it again here.

Years ago at Victoria Park (COLL v HAW). Dunstall and Craig Kelly were standing next to each other in the goal square at the Yarra end of the ground. The ball was way up the other end so it was a bit quiet down our end.

Then a guy on the fence yells "Hey Dunstall, your girlfriend has two *****, and you're one of 'em!"

It was all in the delivery, but everyone around him burst out laughing, as well as Kelly and Dunstall.

 

[Pendles!]

To Milne, "Hey Steven, NO means NO" still cracks me up.

Collingwood-Saints game this year, Had a couple of Big greek collingwood supporters sitting behind me. Milney Goes to the bench and the guy sitting behind me turns to his mate and goes.
"look milney's getting dragged for being a rapist."

And then at the hall of fame game last year. All the guys serving food in the aisles were indian, so the guy behind me goes to his mate, "If all the indians are serving food, who's driving the taxis?"

 

[Plogs]

Burnie V Devonport in the mid 90' after Errol Bourne was busted for marijuana possession a couple of weeks before. "Hey Errol, want some dope ? I heard the cops have got all of yours".

 

[De Iulio2Wiggins]

Collingwood-Saints game this year, Had a couple of Big greek collingwood supporters sitting behind me. Milney Goes to the bench and the guy sitting behind me turns to his mate and goes.
"look milney's getting dragged for being a rapist."

I was at the Gabba in 2000, a really weird place to watch footy because the crowd were so quiet compared to Melbourne venues.

Packed house, Brissy vs the Bulldogs. We were in the last row. This big dude, Jeff, was with us. I'd just met him. Looked like a bikie and had bought all his Dogs gear at an op-shop somewhere - the jumper was too tight and he had a beanie with a pom-pom on top.

Akermanis was lining up for goal and Jeff stands up, cups his hands and hollers, "RAPIST! RAAAAAAPIST! YOU'RE A RAAAAAAPIST, AKERMANIS!" He kept it up as Aker took most of a minute to line up.

Not clever, not subtle, but his voice carried across the entire stadium and I've never seen anything like several thousand people all turn around at the same time and just stare. I don't think anyone was watching as Aker slotted it. Jeff went to get a pie and complained because they ran out of sauce.

 

[Cerpin Taxt]

"You're going to die early you giant freak" - someone in my block to Sandilands.

There's no doubt it heard it. The same guy got a rise out of Richo once.

 

[winty]

Back in 2000, I was doing voluntary work at GFC, and was involved in planning a weekend to acknowledge the support of various Geelong supporter groups around the country, which co-incided with a home game against Fremantle. Part of the pre-match for that game involved members of each group holding up a placard with their supporter group name, and doing a half-lap of the ground before forming a guard of honour as the team ran through the banner. As there were some groups who didn't have any representatives there on the day, a few "ring ins" had to carry a placard, so I was from Mount Gambier for the day. Anyway, as we are doing our lap, we went past the Fremantle cheersquad, when some purple clad mental midget yells out "Go home idiots!"

The funniest thing I ever heard though was during a Geelong-St.Kilda game at Kardinia Park in the early 90's. Andrew Bews and Nicky Winmar were having a barney in the forward pocket in front of the past players stand. Some guy yells out "Hey Winmar, hit him with your didgeridoo!"

 

[Chops18]

I remember a state of origin match between SA and VIC at Football Park back in the 90's cant quite remember the year but there was a young vic kid was probably on 11 or so sitting in the middle of all us croweater fans and just yelled out "F off you dirty south aussie bastards", ill never forget the look on his face when all these people turned and gave him a look he shit his pants. Its really one of those had to be there moments.

 

[shalvross]

During the early 2000's, a mate of mine who was a Carlton supporter would call Nick Stevens K D Lang, because he wouldn't man up.

 

[muttley45]

mid 90's,nth vs essendon friday nighter,"red hair--no future" from a feral female bomber fan (with a beautiful head of flame red hair),LMAO

 

[On the Boyle]

At a Port/Hawthorn match at AAMI, back when Roughead was in defence he was playing on Treadrea who was towelling him up.
However, Treaders went up for a mark and Roughie spoiled beautifully and I stood up and yelled "Smell that glove Treadrea you w@#ker!". He was about 10 metres away so I know he heard (the crowd was also silent because the Hawks had the ball).

After sitting through this entire game where Roughie was getting the living stuffing knocked out of him by Treadrea because he was guarding space instead of manning up, I stood on my chair (again while the ball was at the other end of the ground so the crowd was quiet) and yelled "Man up Roughie". He turned around and looked at me like I'd kicked him in the nuts, so I just stood there with my hands out and yelled "Well?"

He manned up after that!

I haven't heard too many good calls at the football, but the A-League is full of one-liners. Best one was directed at Spagnuolo "Hey Spagnuolo, how's your wife and my kids?"

There used to be a goalkeeper from NZ whose name was Milosovic and needless to say, the jokes wrote themselves.

 

[krisholio14]

My most memorable one off was probably the day I was at a Geelong v Eagles game at Waverley and this supporter behind me kept calling Brett Heady 'Trophy Head' any time he went near it.

Possibly my best afternoon for banter was the Geelong v Richmond game at the G in 1995.

I had taken my young sister to the game who didn't get to come along all that often, she was 10 at the time, and she was getting pretty excited whenever we did something good. Nothing too out of the ordinary for a footy game.

Anyway, a family of Melbourne supporters showed up and sat in front of us. Any time my sis jumped up and started barracking, the father would pivot and give us the daggers. In the end he couldn't resist telling my sister to shut up. To which I said, 'Mate, you're at the wrong game, the tennis is across the road.' By half time they had moved elsewhere thank heavens.

Come to the last quarter and Geelong has pulled away after Richmond had hit the front early in the second half. When they were 12 goals down, the large family of Richmond supporters sitting next to us got up to leave with about 20 minutes to go. A young girl who would have been about 12 leans over and says to them as they're walking out...'Gonna crawl back into the woodwork now are yas?'

However, the cruncher was yet to come. I was sitting in the old Ponsford Stand, and im sure people remember how the top deck essentially had two levels that were divided by a walkway. I was sitting in the front level, just around from the big scoreboard, and as we are pulling further and further away, myself and the Geelong crowd around me are going bananas. With about 5 minutes to go, a bloke who had been sitting in the front of the upper level all afternoon without saying much suddenly stands up and takes off his shirt to reveal a 1994 Eagles premiership T-Shirt, which he was proudly flashing for all to see. I felt like throwong something at him but then I couldn't help laugh and think 'Nice comeback'

Was a great game if you were a Geelong fan, and the banter was a classic that afternoon.

 

[WALL-e]

Anyway, a family of Melbourne supporters showed up and sat in front of us. Any time my sis jumped up and started barracking, the father would pivot and give us the daggers. In the end he couldn't resist telling my sister to shut up. To which I said, 'Mate, you're at the wrong game, the tennis is across the road.' By half time they had moved elsewhere thank heavens.

God I can't stand the 'rubber neckers' at the footy.

More yelling is the key haha.

I've realed off a similar insult to Melbourne fans, but it involved The Winter Olympics, not the tennis.

 

[Wonaeamirri33]

God I can't stand the 'rubber neckers' at the footy.

More yelling is the key haha.

I've realed off a similar insult to Melbourne fans, but it involved The Winter Olympics, not the tennis.

Yes, ABSOLUTELY right.

It's these rubberneck movie-going so-called 'fans' that ruin the game for real supporters IMO. The morons who ask you to sit down and stop making any kind of noise at a match because "they can't hear the players talking on the field".

I kid you not, that one really DID happen at a match I was at not so long ago.

These types as well as the dodgy 'fun police' that stadium administrations seem to employ more and more of now. A blight on Australian sport. It's that simple.

If I wanted to go to a match and not make a lot of noise throughout the game in support of my club, I'd watch the match on TV instead.

 

[krisholio14]

Yes, ABSOLUTELY right.

It's these rubberneck movie-going so-called 'fans' that ruin the game for real supporters IMO. The morons who ask you to sit down and stop making any kind of noise at a match because "they can't hear the players talking on the field".

I kid you not, that one really DID happen at a match I was at not so long ago.

If I wanted to go to a match and not make a lot of noise throughout the game in support of my club, I'd watch the match on TV instead.

It's one reason I admire hardcore Melbourne fans. They don't just have to put up with shit from the opposition, they have to put up with shit from their OWN fans (like the one i've mentioned above). It would really piss me off, so much so i'd think about following someone else.

 

[Hollow Knight]

It's one reason I admire hardcore Melbourne fans. They don't just have to put up with shit from the opposition, they have to put up with shit from their OWN fans (like the one i've mentioned above). It would really piss me off, so much so i'd think about following someone else.

I remember being really drunk at a Brisbane vs Melbourne game at the Gabba and really running my mouth off like a w***er (remember making a comment saying that if Sylvia attacked the ball as hard as he attacked his missus that he might get a few possessions for a change). A Demon supporter finally had enough and threw a plastic coke bottle at me which missed and hit my girlfriend in the back of the head LMAO. And people say they lack passion.