Analysis Whipping Boys - 2022 edition

[Markfs]

Still haven’t seen JC with our jumper on and standing next to a simpering Fly. What is he waiting for? Should have been on the red eye to get to the club before 7 this morning. Slack.

probably hit the bottle last night... and i doubt our media people has the time to spare from the drone flying activities and of course, they had to do the media with dekka...

and i had to laugh. the official height for this new kid is 189cm but overnight Dekka has him growing to 191. Hine will have him playing first ruck by the weekend at this growth rate...

it always amazes me how players grow after Hine picks them in the draft. I have good info that the small brown is 160cm in high heels

 

[Markfs]

The news just gets better with this bogan. He's not really from SA, he's from Mi'dura. Which means he will have knocked up his girlfriend in high school and will now have two kids and his misses will keep him from shot-gunning too many tinnies. So we're looking at a roo-shooting man's man who is sometimes sober. Perfect!

i hope she fits in with alex and the rest of our wags. Although I realise that these wags are all the same under the bling and the fashion house stuff - just trying to get a spot on the red carpet at the brownlow

 

[sideswipe]

Still haven’t seen JC with our jumper on and standing next to a simpering Fly. What is he waiting for? Should have been on the red eye to get to the club before 7 this morning. Slack.

Red eye, yes - but the mode of transport would have been his hotted up Classic Commodore. No way he would move interstate without it.

 

[Vicky Park]

The news just gets better with this bogan. He's not really from SA, he's from Mi'dura. Which means he will have knocked up his girlfriend in high school and will now have two kids and his misses will keep him from shot-gunning too many tinnies. So we're looking at a roo-shooting man's man who is sometimes sober. Perfect!

I think this thread is at its best when we can identify so many flaws and faults based on place of origin. We are wizards at it.

 

[Markfs]

I think this thread is at its best when we can identify so many flaws and faults based on place of origin. We are wizards at it.

I think we just make a considered assessment when they enter the club. It's a complex process and a balancing act at times. Sometimes you have important traits such as mongrel but they're embodied in someone who is a little lacking in intelligence. Sometimes you have a player who is so hideous like John Nobel that it's almost impossible to look at him to see where his football is at. It's ironic that we're like derek hines in some ways. He also thinks place of origin is important, the schools, the money in the family. We just reassess it better than he does. I suppose his judgements are based on personal glory and the ability to have tea and bikkies with the family and overseas travel opportunities and an obvious love interest in adelaide. We have other goals. Thats teh difference.

 

[sr36]

I think we just make a considered assessment when they enter the club. It's a complex process and a balancing act at times. Sometimes you have important traits such as mongrel but they're embodied in someone who is a little lacking in intelligence. Sometimes you have a player who is so hideous like John Nobel that it's almost impossible to look at him to see where his football is at. It's ironic that we're like derek hines in some ways. He also thinks place of origin is important, the schools, the money in the family. We just reassess it better than he does. I suppose his judgements are based on personal glory and the ability to have tea and bikkies with the family and overseas travel opportunities and an obvious love interest in adelaide. We have other goals. Thats teh difference.

With Noble, I'm beginning to re-think. I used to whip him to try to drive him out of the club. But as a dweeby, pasty, short-arsed ranga, he would have copped a heap of bullying as a kid. He's used to getting physically humiliated, which is a good thing, as he gets up and runs without sooking as much as the other private school fops do. He's also learnt to run fast to get away from bullies. From now on my whipping will be to keep him running fast, unless he goes back to spudding it up and then I'll whip the beejesus out of him - I'll whip him so hard that he is left hiding in the wheelie bins on match day.

 

[Markfs]

With Noble, I'm beginning to re-think. I used to whip him to try to drive him out of the club. But as a dweeby, pasty, short-arsed ranga, he would have copped a heap of bullying as a kid. He's used to getting physically humiliated, which is a good thing, as he gets up and runs without sooking as much as the other private school fops do. He's also learnt to run fast to get away from bullies. From now on my whipping will be to keep him running fast, unless he goes back to spudding it up and then I'll whip the beejesus out of him - I'll whip him so hard that he is left hiding in the wheelie bins on match day.

As I said, it's a balance between the attributes and the shortcomings. If it wasnt for his exterior, I would be far more supportive of him.

But great minds do think alike and I have been thinking about him in recent days myself - although I have done my best to stop myself from picturing him while i do this. And I have the view that I will allow him to remain with the team next year. There are bigger browns to fry and the scourge of the Madge is still with us. As Vlad would say, dont spread your forces too thinly. We need to keep focus on the worst offenders.

I must admit that I sometimes see my role as a spokesman for the fans in the gameday thread and they have been fairly silent about the Nobel's shortcomings in recent weeks. Some sad sacks have even praised him. I feel a general trend of giving him some room to hang himself.

 

[Markfs]

Not sure that I've seen his name nominated but the Lapinski came to mind because of his obvious physical differences to the Nobel. In fact, it's more than that. While the Nobel shows the physical scarring of his bullying, the Lapinski betrays his inner goal of playing derek in the next zoolander film. The things he does or does not do to protect his looks is beyond the pale.

I suggest that if the club wants to improve this guy's footy, then hire some thugs from richmand to pay him a home visit. Some facial scarring might do the trick.

 

[sr36]

Not sure that I've seen his name nominated but the Lapinski came to mind because of his obvious physical differences to the Nobel. In fact, it's more than that. While the Nobel shows the physical scarring of his bullying, the Lapinski betrays his inner goal of playing derek in the next zoolander film. The things he does or does not do to protect his looks is beyond the pale.

I suggest that if the club wants to improve this guy's footy, then hire some thugs from richmand to pay him a home visit. Some facial scarring might do the trick.

Is paying people to beat up Lipinski and other pretty boys what is meant by the soft cap? It'd explain why Jeff Browne us looking for increases there.

 

[Markfs]

Is paying people to beat up Lipinski and other pretty boys what is meant by the soft cap? It'd explain why Jeff Browne us looking for increases there.

you would hope that jeff could call in a few favours...He's been around long enough in business to know the right people. If not, maybe he can ask his mate Eddie for a few contacts. Ed didnt give anyone else a look-in for 20 years and I think we know the reason why...

 

[Markfs]

I just wanted to bring to the thread's attention a term that I've heard many times but I just realised perfectly explains the type of footballer we're looking for....

"high footy IQ"

Yes, a footballer who knows how to play footy but isnt necessarily too smart when it comes to philosophising. In other words, a brodie grundy

4

Brodie Grundy

Age

30

Ht

202cm

Wt

105kg

Pos.

Ruck

Career

Season

Last 5

D

17.5

4star

K

8.0

3star

HB

9.6

5star

CL

4.1

5star

HO

32.0

5star

D

16.4

4star

K

6.8

3star

HB

9.6

5star

CL

4.0

5star

HO

34.6

5star

D

13.8

4star

K

5.2

2star

HB

8.6

5star

CL

2.6

5star

HO

20.6

5star

-aint.

Exhibit One - Brody Mihocek

41

Brody Mihocek

Age

32

Ht

192cm

Wt

99kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

11.9

3star

K

8.2

3star

HB

3.7

3star

M

5.3

5star

T

2.0

4star

G

1.6

5star

D

8.4

2star

K

6.3

3star

HB

2.1

2star

M

4.3

4star

T

1.9

3star

G

1.7

5star

D

10.2

3star

K

6.4

3star

HB

3.8

3star

M

4.6

5star

T

1.8

4star

G

1.6

5star

. Anyone who has listened to Brody being interviewed will realise that his brain can only deal with a limited number of aspects of life at the same time. But we love Brody. Give him $20 and he'll think he's a millionaire - handy at contract time.

Well it seems that the new boy has a high footy IQ. Another country boy whose parents never thought of sending him to school. The only problem will come if the coach gives out instructions in writing....

 

[sr36]

I take it all back. I'd like to apologise as I was imagining and was fixated on the allure of a rough-as-guts, Mildura bogan.

WTF have we done?

 

[The Magnificent Seven]

Not sure that I've seen his name nominated but the Lapinski came to mind because of his obvious physical differences to the Nobel. In fact, it's more than that. While the Nobel shows the physical scarring of his bullying, the Lapinski betrays his inner goal of playing derek in the next zoolander film. The things he does or does not do to protect his looks is beyond the pale.

I suggest that if the club wants to improve this guy's footy, then hire some thugs from richmand to pay him a home visit. Some facial scarring might do the trick.

Who is Lapinski? There's a big difference between a Lap and a Lip. Especially in the clubs I go to, you have to pay a lot extra for that.

 

[Markfs]

Who is Lapinski? There's a big difference between a Lap and a Lip. Especially in the clubs I go to, you have to pay a lot extra for that.

so do you get the lap dance or the lip dance?

 

[The Magnificent Seven]

so do you get the lap dance or the lip dance?

A gentleman never tells

 

[Markfs]

I take it all back. I'd like to apologise as I was imagining and was fixated on the allure of a rough-as-guts, Mildura bogan.

WTF have we done?

Is that him hiding all that fat? No wonder Derek missed him first drive past.... I did see a comment about him being a pudgy cricketer...

Is this a photo from one of those evangelical youth groups. I'm a bit worried about how prominent the cross is on that woman.....

Well lets all hope he'll get to thank Hillsong when we win the premiership..

 

[Markfs]

A gentleman never tells

i didnt ask a gentleman...boom boom

 

[The Magnificent Seven]

Is that him hiding all that fat? No wonder Derek missed him first drive past.... I did see a comment about him being a pudgy cricketer...

Is this a photo from one of those evangelical youth groups. I'm a bit worried about how prominent the cross is on that woman.....

Well lets all hope he'll get to thank Hillsong when we win the premiership..

He looks like he'll grow up to be 'Jo-co' in the style of a Macca's-evacuating Prime Minister...

TBH the lovely lady on the right looks like she may also be a terror at Goth night at The Gateway. Big fan of the Sisters of Mercy.

 

[Markfs]

I take it all back. I'd like to apologise as I was imagining and was fixated on the allure of a rough-as-guts, Mildura bogan.

WTF have we done?

I just read the fine print..... table tennis association....geez... so he was in THAT crowd....\

so dont tell me, he went to darwin, lost his job, couldnt pay for food, starved himself down from 250 kg and walked off the street to an adelaide footy club...

and derek says that he's "elite" at running..... elite... This is how he sells irishmen to the board...

 

[Markfs]

He looks like he'll grow up to be 'Jo-co' in the style of a Macca's-evacuating Prime Minister...

TBH the lovely lady on the right looks like she may also be a terror at Goth night at The Gateway. Big fan of the Sisters of Mercy.

nah she's a fan of the original sisters of mercy and they're far more scary...

 

[sr36]

Is that him hiding all that fat? No wonder Derek missed him first drive past.... I did see a comment about him being a pudgy cricketer...

Is this a photo from one of those evangelical youth groups. I'm a bit worried about how prominent the cross is on that woman.....

Well lets all hope he'll get to thank Hillsong when we win the premiership..

I get that he was a cricketer and probably loved Mark Tubby Taylor and Greg Fat Cat Ritchie, but he didnt have to eat every last bit of them.

 

[Vicky Park]

so dont tell me, he went to darwin, lost his job, couldnt pay for food, starved himself down from 250 kg and walked off the street to an adelaide footy club...

That’s one of Derek’s preferred pathways to the AFL, and I don’t think you should have gone public with it.

Opposition recruiters will get wind and we will have lost another edge. Perhaps we should delete these posts?

 

[sr36]

That’s one of Derek’s preferred pathways to the AFL, and I don’t think you should have gone public with it.

Opposition recruiters will get wind and we will have lost another edge. Perhaps we should delete these posts?

No I think it's OK. The other clubs haven't cottoned on to the potential of fat unemployed table tennis players.

Dekka is already planning to sell the movie rights to his masterplan. Fatpong is going to be bigger than Moneyball.

 

[jaffa23]

New Whipping Blood.. Isaac Chugg

The Chugg Quotes:

"Was delisted and re-rookied by the club after spending last season developing in the VFL"

Basically you sucked

"“Chugg is a well balanced player who can pull the trigger on runs or mow down opposition players."

Pull the trigger??? Not seen that in the VFL - maybe you pulled the trigger too early before the game (premature trigger pulling)

"With elite speed, agility and vertical leap which makes him a difficult player to contain when he gets going"

When he get's going???? And just when can we see if he finally get's going??? (excluding his premature trigger pulling)


Welcome to the Whipping Den Chuggster - we are armed and ready..

 

[Markfs]

well derek will just have to think up a new strategy...

he's done the recruit the long term injured strategy
he's done the "i dont much about footy" strategy
he's done the recruit cast members from the musical "Tommy" strategy...
throw in the recruit anyone over 190cm from a foreign country strategy...