Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Loony Juice]

 

[dirty2]

 

[Loony Juice]

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

Should you have your whole family for Christmas dinner?


No, you should just stick with turkey

 

[philreich]

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it

So I bought her a candle

My wife wanted a car for her birthday. She said, "I want something that will go from 0 to 100 in less than 3 seconds." So I went out and bought her a set of bathroom scales.

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

My wife wanted a car for her birthday. She said, "I want something that will go from 0 to 100 in less than 3 seconds." So I went out and bought her a set of bathroom scales.

Wife was in front of the mirror naked and complaining the her breasts 'are not what they used to be'. She mentioned one of her work colleagues had gotten breast implants, and I could see where this was going, before she started dropping hints.
I pointed out that it would be $5000-$10,000, would be a painful procedure and recuperation, could leave scars etc. She was adamant this was for her.
I suggested that she rub toilet paper between her breasts
'What is that going to do?' she asked
'Well it worked for your butt'

 

[Loony Juice]

What do skateboarders do when they are really good?

They GoPro

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

I was kidnapped by mimes once

They did unspeakable things to me

 

[Loony Juice]

Not sure if this one belongs here or in Sack stinkley part seven gazillion


Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?


There’s no menu—you get what you deserve

 

[mynameissilver]

You haven't done them all yet Loony....

 

[mynameissilver]

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

I have a clean conscience—it’s never been used

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

What do you call malware on a Kindle?

A bookworm

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[Cuzz09]

Wife was in front of the mirror naked and complaining the her breasts 'are not what they used to be'. She mentioned one of her work colleagues had gotten breast implants, and I could see where this was going, before she started dropping hints.
I pointed out that it would be $5000-$10,000, would be a painful procedure and recuperation, could leave scars etc. She was adamant this was for her.
I suggested that she rub toilet paper between her breasts
'What is that going to do?' she asked
'Well it worked for your butt'

huh? what I missing here? shit ****?

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Loony Juice]

 

[dirty2]

huh? what I missing here? s**t ****?

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app

Her ass got bigger... So maybe if she wiped her **** they would get bigger to...

 

[Grave Danger]

huh? what I missing here? s**t ****?

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app

Don't know who your dad was jokes?

 

[Loony Juice]