Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Contested Marx]

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!"

The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm ******* dis-custard."

The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."

I remember that party. Went as "****ing nuts and loving it"

 

[philreich]

Today was a very sad day for me. My ex wife was hit by a bus, and my bus licence was revoked.

 

[VineValerian]

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!"

The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm ******* dis-custard."

The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."

Aaahh yes.
An oldie........................but a goodie!

 

[bomberclifford]

Why doesn’t Tiger Woods play golf any more?

Because he can’t drive.

 

[Garibaldi Red]

Why doesn’t Tiger Woods play golf any more?

Because he can’t drive.

 

[Power Girl]

Boy do i feel dumb right now.

I even tried to google this and just got a reference to an 80s english synth band

If you leave, don't leave now

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Why do most married men die before their wives?





Because they want to.

 

[Contested Marx]

Why do most married men die before their wives?





Because they want to.

why does divorce cost so much?







because it's worth it

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[EskimoPAFC]

It rhymes with Justin Fletchery

 

[Dutchy5150]

 

[wannabejack]

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Ian.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?

Ian.

You know how I know he is always on drugs?

Cos he’s always Ian.





Much funnier when ecstasy was a big thing.

 

[philreich]

The Adelaide Football Club wishes to announce a new name and logo for the upcoming season:

Name: Adelaide Foundations
Logo: Propping up the league since 2020

 

[Eddie Dingle]

The Adelaide Football Club wishes to announce a new name and logo for the upcoming season:

Name: Adelaide Foundations
Logo: Propping up the league since 2020

See I want to laugh at them but that isn't helping.

 

[Garibaldi Red]

 

[Garibaldi Red]

Man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed.” “Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” He picks the dog up, checks his eyes & teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What, because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy”

 

[Grave Danger]

Got sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.




(thanks to Boyd Woodcock's dad for retweeting this one)

 

[Contested Marx]

 

[Grave Danger]

View attachment 1088550

I read that differently at first...

 

[Grave Danger]

I asked the waiter at the Indian restaurant to bring us some garlic bread.

But they had naan.

 

[Vagabond0]

View attachment 1088550

Look, there's no one/ a kid driving that car.
(When seeing no one/ a kid in the front passenger seat of a left hand drive car).