Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Grave Danger]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Q. What is the collective noun for a group of drug cheats?


A. A Hird.

 

[Grave Danger]

Q. What's orange and yellow and would look good on James Cordon?


A. Flames

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I never trust stairs.

They are always up to something.

 

[philreich]

1 person in 5 in the world is Chinese. So in my family, it's either Mum, Dad, me, my brother Colin or my other brother Zhuang Pei. I think it's Colin.

 

[philreich]

My wife purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

 

[philreich]

I was at the pub last night, when my wife rang me and said, "If you're not home in 10 minutes, I'll feed your dinner to the dog." So I went home immediately, because I love that dog!!!!!

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I was at the pub last night, when my wife rang me and said, "If you're not home in 10 minutes, I'll feed your dinner to the dog." So I went home immediately, because I love that dog!!!!!

Fellas would have fallen off their barstools at that.

In 1975

 

[Ford Fairlane]

philreich is the undisputed King of the Dad Joke.

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[Portology]

Sometimes I wonder "why is that frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.


On iPhone using recycled electrons, via BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[wannabejack]

Everyone has heard of the historical figure Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

 

[philreich]

Everyone has heard of the historical figure Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Or his brother Skid, who had serious bowel issues.

 

[Butters and Pepper]

The younger brother Richard won't give up until he's satisfied.

 

[Igavemyloveachicken]

A rarely known fact, the commentator Rex Hunt had a half Brother of Russian decent that was named Yurik.

 

[VineValerian]

A rarely known fact, the commentator Rex Hunt had a half Brother of Russian decent that was named Yurik.

And a cousin called Mike
(which sounds better if a woman says it btw - yes, I am a chauvinst pig,)

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Inb4 bomberclifford turns up with his channel 9 1981 grand final show ripper

Royce Harts brother Djouff.

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[pastmyprimus]

 

[philreich]

I failed my driving test today. My instructor asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"

I replied, "I usually check my emails, and and see what people are up to on Facebook."

 

[philreich]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Vagabond0]

 

[bomberclifford]